Jokes & Riddles - June 2006

I wrote this before my Dad died:

Ever since the neighborhood found out Dad has cancer, Mom really hasn't had to cook. People just show up with an entire meal (dessert included) and give it to us, complete with heating instructions. It's a nice reprieve from the road kill that Mom usually serves, believe me.

Anyway, two separate people included German chocolate cake with meals they brought us, and Dad's the only one in the family that likes coconut. Seeing as he's on a 2000 calorie diet, we thought we would discreetly give it away.

So, at break time, I had Mom meet me at the back door at work with a plate of cake, brought it into the break room and offered everyone a piece. Jerry takes break at a different time than me, so, when I went back to work I told him to help himself to the cake. And when he came back...:

Jerry: "That cake was good! What's the occasion?"

Me: "Dad has cancer."

He looked like he was gonna give it back.

2006-06-11 00:46:35 · 7 answers · asked by 42ITUS™ 7

2006-06-11 00:45:06 · 11 answers · asked by Anou 5

am the black child of a white father, a wingless bird, flying even to the clouds of heaven. I give birth to tears of mourning in pupils that meet me, even though there is no cause for grief, and at once on my birth I am dissolved into air.

2006-06-11 00:30:39 · 13 answers · asked by Anou 5

never was, am always to be,
No one ever saw me, nor ever will,
And yet I am the confidence of all
To live and breathe on this terrestrial ball.

2006-06-11 00:28:30 · 11 answers · asked by Anou 5

2006-06-11 00:25:28 · 14 answers · asked by Anou 5

2006-06-11 00:24:16 · 14 answers · asked by Anou 5

run over fields and woods all day. Under the bed at night I sit not alone. My tongue hangs out, up and to the rear, awaiting to be filled in the morning.

2006-06-11 00:20:44 · 20 answers · asked by Anou 5

2006-06-11 00:13:36 · 20 answers · asked by Anou 5

* Each line must be complete & meaningful.
* must hav a minimum of 100 lines.
* each line, may or may not relate with each another.

2006-06-10 23:56:10 · 9 answers · asked by Black Saga 1

For thirty years, Johnson had arrived at work at 9A.M. on the dot. He had never missed a day and was never late.

Consequently, when on one particular day 9 A.M. passed without Johnson's arrival, it caused a sensation. All work ceased, and the boss himself, looking at his watch and muttering, came out into the corridor.

Finally, precisely at ten, Johnson showed up, clothes dusty and torn, his face scratched and bruised, his glasses bent. He limped painfully to the time clock, punched in, and said, aware that all eyes were upon him, "I tripped and rolled down two flights of stairs in the subway. Nearly killed myself."

And the boss said, "And to roll down two flights of stairs took you a whole hour?"

2006-06-10 23:54:57 · 11 answers · asked by sammy 3

2006-06-10 23:46:52 · 21 answers · asked by Anonymous

"Hi, this is my dad. You have reached the number you have dialed. Leave the beep after the message.....just kidding. Leave the message after the beep. BEEEEP...again i'm kidding, i made this beep. The actual beep follows........"

Is this funny?

2006-06-10 23:23:08 · 12 answers · asked by sammy 3

A profeesor asked his student to define brain.A student got up and replied,Brain is what a man looks for in a woman after he has looked at everything else

2006-06-10 23:08:03 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-06-10 22:37:23 · 6 answers · asked by Joshua 2

I can run but not walk. Wherever I go, thought follows close behind.

2006-06-10 22:28:31 · 14 answers · asked by Stewie Griffin 4

2006-06-10 22:20:08 · 7 answers · asked by Stewie Griffin 4

The man who invented it doesn't want it. The man who bought it doesn't need it. The man who needs it doesn't know it.

2006-06-10 22:17:07 · 11 answers · asked by Stewie Griffin 4

does anyone have good pranks to pull for my sis?

2006-06-10 22:10:30 · 9 answers · asked by ikram 2

2006-06-10 22:09:14 · 4 answers · asked by venezuelagreat 1

i need sumthing 2 cheer me up...my dog was just put 2 sleep..and can ya guyz not do any animal jokes? any kind of joke or riddle is good 4 me but long ones make me hysterical

2006-06-10 21:22:26 · 14 answers · asked by runner_825825 2

What happens once in a minute, twice in a moment, but never in a thousand years?

2006-06-10 20:47:28 · 23 answers · asked by violet46 3

i am just getting bored and just need to entertain myself. or you can tell me some good sites also.

2006-06-10 20:43:53 · 16 answers · asked by Bluffmaster 3

O S O L F I

2006-06-10 20:12:53 · 16 answers · asked by babie_gurl781 2

One day Mr. Smith, the president of a large corporation, called his vice-president, Dave, into his office and said, "We're making some cutbacks, so either Jack or Barbara will have to be laid off."

Dave looked at Mr. Smith and said, "Barbara is my best worker, but Jack has a wife and three kids. I don't know whom to fire."

The next morning Dave waited for his employees to arrive. Barbara was the first to come in, so Dave said, "Barbara, I've got a problem. You see, I've got to lay you or Jack off and I don't know what to do?"

Barbara replied, "You'd better jack off. I've got a headache."

2006-06-10 20:11:05 · 11 answers · asked by joann_xvi 4

the creator of family guy. i found an awesome soundboard and i wanna prak call him with the old pedo from FG

2006-06-10 20:07:30 · 4 answers · asked by meatwizzad 1

Here's one for you!
What is greater than God...
more evil than the devil...
the poor have it...
the rich need it...
and if you eat it you'll die?

2006-06-10 20:03:36 · 19 answers · asked by violet46 3

It was George the Mailman's last day on the job after 35 years of carrying the mail through all kinds of weather to the same neighborhood. When he arrived at the first house on his route he was greeted by the whole family there, who roundly and soundly congratulated him and sent him on his way with a tidy gift envelope.

At the second house they presented him with a box of fine cigars. The folks at the third house handed him a selection of terrific fishing lures.

At the fourth house, he was met at the door by a strikingly beautiful woman in a revealing negligee. She took him by the arm and led him up the stairs to the bedroom where she blew his mind with the most passionate love he had ever experienced. When he had had enough they went downstairs, where she fixed him a giant breakfast: eggs, potatoes, ham, sausage, blueberry waffles, and fresh-squeezed orange juice. When he was truly satisfied she poured him a cup of steaming coffee.

2006-06-10 19:51:50 · 12 answers · asked by joann_xvi 4

They always knock before coming in the door and they only steal peroxide.

2006-06-10 19:49:59 · 2 answers · asked by opjames 4

A cannibal was cooking a man over an open fire. Another cannibal comes up and askes the first cannibal what he is doing. "I am cooking an American Politician. You want to share him with me?" The second cannibal wrinkles his nose in disgust and says....
Complete it and I will give 10 points to the best one.

2006-06-10 19:45:44 · 20 answers · asked by John D 2

2006-06-10 19:44:43 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous