Jokes & Riddles - July 2006

2006-07-07 08:41:59 · 15 answers · asked by taylor♥ 1

A big cuddly dog emitted fierce growls, happily ignoring joyful kids licking minute nuts on pretty queer rotten smelly toadstools underneath vampires who x-rayed young zombies.

2006-07-07 08:34:31 · 21 answers · asked by princesscece93 2

You are lost in a forest. The forest is between two villages. In village A live only liars, they always lie. In village B people always tell the truth. You want to go to village B. Then you see a man from village A or B. You can ask him only one question. Which question will you ask him to know for sure where village B is ?

2006-07-07 08:31:06 · 15 answers · asked by princesscece93 2

I am doing a childrens program and need simple, fun and clean jokes about superheros, teachers, librarians, paramedics, polices, firefighters, spiderman, superman etcetera

2006-07-07 08:27:43 · 3 answers · asked by babsdabunny04 1

Sorry, I got nothing, it just struck me as funny.

2006-07-07 08:26:53 · 5 answers · asked by Anonymous

Here's a few I like:
You have the right to remain silent,so please shut up
How can I miss you if you won't go away?
If you want breakfast in bed,sleep in the kitchen
If we are what we eat,I'm fast,cheap and easy
Of course I don't look busy ... I did it right the first time
If they don't have chocolate in heaven, I ain't goin'
My Karma ran over your dogma
In God we trust, All others we polygraph

2006-07-07 08:21:42 · 20 answers · asked by ? 6

2006-07-07 08:21:14 · 2 answers · asked by -curbside- 4

this is a quiz question

2006-07-07 08:04:57 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-07-07 08:03:07 · 6 answers · asked by Scott 1

The International Rules of Manhood:

1: Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella.

2: It is OK for a man to cry ONLY under the following circumstances:
(a) When a heroic dog dies to save its master.
(b) The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her blouse.
(c) After wrecking your boss's car.
(d) One hour, 12 minutes, 37 seconds into "The Crying Game".
(e) When she is using her teeth.

3: Any Man who brings a camera to a bachelor party may be legally killed and eaten by his buddies.

4: Unless he murdered someone in your family, you must bail a friend out of jail within 12 hours.

5: If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limits forever unless you actually marry her.

6: Moaning about the brand of free beer in a buddy's fridge is forbidden. However complain at will if the temperature is unsuitable.

7: No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another man. In fact, even remembering your buddy's birthday is strictly optional. At that point, you must celebrate at a strip bar of the birthday boy's choice.

8: On a road trip, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not the weakest.

9: When stumbling upon other guys watching a sporting event, you may ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who's playing.

10: You may flatulate in front of a woman only after you have brought her to climax. If you trap her head under the covers for the purpose of flatulent entertainment, she's officially your girlfriend.

11: It is permissible to drink a fruity alcohol drink only when you're sunning on a tropical beach... and it's delivered by a topless model and only when it's free.

12: Only in situations of moral and/or physical peril are you allowed to kick another guy in the nuts.

13: Unless you're in prison, never fight naked.

14: Friends don't let friends wear Speedos. Ever. Issue closed.

15: If a man's fly is down, that's his problem, you didn't see anything.

16: Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to drink as much as the other sports watchers.

17: A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must remain sober enough to fight.

18: Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of pizza, but not both, that's just greedy.

19: If you compliment a guy on his six-pack, you'd better be talking about his choice of beer.

20: Never join your girlfriend or wife in discussing a friend of yours, except if she's withholding sex pending your response.

21: Phrases that may NOT be uttered to another man while lifting weights:
a) Yeah, Baby, Push it!
b) C'mon, give me one more! Harder!
c) Another set and we can hit the showers!

22: Never talk to a man in a bathroom unless you are on equal footing: i.e., both urinating, both waiting in line, etc. For all other situations, an almost imperceptible nod is all the conversation you need.

23: Never allow a telephone conversation with a woman to go on longer than you are able to have sex with her. Keep a stopwatch by the phone. Hang up if necessary.

24: The morning after you and a girl who was formerly "just a friend" have carnal, drunken monkey sex, the fact that you're feeling weird and guilty is no reason for you not to nail each other again before the discussion occurs about what a big mistake it was.

