Jokes & Riddles - March 2007

PLEASE, NO BLONDES TAKE OFFENCE! I AM PARTIALLY NATURALLY BLONDE MYSELF AND LOVE BLONDE JOKES- DON'T LIKE, DON'T READ! You've been warned (this will go in each blonde joke post I'll make)

How do you make a blonde laugh on Friday?
Tell her a joke on Monday

2007-03-08 07:05:31 · 1 answers · asked by Attic Gnome 6

PLEASE, NO BLONDES TAKE OFFENCE! I AM PARTIALLY NATURALLY BLONDE MYSELF AND LOVE BLONDE JOKES- DON'T LIKE, DON'T READ! You've been warned (this will go in each blonde joke post I'll make)

Burnt Ears

A blonde with two burnt ears went to the doctor, who asked what had happened.
"The phone rang, and I accidentally picked up the iron."
"What about the other one?"
"They called back."

2007-03-08 07:04:25 · 12 answers · asked by Attic Gnome 6

PLEASE, NO BLONDES TAKE OFFENCE! I AM PARTIALLY NATURALLY BLONDE MYSELF AND LOVE BLONDE JOKES- DON'T LIKE, DON'T READ! You've been warned (this will go in each blonde joke post I'll make)

Ice Fishing
A blonde decided she needed something new and different for a winter hobby.

She went to the bookstore and bought every bookshe could find on ice fishing.

For weeks she read and studied every book, hoping to become anexpert in the field. Finally she decided she knew enough, and outshe went for her first ice fishing trip.

She carefully gathered up and packed all the tools and equipment needed for the excursion. Each piece of equipment had its own special place in her kit.

When she got to the ice, she found a quiet little area, placed her padded stool, and carefully laid out her tools.

Just as she was about to make her first cut into the ice, a booming voice from the sky bellowed, "There are no fish under the ice! "Startled, the blonde grabbed up all her belongings, moved further along the ice, poured some hot chocolate from her thermos, and started to cut a new hole.

Again the voice from above bellowed,"There are no fish under the ice!"Amazed, the blonde wasnt quite sure what to do, as this certainly wasnt covered in any of her books.

She packed up her gear and moved to the far side of the ice. Once there, she stopped for a few moments to regain her calm.

Then she was extremely careful to set everything up perfectly -- tools in the right place, chair positioned just so, everything.

Just as she was about to cut this new hole, the voice came again,"There are no fish under the ice! "Petrified, the blonde looked skyward and asked "Is that youLord?"

The voice boomed back, "No, this is the manager of the skatingrink!"

2007-03-08 07:03:00 · 13 answers · asked by Attic Gnome 6

PLEASE, NO BLONDES TAKE OFFENCE! I AM PARTIALLY NATURALLY BLONDE MYSELF AND LOVE BLONDE JOKES- DON'T LIKE, DON'T READ! You've been warned (this will go in each blonde joke post I'll make)

Two Blondes

Two blondes are waiting at a bus stop.

When a bus pulls up and opens the door, one of the blondes leans inside and asks the bus driver:'

'Will this bus take me to 5th Avenue?'' The bus driver shakes his head and says,'

'No, I'm sorry.'

' At this the other blonde leans inside, smiles, and twitters: '

'Will it take ME ?''

2007-03-08 07:00:12 · 10 answers · asked by Attic Gnome 6

There was a guy stuck in a metal room with a metal door.The door was locked and there were no windows. The following items were inside the room:
a piano, table,a saw,and a bat.
How did the man get out?

2007-03-08 06:56:08 · 25 answers · asked by Anonymous

be prepared.
has anyone else noticed how it gets quiet in here after about 2pm uk time?


also...who would like to see some updoc?

2007-03-08 06:51:41 · 18 answers · asked by Uncle Elroy 4

Paddy was driving down the street in a sweat because he had an important meeting and couldn't find a parking place. Looking up to heaven he said, "Lord take pity on me. If you find me a parking place I will go to Mass every Sunday for the rest of me life and give up me Irish Whiskey!" Miraculously, a parking place appeared.Paddy looked up again and said, "Never mind, I found one."

2007-03-08 06:49:56 · 16 answers · asked by chris w. 7

no naughtiness in your replies !!! you cheeky lot ....

2007-03-08 06:39:43 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous

Walking into the bar, Mike said to Charlie the bartender, "Pour me a stiff one - just had another fight with the little woman." "Oh yeah?" said Charlie, "And how did this one end?""When it was over," Mike replied, "She came to me on her hands and knees."Really," said Charles, "Now that's a switch! What did she say?" She said, "Come out from under the bed, you little chicken."

