Blonde Jokes?

Question

Any One Got Any Blonde Joke????????

O come On Is This ALL?????

Only 2 ????????????

Answer 1

1.-There was a blonde woman that needed some money so she went to the park where she saw a little boy. She then wrote a note saying "I have kidnapped your child. Tomorrow put $5000 in a brown paper bag and leave it under the bench that’s next to the pine tree at the park." She taped the note to the kid and told him to go home to his mom and show her the note. Sure enough, the next day there was the brown paper bag under the bench, with all the money in it. Also in the bag was a note that said "HOW could you do this to a fellow blonde!?"


2.-Two blonds where in Oklahoma. One says, which is closer: the moon or Florida? The other says: heeeeellloooo? Can you SEE Florida?


3.-A brunette, a redhead, and a blonde get lost in the forest. They start walking around, and suddenly, they find a mirror. It has a reading on the top: say a lie in front of this mirror and you’ll disappear to a better world. So the brunette goes first. She says: “I think I’m the most beautiful woman on the Earth”, and she disappears. The redhead goes next: “I think I’m the most intelligent person on Earth”, and she vanishes. The blonde walks forward, and steps in front of the mirror. She starts talking: “I think…” and she vanishes.


4.-A blonde decides one day that she is sick and tired of all these blonde jokes and how all blondes are perceived as stupid, so she decides to show her husband that blondes really are smart. While her husband is off at work, she decides that she is going to paint a couple of rooms in the house. The next day, right after her husband leaves for work, she gets down to the task at hand. Her husband arrives home at 5:30 and smells the distinctive smell of paint. He walks into the living room and finds his wife lying on the floor in a pool of sweat. He notices that she is wearing a ski jacket and a fur coat at the same time.
He goes over and asks her if she is ok. She replies yes. He asks what she is doing. She replies that she wanted to prove to him that not all blonde women are dumb and she wanted to do it by painting the house.
He then asks her why she has a ski jacket and a fur coat on.
She replies that she was reading the directions on the paint can and it said, "For best results, put on two coats".


5.- A blonde was standing in front of a coke machine, she put in 50 cents and a coke came out. She set it on top of the coke machine. Put in 50 more cents pushed the button and another coke came out.
She kept doing this until a guy standing behind her said, "Excuse me, can I get my coke and then you can go back to what ever you are doing?"
The blonde turns around and says, "Like duh not when I am winning!!"

7.-What do you call a dead blonde in the closet?
The last years hide-n-seek winner

8.- What did the blonde say when she looked in the Cheerio box?
Ah!, Look! Donut seeds!

9.- A blonde, a brunette and a redhead robed a bank, and the police is chasing them, so they go hide in a farm. The brunette hides with the sheep, the redhead with the pigs and the blonde on a sack of potatoes. When the police arrives they ask: "Is somebody there?". The brunette goes: "Heeee, Heeee", the redhead goes: "Oink, oink", and the blonde goes "Potatoes! Potatoes!"

NOT BLONDE ONES, BUT VERY FUNNY!!!:

10.- A rabbit is riding a motorcycle on the highway. While passing a car, he knocks on the window. The driver of the car opens the window: 'Yes ?' Rabbit: 'Ever driven a Honda motorcycle ?' Driver: 'No I haven't' The rabbit drives on, until he sees the next car. While passing it, he knocks on the window. The driver of the car opens the window: 'Yes ?' Rabbit: 'Ever driven a Honda motorcycle ?' Driver: 'No I haven't' Then suddenly there is a curve, the rabbit sees it too late. He crashes of the road into a ditch. A car stops and a man runs to the unlucky rabbit. Covered in blood and surely dying, the rabbit asks: 'Ever driven a Honda motorcycle ?'
'Yes I have. I had a Honda for twenty years' the man answers. The rabbit asks: Where are the brakes??

11.-A little old lady went into the Bank of Canada one day, carrying a
bag of money. She insisted that she must speak with the president of
the bank to open a savings account because, "It's a lot of money!"
After much hemming and hawing, the bank staff finally ushered her
into the president's office.

The bank president then asked her how much she would like to
deposit. She replied, "$165,000!" and dumped the cash out of her bag
onto his desk. The president was, of course, curious as to how she
came by all this cash, so he asked her, "Ma'am, I'm surprised you're
carrying so much cash around. Where did you get this money?" The old
lady replied, "I make bets."The president then asked, "Bets? What kind of bets?" The old
woman said, "Well, for example, I'll bet you $25,000 that your balls
are square." "Ha!" laughed the president, "That's a stupid bet. You
can never win that kind of bet!" The old lady challenged, "So, would
you like to take my bet?" "Sure," said the president, "I'll bet
$25,000 that my balls are not square!" The little old lady then
said, "Okay, but since there is a lot of money involved, may I bring
my lawyer with me tomorrow at 10:00 am as a witness?" "Sure!"
replied the confident president.

That night, the president got very nervous about the bet and
spent a long time in front of a mirror checking his balls, turning
from side to side, again and again. He thoroughly checked them out
until he was sure that there was absolutely no way his balls were
square and that he would win the bet.

The next morning, at precisely 10 am, the little old lady
appeared with her lawyer at the president's office. She introduced
the lawyer to the president and repeated the bet: "$25,000 says the
president's balls are square!" The president agreed with the bet
again and the old lady asked him to drop his pants so they could all
see. The president complied. The little old lady peered closely at
his balls and then asked if she could feel them. "Well, Okay," said
the president,"$ 25,000 is a lot of money, so I guess you should be
absolutely sure."

Just then, he noticed that the lawyer was quietly banging his
head against the wall. The president asked the old lady, "What the
hell's the matter with your lawyer?" She replied, "Nothing, except I
bet him $50,000 that at 10 am today, I'd have the president of the
Bank of Canada's balls in my hand."

Answer 2

A blonde goes into a nearby store and asks a clerk if she can buy the TV in the corner.
The clerk looks at her and says that he doesn't serve blondes, so she goes back home and dyes her hair black.
The next day she returns to the store and asks the same thing, and again, the clerk said he doesn't serve blondes.
Frustrated, the blonde goes home and dyes her hair yet again, to a shade of red.
Sure that a clerk would sell her the TV this time, she returns and asks a different clerk this time.
To her astonishment, this clerk also says that she doesn't serve blondes.
The blonde asks the clerk, "How in the world do you know I am a blonde?"
The clerk looks at her disgustedly and says,"That's not a TV -- it's a microwave!"

Two blondes were driving along a road by a wheat field when they saw a blonde in the middle of the field rowing a row boat.
The driver blonde turned to her friend and said "You know - it's blondes like that that give us a bad name!"
To this, the other blonde replies "I know it, and if I knew how to swim, I'd go out there and drown her."

Q: How do blonde braincells die?
A: Alone.

Q: How do you brainwash a blonde?
A: Give her a douche and shake her upside down.

Q: How do you change a blonde's mind?
A: Blow in her ear.

Q: How do you measure a blonde's intelligence?
A: Stick a tire pressure gauge in her ear!

Q: How does a blonde kill a fish?
A: She drowns it.

Q: A blond going to London on a plane, how can you steal her window seat?
A: Tell her the seats that are going to London are all in the middle row.

Q: How do you amuse a blonde for hours?
A: Write 'Please turn over' on both sides of a piece of paper

During late spring one year, a blonde was trying out her new boat. She was unable to have her boat perform, travel through water, or do any maneuvers whatsoever no matter how hard she tried.
After trying for over three days to make it work properly, she decided to seek help. She putted the boat over to the local marina in hopes that someone there could identify her problem.
Workers determined that everything from the engine to the outdrive was working perfectly on the topside of the boat. So, a puzzled marina employee jumped into the water to check underneath the boat for problems. Because he was laughing so hard, he came up choking on water and gasping for air. Under the boat, still strapped in place securely, was the trailer.

Answer 3

A ventriloquist is touring the clubs and one night he's doing a show in a small club in a town. With his dummy on his knee, he's going through his usual dumb blonde jokes when a blonde woman in the fourth row stands on her chair and starts shouting, "I've heard enough of your stupid blonde jokes. What makes you think you can stereotype women that way? What does the color of a person's hair have to do with her worth as a human being? It's guys like you who keep women like me from being respected at work and in the community and from reaching our full potential as a person, because you and your kind continue to perpetuate discrimination against, not only blondes, but women in general, and all in the name of humor!" The ventriloquist is embarrassed and begins to apologize, when the blonde yells, "You stay out of this, mister! I'm talking to that little idiot on your knee!"

A guy took his blonde girlfriend to her first football game. They had great seats behind their team's bench. After the game, he asked her how she liked the experience. "Oh, I really liked it," she replied, "especially the tight pants and all the big muscles, but I just couldn't understand why they were killing each other over 25 cents." Dumbfounded, her date asked, "What do you mean?" "Well, they flipped a coin, one team got it and then for the rest of the game, all they kept screaming was: 'Get the quarterback! Get the quarterback!' I'm like...Helloooooo? It's only 25 cents!!!!”

(no offense to blondes)

Answer 4

a brunett and a blond are falling together from a plane and theyre about to die. who falls first?

the brunett, blond had to go ask for directions. haha. i know that wasnt very funny. but you left this one at mine and i dont get it.

You Are The Train Driver...

The Train Stopped At the first stop and picked up 15 people...

Then the train dropped off 2 people and picked up 4

Then The Train Driver Dropped off 10 people

How Old Is The Train Driver??

Answer 5

A blonde asks an airline "how long will it take to fly to New York?" Operator says "Just a sec .........." Blonde Thanks the operator and ends the call.

Answer 6

why did the chicken cross the road? To show the blonde how to do it.

Answer 7

how do you drown a blonde?
put a mirror at the bottom of a swiming pool! :P

Answer 8

This blond sees the doctor complaining that where ever she touches her body it hurts. "Show me." the doctor says. she touches her forehead "Ouch" she touches her elbow "Oh darn it that hurts, she touches her knee "Auwie".
"I know what is wrong with you," the Doctor says "You got a broken finger."

Answer 9

how do u drown a blond?

throw a star burst in a deep pool and tell her if she gets it she could eat it right then ad there

3 woman go into a private forest one was a brunnett one was a red hed and one was a blonde the brunnett goes in the guard says "halt who goes there" she says "meow" so she gets wat she wants and goes out next the red hed went in she says "bark" and she gets wat she wants and gets out then the blond goes in but she says 'it`s an elephant' so she goes to jail

Answer 10

it is not mini skirt it is my life style and latest fashion.