Jokes & Riddles - February 2007

They decided to take a short cut across a field when they came upon a large hole in the ground. so to see how deep it was they threw some pebbles down . on not hearing anything they picked up some large rocks and threw them down, listening for a sound. But they heard nothing.
One said to the other that over in the corner of the field there were some railway sleepers. So they struggled with them to the side of the hole, and after three, they threw it down,.
Just then a goat came teararsing across the field, leapt into the air and jumped straight down the hole.
Then this farmer came up to them and asked if they had seen a goat anywhere.
The men explained what this goat had done. The farmer said..I dont know how that could have happened, I had it tied to a railway sleeper.

2007-02-04 09:11:57 · 11 answers · asked by Bill T 2

Guess who am I :D

2007-02-04 09:11:19 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous

What's your opinion on chuck norris?

2007-02-04 09:11:18 · 5 answers · asked by Traveling Bard 1

A man goes to his mate's fancy dress party with nothing but a girl with no clothes on on his back.

"So what on earth are you supposed to be?" the host asks.

"I'm a snail." The man replies.

"What a load of rubbish!" spits his host. "How can you be a snail when all you've got is that girl with no clothes on on your back?"

"That's not just any girl, mate," the bloke replies, "that's Michelle." (me shell)

2007-02-04 09:08:18 · 15 answers · asked by ♥gigi♥ 7

There's an irishman in the middle of a cornfield in a rowing boat rowing fresh air when another irishman drove by in a car and shouts to the one in the boat "it's twats like you that give us irish a bad name & if i could swim i'd come out there and teach you a bloody lesson!"

2007-02-04 09:00:46 · 20 answers · asked by Anonymous

A girl with big boobs works at HOOTERS and a girl with on leg works @.......................................??????

2007-02-04 08:55:11 · 7 answers · asked by rashid j 3

a man takes his wife out to dinner to a new fish rstaurant ...the type where the meal is alive in a tank.....

the waiter approaches and says " i ams gervais your waiter tonight..come over and choose your meal"

looking in the tank the man sees a green squid sat in the corner...the squid even had a moustache!!

That squid in the corner thats the one for me....!

"Oh no sir", said Gervais that squid is the restaurant pet try one of the fish..

"nope the squid and i insist"

with a heavy heart Gervais scoops out the squid lays him on the chopping block and raises the cleaver...just as the cleaver is about to come down the squid looks up smiles and winks at Gervais!

Gervais can't do it....i know he thinks i'll get Hans the big hairy kithchen porter to do this dirty deed....

Hans comes out grabs the cleaver raises it and just as he is about to chop the squid it smiles at him and winks....

Even Hans is taken back and can't kill it...

now the motto is?......

2007-02-04 08:53:50 · 11 answers · asked by cosmic 2

It's been determined that it's a bad idea to give chocolate to a woman with PMS. It can worsen the condition.

However, it's an even WORSE idea to try to take AWAY chocolate from a woman with PMS.

2007-02-04 08:48:50 · 17 answers · asked by ♥gigi♥ 7

ok one for the boys ........


.....You can enjoy a beer all month.

Beer stains wash out. HANGOVERS go away.

Beer labels come off without a fight.

A beer won't get upset if you come home with beer on your breath.

A beer ALWAYS goes down easy.

You can share a beer with your friends.

You always know that you are the first one to pop a beer.

A beer is always wet. beer doesn't care when you come.

Beer doesn't mind being in the "wet spot" that IT left.

When your beer is gone, you just pop another.

Beer looks the same in the morning.

Beer doesn't worry about waking the kids.

Beer doesn't go crazy once a month.

Beer labels don't go out of style every year.

Beer doesn't have cold hands/feet.

Beer doesn't demand equality.

Beer doesn't have a lawyer.

Big, fat beers are nice to have.

Beer is easy to get into.

Beer doesn't live with its mother.

A beer will never buy a car with automatic transmission

Beer tastes good

A beer won't make you pick up some tampons when you go to the supermarket

2007-02-04 08:45:08 · 13 answers · asked by ♥gigi♥ 7

WHO LIKES THIS T.V SHOW CALLED THATS SO RAVEN!!!!!!:)

2007-02-04 08:44:10 · 5 answers · asked by Abraham C 1

What have you got if you have two fuzzy green balls in the palm of your hand?

2007-02-04 08:40:54 · 5 answers · asked by pollywollydoda 3

In this life I'm a woman. In my next life, I'd like to come back as a bear.

When you're a bear, you get to hibernate. You do nothing but sleep for six months. I could deal with that.

Before you hibernate, you're supposed to eat yourself stupid. I could deal with that, too.

When you're a girl bear, you give birth to your children (who are the size of walnuts) while you're sleeping and wake to partially grown, cute cuddly cubs. I could definitely deal with that.

If you're a mama bear,everyone knows you mean business. You swat anyone who bothers your cubs. If your cubs get out of line, you swat them too. I could deal with that.

If you're a bear, your mate EXPECTS you to wake up growling. He EXPECTS that you will have hairy legs and excess body fat.

Yup...gonna be a bear.

2007-02-04 08:39:34 · 14 answers · asked by ♥gigi♥ 7

Four men were in a boat on the lake. The boat turns over, and all four men sink to the bottom of the lake, yet not a single man got wet! Why?

2007-02-04 08:37:50 · 17 answers · asked by pollywollydoda 3

like this BEAR DOWN CHICAGO BEARS

2007-02-04 08:33:36 · 1 answers · asked by janet s 1

yo mama jokes r cool but sum times lame & hurt peoples feeling i on the other hand love them! so leave me sum yo mama jokes

2007-02-04 08:31:21 · 8 answers · asked by Melinda P 1

A woman and a man are involved in a car accident; it's a bad one.

Both of their cars are totally demolished but amazingly neither of them are hurt.

After they crawl out of their cars, the woman says, "So you're a man; that's interesting. I'm a woman. Wow, just look at our cars! There's nothing left, but fortunately we are unhurt. This must be a sign from God that we should meet and be friends and livetogether in peace for the rest of our days."

Flattered, the man replied, "Oh yes, I agree with you completely!" "This must be a sign from God!" The woman continued, "And look at this, here's another miracle. My car is completely demolished but this bottle of wine didn't break. Surely God wants us to drink this wine and celebrate our good fortune."

Then she hands the bottle to the man.

The man nods his head in agreement, opens it and drinks half the bottle and then hands it back to the woman.

The woman takes the bottle, immediately puts the cap back on, and hands it back to the man.

The man asks, "Aren't you having any?" The woman replies, "No. I think I'll just wait for the police..."

2007-02-04 08:30:56 · 18 answers · asked by ♥gigi♥ 7

i was wondering i went to the canary islands last year and saw a load of canarys
i'm going to the virgin islands this year GOD i can't wait

2007-02-04 08:29:33 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous

2007-02-04 08:29:10 · 9 answers · asked by ipodlady231 7

What is as small as an ant, as big as a whale, will approach like a breeze, but can come like a gale, By some it gets hit but all have shown fear, will dance to music thogh it cant hear of names it has many, of names it has one, is as slow as a snail, but from it you cant run. What is it???

2007-02-04 08:29:00 · 4 answers · asked by Brook M 1

During the wedding rehearsal, the groom approached the Vicar with an unusual offer.

"Look, I'll give you £100 if you'll change the wedding vows. When you get to me and the part where I'm to promise to 'love, honor and obey' and 'forsaking all others, be faithful to her forever,' I'd appreciate it if you'd just leave that part out."

He passed the Vicar £100 and walked away satisfied.

It is now the day of the wedding, and the bride and groom have moved to that part of the ceremony where the vows are exchanged.

When it comes time for the groom's vows, the Vicar looks the young man in the eye and says, "Will you promise to prostrate yourself before her, obey her every command and wish, serve her breakfast in bed every morning of your life and swear eternally before God and your lovely wife that you will not ever even look at another woman, as long as you both shall live?"

The groom gulped and looked around, and said in a tiny voice, "I do."

The groom leaned toward the Vicar and hissed, "I thought we had a deal."

The Vicar put the £100 into his hand and whispered back, "She made me a much better offer."

2007-02-04 08:28:49 · 8 answers · asked by ♥gigi♥ 7

A woman was out golfing one day when she hit her ball into the woods. She went into the woods to look for it and found a frog in a trap.

The frog said to her, "If you release me from this trap, I will grant you 3 wishes." The woman freed the frog and the frog said, "Thank you, but I failed to mention that there was a condition to your wishes -- that whatever you wish for, your husband will get 10 times more or better!"

The woman said, "That would be okay," and for her first wish she wanted to be the most beautiful woman in the world. The frog warned her, "You do realize that this wish will also make your husband the most handsome man in the world, an Adonis, that women will flock to."

The woman replied, "That will be okay because I will be the most beautiful woman and he will only have eyes for me." So, KAZAM - she's the most beautiful woman in the world!

For her second wish, she wanted to be the richest woman in the world. The frog said, "That will make your husband the richest man in the world and he will be ten times richer than you."

The woman said, "That will be okay because what's mine is his and what's his is mine." So, KAZAM - she's the richest woman in the world!

Then the frog inquired about her third wish and she answered, "I'd like a mild heart attack."

Moral of the story: Women are clever. Don't mess with them!

2007-02-04 08:26:50 · 16 answers · asked by ♥gigi♥ 7

2007-02-04 08:20:36 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous

Dear Abby:
My husband is a liar and a cheat. He has cheated on me from the beginning, and, when I confront him, he denies everything. What's worse, everyone knows that he cheats on me. It is so humiliating.

Also, since he lost his job five years ago, he hasn't even looked for a new one. All he does all day is smoke cigars, cruise around and shoot the bull with his buddies while I have to work to pay the bills. Since our daughter went away to college he doesn't even pretend to like me and hints that I may be a lesbian.

What should I do?

Signed, Clueless


Dear Clueless:
Grow up and dump him! Good grief, woman, you don't need him anymore. You're a United States Senator from New York. Act like one!


Sincerely, Abby

2007-02-04 08:19:58 · 10 answers · asked by Peek-A-Poo 2

How did Pinocchio find out he was made of wood?


A: His hand caught fire.

2007-02-04 08:18:16 · 24 answers · asked by ♥gigi♥ 7

A girl and a guy go horse riding. Her horse rears up and he catches the bridle and screams at the horse "That's once". Later, the horse does it again "That's twice" the guy shouts. Trotting along, her horse rears up again. "That's three" shouts the man and shoots the horse right between the eyes. The girl looks down at her dead horse. "That's a little harsh, isn't it?" That's once" shouts the guy.

2007-02-04 08:06:18 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous

-- And then he said... ""Honey, I don't think I can handle 66 more of THESE!!""

2007-02-04 08:00:22 · 12 answers · asked by disintegrationisthebestalbumever 2

using a standard dart board, and only one dart, what is the lowest score you can NOT get?

2007-02-04 07:56:20 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous

A biologist, a physicist, and a mathematician were sitting in a street café watching the crowd. Across the street they saw a man and a woman entering a building. Ten minutes later they reappeared together with a third person. “They have multiplied,” said the biologist. “Oh no, an error in measurement,” the physicist sighed. “If exactly one person enters the building now, it will be empty again,” the mathematician concluded.


WHAT? I don't even get where the people are to begin with. Are they inside and then they leave with 3 people? Do they leave and then walk back past it again? And why does the mathematician say that at the end? Please help !

2007-02-04 07:50:03 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous

You have only 2 eggs & there is a 36 storeyed.Now u have to determine the strength of the eggs i.e.,The higest floor from which if u drop the eggs,it would not break and would break if u drop from the immediate next higher floor. In other words, How many minimum chances (NOT MAXIMUM)Can u determine the strength of the eggs? Assume the eggs have good amount of strength.

2007-02-04 07:49:42 · 22 answers · asked by Anonymous

Three men walk into a hotel and ask for a room for one night. The receptionist asks for a £100 for each one. So the three of them pay £300 in total.

Minutes later the manager comes to the front desk and asks if there have been any new customers. The receptionist tells him about the three men and that he charged them £300. The manager tells him that he has over-charged them and and asks the receptionist to go to their rooms and refund them £50.

On his way up the stairs the receptionist puts £20 of that money in his own pocket and gives the rest to the men.

If you think about it, at this moment each man has paid £90 for the room. There are 3 men. So we have "3 X 90 = 270" plus there is the £20 that the receptionist took for himself; that makes £290. We are still £10 short of the original £300.

How's that possible??

2007-02-04 07:41:58 · 8 answers · asked by Mohammad 3