Jokes & Riddles - July 2006

Carrie Marshall had recently joined the Riverside police force, and on the first day of her job, she was sent out to investigate a new homicide case. The murder involved a wealthy bachelor, Steven Andrews, who lived in an expensive, grand oceanside mansion. At the time of the murder, there had been five other people in the house: the cook, the maid, two friends, and his niece. Both the cook and maid had rooms in the mansion, and the three guests had both stayed overnight.

When Carrie got to the mansion, the five suspects had all been lined up in front of a large bay window. It was mid-afternoon, and through the window, Carrie could see the beautiful sunset.

Her partner, Lieutenant Linda Newton, who had arrived an hour earlier, sketched out the details for Carrie. All the suspects had agreed that Steven Andrews had been found murdered in the morning, shortly before six-thirty am, but he had been alive a few minutes past midnight, when they all headed to bed. Nobody had heard anything during the night. Mandy Andrews, the niece, had come down to the kitchen to get a glass of water, and on her way back upstairs, had passed the bay window, where she saw her uncle's dead body.

Carrie decides to begin interrogating the suspects as the lieutenant and two other officers go off to look for more evidence and clues. The suspects give the following testimonies:

Maid: "I retired to my room shortly past eleven last night, after cleaning the dining room where Mr. Andrews dined with his guests, and helped the cook put away the leftover food. I was reading a novel until about twelve-twenty, and heard occasional laughter and talk, although I couldn't make out the words. This morning, I heard a scream, which was from Miss Mandy, so I rushed down with the cook and his two friends. Mr. Andrews was laying dead in front of that window. The lieutenant moved his body about fifteen minutes before you arrived, but there was blood on the side of the head, from a gunshot, maybe. I didn't hear anything, but whoever did it could have used a muffler. I'm innocent, though."

Cook: "It's like the maid says. She was cleaning the dining room while I tidied up the kitchen, and we both stored the leftovers in the refrigerator and talked for a few minutes about his guests. I went upstairs and to my room about the same time she did, but fell asleep after I took a shower and brushed my teeth. That was about eleven-thirty maybe, and I slept soundly until this morning, when a scream woke me. I rushed downstairs with the others, and there was the body. I tell you, I didn't do it. I've been with Mr. Andrews for eight years, and he knows he can trust me."

Mandy: "I was up until midnight with my uncle and his friends, talking and joking around. I fell asleep at about one-fifteen, but woke at six-twenty-four, and was thirsty, so I went down to the kitchen to get a glass of water. On the way back, I passed by the bay window, the one behind us, and I could see the beautiful sunrise outside, but, sadly, my uncle was sprawled on the ground, with a huge bloody wound on the side of his head. I screamed and the others were here in just one or two minutes."

"That's enough," Carrie said abruptly, before the two friends of Mr. Andrews can say anything. "I know who did it. Lieutenant! We have our murderer!"

All five suspects, and the lieutenant and her two men, who came into the room at her call, look at Carrie.

Who murdered Steven Andrews, and how did Carrie know

2006-07-30 12:29:12 · 11 answers · asked by cherrylimanade 2

If you have a roommate who constantly uses up your food I've got one trick that'll make them stop. When you buy your eggs boil half and mix up with the rest. That is so hilarious to me.

2006-07-30 12:22:39 · 6 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-07-30 12:21:54 · 19 answers · asked by Naty:Co-Emperor Has Returned 6

I want to hear the funniest thing you know. Anything goes, I don't care how raunchy it is or who it offends!

2006-07-30 12:17:35 · 8 answers · asked by Josh 4

im not a pheasant plucker im a pheasant pluckers son
i keep on plucking pheasants till the pheasant plucking's done


no i didn't think so

2006-07-30 12:13:36 · 45 answers · asked by dizzydi 4

cant we just be friends=there is no way in hell i am going to let any part of your body touch any part of mine again
i just need some space=i just need some space without you in it
do i look fat in this dress?=we havent had a fight in a while
no, pizza's fine=cheap git
i just do not want a boyfriend=i just do not want (you as) a boyfriend
oh, no, i will pay for myself=im just pretending to be nice, there is no way i am going dutch
oh yes! right there=well,near there. i just want to get this over with
im just going out with the girls=we are gonna get sloppy and make fun of you and your friends
there is no one else=i am sleeping with your best friend
size doesnt count=size doesnt count unless i want on orgasm

2006-07-30 12:11:38 · 3 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-07-30 12:10:30 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous

Or, maybe how to ruin someones life, how yor TPed ur friends house, etc.

2006-07-30 11:41:53 · 15 answers · asked by SwEeThEaRt 1

The oldest man who ever lived died before his daddy did? who is it?

2006-07-30 11:41:44 · 12 answers · asked by angelgirl 5

The ruder the better but they dont have to be rude.

2006-07-30 11:38:11 · 24 answers · asked by lozzi_pop22 4

2006-07-30 11:11:28 · 6 answers · asked by Anonymous

really depressed, im 10 yrs old, can u tell me something 2 make me happy?

2006-07-30 11:10:52 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous

Any person who enter will recive 2 points the funniest I read will be the best answer and will be used in an animation (joke credited by you so dont steal) on my website www.confusionrules.com

2006-07-30 10:55:08 · 10 answers · asked by bsurge33 2

2006-07-30 10:49:52 · 23 answers · asked by lozzi_pop22 4

What are some clean but funny jokes and pranks? Any think dirty minded WILL be reported!

2006-07-30 10:41:59 · 22 answers · asked by SwEeThEaRt 1

I wish to make a friend of mine really laugh in appreciation, and she loves pun jokes.

2006-07-30 10:27:51 · 5 answers · asked by avalon 1

I say an ad, many years ago. It said wall length mirrors-never been used.
I called him and asked if it is true that the mirrors had NEVER, EVER been used. He assured me that they had not.
So I asked him how he knew that they were mirrors?

I mean it is not like USING a mirror, wears it out or anything!

2006-07-30 10:25:37 · 6 answers · asked by athorgarak 4

is it true that the blonde cop, after searching a girl for drugs and found her makupe compact arrested the girl for identity theft?

2006-07-30 10:23:08 · 5 answers · asked by athorgarak 4

Nothing! You already told her TWICE!

2006-07-30 10:16:56 · 29 answers · asked by athorgarak 4

I got fed up with the "don't choke" thing being said when playing pool or sports, so I twisted it a bit.

Now I say to THEM:

It doesn't matter if you choke...
as long as you swallow!

2006-07-30 10:12:49 · 15 answers · asked by athorgarak 4

http://www.iacmusic.com/station.aspx?StationID=2691

if you want these songs on your website give me your url and ill give you the html code

2006-07-30 10:06:22 · 22 answers · asked by HERNANDO THE TRAIN BANDIT 2

2006-07-30 10:04:33 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous

A woman goes to the doctor, she is shapely and has beautiful, long, dark hair.
the doctor comes into the room and askes hat is wrong.
She tells him that her whole body hurts.
She shows him. She touches her cheek, and screams touches her knee and sreams.
Even if she lightly touches her hair, she screams.
The doctor says, "you are naturally a blonde, aren't you?'
She says, "Yes, how did you know?"
"because," says the Dr. "your finger is broken."

2006-07-30 10:03:46 · 14 answers · asked by athorgarak 4

a man is trapped in a house.the house has no doors ,windows or chimney,no way of escape at all.all he has is a table and a saw.how does he escape.

2006-07-30 10:03:18 · 18 answers · asked by SPONGEBOB 1

2006-07-30 10:01:30 · 13 answers · asked by Zandra 2

You might be a redneck if.......

2006-07-30 09:55:02 · 8 answers · asked by Sabie 1

A MAN RIDES INTO TOWN ON FRIDAY,STAYS FOR THREE DAYS AND LEAVES ON FRIDAY. HOW?

2006-07-30 09:53:49 · 25 answers · asked by SPONGEBOB 1

breath smell like peppermint
listen to what me say
im mo throwed than a football on superbowl sunday
i got mo green then a vegetarian buffet
i got mo bank then an NBA backboard
i stack mo

2006-07-30 09:50:37 · 8 answers · asked by I tell it like it is 1

2006-07-30 09:34:19 · 20 answers · asked by omar 2

It isn't fair to give me 10 yrs, your honor. She will be legal in 2!
Blondes don't get breaks, because it takes too long to retrain them!
Blondes don't eat pickles, because they can't fit their heads into the jar.
If there is ONE thing I cannot stand, it is TWO things!
Most accidents happen within two miles of the home. So I moved!
I love going down south and listening to all the stories of 'uncle dad"

2006-07-30 09:32:34 · 4 answers · asked by athorgarak 4