Jokes & Riddles - June 2006

2006-06-11 09:16:00 · 6 answers · asked by Anonymous

A really awesome contribution sent in by SJ which is to be taken seriously!

A Mom comes to visit her son Kumar for dinner…..who lives with a girl room mate Sunita. During the course of the meal, his mother couldn’t help but notice how pretty Kumar’s, roommate was. She had long been suspicious of a relationship between the two, and this had only made her more curious. Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact, she started to wonder if there was more between Kumar and his roommate that met the eye. Reading his mom’s thoughts, Kumar volunteered, “I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you, Sunita and I are just roommates.”

About a week later, Sunita came to Kumar saying, “Ever since your mother came to dinner, I’ve been unable to find the silver chutney jar. You don’t suppose she took it, do you?” Kumar said, “Well, I doubt it, but I’ll email her, just to be sure.”
So he sat down and wrote :
Dear Mother:
I’m not saying that you ‘did’ take the chutney jar from my house, I’m not saying that you ‘did not’ take the chutney jar. But the fact remains that it has been missing ever since you were here for dinner.
Love, Kumar

Several days later, Kumar received an email from his Mother which read
Dear Son:
I’m not saying that you ‘do’ sleep with Sunita, and I’m not saying that you do not’ sleep with Sunita. But the fact remains that if she was sleeping in her OWN bed, she would have found
the chutney jar by now under the pillow…
Love, Mom.

Lesson of the day: Don’t Lie to Your Mother……especially if she is Indian!

2006-06-11 09:15:43 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous

A man walks into his bathroom and shoots himself right between the eyes using a real gun with real bullets. He walks out alive, with no blood anywhere. And no, he didn't miss and isn't Superman.

2006-06-11 09:11:39 · 16 answers · asked by Caitybell 1

Long Life

A woman walked up to a little old man rocking in a chair on his porch. "I couldn't help noticing how happy you look," she said. "What's your secret for a long, happy life?"

"I smoke three packs of cigarettes a day," he said. "I also drink a case of whiskey a week, eat fatty foods, and never exercise."

"That's amazing," the woman said. "How old are you?"

"Twenty-six," he said.

2006-06-11 09:06:38 · 7 answers · asked by iamigloo 6

What about a hamster?
This is a compulsion so please do not mock me, it will hurt my feelings and I am sure you do not want to make me cry.

2006-06-11 08:52:28 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous

please dont answer with sick coments, or bad jokes they dont make me laugh they give me the creeps!please say something funny, im bored.lol helpppppppp!oh and while your answering heres a riddle,,,
the man who made it didnt want it
the man who bought it didnt need it
the man who used it never knew it!!
what is it?

~HAVE FUN~

2006-06-11 08:45:46 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous

I've got a problem with this sign. I'm sure u know what it is. please please please tell me. (it's not a put on job, I really don't know)

2006-06-11 08:42:33 · 20 answers · asked by R.A.B 1

Used Cars: why go elsewhere to be cheated? Come here first!

Wanted: Man to take care of cow that does not drink or smoke!

Our experienced Mom will care for your child. Fenced yard, meals and smacks included!!

Illiterate? Fill out this form for free help!

Dry cleaning sign. "We do not tear your clothing with machinery. We do it carefully by hand."

Wanted: 50 girls for stripping machine operators in factory.

We'll move you worldwide throughout the country!!

For Sale: An antique desk suitable for lady with think legs and large drawers.

His and hers bicycles, $25.00 each or $55.00 for both!

Girl wanted to assist magician in cutting-off-head illusion. Blue Cross and salary!

And lastly....

Government employer looking for candidates. Criminal backgroud required!!

O.K? Which were your favorites?
Hope I brought a little smile to your Sunday!
SmileyCat : )

2006-06-11 08:41:02 · 10 answers · asked by SmileyCat : ) 4

4 part question-
1-how do you put an elephant in your fridge?
2-how do you put a giraffe in you fridge?
3-the lion, king of the jungle, calls a meeting for the whole jungle but someone doesn't show up who is it ?
4-to get to the meeting you have to cross a alligator infested lake how do you get across?
after the question is resolved if you would like the answers and explanation you can email me at purpleleopard_jo@yahoo.com or bluepanther_jo@yahoo.com

2006-06-11 08:25:49 · 13 answers · asked by jordan o 2

Please note the category.

2006-06-11 08:14:09 · 18 answers · asked by auntb93again 7

REAL NEWSPAPER ADS:

FREE YORKSHIRE TERRIER. 8 years old. Hateful little dog. Bites.
FREE PUPPIES: 1/2 Cocker Spaniel, 1/2 sneaky neighbor's dog.
FREE PUPPIES... Mother, AKC German Shepherd. Father, Super Dog... able to
leap tall fences in a single bound.
FREE GERMAN SHEPHERD 85 lbs. Neutered. Speaks German.
FOUND DIRTY WHITE DOG. Looks like a rat... been out a while. Better be a reward.
COWS, CALVES: NEVER BRED. Also 1 gay bull for sale.
NORDIC TRACK $300 Hardly used, call Chubby.
GEORGIA PEACHES, California grown - 89 cents lb.
JOINING NUDIST COLONY! Must sell washer and dryer $300.
WEDDING DRESS FOR SALE. WORN ONCE BY MISTAKE. Call Stephanie.

AND THE BEST ONE:

FOR SALE BY OWNER: Complete set of Encyclopedia Britannica. 45 volumes. Excellent condition. $1,000 or best offer. No longer needed, got married last month. Wife knows everything.

Any of them make yah chuckle?
Got a funny ad for me?
SmileyCat : )

2006-06-11 07:43:02 · 10 answers · asked by SmileyCat : ) 4

What number comes next in the pattern?

2, 3, 6, 1, 8, 6, 8, 4, 8, 4, 8, 3, 2, 3, 3, 2, 3, ___

2006-06-11 07:38:09 · 13 answers · asked by my name is unknown 1

What number follows the pattern?

2, 3, 6, 1, 8, 6, 8, 4, 8, 4, 8, 3, 2, 3, 3, 2, 3, ___

answer: ______________________________
explanation:______________

2006-06-11 07:32:25 · 9 answers · asked by my name is unknown 1

ull get 10 points iif i like it!

2006-06-11 07:22:09 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous

i know black people have butts and hispanics have butts too, even some asian.but not white people. why?

2006-06-11 07:17:50 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-06-11 07:12:24 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous

ANYBODY KNOW ANY GOOD ONLINE MAGIC TRICK SITES?
OR LIKE OPTICAL ILLIUSION STUFF?
ANY SITES !!!

AMUSE ME pLEASE !! =]
hE hE. [=

2006-06-11 07:03:32 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous

if blonds are dumb
then why do people die their hair blond in the first place. and if you are going to die your hair blond then why not die your eye brows too. people like that just look ugly.

2006-06-11 06:57:46 · 23 answers · asked by prettyP 2

2 out of 10 college students got this but 10 out of 10 kindergardeners got it right

whats gr8er than god
more eviler than the devil
the poor have it
the rich need it
and if you eat it you will die

2006-06-11 06:53:53 · 21 answers · asked by Flafibopsicles 3

Tell 2 ways to put a cat into a fridge ??

2006-06-11 06:44:58 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-06-11 06:28:28 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous

A boy was at a carnival and went to a booth where a man said to the boy, "If I write your exact weight on this piece of paper then you have to give me $50, but if I cannot, I will pay you $50."

The boy looked around and saw no scale so he agrees, thinking no matter what the carny writes he'll just say he weighs more or less.

In the end the boy ended up paying the man $50.



The question is: How did the man win the bet?

2006-06-11 06:23:35 · 18 answers · asked by sk8erluv 2

Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! ... thump thump thump ... bump bump bump bump ... rolllllllllll ...

Don't worry. That was just me, laughing till my danged head fell off. I've never seen so many great jokes. Try this: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ComedyCollectionsArchive/ then download the zip file. UNREAL!

BTW - anyone find my head yet?

2006-06-11 06:21:38 · 10 answers · asked by FlashMerlot 1

2006-06-11 06:18:29 · 1 answers · asked by bankster 3

FOR AN EXAM TESTING PRE-AP SOPHOMORES 40/50 STUDENTS GOT THIS QUESTION RIGHT. LET'S SEE YOU TRY.

6, 8, 5, 10, 3, 14, 1, ___

What's the next number?

(The correct answer will be chosen as the best answer. If there are two correct then the one that best explains what equation or pattern is used to find the answer will win)

2006-06-11 06:14:33 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous

18, 46, 94, 63, 52, 61, ___

What's the next number? And what is the pattern/ equation used? Over 60 percent of all Juniors got this question correct on a final exam, can you?

2006-06-11 06:06:30 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-06-11 06:05:28 · 8 answers · asked by Juli* 1

2006-06-11 05:41:23 · 10 answers · asked by frodobaggins1000 3

My first is in 'six', but not in 'five'. My second is in a 'colony', but not in a 'hive'. 'Plates' have my third, but 'bowls' do not. 'Knives' contain my fourth, something 'spoons' haven't got. Look to the 'Earth' and my fifth you will find, then put a name to my slithering kind.

2006-06-11 05:39:24 · 9 answers · asked by simply_boring 4

and all the knock on effects that the event would have had and how it may have changed what your doing right now?

2006-06-11 05:35:15 · 11 answers · asked by The Disturbed 1