2007-03-08 06:35:11 · 15 answers · asked by chris w. 7

lol

2007-03-08 06:33:50 · 5 answers · asked by phatso 4

For Sale -- Eight puppies from a German Shepperd and an Alaskan Hussy.

Great Dames for sale.

Have several very old dresses from grandmother in beautiful condition.

Tired of cleaning yourself? Let me do it. --- lmao my fav.

Dog for sale: eats anything and is fond of children.

Vacation Special: have your home exterminated.

If you think you've seen everything in Paris, visit the Pere Lachasis Cemetery. It boasts such immortals as Moliere, Jean de la Fontain, and Chopin.

Mt. Kilimanjaro, the breathtaking backdrop for the Serena Lodge. Swim in the lovely pool while you drink it all in.

The hotel has bowling alleys, tennis courts, comfortable beds, and other athletic facilities.

Toaster: A gift that every member of the family appreciates. Automatically burns toast.

Sheer stockings. Designed for fancy dress, but so serviceable that lots of women wear nothing else.

Stock up and save. Limit: one.

We build bodies that last a lifetime.

2007-03-08 06:29:35 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous

A cowboy rides into town on friday. He stays 3 days then he leaves on friday. How did he do that?

2007-03-08 06:29:32 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous

2007-03-08 06:26:24 · 3 answers · asked by Richard L 1

http://www.jokes2go.com/

go to the link. the pic is funny. lol. what do u think.

2007-03-08 06:24:03 · 4 answers · asked by Anonymous

2007-03-08 06:23:57 · 6 answers · asked by moniquita 3

From the end of march your only be able to buy viagra from its chemical name:

MyCoxAFlopin

2007-03-08 06:22:56 · 4 answers · asked by youngboff 2

A woman went to her doctor. The doctor, after an examination, sighed and said,

"I've some bad news. You have cancer, you'd best put your affairs in order. "

The woman was shocked, but managed to compose herself
and walk into the waiting room where her daughter had been waiting.

"Well daughter, we women celebrate when things are good, & we celebrate when things aren't. In this case, things aren't. I have cancer. Let's head to the club and have a martini."

After 3 or 4 martinis, the two were feeling a little less somber. There were some laughs and more martinis. They were eventually approached by some of the woman's old friends, who were curious as to what the two were celebrating.

The woman told her friends they were drinking to her impending end.

"I have been diagnosed with AIDS."

The friends gave the woman their condolences, and they had a couple of more martinis.

2007-03-08 06:19:15 · 8 answers · asked by Snow Bunnie 4

Imagine u had ur magic lamp and u rubbed it , then BOOOOOOOOOOM
a huge demon came out to u and said " u r my master only for one wish!"
what would u want him to do for u?

2007-03-08 06:13:06 · 4 answers · asked by ♥ 3

--- or ---- ( it could b called to diffrent things)

2007-03-08 06:09:32 · 4 answers · asked by Emberleigh 1

As i was going to st. ives,
i met a man with seven wives,
each wife had seven sacks,
each sack had seven cats,
each cat had seven kits,
kits,cats,sacks,and wives,
How many were going to St. Ives??

2007-03-08 06:07:08 · 12 answers · asked by Emberleigh 1

u know i believe that all of us have at least one so why dont we make the others laughing by our stories????

2007-03-08 06:05:25 · 3 answers · asked by madeline 1

I know about twine, paint, barbed wire, popcorn, and rubber bands.

2007-03-08 06:03:25 · 5 answers · asked by kenmauiphoto 5

2007-03-08 06:02:50 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous

I was with the wife the other day and as we walked into the butchers she turned round and asked him, is that a goats head in the window? no he says,its a mirror.



I bought my wife a microwave the other day, now she ruins the dinner in half the time,


My wife came 2nd in a beauty competition the other day,a pig won it.

2007-03-08 06:02:45 · 13 answers · asked by murphyslaw 2

its a 5 letter word

2007-03-08 06:02:35 · 3 answers · asked by Emberleigh 1

2007-03-08 06:00:24 · 15 answers · asked by Double O 6

The McChicken Sandwich or the Egg McMuffin?

tee-hee!

2007-03-08 05:56:12 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous

I am a 13 letter word who am I
hints: _H_T_ _ _I_ _ME_

2007-03-08 05:54:43 · 19 answers · asked by samy 1

it is alive but only has one foot?

2007-03-08 05:50:11 · 4 answers · asked by Anonymous

2007-03-08 05:44:10 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous