Jokes & Riddles - July 2006

we need=i want
its your decision=the correct decision should be obvious bynow
do what you want=you'll pay for this later
we need to talk=i need to complain
sure go ahead=dont
im not upset=of course i'm upset you moron
you're certainly
attentive tonight=is sex all you think about
i'm not emotional!
and i'm not
overreacting=i've got my period
be romantic, turn
out te lights=i have flabby thighs
this kitchen is so
inconvenient=i want a new house
i heard a noise=i noticed you were almost asleep
do you love me?=i'm going to ask for something expensive
how much do you
love me?=i did something today youre really not going to like
is my butt huge?=tell me i'm beautiful
you have to learn
to communicate=just agree with me
yes=no
no=no
maybe=no
i'm sorry=you'll b sorry
do you like this recipe?=its easy, so you'd better get used to it
was that the baby=why dont you get out of bed and walk him until he goes to sleep

2006-07-30 09:32:13 · 6 answers · asked by Anonymous

does it take to screw in a light bulb? Oh wait, they're too busy screwing the kids.

2006-07-30 09:15:58 · 18 answers · asked by L-Rad 4

Because that's how Biggie ang Tupac died.

2006-07-30 09:07:18 · 6 answers · asked by L-Rad 4

i know it looks awsome!

2006-07-30 08:37:48 · 29 answers · asked by Anonymous

I can't find any >:(

2006-07-30 08:33:16 · 4 answers · asked by Deedee ♥ 2

I am just curious as to wether or not he was possibly experimenting with the whole "invisibility thing".........it would seem like something one may do if.......... one were a mad scientist. So does anyone know; has he left Yahoo Answers or is he still on here and just invisible?

2006-07-30 08:28:03 · 6 answers · asked by mchlmybelle 6

This is Part 2.


51. How many camels does a hump have?
a. 2 camels
b. 2 humps
c. 1 camel
d. 1 hump

52. Can a rabbit jump higher than a tree?
a. Yes, trees can jump
b. No, rabbits only hop
c. trees don’t jump
d. rabbits don’t care

53. Why did the turtle run?
a. It was speeding
b. It was racing the rabbit
c. to get to the other chicken
d. turtles can’t run

54. Who invented inventing?
a. inventions
b. Thomas Edison
c. submarine
d. Thomas Edison’s submarine





55. Can a man kill a shark with one hand?
a. Needs two hands
b. All of the above
c. No such thing as a man with one shark
d. No such thing as a shark with one man

56. Don’t judge a book by its cover.
a. rabbits
b. polka dots
c. camel
d. you have no choice

57. How long did you run if you ran a mile?
a. 45 miles
b. 45 minutes
c. 45 mph
d. 45 men

58. Open your book to chapter 4.
a. True
b. False

59. If it’s 9 O’clock in Japan, what time is it in August?
a. 6 O’clock
b. December
c. China
d. You have no choice

60. Here’s a tricky question.
a. True
b. False
c. There is no question mark
d. All of the above

61. Why is 6 scared of 7?
a. 6 + 7 = 8
b. 786
c. eleventeen
d. 7-11

62. Is your refrigerator running?
a. running for president
b. running for mayor
c. refrigerators only walk
d. you better go catch it

63. What is what?
a. which is which
b. it’s a noun
c. it’s a question
d. none of the below

64. What kind of noise does a giraffe make?
a. bark bark
b. oink oink
c. giraffe giraffe
d. meow mix

65. Give an example of a car?
a. 2 wheels
b. drive
c. shift key
d. not enough selections

66. How ya doin’?
a. fine, how are you
b. good, thanks
c. false
d. true

67. What’s red and white and blue all over?
a. a flag that blew up
b. yellow
c. black
d. orange is not a fruit

68. ?
a. The gardener
b The butler
c. The waiter
d. both b and c are inside

69. What is a U-turn?
a. follow directions
b. wrong spelling
c. signal
d. error

2006-07-30 08:27:53 · 24 answers · asked by Anonymous

Or a wasp ?

2006-07-30 08:21:34 · 20 answers · asked by junio130 3

2006-07-30 08:10:55 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-07-30 08:03:55 · 24 answers · asked by JUDY H 1

I lie here looking up at you
wondering what's to be next.
I am merely a splinter
of my former self.
The shine is gone,
chewed away by time.
I've lost my voice,
even when my sharp wit
is at its peak,
there seems to be
nothing that I can say.
When you are done
you toss me aside
leaving me alone
in the dark, cold room,
waiting anxiously for your return.
Hoping and praying
next time will be different,
next time you won't
leave me shattered.
My life is one
that will always be abused.