25: It is acceptable for you to drive her car. It is not acceptable for her to drive yours.

26: Thou shalt not buy a car in the colors of brown, pink, lime green, orange or sky blue.

27: The girl who replies to the question "What do you want for Christmas?" with "If you loved me, you'd know what I want!" gets an Xbox. End of story.

28: There is no reason for guys to watch Ice Skating or Men's Gymnastics. Ever. We've all heard about people having guts or balls. But do you really know the difference between them? In an effort to keep you informed, the definition of each is listed below:
"GUTS" is arriving home late after a night out with the guys, being assaulted by your wife with a broom, and having the guts to say, "are you still cleaning or are you flying somewhere?"
"BALLS" is coming home late after a night out with the guys smelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife on the *** and having the balls to say, "You're next!"

We hope this clears up any confusion,

2006-07-07 07:58:53 · 21 answers · asked by Anonymous

If a train heading west from Chicago leaves at 4:30 in the morning at 1,000 miles an hour to Oregon, and a butler (just fired) heads south from Florida to Hawaii at 1 mile an hour...when will the water the butler (just fired) begin to boil with the heat out a thousand suns.

2006-07-07 07:43:05 · 19 answers · asked by dr_salvadore@verizon.net 2

2006-07-07 07:39:08 · 19 answers · asked by Pickel 1

....... Because it gets fingered by the hobbit

2006-07-07 07:36:54 · 5 answers · asked by Anonymous

...... The man takes of his pants and says to his wife "Here try these on!"
She looks at him and replies "But they wont fit!"
"That shows you whos going to wear the pants in this house" He says.
The woman pauses for a while, then takes off her panties and throws them at her husband "Put those on"
"But I can't get in them" He replies,
His wife smiles "No and you never will again with an attitude like that!!!"

2006-07-07 07:31:23 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous

what goes up and down at the same time but doesn't move at all?

2006-07-07 07:29:17 · 15 answers · asked by Jade 5

Think and write the first answer that comes to your mind.

2006-07-07 07:28:48 · 7 answers · asked by Daisy Q 2

2006-07-07 07:25:43 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous

yo mama is so fat that NASA thought that they discovered mars but it turned out 2 be her @ss

yo mama is so stupid that she was walking down the street yelling in an envelope and we asked her what sh's doing and she says that shes sending a voice-mail

ur sister is so stupid that she thought that taco belll was a mexican phone company

2006-07-07 07:15:18 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous

the best quote gets 10 points



make it up yourself, or get it from someone else =)

2006-07-07 07:15:06 · 12 answers · asked by thatonegirl 3

give me anything blondes, rednecks, anything, as long as it's funny.

2006-07-07 07:10:24 · 16 answers · asked by Topher 5

what do you do with your boogers

2006-07-07 07:08:43 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous

..........One says to the other, "YYUUKK!!!! Can you smell carrots?????"

2006-07-07 07:08:00 · 46 answers · asked by Anonymous

avatar that looks like mine ?
does your avatar look like mine ?

2006-07-07 06:15:30 · 19 answers · asked by Anonymous

A cowboy rides in on wednesday and returns back three days later on wednesday . . . . How did he do it ???

2006-07-07 06:03:24 · 39 answers · asked by snagglecandy 2

2006-07-07 05:45:24 · 12 answers · asked by to the beat in my head 3

2006-07-07 05:31:35 · 15 answers · asked by Yokay Booboo 3

he was asked "did he go down on one knee?" his reply was " I wish you wouldnt call Heather that"

2006-07-07 05:31:03 · 7 answers · asked by mike_caledonia 1

Got any you so_______jokes
ugly jokes
dumb jokes
good riddles

2006-07-07 05:29:15 · 6 answers · asked by asiab b 2

I accidently spilt some liquid on the floor earlier on, and i went to get something to clear it up, when i heard a scream. I went back to where i had the accident, and there was my wife, she was barefoot, and her foot was bleeding because she had stepped in the liquid!
What was the liquid?

2006-07-07 05:25:25 · 16 answers · asked by big_dave_x 4

First person to respond with a great fact wins

2006-07-07 05:21:39 · 32 answers · asked by Da9 3