Jokes & Riddles - February 2007

2007-02-23 09:07:08 · 14 answers · asked by Lele J 2

2007-02-23 09:03:59 · 24 answers · asked by sha23z 3

Two bums are sitting talking. The first one starts bragging, "Today was the best day ever! This morning I found a brand new pack of smokes just sitting on the ground. So you know what I did? I sat and smoked every one of them... had the best day ever." The second bum just laughs, "That's nothing, today I was walking along the rail road tracks and I found this girl laying on the tracks. You know what I did? I f**ked her all day long." The other bum interrupts, "Bull! You didn't do it all day long did you?", the other continues, "Well, no but it was for at least a few good hours, best day of my life." The first bums asks, "So did she give you a good Blo Job?" The other replies no. "How could you possibly be getting busy with this girl for hours, and she doesn't even give you a Blo Job?" To which the other replies, "How could she? She didn't have a head!"

2007-02-23 09:00:26 · 9 answers · asked by Cuddly Lez 6

2007-02-23 08:59:30 · 6 answers · asked by Anonymous

Will you rather be a lion for one year or a sheep for 100 years?

Ill say lion. =.

2007-02-23 08:57:03 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous

i do the joke of the day at my school and all my jokes have to be clean and so they are all retarted and lame.so i need some good jokes.any suggestions?

2007-02-23 08:50:04 · 4 answers · asked by hyperunicornskickbutt 1

Come on.......put your thinking caps on. You can do it!

You can't live without me.
Some people are afraid of me.
Most people wouldn't dare throw parties without me.
When things aren't going my way, I can get easily let down.

What am I?

2007-02-23 08:46:53 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous

Retirement Bonus

The Pentagon recently found it had too many generals and offered an
early retirement bonus. They promised any general who retired
straight away his full annual benefits plus $10,000 for every inch
measured in a straight line between any two parts of the general's
body, with the general getting to select any pair of points he
wished.
The first man, an Air Force general, accepted. He asked the pension
man to measure from the top of his head to the tip of his toes. Six
feet. He walked out with a check of $720,000.
The second man, an Army general, asked them to measure from the tip
of his outstretched hands to his toes. Eight feet. He walked out
with a check for $960,000.
When the third general, a grizzled old Marine, was asked where to
measure, he told the pension man ... "From the tip of my penis to
the bottom of my testicles."
The pension man suggested that perhaps the Marine general might like
to reconsider, pointing out the nice checks the previous two
generals had received. The Marine insisted and the pension expert
said that would be fine, but that he'd better get the medical
officer to do the measuring.
The medical officer attended and asked the general to drop the
pants. He did. The medical officer placed the tape on the tip of the
general's penis and began to work back. "My God!" he said. "Where
are your testicles?"
The general replied, "In Vietnam."

2007-02-23 08:42:12 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous

A woman an man are sitting by each other in the 1st class section of an airplane. The woman sneezes pulls out a tissue wipes her nose then shudders uncontrollably for 10 to 15 seconds. The man not thinking anything of it continues to read until the woman sneezes again, pulls out a tissue wipes her nose and shudders even longer this time.
Again the man dismisses it as a cold but starts to wonder about the shuddering.
A few minutes later the women again sneezes pulls a tissue out wipes her nose and shutters so hard she drops her purse.
The man finally cant stand it anymore and asks, I notice everytime you sneeze and wipe your nose you shudder uncontrollably are you ok?
The woman replies, Im so sorry I have a rare medical condition that causes me to orgasm everytime I sneeze!
The man more then a little embarrassed say's oh Im sorry are you taking anything thing for it?
The woman nods her head yes and says: Pepper!!

2007-02-23 08:27:03 · 9 answers · asked by michele_zanella 3

2007-02-23 08:22:36 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous

What driver doesn't have a license

Here on earth it is true, yesterday is always before today; but there is a place where yesterday always follows today. Where?

Did you ever see the salad dressing

What gets wetter as it drys?

What Clothes do Houses Wear?

Why are potatos good detectives?

Where is the ocean the deepest?

If you answer all of them correctly 1st, prepare for 10 POINTS

2007-02-23 08:20:34 · 17 answers · asked by mercedes_beamer902006 4

My friend and I just watched this really weird movie, and in one scene this girl is taking a bath and a blow dryer is thrown into the water with her and she dies. We arent sure if this is just a special effects thing or true, so my question is: if you were taking a bath and a blow dryer fell into the water, would it really kill you?

2007-02-23 08:18:47 · 33 answers · asked by sweets 4

4. The boy rode on the donkey and the old man walked. As they went along, some people remarked "it was a shame the old man was walking and boy was riding." The man and boy thought maybe the critics were right, so they changed positions. Later, they passed some people that remakred, "what a shame, he makes that little boy walk." They decided they would both walk!
Soon they passed some more people who thought they were stupid to walk when they had a decent donkey to ride. So they both rode the donkey! Now they passed some people that shamed them saying "how awful to put such a load on a poor donkey." The boy and man said they were probably right, so they decided to carry the donkey. As they crossed a bridge, they lost their grip on the anaimal and he fell into the river and drowned.

2007-02-23 08:17:07 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous

sarcasim...isit funny?
witty ?
or jus plain stupid?

reason ur answer pleez
x

2007-02-23 08:15:24 · 46 answers · asked by shaz 1

2007-02-23 08:13:51 · 11 answers · asked by I'M JACK SHIT 1

c'mon guys-the Bimbo has been dead for a couple of weeks-where are the jokes? Don't give me the insensitive, respect for the dead BS. When I was in school and the first space shuttle went down, we had jokes w/ in 24 hrs. Grow some stones and spit 'em out. Remember-it's only jokes.
--Please no recycled blond jokes either-I want new stuff.

2007-02-23 08:10:46 · 9 answers · asked by lkrhtr70 4

Answer these!
1. What color is a blue house?
2. what color is a red house?
3. What color is a purple house?
4. What color is a yellow house?
5. What color is a greenhouse?

Its easy!

2007-02-23 08:09:35 · 8 answers · asked by STrawberry 3

It's called the "Torpedophile"

2007-02-23 08:05:42 · 8 answers · asked by Year of the Monkey 5

I belong to you - a gift from fathers and mothers.

Occasionally used by you - more often used by others

2007-02-23 08:03:03 · 18 answers · asked by Lissa 2

A man builds a house with all 4 sides facing south. A bear walks past the house. What color is the bear?

2007-02-23 08:01:15 · 31 answers · asked by theo 2

A man in an empty warehouse hung himself! When the detectives got there all there was was a man and a rope 90ft high! how did he get up there?

2007-02-23 07:53:22 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous

The sound of humour, happiness, joy, thrilled

Now add an ‘s’ it’s carnage, massacred, killed.

2007-02-23 07:50:35 · 11 answers · asked by Lissa 2

Frank was excited about his new rifle and decided to try bear hunting.
He spotted a small brown bear and shot it. Right after, there was a
tap on his shoulder and he turned around to see a big black bear. The
black bear said, "That was my cousin and you've got two choices ...
Either I maul you to death or we have sex."

After considering briefly, Frank decided to accede to the latter
alternative. Even though he felt sore for two weeks, Frank soon
recovered and vowed revenge.

He headed out on another trip where he found the black bear and shot
it. Right after, there was another tap on his shoulder. This time a
huge grizzly bear stood right next to him. The grizzly said, "That was
a big mistake, Frank. That was my cousin and you've got two choices.
Either I maul you to death or we have rough sex." Again, Frank thought
it was better to cooperate.

Although he survived, it took several months before Frank finally
recovered. Outraged, he headed back to the woods, managed to track
down the grizzly and shot it. He felt sweet revenge, but then there
was a tap on his shoulder. He turned around to find a giant polar bear
standing there. The polar bear looked at him very sadly and said,
"Admit it, Frank, you don't come here for the hunting, do you?"

2007-02-23 07:49:32 · 24 answers · asked by Anonymous

there's ten pears in the air
ten men pass by there
each took one pear
nine pears were hanging there
how is that so???


and each is NOT the guys name

2007-02-23 07:48:52 · 8 answers · asked by tybardy 4

look at me one way and i'm heavy, weigh alot
turn me around and you'll find I am not

2007-02-23 07:48:31 · 7 answers · asked by Lissa 2

David's father has three sons : Snap, Crackle and _____ ?

2007-02-23 07:41:47 · 4 answers · asked by andygames07 3

A word I know, six letters it contains. Subtract just one, and twelve is what remains

2007-02-23 07:40:44 · 5 answers · asked by Lissa 2

What begins with T, ends with T, and has T in it?

2007-02-23 07:38:50 · 19 answers · asked by Lissa 2

Giga-Hurts
Mega-Hurts
And Owww... My head-hurts.

2007-02-23 07:37:30 · 38 answers · asked by Caz 1

So, the situation is like this. I had this very, very dysfunctional mouse, and I had kept on forgetting (or being too lazy) to buy a new one for a long, loooong time. After the said long, loooong sufferance, today I have finally convinced myself that I DO NEED ANOTHER MOUSE (again, it's a device with buttons I'm talking about, not a living creature), and I got myself a new one. The thing is, what horrible revenge should I take for the misery caused by that old wicked mouse? Give me some distructive ideas, please.
("it wasn't the mouse's fault!" won't do. *It was* precisely the mouse's fault)

2007-02-23 07:37:18 · 7 answers · asked by jlb 2