Jokes & Riddles - February 2007

What goes up and never comes down?

2007-02-23 07:36:01 · 14 answers · asked by andygames07 3

One word in this sentence is misspelled. What word is it?

2007-02-23 07:31:52 · 18 answers · asked by andygames07 3

there's ten pears in the air
ten men pass by there
each took one pear
nine pears were hanging there
how is that so???

2007-02-23 07:29:42 · 6 answers · asked by tybardy 4

An elderly couple had been dating for some time and decided it was finally time to marry. Before the wedding, they had a long conversation regarding how their marriage might work. They discussed finances, living arrangements and so on.
Finally the old man decided it was time to broach the subject of their physical relationship.
"How do you feel about sex?" he asked, rather hopefully.
"Well, I'd have to say I like it infrequently," she responded.
The old guy paused... then he asked, "Was that one word or two?"

2007-02-23 07:27:22 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous

What walks on four legs, then two legs, then three?

2007-02-23 07:26:56 · 6 answers · asked by Anonymous

Lucy had it first, Ethel had it last, Mary Lungel had it twice until she maried Peter Stupid and never had it again. What is it?

2007-02-23 07:26:32 · 25 answers · asked by andygames07 3

2007-02-23 07:23:35 · 8 answers · asked by I'M JACK SHIT 1

I can be huge, or I can be small,
I can be long like a sausage, or round like a ball.
I might stay with you, or I might travel for miles.
For those of few years, I always bring smiles.
What am I?

2007-02-23 07:21:41 · 23 answers · asked by theo 2

What is round on the ends and high in the middle?

2007-02-23 07:19:25 · 10 answers · asked by andygames07 3

A women is looking for onions while in a supermarket:

'Excuse me. Where are your onions?'
'Sorry, ma'am, we're all out of onions.'
5 minutes later.
'Pardon me. Where are your onions?'
'I'm sorry, ma'am. I just told you, we're all out of onions.'
5 minutes later.
'Sir, where are your onions?'
'Listen ma'am. What do you get when you take the straw out of strawberries?'
'Berries.'
'What do you get when you take the blue out of blueberries?'
'Berries.'
'Now, what do you get when you take the f out of onions?'
'There ain't no f in onions.'
'Now you got it.'

2007-02-23 07:18:11 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous

Her Majesty the Queen was being shown around a hospital. As she was being given the guided tour by a senior consultant, they passed a room where a man was masturbating wildly through the window. Of course the Queen was not at all amused and demanded an explanation as to why these activities were allowed in the hospital.

"Ah," said the doctor, "Now, although it is perhaps unfortunate that you should have witnessed that, in fact, that poor patient is suffering from a very debilitating condition. He produces so much semen that unless he gets rid of it 4 times a day his testicles will explode."

"Oh." said Her Majesty. "Well, in that case I suppose it's understandable."

Further down the corridor they passed another room. The door was open and you could see a nurse was clearly giving a patient oral sex.

"Goodness Gracious!" shrieked Her Majesty, "I demand an explanation of this kind of sordid goings- on!"

"Ah," said the Doctor, "same problem - better health plan."

2007-02-23 07:15:54 · 6 answers · asked by Anonymous

Old Mother Suzie had but one eye,
And a long tail that she would let fly.
Every time she went over a gap,
Part of her tail would get caught in a trap.
Who is Mother Suzie?

2007-02-23 07:14:33 · 12 answers · asked by andygames07 3

Mrs. Jenkins comes to visit her son Anthony for dinner...who lives
with a female roommate Vikki...
>
>During the course of the meal, his mother couldn't help but
notice how pretty Anthony's roommate was. She had long been suspicious of a relationship between the two, and this had only made her more curious.
>
Over the course of the evening, while watching the two
interact, she started to wonder if there was more between Anthony and his roommate than met the eye. Reading his mom's thoughts, Anthony volunteered, "I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you, Vikki and I are just roommates."
>
About a week later, Vikki came to Anthony saying, "Ever since
your mother came to dinner, I've been unable to find the silver sugar bowl. You don't suppose she took it, do you?"
>
"Well, I doubt it, but I'll email her, just to be sure." So he sat down and wrote:
Dear Mama, I'm not saying you "did" take the sugar bowl, and not saying you "did not" take it....but it's missing since you were here.
>
Days later a reply came; I'm not saying you "do" sleep with Vikki and not saying you "do not" but if she were in her OWN bed, she would have found the sugar bowl by now.

2007-02-23 07:13:40 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous

I am served at a table, In gatherings of two or four;
Served small, white and round. And that's part of the fun.
What am I. ..?


( you may award me a star if you wish.)

2007-02-23 07:12:17 · 12 answers · asked by andygames07 3

i like this girl and i think shes likes me too but i think she is to shy to talk to me... she never talks to me first but when i talk to her like on aim or something we talk for like hours she might just be shy but i dont know if she likes me or not

what should i do????
thanks everyone

2007-02-23 07:07:08 · 8 answers · asked by slyfox_le 2

A man goes to Victoria Secret to buy his wife the most sheer lingerie he can find. The woman behind the counter goes and gets an outfit.

"This is $200," she says.
"I want one that's more sheer," says he.
"This one is $350."
"I want it even more sheer than that."
"This one is the most sheer that we have. It's $500."
"I'll take it!"

The man goes home to his wife and shows it to her saying, "Go put this on and come down to model it for me." His wife goes upstairs, opens the box and thinks, "This thing is so see-through that the old coot won't even notice if I'm wearing it or not. I can take this back for a refund and he won't know the difference."

