does anyone have any good jokes?

Answer 1

I am sure that many herein know of at least a few good jokes. Here is one:

A woman was in bed with her lover when she heard her husband opening the front door. "Hurry," she said, "stand in the corner." Then she quickly rubbed baby oil all over him and then dusted him with talcum powder.

"Don't move until I tell you to," she whispered. "Just pretend you're a statue."

"What's this, honey?" the husband inquired as he entered the room.
"Oh, it's a statue," she replied nonchalantly. "The Smiths bought one for their bedroom. I liked it so much, I got one for us too."

No more was said about the statue, not even later when they went to sleep. Around two in the morning, the husband got out of bed, went to the kitchen and returned a while later with a sandwich and a glass of milk.

"Here," he said to the statue, "eat something. I stood like an idiot at the Smiths for three days and nobody offered me as much as a glass of water."

Answer 2

A man wakes up one morning to find a bear on his roof. So he looks in

the yellow pages and sure enough, there's an ad for "Bear Removers."

He calls the number, and the bear remover says he'll be over in 30

minutes.The bear remover arrives, and gets out of his van. He's got a

ladder, a baseball bat, a shotgun and a mean old pit bull.

"What are you going to do," the homeowner asks? "I'm going to

put this ladder up against the roof, then I'm going to go up there and

knock

the bear off the roof with this baseball bat. When the bear falls

off, the pit bull is trained to grab his testicles and not let go. The

bear will then be subdued enough for me to put him in the cage in the

back of the van."



He hands the shotgun to the homeowner."What's the shotgun for?" asks

the homeowner. "If the bear knocks me off the roof, shoot the dog."

Answer 3

WOMEN'S A.S.S SIZE STUDY
> There is a new study out about women and how they feel
> about their asses!
>
> 85% of women think their *** is too fat...
> 10% of women think their *** is too skinny...
>
> The other 5% say that they don't care, they love him,
> he's a good man, and they would have married him anyway.
>

________________________________

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>
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>

AMELIA EARHART'S GUIDE TO THE PACIFIC

>

AMERICA'S MOST POPULAR LAWYERS



DETROIT: a Travel Guide

A COLLECTION of MOTIVATIONAL SPEECHES
> by Dr. J. Kevorkian
>

ALL THE MEN I HAVE LOVED BEFORE
> by Ellen de Generes
>
>
GUIDE TO DATING ETIQUETTE
> by Mike Tyson
>
>
SPOTTED OWL RECIPES
> by the EPA
>
>
THE AMISH PHONE DIRECTORY
>
>
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by O. J. Simpson
>
>
BRIDGE TRAVEL
by Ted Kennedy
>
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And the world's Number One Thinnest Book !!

MY BOOK OF MORALS
by Bill Clinton
with introduction
by The Rev. Jessie Jackson

Answer 4

Two pretzels were walking down the street. One was assaulted.

Answer 5

Yo momma so ugly the elephant man paid to see her!

Answer 6

One day my housework-challenged boyfriend decided to wash his Sweatshirt. Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted to me, "What setting do I use on the washing machine?"
"It depends," I replied. "What does it say on your shirt?"
He yelled back, " University of Oklahoma ."

And they say blondes are dumb...

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A couple is lying in bed. The man says, "I am going to make you the happiest woman in the world."
The woman replies, "I'll miss you..."