Jokes & Riddles - April 2007

meets Murphy flying up and shouts " hey know anything about parashoots?
Murphy screems "no! know anything about gas cookers?"

2007-04-06 21:32:37 · 6 answers · asked by Anonymous

2007-04-06 20:27:59 · 29 answers · asked by tigger12486 2

2007-04-06 19:44:54 · 15 answers · asked by Jenny 1

2007-04-06 17:21:49 · 8 answers · asked by ZO 2

Every yo mamma joke is yo mamma. Why can't the joke be Yo dadda?


can you think of a good one?
Here I'll start it...
Yo dadda is so____________?
best one 10 points!!

2007-04-06 16:08:24 · 18 answers · asked by Al 3

NO, there is no catch... I will give the first person to answer 10 free points!!!
: >

2007-04-06 15:55:30 · 5 answers · asked by :P 2

tip: theres more than one answer

2007-04-06 15:34:26 · 21 answers · asked by Anonymous

A very old, white-haired man totters into the jewellers shop just before they close on a Friday evening. On his arm is a beautiful, buxom young woman. The old man asks to see a tray of diamond rings, necklaces etc & the jeweller brings out a tray for them to see & says " Well sir, these are priced between 2 and 5 thousand pounds"dd!"
The girl's face lights up & the old man says " No, no. Show me something better"
The jeweller shows them another tray & says "These are priced between 25 & 50 thousand pounds."
The girl is getting really excited now & hugs & kisses the old man.
The old man says "OK darling. We'll take this one. 50 thousand pounds you say? No problem. I'll pay by cheque now & we'll pick the ring up on Monday when it's cleared through the bank"
The jeweller agrees.
Monday comes & the jeweller rings the old man.
"Your bank has just told me your cheque won't clear. You have no money"
"I know that" says the old man "But think what a wonderful weekend I've just had!"

2007-04-06 14:41:40 · 11 answers · asked by funnygirl 4

One night at a local bar frequented by a bunch of deer hunters who were waiting for the opening day of deer season, the local sheriff scoped out the joint for possible drunk drivers.

As he waited, eventually a patron stumbled out of the bar, fumbled for his keys, tried them in three different cars until he finally found his, got inside and rested his head on the steering wheel. The deputy knew he had his drunk driver, so now all he had to do was wait for him to start his engine and pull out of the lot.

A few hours passed by and most of the other deer hunters had left by then, when the patron abruptly lifted his head, cranked the car up and drove out of the lot like a bat out of hell. The deputy followed him and stopped him promptly. He administered the breath-o-lizer test and it read 0.00.

Confused, the deputy asked the driver what the hell was going on. The driver looked at him innocently and said, "Well, tonight I'm the designated decoy."

so Remember, If you ever party always have a Designated Drunk!!

2007-04-06 14:26:10 · 14 answers · asked by ♥femme fatale♥ 2

Cowpoke walkes into a mexican cafe south of the border and smells something good cooking. He sets down at a table and asks the waiter what smells so good. The waiter says" Oh senior, it is the bull testicals we are cooking for a customer".
The cowpoke asks if he could have some. The waiter informs him that they only get one supply daily from the bull fights that are held at the arena. But that he would save the ones they get tomorrow for him . The greatfull cowpoke thanked him and said he would be back the next day at lunch
and left. The next day, he went to the cafe at lunch time and sat down. The waiter brought out his plate of testicals . The cowpoke deviored the meal. Then he told the waiter they were delicious but was curious as to why the testicals were quite a bit smaller than he thought bulls should have. The waiter looked at the cowpoke and said "Oh senior, some times the bull,he wins..........

2007-04-06 14:15:01 · 11 answers · asked by Jackolantern 7

You are trapped in a room and there are two exits, each guarded by a dragon. One dragon tells only the truth, the other one only lies. You do not know which dragon lies and which one is truthful. One door leaves the place and the other leads to your doom. You are allowed one question to get out of the room. What do you say to get out?

2007-04-06 14:01:02 · 16 answers · asked by Chris457 3

Four men sat down to play,
They played all night 'till break of day.
They played for gold and not for fun
With separate scores for everyone.
When they came to square accounts,
They all had made quite fair amounts.
Can you the paradox explain,
If no one lost, how could all gain?

2007-04-06 13:57:47 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous

does any one know were i can see pictures of the new finding nemo ride thas opening up?

2007-04-06 13:23:24 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous

2007-04-06 13:05:43 · 27 answers · asked by Anonymous

is he a cop? i have been told he was a cop.

2007-04-06 12:29:05 · 9 answers · asked by uknown person here 1

1) Are there any volcanoes in Montana?
2) If you expect the unexpected, wouldn't that make the unexpected expected, so what would you not expect?
3) How many states do NOT have volcanoes?
4) there is a trick on the calculator to get it to show you're phone number - without pressing the exact digits in your phone number. What is it?
5) How many states have a Volcano Day (and which ones) but with no volcanoes?

If you can get all of these right then please put down the answers below (or if you know 4 out of 5 thats ok too)
and if you like my question please star it!
You can use google!

2007-04-06 10:51:53 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous

1) Are there any volcanoes in Montana?
2) If you expect the unexpected, wouldn't that make the unexpected expected, so what would you not expect?
3) How many states do NOT have volcanoes?
4) there is a trick on the calculator to get it to show you're phone number - without pressing the exact digits in your phone number. What is it?
5) How many states have a Volcano Day (and which ones) but with no volcanoes?

Thanks, and please answer if you know at least 4 of the 5
This is free points, you know.
And please star my question if you like it :)

2007-04-06 10:12:16 · 6 answers · asked by Anonymous

Omg, I can tick 4 of these!!! U?

Top Signs of Net Addiction (exhibited by many of you)

You wake up at 3 a.m. to go to the bathroom and stop to check your e-mail on the way back to bed.

You get a tattoo that reads "This body best viewed with Netscape Navigator 1.1 or higher."

You name your children Eudora, Mozilla and Dotcom.

You turn off your modem and get this awful empty feeling, like you just pulled the plug on a loved one.

You spend half of the plane trip with your laptop on your lap...and your child in the overhead compartment.

You decide to stay in college for an additional year or two, just for the free Internet access.

You laugh at people with 2400-baud modems.

You start using smileys in your snail mail.

Your hard drive crashes. You haven't logged in for two hours. You start to twitch. You pick up the phone and manually dial your ISP's access number. You try to hum to communicate with the modem. And you succeed.

2007-04-06 10:04:53 · 24 answers · asked by Tink 5

so what i am the hardest bit of tar on the M25 said the other.....

they argued on for several minutes until a red peice of tar walked in.....both went very quiet and moved into the corner....

the barman walked over and said....why did you guys walk over here when that red piece of tar walked in...

one of the black pieces of tar shuddered and said that peice of tar is a *********** cyclepath

2007-04-06 09:40:53 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous

Marvin the sheep likes you. do u like marvin the sheep? or do u like his evil and demented sheep brother Melvin? wich sheep is closest in your life? and why. do u even know who marvin the sheep is? who the heck am i talking about?? you will never know.....*evil laugh*

2007-04-06 09:36:58 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous

A black dog stands in the middle of an intersecton in a town painted black. None of the street lights are working due to a power failure caused by a storm. A car with two broken headlights drives towards the dog but turns in time to avoid hitting him. How could the driver have seen the dog in time?

2007-04-06 08:29:26 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous

Eileen!!

2007-04-06 08:27:16 · 19 answers · asked by Cowboy 4

2007-04-06 08:26:05 · 29 answers · asked by lushpoppy 4

ok so you are sitting having a relaxing day out in the sun, and a bird comes and sits next to you, your like umm...ok. then it all of a sudden starts speaking!!
Bird :
" its a pretty nice day out isnt it.one thing, will you please remember to refill your bird feeder. im tired of eating worms!! ya well i g2g meet my gf on the telephone pole at the corner. ttyl =]"
**bird flys away happily**



tell me what your exact reaction would be, using exclusive detail, and thoughts.



hey... i was bored =]] hehe




♥

2007-04-06 08:22:40 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous

I have made it to 12.523 seconds. It is something to do if you are bored. Let me know how you do. Here's the link:

http://tinyurl.com/56t9u

2007-04-06 07:57:57 · 17 answers · asked by Jodi C 5

A train moves at less than one mph and yet passes dozens of people-
sometimes hundreds-
in less than two minutes.
When it stops, it picks up no passengers and the person that stops the train is not even on it.
In fact, there is no one on the train.
After the train stops, it returns in the direction it came, but goes much faster.
Explain.



If this is too hard, when was your last train ride?
Aloha

2007-04-06 07:30:34 · 3 answers · asked by kenmauiphoto 5

Yo, I ain't big or long

but I am heavy going forward.

Going backwards? I'm not.

What the heck am I?

2007-04-06 07:14:49 · 21 answers · asked by kenmauiphoto 5

A: YOU DON'T KNOW!!! YOU WEREN'T THERE, MANNNN!!!

2007-04-06 07:03:14 · 3 answers · asked by Anonymous

BOBO take pootato and eat alot so BOBO get energy and BOBO fart to fly and then BOBO be sooper dooper. BOBO is brilliant mind, BOBO wants know what BOBO fan think?

p.s. BOBO need free pootatos please.

2007-04-06 06:41:46 · 2 answers · asked by Anonymous

Sad News

With all the sadness and trauma going on in the world at the moment, it is worth reflecting on the death of a very important person, which almost went unnoticed last week.

Larry LaPrise, the man who wrote "The Hokey Pokey", died peacefully at the age of 93. The most traumatic part for his family was getting him into the coffin. They put his left leg in. And then the trouble started.

Now hush - up. You know it's funny.

2007-04-06 06:14:24 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous