Jokes & Riddles - April 2007

ran into the kitchen and said to his mum"Mammy Mammy the big black bull in the field just F~~k~d the big white cow!...Mum say's Johnny I've told you he SURPRISED the big white cow....the next day Johnny come's running in and shout's Mammy Mammy the big black bull just F~~k~d the big white cow again,Johnny she said I told you it's surprised the big white cow....the next day Johnny come's running in but before he could say anything mum says remember Johnny he surprised the big white cow....Aye he surprised her alright he walked right passed and F~~k~d the big brown cow.....

2007-04-18 15:15:40 · 10 answers · asked by Jim M 4

I'm the editor of our colledge newspaper.

Our college wrestling champion has been taunted so much by a wrestler on our rival's team, saying he would beat him.

Well, not only did our champ outwrestle him easily, but at the end of the match, his singlet ripped off in his hand, and we have a photo for page 1 of the NAKED opponent's bare butt running off in shame as our champ holds his singlet up as a trophy!!

What would be the funniest headline for this?

2007-04-18 14:56:45 · 5 answers · asked by Anonymous

riddle, question, joke
c if u can get it

2007-04-18 14:39:00 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous

2007-04-18 13:52:48 · 40 answers · asked by Trista♥ 2

im stuck on res evil 4 at the grave yard where i need to get into the church but its locked i think the key is in this thing but cant seem to work it any ideas this thing is asking this me to 3 family insignias of the dead ringers its looks like the dial turns clock wise in eaither 3 or 4 increments and then asks turn the dail 3 or 4 thank you

2007-04-18 13:31:35 · 11 answers · asked by munchie 6

A friend of mine sed he watched all the harry potter films the other day, he sed to me:
"its no good, its too unbeleivable"
to which i say:
"what did u find unbeleivable? the school of magic?"
He says: "no, no i can beleive in that"
I say: "well the flying car then, thats gotta b it right?"
He says: "nope, thats plausible too"
so im at a loss and say "well whats so damn unbeleivable then?"
To which he replies "that a ginger kid has 2 friends!"

*apologies ginger ppl i just found it funny hehe

2007-04-18 13:12:47 · 28 answers · asked by Dave 2

A young boy was looking through the family album and asked his mother, "Who's this guy on the beach with you with all the muscles and curly hair?"
"That's your father."
"Then who's that old bald-headed fat man who lives with us now?"

2007-04-18 13:08:24 · 24 answers · asked by Anonymous

Three women were sitting around throwing back a few drinks and talking about their love lives.
One woman said, "I call my husband the dentist. Nobody can drill like he does."
The second woman giggled and confessed, "I call my husband the miner because of his incredible shaft."
The third woman quietly sipped her whiskey until her friend asked, "Say, what do you call your husband?"
She frowned and said, "The postman."
"Why the postman?"
"Because he always delivers late, and half the time it's in the wrong box."

2007-04-18 13:06:10 · 20 answers · asked by Anonymous

well before you answer this question follow these steps.

1. go to www.google.com
2. click on maps
3. click on get directions
4. New york on one side London on the other
5. look to the left where the directions are and go down to number 24 and read what it says..

have a nice day

2007-04-18 12:43:31 · 13 answers · asked by i ♥ Food 3

A man is up before the courts for walking down the High street completely naked.

"Is it true that you didn't have a stitch on?" asks the Judge.

"That's right, Your honour."

"Well, have you no shame? Are you married?"

"Yes, Your honour."

"And how many children do you have?"

"16, your Honour."

"Release this man, he was only in his work clothes."

2007-04-18 12:16:39 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous

A tramp was roaming the streets when he suddenly came across a £10 note lying on the pavement. Picking it up, he looked down at his old worn out shoes and said, "Feet, I'm going to get you some new shoes." A little later he looked at his tattered clothes and said, "Legs, I'm going to get you some new trousers." A little later he noticed his wil*y had grown into a right big stonker." "Oh, oh," he said, "Who told you we'd come into money?."

2007-04-18 12:11:14 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous

a contact of mine to hear my jokes before they get violatated

2007-04-18 11:52:34 · 4 answers · asked by Anonymous

Q: What party was Rudolph not invited to?
A: The Doner Party

Do you have any funny jokes that aren't that popular? I need a lot of funny unpopular jokes for aschool project and I thought that thiswas a good place to ask for help.

2007-04-18 11:04:39 · 3 answers · asked by Anonymous

is it ture taht the hmuan mnid is so good taht if you jmulbe all the ltetres anurod ecpxet the fsrit and lsat lterets you can siltl raed it????????

2007-04-18 10:51:05 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous

a little boy walks up to his father and asks, "Daddy? Is God black or white?"
the dad responds, "He's both, my son."
the little boy walks away. A minute later he comes back and asks his dad, "Daddy? Is God a girl or a boy?"
the dad responds, "He's both, my son."
the little boy walks away. A minute later he comes back and asks his day, "Daddy? is Michael Jackson God??!"

2007-04-18 10:43:12 · 10 answers · asked by somegirl 4

2007-04-18 10:30:32 · 12 answers · asked by zatarav 1

first of first is first in you. first of last is last in you. middle of god is twice in you. Who are you??

2007-04-18 10:17:42 · 13 answers · asked by Jack Bauer 2

A young ventriloquist is touring the clubs and one night hes doing a show in a small club in a small town in Alabama. With his dummy on his knee hes going through his usual dumb blonde jokes when a blonde woman in the 2nd row stands on her chair and starts shouting: Ive heard enough of your stupid blonde jokes. What makes you think you can make women seem that way? What does the color of somebodys hair have to do with how they are as as a human being? Its guys like you who keep women like me from being respected at work and in the community and from reaching our full potential as a person because you and your kind continue to tell mean blonde jokes against not only blondes, but women in general and all in the name of laughing.
The ventriloquist was incredibly embarrassed and he soon begins to apologize when the blonde yells You stay out of this, dude! Im talking to that little jerk on your knee!'

2007-04-18 10:11:14 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous

I put what I thought next to them but I want to know what you think

http://www.albinoblacksheep.com/flash/waldo.php - Little scary little funny
http://www.albinoblacksheep.com/flash/mind.php -this is really spooky if u follow the instructions its realy spooky it reads ur mind
http://www.albinoblacksheep.com/flash/halloween.php -this is really scary................

I put those just in case you don't like that stuff. So if you get really scared or something, I'm sorry.

2007-04-18 09:32:26 · 6 answers · asked by Anonymous

A cocky State Highways employee stopped at a farm and talked with an old farmer.

He told the farmer, "I need to inspect your farm for a possible new road."

The old farmer said, "OK, but don't go in that field."

The Highways employee said, "I have the authority of the State Government to go where I want.

See this card? I am allowed to go wherever I wish on farm land."

So the old farmer went about his farm chores.

Later, he heard loud screams and saw the State Highways employee running for the fence and close behind was the farmer's prize bull.

The bull was madder than a nest full of hornets and the bull was gaining on the employee at every step.

The old farmer called out, "Show him your card!!"

2007-04-18 08:09:49 · 2 answers · asked by Cherie 6

now my friend jacob needs one, got any sweet names for a limozine service?

2007-04-18 07:59:40 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous

A young man from Minnesota moves to Florida and goes to a big "everything under one roof" department store looking for a job. The Manager says, "Do you have any sales experience?" The kid says "Yeah. I was a salesman back in Minnesota."
Well, the boss liked the kid and gave him the job. "You start tomorrow. I'll come down after we close and see how you did."
His first day on the job was rough, but he got through it. After the store was locked up, the boss came down. "How many customers bought something from you today?
The kid says "One".
The boss says "Just One? Our sales people average 20 to 30 customers a day. How much was the sale for?" The kid says "$101,237.65".
The boss says "$101,237.65? What the heck did you sell?"
The kid says, "First, I sold him a small fish hook. Then I sold him a medium fishhook. Then I sold him a larger fishhook. Then I sold him a new fishing rod. Then I asked him where he was going fishing and he said down the coast,

2007-04-18 07:34:58 · 7 answers · asked by Cherie 6

Can you solve these 3 brainteasers ?
It's not the usual..a bit of a twist..in each of them.
They are on http://bb.1asphost.com/gopikap/teasers.asp
Try them ..
you are a genius if you can get all of them correct!http://bb.1asphost.com/gopikap/teasers.asp

2007-04-18 05:40:32 · 9 answers · asked by gopikap 2

His mother offers to take him to the toilet, he says..'I want Grandma to take me.' 'Why is that?' asks his mother
'Cos her hand shakes .' says Johnny.

2007-04-18 05:21:40 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous

If you missed it, you'll find it at http://mail.google.com/mail/help/paper/index.html

2007-04-18 04:11:25 · 7 answers · asked by Scotty Doesnt Know 7

I saw it done with a jar of peanut butter & jelly but couldn't figure out how and i looked online and i see it's available to buy the trick, but i just want to know how it's done.

2007-04-18 03:34:57 · 1 answers · asked by Anonymous

A few months after his parents divorced a little boy walks past his mums bedroom and she is laying naked on the bed stroking herself moaning"i need a man,i need a man.

This goes on daily for weeks,when one day the boy came home from school and can hear his mum wailing with pleasure,he goes upstairs and looks and there is a man on top of his mum.

The stunned little boy runs to his room,strips off all his clothes,lays on his bed and starts touching his self while saying"i need a bike,i need a bike.

lol star if funny

2007-04-18 03:26:53 · 27 answers · asked by thewokinn 1

Write the numbers, in order, 1 through 9. Add only one plus sign so that the equation equals ten.

So, in order write 123456789 = 10. Add one plus sign so that this equation is correct.

If you can guess the answer I will give you 10 points for best answer, and then I will ask a simple question and will give you the points for that question as well.

2007-04-18 03:06:26 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous

2007-04-18 02:47:39 · 23 answers · asked by woody_track 1

Two guys are pushing their carts around Wal-Mart when they collide. The first guy says to the second guy, "Sorry about that." I'm looking for my wife, and I guess I wasn't paying attention to where I was going."The second guy says, "That's OK! it's a coincidence. I'm looking for my wife, too. I can't find her and I'm getting a little desperate.""Well, maybe I can help you find her. What does she look like?""Well, she is 27 years old, tall, with red hair, blue eyes, long legs, big busted, and she's wearing a see-thru blouse and really short shorts."What does your wife look like?" "Doesn't matter, let's look for yours".

2007-04-18 02:12:29 · 15 answers · asked by AL 4