Jokes & Riddles - February 2007

a women has 7children and half of them are boys:::::::how could this be possable?

2007-02-23 02:56:29 · 12 answers · asked by roger c 2

2007-02-23 02:56:16 · 22 answers · asked by crystal b 2

A Jamaican is at the Gates of Heaven. St Peter: I have to ask you 3 questions before I can let you in.
Jamaican: No problem
St Peter: Which day of the week begin with the letter "T"?
Jamaican: Today and tomorrow
St. Peter: Well, that wasn't really the answer I was looking for but I'll give you the second question. How many seconds are there in a year?
Jamaican: 12
St. Peter: How did you arrive at 12?
Jamaican: 2nd of January, 2nd of Feb, 2nd of March, 2nd of
By now St. Peter is getting exasperated with this foo-fool Jamaican.
St. Peter: Final question now. What is the name of our Lord and Saviour?
Jamaican: Andy
St. Peter: Good God man, don't you read your Bible?
Jamaican: Yes, but every time mi go ah church dem sing: Andy walks with
me, Andy talks with me, Andy tells me that I am his own...

2007-02-23 02:52:57 · 6 answers · asked by bootygirl 2

If so, why did you choose the one you have now?

2007-02-23 02:51:00 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous

Ans dis... If U love sum1, U can arrange dis 12 letters into 3 words (S R N I G T I A F E A R) If U can't reply den it means U don't know wat is love.

2007-02-23 02:50:00 · 10 answers · asked by onkar_aish 1

Its just come in from the states..................................................From the best selling book Do you want Lard with that By E Cad

2007-02-23 02:47:02 · 6 answers · asked by Anonymous

President Bush and Rumsfeld are sitting in a bar. A guy walks in and asks the barman, "Isn't that Bush and Rumsfeld sitting over there?"

The bartender says, "Yep, that's them."
So the guy walks over and says, "Wow, this is a
Real honor! What are you guys doing in here?"

Bush says, "We're planning WW III."
The guy says, "Really? What's going to happen?"
Bush says, "Well, we're going to kill 140 million Muslims and one blonde with big ****.

The guy exclaimed, "A blonde with big ****?

Why kill a blonde with big ****?"


Bush turns to Rumsfeld and says, "See, I told you,
No one gives a about the 140 million Muslims."

2007-02-23 02:46:49 · 1 answers · asked by Anonymous

A man and his pregnant girlfriend are walking in the countryside.The woman gets a sudden urge to go to the toilet.Her boyfriend tells her to go into a field and he will keep watch.In a while a scream rings out and the woman shouts "I've had a miscarriage!"
The husband jumps over the gate and tries to console his hysterical girlfriend.
"Look." she says.."His..sob,little arms...sob,little legs...sob, and his ...sniff..little eyes."
"Don't be silly!" said her boyfriend..
"You've just crapped on a frog."

2007-02-23 02:45:18 · 25 answers · asked by Anonymous

She thought it was Diet Coke!

2007-02-23 02:42:17 · 19 answers · asked by Laughing Out Loud 1

A woman sitting in an Adelaide restaurant suddenly began to cough.

After a few seconds it became apparent that she was in real distress, and two locals, Kenzie and Brian sitting at the next table turned to look at her.

Kin ya swaller? asked Kenzie. The woman signalled No!' desperately shaking her head.

Kin ya breathe?" asked Brian. The woman shook her head No!!!

With that, Kenzie walked behind her, lifted up the back of her dress, yanked down her kn*ckers and ran his tongue up and down the crack of her ar*e.

This shocked the woman into such a violent spasm that the obstruction flew out of her mouth and she began to breathe again.

Kenzie swaggered back to his table and took a deep swig of his beer.

Brian said in admiration "Ya know Kenzie, I'd heard of that bloody Hind Lick Manoeuvre, but that's the first time I ever seen somebody do it"!

2007-02-23 02:41:51 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous

A blonde walks into the police department looking for a job. The officer wants to ask her a few questions....

Officer: What's 2+2?

Blonde: Ummmmm... 4!

Officer: What's the square root of 100?

Blonde: Ummmm... 10!

Officer: Good! Now, who killed Abraham Lincoln?

Blonde: Ummmm... I dunno.

Officer: Well, you can go home and think about it. Come back tomorrow.

The blonde goes home and calls up one of her friends, who asks her if she got the job. The blonde says, excitedly, "Not only did I get the job, I'm already working on a murder case!"

2007-02-23 02:41:24 · 34 answers · asked by Laughing Out Loud 1

2007-02-23 02:36:06 · 22 answers · asked by Anonymous

Genre: Business Jokes

The manager of a large office asked a new employee to come into his office. "What is your name?," was the first thing the manager asked. "John," the new guy replied. The manager scowled. "Look, I don't know what kind of a namby-pamby place you worked at before, but I don't call anyone by their first name! It breeds familiarity and that leads to a breakdown in authority," he said. "I refer to my employees by their last name only - Smith, Jones, Baker - that's all. Now that we got that straight, what is your last name?" The new guy sighed and said, "Darling. My name is John Darling." The manager said, "Okay, John, the next thing I want to tell you..."

2007-02-23 02:33:13 · 1 answers · asked by Anonymous

A trucker who had driven his fully loaded rig to the top of a steep hill and was just starting down the equally steep other side when he noticed a man and a woman lying in the center road, making love. He blew his air horn several times as he was bearing down on them. Realizing that they were not about to get out of his way he slammed on his brakes and stopped just inches from them.

Getting out of the cab, madder than hell, the trucker walked to the front of the cab and looked down at the two, still in the road, and yelled, "What the hell's the matter with you two? Didn't you hear me blowing the horn? You could've been killed!"

The man on the highway, obviously satisfied and not too concerned, looked up and said, "Look, I was coming, she was coming, and you were coming. You were the only one with brakes."

2007-02-23 02:27:19 · 25 answers · asked by Anonymous

This man is at work one day when he notices that his male co-
worker is wearing an earring.

This man knows his co-worker to be a normally conservative
fellow, and is curious about his sudden change in "fashion
sense."

"Yo, Bob, I didn't know you were into earrings."

"Oh, yeah, sure," says Bob sheepishly.

"Really? How long have you been wearing one?"

"Ever since my wife found it in our bed!"

2007-02-23 02:26:12 · 16 answers · asked by Jay A 3

A man was to be sentenced, and the judge told him, "You may make a statement. If it is true, I'll sentence you to four years in prison. If it is false, I'll sentence you to six years in prison." After the man made his statement, the judge decided to let him go free. What did the man say?

2007-02-23 02:24:03 · 8 answers · asked by Land Warrior 4

2007-02-23 02:21:57 · 5 answers · asked by sunshine_mynx 2

Can you name three consecutive days without using the words Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, or Sunday?

2007-02-23 02:21:13 · 20 answers · asked by Anonymous

Carnival Trick
A boy was at a carnival and went to a booth where a man said to the boy, "If I write your exact weight on this piece of paper then you have to give me $50, but if I cannot, I will pay you $50."

The boy looked around and saw no scale so he agrees, thinking no matter what the carny writes he'll just tell the carny a lie!

In the end the boy ended up paying the man $50. How did the man win the bet?

2007-02-23 02:19:24 · 5 answers · asked by Anonymous

I was Djing in a club a few years back and got so drunk that I fell on top of the decks and all the music and lights went out! ooooops.

It's gotta be a good one to get my 10 points which I will award in 1 hour!!!!

2007-02-23 02:19:03 · 14 answers · asked by Louis Junior. 4

Ten pears hanging high, Ten men come passing by, Each took a pear and left nine hanging there.

How could that be?

2007-02-23 02:07:04 · 16 answers · asked by bootygirl 2

2007-02-23 01:52:20 · 3 answers · asked by Anonymous

This thing runs but cannot walk, sometimes sings but never talks. Lacks arms, has hands; lacks a head has a face.

10 points for first correct answer.

2007-02-23 01:52:13 · 8 answers · asked by Land Warrior 4

blonde bird rings the fire brigade says her house is on fire... fireman asks, '' how do i get there?''

blonde replies ''durrrrrr! in the big red truck!''

2007-02-23 01:48:05 · 20 answers · asked by emma d 3

Okay, you are walking along a path near your home. You come to a fork in the road. One leads to where you are going to, the other will get you lost. At the fork are a boy and a girl. One of them ALWAYS lies, one of them ALWAYS tells the truth. You can ask them ONE question. ONLY ONE. What is it?

2007-02-23 01:43:40 · 9 answers · asked by serenityfan76 3

Just taking a break from my mountain of ironing. what do you hate doing round the house!

2007-02-23 01:41:32 · 18 answers · asked by Hunny bunny 3

What do carpet and Hookers have in common?

2007-02-23 01:37:54 · 3 answers · asked by superbad~honeydip 4

2 blonde women have been found frozen to death outside a cinema.
They had been queing for 3 weeks to see ''closed for winter''

2007-02-23 01:35:29 · 36 answers · asked by emma d 3

husband just finished book ''man of the house'' when he stormed into the kitchen, pointed a finger into his wife's face & says ''from now on i want you know i am the man of the house, my word is law!! you WILL prepare a gourmet meal for me tonight and every night! after you WILL draw me a bath, after the bath you WILL lie on the bed & take whats coming to you & then guess whos going to dress me & comb my hair?'' .........................
she replys ''the fu**ing undertaker''

2007-02-23 01:29:15 · 27 answers · asked by emma d 3

Yes
(No)

No
(No)

Maybe
(No)

You want
(You want)

We need
(I want)

It's your decision.
(The correct decision should be obvious by now.)

Do what you want.
(You'll pay for this later.)

I'm sorry.
(You'll be sorry.)

We need to talk.
(I need to complain.)

Sure . . . go ahead.
(I don't want you to.)

I'm not upset.
(Of course I'm upset)

You're...so manly.
(You need a shave and your sweat)

I'm not emotional! And I'm not overreacting!
(I am woman!)

This kitchen is so inconvenient.
(I want a new house)

I want new curtains.
(and carpeting, furniture, wallpaper . . .)

I heard a noise.
(I noticed you were almost asleep.)

Do you love me?
(I'm going to ask for something expensive.)

How much do you love me?
(I bought something today you're really not going to like . . .)

Is my behind fat?
(Tell me I'm beautiful.)

You have to learn to communicate.
(Just agree with me.)

2007-02-23 01:23:24 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous