10 Points to who knows the best joke???

Answer 1

A blind guy on a bar stool shouts to the bartender "Hey! Wanna hear a blonde joke?"
The bar immediately becomes absolutely quiet. In a hushed voice, the guy next to him says, "Before you tell that joke, you should know something. The BARTENDER is blonde, the BOUNCER is blonde and I'm a 6' tall, 200 lb blonde with a black belt in karate. "What's more, the guy sitting next to me is 6'2", weighs 225 lb and he's a blonde weight lifter," he continues, "The fella to your right is blonde, 6'5" and pushing 300 lb and he's a wrestler. Think about it seriously, Mister. You still wanna tell that joke?"
The blind guy goes: "Nah! Not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times."

Did you hear about the 10 year old boy who asked his recently divorced mother her age? She told him that was not a question to ask and that he shouldn't ask it again.
He then asked her her weight. She, once again, told him that she wouldn't answer the question and that he shouldn't ask it again. The next question he asked was why she and Daddy got divorced. Once again, she told him that it was not a question he should ask and to not ask that question again. He went away.
A few minutes later, she found him digging in her purse. She asked what he was doing and as he turn toward his mother, he beamingly told her he had found all the answers to his questions by looking at her driver's license.
He said, "Mother, you're 34 years old, weigh 125 pounds and Daddy divorced you because you got an 'F' in sex."


The kindergarten class had settled down to its coloring books. Billy came up to the teacher's desk and said, "Miss Francis, I ain't got no crayons."
"Billy," Miss Francis said, "you mean, 'I don't have any crayons.' You don't have any crayons. We don't have any crayons. They don't have any crayons. Do you see what I'm getting at?"
"Yeah" Billy said, "Someone stole all them f^^^^^^g crayons!"

There was once a great actor who could no longer remember his lines. One day he finds a theatre where they are prepared to give him a chance to shine again.
The director says, "This is the most important part, and it has only one line. You walk on to the stage at the opening, carrying a rose. You hold the rose to your nose with just one finger and thumb, sniff the rose deeply and then say the line, 'Ah, the sweet aroma of my mistress.'"
The actor is thrilled. All day long, before the play, he's practicing his line over and over again.
Finally, the time came. The curtain went up, the actor walked onto the stage, and with great passion delivered the line, "Ah, the sweet aroma of my mistress."
The theatre erupted, the audience was screaming with laughter, and the director was steaming - "You bloody fool!," he cried, "You have ruined me!"
The actor was bewildered, "What happened? Did I forget my line?"
"No!" screamed the director. "You forgot the rose!"

ok one last one

There was a blonde, a brunette and a red head. They were all sitting in a hair salon talking about their daughters. The brunette says, \"I was lookin throuh my daughter\'s purse and I found a pack of cigarettes! Do you believe that my daughter smokes!! So then the redhead says, \"Oh my gosh, I was looking through my daughter\'s purse and i found alcohol! Do you believe she\'s been drinking!! So then the blond says \"I was looking through my daughter\'s purse and I found a condom! Do you believe my daughter has a penis?!\"

Answer 2

A cavalry scout is caught on the plains by some Indians. He's taken before the Chief who gives him 3 days to live and 3 reasonable wishes. The cowboy asks to speak to his horse for his first wish. The horse listens and rides off. Around sunset, the horse returns to the Indian encampment with a gorgeous blonde on his back. The Chief ushers them through, but the cowboy only shrugs, takes her in the tee-pee, and has his way.
The following day, the cowboy asks again to speak to his horse. The animal rides off, yet returns later, this time with a beautiful red-head astride. Again, the cowboy shrugs,takes her in the tee-pee, and isn't seen 'til morning.
It's the last day and the last wish. Once again, the cow-poke asks to speak to his horse. The loyal beast clops over to his master, who proceeds to take the horse by his ears, looks him dead-in-the-eye and exclaims:
"Read My Lips, Stupid! POSSE! POSSE!"

Answer 3

An armless guy walks into a bar and orders a beer. He obviously can't raise it to his lips, so he asks the bartender, "Hey, can you gimme a hand?"

The bartender does it but he gets a little foam on the guy's chin and the guy says, "Hey, can you gimme a hand?"

The bartender wipes the guy's chin.

The guy says, "Hey, where's the men's room?"

The bartender points to the front door and says, "Straight through there and half a block down."



Just thought of a better one: What do you call a bunch of white guys with sticks chasing a black guy?


The PGA

Answer 4

The teacher was asking the kids to make sentences using certain words..Sam's word was pregnant, his sentence was the fireman came down the ladder pregnant. The teacher took him aside and asked if he knew the meaning of pregnant..of course said Sam, it means carrying a child.

Answer 5

A grade school teacher in Kentucky asked her
students to use the word "fascinate" in a sentence.

Molly put up her hand and said, "My family went
to my granddad's farm and we all saw his pet sheep.
It was fascinating."

The teacher said, "That was good, but I wanted
you to use the word 'fascinate,' not 'fascinating'."

Sally raised her hand. She said, "My family
went to see Rock City and I was fascinated."

The teacher said, "Well, that was good Sally,
but I wanted you to use the word 'fascinate'."

Little Johnny was frantically raising his hand.
The teacher hesitated because she had been
burned by Little Johnny before, but finally
decided there was no way he could damage
the word "fascinate", so she called on him.

Johnny said, "My Aunt Gina has a sweater with
ten buttons, but her **** are so big she can only
fasten eight."

The teacher sat down and cried.

Answer 6

The Republican Party

Answer 7

Hillary Clinton is going to the best president EVER!!!

Answer 8

best joke/stupid question=
how much wood could a wood chuck chuck if a wood chuck could chuck wood

Answer 9

What do you call a vegetarian with diarrhea?
A salad shooter!

Answer 10

Wife: "Give me some money. I want to buy a bra".
Husband: "Why? You have nothing to put in it!"
Wife: "Well, you wear shorts!"