Jokes & Riddles - February 2007

A woman walks into a supermarket, and notices a male customer whose zipper is undone. The woman kindly says,"Excuse me sir, but your barracks doors are open".
Not having a clue what the woman was talking about he continued shopping. A few moments later another customer approached the man and explained that his zipper was undone. The man zipped up and continued his shopping. At the checkout he ran into the woman who originally informed him of his zipper. He decides to play into her unusual comment, "Excuse me ma'am, when you noticed my barracks door was open, did you happen to see a soldier standing at full attention?" The woman responded by saying,"No, all i saw was a disabled vet sitting on two duffle bags."

2007-02-01 13:08:48 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous

2007-02-01 13:04:36 · 7 answers · asked by KvG 2

The brunette because the blonde would have to stop and ask for direction

2007-02-01 12:55:31 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous

You are about to cut off a blue wire to stop a bomb from exploding when all of a sudden the green wire in the bomb says to cut him off. What do you do?

2007-02-01 12:53:40 · 8 answers · asked by Ace 5

There is white-out on the screen (or monitor)

2007-02-01 12:49:09 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous

2007-02-01 12:48:33 · 4 answers · asked by Anonymous

How do you fit 2 Lions and a Tiger into a Safe Ways bag!!!!!

You take the F out of safe, and the F out of way!

2007-02-01 12:44:32 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous

little david comes to school late,
the teacher says "david, why are you late?"
david says "i was on blueberry hill"
teacher says "okay just don't let it happen again"

next day, little johnny is late
"Where have you been, johnny?"
"I was on blueberry hill"

next day a little girl comes into the classroom late
"let me guess, you were on blueberry hill?"

"i AM Blueberry Hill"

2007-02-01 12:42:56 · 22 answers · asked by Anonymous

What about Polly Peptide?

2007-02-01 12:38:09 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous

Can you work it out?

2007-02-01 12:32:56 · 15 answers · asked by Peaches 2

These 3 guys are walking through the jungle. A soldier, a japanese guy and a waiter from NYC. Of course they run into a bunch of cannibals. The chief cannibal says " ok listen up ,we are going to cook your dead bodies up in a big vat and use your skins to make our canoes. We can either kill you ourselves or you can die with honor using the weapon of your choice. So the soldier says"ok give me a pistol" He sings his military fight song and shoots himself in the head. The japanese guy says "ok,give me a sword" He says his families ancient samerai oath and chops his own head off. The waiter says "ok,give me a fork." The chief asks " A fork?" Waiter says " Yeah a fork" so the waiter takes the fork and stabs himself repeatedly in the chest yelling " I hope your fuuckin boat sinks! "

2007-02-01 12:29:33 · 10 answers · asked by charlie_the_carpenter 5

2007-02-01 12:17:13 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous

2007-02-01 12:17:00 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous

If my zoodle is a doodle and all doodles are coodles and my friend has a coodle thats a zoodle then what are doodles?

2007-02-01 12:13:43 · 4 answers · asked by DumbBell 1

2007-02-01 12:10:11 · 2 answers · asked by GeezyC 2

2007-02-01 12:07:32 · 12 answers · asked by James 4

Hey do you like your Noodles and Zoodles with extra Oodles??? Lol ^__^

2007-02-01 12:02:52 · 3 answers · asked by mz.pooh305lissa 1

How can I find someone to represent me. I can pick up a softball with my foot.

2007-02-01 12:00:50 · 5 answers · asked by Tom W 6

im really bored

2007-02-01 11:49:18 · 29 answers · asked by Anonymous

Toxic,Toxic,Poison Gas,make these viewers turn into...

^__^ Finish the sentence for me plz!!!! And then watch the magic!

2007-02-01 11:44:37 · 30 answers · asked by mz.pooh305lissa 1

hahahaahahaha

2007-02-01 11:41:03 · 23 answers · asked by cute girl 3

in tears.
He asks her what is wrong.
She says "I am trying to do this jigsaw of a rooster but none of the pieces seem to fit together"
She is so upset that he comes home to try and sort it out.
When he comes home he says "where is the jigsaw"?
She points to the table , still sobbing.
He says "OK, put the cornflakes back in the box".

2007-02-01 11:40:12 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous

2007-02-01 11:33:56 · 10 answers · asked by Stick-ninja 3

He has no weapons, he pulls out his comb and chops its head off, how did he do it? [this ones silly]

2007-02-01 11:32:36 · 11 answers · asked by Rod Stewart 5

Fred and Mary get married but can't afford a honeymoon, so they go back
to Fred's Mom and Dad's for their first night together.

In the morning, Johnny, Fred's little brother, gets up and has his
breakfast. As he's going out of the door to school, he asks his mom If
Fred and Mary are up yet.

She replies, "No".

Johnny asks, "Do you know what I think?"

His mom replies, "I don't want to hear what you think! Just go to
school."

Johnny comes home for lunch and asks his mom, "Are Fred and Mary up
yet?"

She replies, "No."

Johnny says, "Do you know what I think?"

His mom replies, "Never mind what you think! Eat your lunch and go Back
to school."

After school, Johnny comes home and asks again, Are Fred and Mary Up
yet?"

His mom says, "No."

He asks, "Do you know what I think?"

Exasperated, his mom replies, "Ok, ok, tell me what you think."

"Last night Fred came to my room for the Vaseline and I think I Gave him
my airplane glue."

2007-02-01 11:32:10 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous

2007-02-01 11:32:05 · 13 answers · asked by albertt 1

I may have posted this before. Not sure!


A woman came home just in time to find her husband in bed with another woman.

With superhuman strength borne of fury, she dragged her husband down the stairs to the garage and put his manhood in a vice. She then secured it tightly and removed the handle.

Next she picked up a hacksaw.

The husband terrified, screamed, "Stop! Stop! You're not going to cut it off are you?"

The wife, with a gleam of revenge in her eye, said, "Nope. You are. I'm going to set the garage on fire."

2007-02-01 11:25:06 · 23 answers · asked by Tink 5

invisible." The doctor said, "Tell him I can't see him."

2007-02-01 11:19:06 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous

Lipstick at School

According to a news report, a certain private school in Washington recently was faced with a unique problem. A number of 12-year-old girls were beginning to use lipstick and would put it on in the bathroom.
That was fine, but after they put on their lipstick they would press their lips to the mirror leaving dozens of little lip prints.

Every night, the maintenance man would remove them and the next day, the girls would put them back. Finally the principal decided that something had to be done. She called all the girls to the bathroom and met them there with the maintenance man. She explained that all these lip prints were causing a major problem for the custodian who had to clean the mirrors every night.

To demonstrate how difficult it had been to clean the mirrors, she asked the maintenance man to show the girls how much effort was required....

2007-02-01 11:17:28 · 13 answers · asked by tuxgal3 5

each man pays £10, assistant realises price should have been £25, reckons he cant split £5 difference between 3 people, so he puts £2 in his pocket and gives each man back £1, meaning each man has paid £9, agreed? So if each man has paid £9, 3 times 9 =27 +2 in his pocket= 29, where has the other £1 gone?

2007-02-01 11:16:08 · 19 answers · asked by Rod Stewart 5