Who am I?

2006-07-30 07:55:48 · 25 answers · asked by christina s 3

2006-07-30 07:50:41 · 6 answers · asked by sam l 1

I played a blank tape on full volume. The mime who lives next door complained.




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2006-07-30 07:25:19 · 14 answers · asked by ? 6

I have a large brown paper shopping bag full of different RED items.
Can you guess what they are?

1. It is a round red fruit.
2. It is 12" long, 2" diameter, and soft.
3. It has a zipper and 2 snaps.
4. It has laces to tighten it up.
5. It is long with a handle and a snap buckle.
6. It is 1.5 inches wide and 50 feet long.
7. It comes in two pieces and you wear it.
8. Everytime you use it, it gets shorter.
9. You can only use it once.
10. And the easiest one to figure out comes in a small bottle, comes with a brush and both men and women use it.

Good Luck Guessing.
Best answer to most correct answers.

2006-07-30 07:22:53 · 8 answers · asked by echiasso 3

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2006-07-30 07:22:20 · 4 answers · asked by ? 6

I need some good jokes... the funniest without any bad languege or inapropriate stuff get best answer!

2006-07-30 07:20:19 · 7 answers · asked by I ♥ Maximum Ride 3

Yahoo answers - Thankless
Our communication - Wireless  
Our dress - Topless  
Our telephone - Cordless  
Our cooking - Fireless  
Our youth - Jobless  
Our food - Fatless  
Our labor - Effortless  
Our conduct - Worthless  
Our relationship - Loveless  
Our attitude - Careless  
Our feelings - Heartless  
Our politics - Shameless  
Our education - Valueless  
Our follies - Countless  
Our arguments - Baseless  
Our supervisors - Brainless  
Our Job - Thankless  
Our Salary - Much Less  
Our Relationships - Gut Less

http://www.total-knowledge.com/~willyblues/

2006-07-30 07:17:16 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous

Should I leave my husband for my 1st true love

2006-07-30 07:16:54 · 14 answers · asked by Connie D 1

2006-07-30 07:11:06 · 17 answers · asked by nannacrocodiles 3

Any One Got Any Blonde Joke????????

2006-07-30 07:06:28 · 11 answers · asked by Under_the_sunset 2

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2006-07-30 07:00:31 · 9 answers · asked by ? 6

there are a possible 3 correct answers to this give the 3 answers and you will get the 10 points

2006-07-30 06:52:07 · 21 answers · asked by jenjen the one and only 3

2006-07-30 06:42:02 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-07-30 06:41:23 · 4 answers · asked by Anonymous

what is greater than god. more evil than the devil. the poor have it. the rich need it. and if you you eat it you will die?

2006-07-30 06:41:20 · 4 answers · asked by Mel 2

What falls but never breaks, What breaks but never falls?

2006-07-30 06:37:32 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous

Agree or Disagree.

2006-07-30 06:34:17 · 4 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-07-30 06:31:52 · 4 answers · asked by Anonymous

How 2 live your life

A professor stood before his Philosophy class and had some items in front of him.When the class began, wordlessly, he picked up a very large and empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with golf balls.

He then asked the students if the jar was full.They agreed that it was.

The professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar.He shook the jar lightly. The pebbles rolled into the open areas between the golf balls.

He then asked the students again if the jar was full.They agreed it was.

The professor next picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar. Of course, the sand filled up everything else.

He asked once more if the jar was full. The students responded with an unanimous "yes."

The professor then produced two cups of coffee from under the table and poured the entire contents into the jar, effectively filling the empty space between the sand. The students laughed.

"Now," said the professor, as the laughter subsided, "I want you to recognize that this jar represents your life. The golf balls are the important things - your God. If your family, your children, your health, your friends, and your favorite passions - things that if everything else was lost and only they remained, your life would still be full."

"The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job, your house, and your car."

"The sand is everything else - the small stuff."

"If you put the sand into the jar first," he continued, "there is no room for the pebbles or the golf balls."

"The same goes for life."

"If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff, you will never have room for the things that are important to you."

"Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness. Play with your children. Take time to get medical checkups. Take your partner out to dinner. Play another 18. There will always be time to clean the house and fix the disposal. Take care of the golf balls first, the things that really matter."

"Set your priorities. The rest is just sand."

One of the students raised her hand and inquired what the coffee represented.

The professor smiled. "I'm glad you asked."

"It just goes to show you that no matter how full your life may seem, there's always room for a cup of coffee with a friend."

2006-07-30 06:29:28 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-07-30 06:28:27 · 20 answers · asked by Anonymous