So his wife comes out wearing nothing at all and strikes a pose at the top of the stairs.

"So, how do you like it?" she asks. Her husband then complains, " Well Damn, you'd think for $500 they'd iron the damn thing!"

2007-02-23 07:04:58 · 17 answers · asked by bootygirl 2

A man lived on the 14th floor of a building. To get to his floor he takes the lift to the 12th floor, and walks up the stairs the rest of the way. The lift goes up to 14th floor, and is working fine. Why does the man do this?

2007-02-23 07:01:29 · 11 answers · asked by rbks 1

Im sooooooooooo sad because i just moved from my home town to orlando florida and i need jokes to cheer me up funny one stupid one gross one any ones!!Just please make me lafe.

2007-02-23 07:00:35 · 8 answers · asked by Katie K 1

There was once a snail who was sick and tired of his reputation for being so slow. He decided to get some fast wheels to make up the difference.

After shopping around a while, he decided that the Datson 240-Z was the car to get. So the snail goes to the nearest Datsun dealer and says he wants to buy the 240-Z, but he wants it repainted "240-S".
The dealer asks, "Why 'S'?"
The snail replies, "'S' stands for snail. I want everybody who sees me roaring past to know who's driving."
Well, the dealer doesn't want to lose the unique opportunity to sell a car to a snail, so he agrees to have the car repainted for a small fee.
The snail gets his new car and spent the rest of his days roaring happily down the highway at top speed. And whenever anyone would see him zooming by, they'd say "Wow! Look at that S-car go!"

2007-02-23 06:56:07 · 21 answers · asked by Cowboy 4

A little boy and his grandfather are raking leaves in the yard. The little
boy finds an earthworm trying to get back into its hole. He says, "Grandpa,
I bet I can put that worm back in that hole."

The grandfather replies, "I'll bet you five dollars you can't. It's too
wiggly and limp to put back in that little hole."

The little boy runs into the house and comes back out with a can of hair
spray. He sprays the worm until it is straight and stiff as a board. Then
he puts the worm back into the hole.

The grandfather hands the little boy five dollars, grabs the hair spray, and
runs into the house. Thirty minutes later the grandfather comes back out and
hands the little boy another five dollars.

The little boy says, "Grandpa, you already gave me five dollars."

The grandfather replies, "I know. That's from your grandma."

2007-02-23 06:55:27 · 5 answers · asked by iluvmyself676 3

1. I went to bed at 8 o'clock in the evening and set my windup clock to get up at 9 in the morning. How many hours of sleep did this allow me?
2. How many 3-cent stamps are there in a dozen.
3. Some months have 30 days, some have 31 days, how many months have 28 days?
4. If you only had a match and entered a dark room where there was an oil lamp, oil heater, and some kindling wood, which would you light first?
5. If the MD gave you 3 pills and told you take one every half hour, how long would they last?
6. John Jones, a Butcher, is 5'10'' tall, what does he weigh?
7. How much dirt in a hole 2.98 feet long, 3 feet wide and 2.5 feet deep?
8. An archeologist claims he dug up a coin that is clearly dated 46 B.C. Do you think this is possible?
9. The Yankees and Tigers play baseball games. They each win 3 games. No ties or disputed games are involved. How is this possible?
10. Do they have 4th of July in England?

2007-02-23 06:49:26 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous

ONE DAY TWO MOTHERS AND TWO DAUGHTERS WENT INTO A SHOE STORE IN THE END THEY WENT OUT WITH 3 PAIRS OF SHOES HOW IS THAT?

2007-02-23 06:49:05 · 13 answers · asked by xXxChelseaClichexXx 2

2007-02-23 06:44:30 · 27 answers · asked by Shadow Song 4

They do not put the apple they have taken back into the basket at any point, and do not return. When 5 children have come and gone, there is still 1 apple left in the basket. No apples were added, yet each child took 1 away each. How is this possible???

2007-02-23 06:37:47 · 13 answers · asked by rbks 1

Ten pears hanging high,
Ten men come passing by,
Each took a pear and left nine hanging there.
How could that be?

2007-02-23 06:34:48 · 22 answers · asked by andygames07 3

i guy builds a square house (four sides, normal house) with a window on each side (so thats four houses) but each window faces south. A BEAR WALKS PAST, WHAT COLOUR IS IT?? (its not a magic house, or a house on some sort of turntable either)

2007-02-23 06:34:28 · 23 answers · asked by climba32 2

"What's that wrinkly thing on grandma?"

"Grandpa."

2007-02-23 06:33:40 · 3 answers · asked by Lenneth's true challenge 4

2007-02-23 06:32:21 · 2 answers · asked by patsy 3

1. **5 minutes ago you were traveling to office at 80 mph. in your brand new car. Now you are traveling to hospital at double the speed in an ambulance, you wish there was 'undo (ctrl + Z)' in life!

2. **You are already late, and your key is missing, you wish there was 'find tool (ctrl+F)' in life!

3. **You are a bankrupt, after investing in some weird business, you wish there was 'rebuild all' in life!

4. **The train is so crowded that you cannot get anywhere near that nice girl at the other end, You wish there was 'zoom & view full screen' in life!

5. **After marriage you realize that there is bound to be a mismatch, you wish there was an valuation period' or at least a 'sample download' or a 'demo version'!

6. **One day you realize that you are turning bald, you wish there was 'cut and paste (ctrl + X)/(ctrl + C)' in life!

And the best one is ..........

7. **The best part of the keyboard is U & I are together which is not always there in life......

2007-02-23 06:32:20 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous

2007-02-23 06:30:29 · 20 answers · asked by John B 4