tell me a joke dat will make pee in my pants?

Question

i need sumthing 2 cheer me up...my dog was just put 2 sleep..and can ya guyz not do any animal jokes? any kind of joke or riddle is good 4 me but long ones make me hysterical

Answer 1

This one is on the front page at eBaumsWorld.com:
Mike goes into an elevator, looks up and sees this great big huge guy standing next to him. The big guy sees the little guy staring at him, looks down and says, "7 feet tall, 350 lbs, 20 inch penis, testicles 3 lbs each, Turner Brown." Mike just faints dead away and falls to the floor. The big dude kneels down and brings him to, by slapping his face and shaking him. He asks, "Are you OK??" In a very weak voice Mike says, "Excuse me, but what did you just say to me?" The big dude says, "When I saw the curious look on your face, I just figured I'd give you the answers to the questions everyone always asks me. "I'm 7 feet tall, weigh 350 lbs, have a 20 inch penis, my testicles weigh 3 lbs each, and my name is Turner Brown." Mike said, "Oh Thank God!!! I thought you said 'Turn Around!'"

Answer 2

Make Me Pee My Pants

Answer 3

i hope you don't piddle heh heh

A young couple got married, and in their family, it was tradition that the best man dance with the bride for the first song. Well, this happened...but then they danced for the second song too. And the third. By the time the fourth song came on, the groom ran up and kicked the bride between the legs. A riot broke out, and all the invited guests were hauled off to jail.
In court the next week, the judge asked the best man what happened.

''Your honor, we were just dancing, and the groom ran up and kicked the bride between the legs.''

''That must have hurt,'' said the judge.

''No kidding,'' said the best man. ''I broke three of my fingers.''

Answer 4

i am feeling a little depressed too but someone told me this joke,hope you like it

Little Mary was not the best student in Sunday School. Usually she slept through the class. One day the teacher called on her while she was napping, ''Tell me, Mary, who created the universe?'' When Mary didn't stir, little Johnny, an altruistic boy seated in the chair behind her, took a pin and jabbed her in the rear. ''God Almighty !'' shouted Mary and the teacher said, ''Very good'' and Mary fell back to sleep.

A while later the teacher asked Mary, ''Who is our Lord and Savior?'' But Mary didn't even stir from her slumber. Once again, Johnny came to the rescue and stuck her again. ''Jesus Christ!'' shouted Mary and the teacher said, ''Very good,'' and Mary fell back to sleep. Then the teacher asked Mary a third question, ''What did Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child?'' And again, Johnny jabbed her with the pin. This time Mary jumped up and shouted, ''If you stick that damn thing in me one more time, I'll break it in half!'' The Teacher fainted.

Answer 5

This guy is walking through the Amazon. He's exhausted his food and water supplies and is starving. When he thinks he just can't go on, he finds himself surrounded by a tribe of cannibals, all with huge loin-cloths that can't hide their even huge *****.

The man is taken to the village, given food and water, and is then brought before the chieftain. The chief, who has the largest dick in the village, says to him:

"Right, white man. We are going to give you a choice. You can either be roasted and eaten alive or experience Unga Bunga."

The man, obviously not stupid, first asks what Unga Bunga is.

"It consists of being ****** in the *** by all members of the tribe, white man," the chief replies with a huge grin.

After thinking it over, the man decides to go for the butt-****. So he kneels down and all the men line up behind him and **** him till he's screaming with pain. After a couple of hours the torture stops and the man is free to go. Bleeding from his *** he crawls off into the rainforest.

A couple of days later he's lost. No food, no water. His *** has healed by now, but what good will that do him?

At night he's discovered by another tribe, who take him to their village. Again he is given the choice between death and Unga Bunga. And again, after much consideration, he chooses Unga Bunga. All night long the cannibals have their way with him and in the morning he's free to go.

The next day the man - lost, starving and about to die is AGAIN taken capture, this time by a tribe with ***** that touch the ground. AGAIN he's given the choice: death or Unga Bunga. Deciding he's had enough and won't be raped again, the man says to the chief:

"Go ahead. Burn me, eat me. I'm ready to die."

The chief, much impressed by the man's bravery, replies:

"All right, white man. But first.....UNGA BUNGA!

Answer 6

A rather confident young man walks into a bar and takes a seat next to a very attractive young woman. He gives her a quick glance, then casually looks at his watch for a moment.
The woman notices this and asks, "Is your date running late?"

"No," he replies, "I just bought this state-of-the-art watch and I was testing it."

Intrigued, the woman says, "A state-of-the-art watch? What's so special about it?"

"It uses alpha waves to telepathically talk to me," he explains.

"What's it telling you now?"

"Well, it says that you're not wearing any panties..."

The woman giggles & replies, "Well it must be broken then, because I am wearing panties!"

The man exclaims, "Damn - this thing must be an hour fast!"

Answer 7

Two guys are out hunting in the middle of nowhere when one of them stops to take a leak in the bushes. Suddenly, as the guy is peeing, a rattlesnake jumps out and bites the man on his pecker. He tells his friend to run to the nearest town and find a doctor.

He runs three miles to the nearest town, finds the local doctor and says, “My friend just got bitten by a rattlesnake. What should I Do?”

The doctor replies, “Put your mouth on the affected area and suck out the poison.”

The man thanks the doctor for his advice and runs three miles back to where his friend is.

The snakebite victim asks his friend, “Did you find a doctor?”

“Yes.” His friend replies.

“Well,” The bitten man asks, “What did he say?”

His friend replies, “The doctor said you’re going to die.”

Answer 8

OK there was this girl who asked a really wierd question on the internet. But why would anyone want to pee in their pants.

Answer 9

here goes:

3 men are sitting at a bar. the first guy is mexican. he drinks up his beer, throws the cup in the air and shoots it. he says, 'back in mexico, we have so much beer we dont have to drink out of the same cup twice." the 2nd guy is arabic. he throws his empty beer cup in the air and blows it up. he says, 'we have so much sand to make cups that we dont have to drink out of the same one twice." the 3rd guy is american. he drinks his beer, throws his cup into the air and shoots the other two guys. he says, 'here in the US we have so many immigrants we dont have drink with the same one twice."


haha, anyway, i hope that brigtened your day a little, and im sorry for your loss.

Answer 10

I LOVE Dr. Filthy's answer. That almost made me pee myself.