Jokes & Riddles - January 2007

Is it true that the shin bone is just a device we as humans have for finding our way about in the dark?

2007-01-24 12:29:09 · 9 answers · asked by Agony Aunt 5

2007-01-24 12:28:38 · 14 answers · asked by p1nkp4nd496 1

A woman goes to her mothers funeral. There she meets a man she has never met or seen before. She believes that he is her dream partner, but under the circumstances she didn't get his number and could not find him after the funeral. Two days later she killed her sister?

Why?

2007-01-24 12:26:54 · 10 answers · asked by Jus_014 2

chinese man walks in to doctors and says
me no feel well
doctor says well when i don't feel well i make love to my wife
chinese man goes away and comes back the following week
and says to the dotor
you have nice house

2007-01-24 12:24:45 · 26 answers · asked by Anonymous

they were walkin down the street, the high dude see's 50 bucks on the ground and picks it up very fast and shoves it in his pocket.

The drunk asks him "hey what was that?"

"nothing" says the high dude

" No u found something, I saw that, u found money huh?" says the drunk.

"Ya so, what if I did?" says the high dude

"well cuz I lost 100 bucks" says the drunk

"Oh u did, here's 50, i promise to owe you back the other half"

2007-01-24 12:22:48 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous

1, no! 2!, no! 4!, no! 8!, no! 16!......

2007-01-24 12:22:43 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous

Jumbo the elephant has lived at the zoo for ten years but in all that time he's failed to mate with Mrs Jumbo. In the end the zoo keeper calls in an expert on elephant sexual behaviour to see if he can help. The expert demonstrates how to get Jumbo in the mood by using a long wooden pole to stimulate him. A few weeks later the expert phones the zoo to see if there's been a change in Jumbo's behaviour.
"There certainly has," said the zoo keeper..."Now we can't keep him away from the tv when the snooker comes on."
>>><<<
A policeman has just stopped a drunk driver and given him a breathalyser test,
"I'm sorry sir," says the policeman. "But this bag tells me you've been drinking too much."
"What a coincidence!" exclaims the driver. "I've got a bag at home that does the exact same thing!"

2007-01-24 12:12:26 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous

2007-01-24 12:11:16 · 11 answers · asked by ben27hernandez 2

2007-01-24 12:10:43 · 11 answers · asked by Pancake 7

and they were walkin in the middle of the city, one of the guys stops next to a 5 story apartment buildin and says "dont u think this building looks weird here? it doesnt belong here, we should try pushin it."

So his friend agrees and they both try with all their power to push that building to the other side.

10 mins. later the 1st guy says he's really hot so he takes his coat off and places it 2 feet away, and they continue pushing the building.

A passer by walks by them and trips on the coat so he takes it and throws it across the street.

The 2nd guy tells his friend "dude we need to stop, cuz its not going anywhere, we cant push this building"

His friend tells him "yes we can! and we have! just look at how far we are from my coat!

2007-01-24 12:10:20 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous

2007-01-24 12:02:38 · 9 answers · asked by Yellow :) 3

A man finds an old lamp and rubs it. Sure enough, a genie appears and grants him one wish. the man is embarrassed about his wish so he leans down and whispers it in the genie's ear. The genie looks surprised but shrugs his shoulders and says, "Okay, if that's what you really want, your wish will be granted at midnight." That night the clock strikes 12 and the man hears someone knocking on his front door. He answers it and finds two slaughterhouse men standing outside holding a rope. "Hello," says one. "Are you the man who wants to be hung like a donkey?"

2007-01-24 11:58:14 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous

come on help me i want to be a prankster but not outside my house just give me pranks i can pull at home without buying anything please help me

2007-01-24 11:57:45 · 8 answers · asked by kenny_arias2000 1

I give you a blanket that won't warm your night.
I give you a bank with no money in sight.
I give you a ball that no one can bounce.
I can gain many tons, but weigh less than an ounce.

2007-01-24 11:56:06 · 5 answers · asked by balderarrow 5

How do you play "Magic - The Gathering"? It sounds fun...
Please don't just give a link to wizards.com, my computer doesn't work there...
Best Answer gets 10 points!
(P.S. I don't want to hear about the colors and the history, I already know that. I want to know HOW TO PLAY.)

2007-01-24 11:55:15 · 5 answers · asked by affy l 2

a speeding ambulence is rushing to the hospital. it passes a house and a samoan guy runs out and starts chasing down the ambulance. so the driver pulls over to see what this samoan guy needs. when the samoan guy finally caught up, he stops to catch his breath. when he looks up he says "hey, where's the ice cream?"

2007-01-24 11:52:07 · 3 answers · asked by talofa lava 2

Yet flying swiftly past;
For a child I last forever,
For adults I'm gone too fast.
What is it?

2007-01-24 11:51:16 · 19 answers · asked by Anonymous

Two casino workers are waiting for someone to try their luck at the craps table. An attractive woman comes in and puts down a $20,000 bet on a single roll of the dice. "I hope you don't mind," says the woman, "But I feel much luckier when I'm buttomless." With that she strips naked from the waist down and rolls the dice, yelling, "Momma needs a new pair of pants!" The dice fall and the lady jumps up and down shouting,"Yes! I win! I win!" She then picks up her winnings and leaves.
The casino workers look at each other. One says, "So, what did she roll anyway?" The other replies, "I don't know, I thought you were watching the dice!"
...
Shaun is walking down a Dublin street with a bag of doughnuts when he meets Paddy. "Tell you what," says Paddy, "If I can guess how many doughnuts are in that bag you're carrying, you give me one of them."
"That'd be a good trick,"says Shaun."In fact, if you can guess how many's in this bag,I'll give you both of them."
Okay, says Paddy, "Four." :

2007-01-24 11:45:19 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous

Hitting his nose on the wall first

2007-01-24 11:31:29 · 2 answers · asked by Sherri ptown 3

A Samoan wanted a pair of genuine alligator shoes, but was very reluctant to pay the high prices the local vendors were asking. After becoming very frustrated the Hamo shouted, "Maybe I'll just go out and catch my own alligator so I can get a pair of shoes at a reasonable price!" The shopkeeper said, "By all means, be my guest. Maybe you'll luck out and catch yourself a big one!" Determined, the Hamo turned and headed for the swamps, set on catching himself an alligator. Later in the day, the shopkeeper is driving home, when he spots the Hamo standing waist deep in the water, shotgun in hand. Just then, he sees a huge 9-foot alligator swimming quickly toward him. He
takes aim, kills the creature and with a great deal of effort hauls it on to the swamp bank. Lying nearby were several more of the dead creatures. The shopkeeper watches in amazement. Just then the Hamo flips the alligator on its back, and frustrated, shouts out, "Dang it, this one isn't wearing any shoes either!"

2007-01-24 11:22:27 · 14 answers · asked by talofa lava 2

Paddy goes to the psychiatrist."Doc every time I get into bed I think there's somebody under it," then if I get under the bed I think there's somebody on top of it.Top,under,top,under,you gotta help me!"
"I can cure you,"says the psychiatrist."But it will take weekly visits over 6 months at £100 an hour."
"I'll tink about it," says Paddy and leaves..
A month later the psychiatrist meets Paddy on the street."Why didn't you come to see me again?"he asks.
"For a £100 a visit?"says Paddy."A bartender cured me for 10quid.
"How did he manage that?"asks the psychiatrist.
Paddy replies,"He told me to cut the legs off the bed!"
.....
A newly married couple are arguing about how many children to have.The bride says she wants 3children while the husband says 2 will be enough.The argument gets extremely heated and eventually the husband says, "After our second child I'll just have a vasectomy."
His wife replies."Well then, I hope you'll love the third one as if it was 1 of your own. :)

2007-01-24 11:16:03 · 28 answers · asked by Anonymous

A hot air balloon is descending at a rate of 350m/min. how much higher was the balloon 5 minutes ago?

2007-01-24 10:59:45 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous

A palagi (white) guy walked into a bar after a hards day work and buys a beer
he holds it up and says:' T G I F'
the samoan guy next to him buys his beer and says: "S P I T"
When the Palagi is finish he buys another and yells the same thing: " T G I F"
the samoan guy next to him buys another beer and says the same thing too:
"S P I T". After his second beer the Palagi buys another and says again:
"T G I F", and the samoan guy next to him says once again: " S P I T"
Then the Bar tender asks the palagi guy what " T G I F" means and the palagi says
" Thank God It's Friday". Then the Bar tender goes up to the samoan guy and
asks him what "S P I T" means
and the samoan replies: " Stupid Palagi It's Thursday"

2007-01-24 10:58:39 · 6 answers · asked by talofa lava 2

US Navy

This is a transcript of an ACTUAL radio communication between a U.S. NAVY ship and Canadian authorities off the cost of Newfoundland, October 1995. Radio log released by the Chief of Naval Operations 10/10/95:

CANADIANS: Please divert your course 15 degrees South to avoid collision.

AMERICANS: Recommend you divert your course 15 degrees North to avoid a collision.

CANADIANS: Negative. You will have to divert your course 15 degrees to the South to avoid a collision.

AMERICANS: This is the captain of a U.S. Navy ship. I say again, divert.

CANADIANS: No, I say again, you divert YOUR course.

AMERICANS: THIS IS THE AIRCRAFT CARRIER USS LINCOLN, THE SECOND LARGEST SHIP IN THE UNITED STATES' ATLANTIC FLEET. WE ARE ACCOMPANIED BY THREE DESTROYERS, THREE CRUISERS AND NUMEROUS SUPPORT VESSELS. I DEMAND THAT YOU CHANGE YOUR COURSE 15 DEGREES NORTH. I SAY AGAIN, THAT'S ONE FIVE DEGREES NORTH, OR COUNTER-MEASURES
WILL BE UNDERTAKEN TO ENSURE THE SAFETY OF THIS SHIP.

CANADIANS: This is a lighthouse . . . Your call.

2007-01-24 10:41:35 · 46 answers · asked by Tink 5

Example:

When you're sitting in your chevy and you feel something heavy, diarrhea, diarrhea
When you're climbing up a ladder and you feel something splatter, diarrhea, diarrhea

2007-01-24 10:39:30 · 14 answers · asked by tanj 4

a man goes to a bar and the bouncer says ya can't come in because your'e not wearing a tie.
oh please the man said, i have come from the other side of town. no said the bouncer tie or you dont come in.
the man walked back to his car and put the jump leads around his neck,
back to the bar he went, ok said the bouncer but remember i'm watching you, dont start anything. ....

2007-01-24 10:35:55 · 17 answers · asked by chris w. 7

Tracy died in Florida. Shortly after, Craig died at sea. Nobody mourned. In fact, everyone was absolutely delighted. Why?

^First, correct answer wins

2007-01-24 10:33:13 · 12 answers · asked by sara55423 1

You approach two talking doors. One door leads to the City of Truth, while the other door leads to the City of Liars. You do not know which door is which. You are able to ask only one question to determine which door is which. The door that leads to the City of Liars always speaks lies, while the door that leads to the City of Truth always speaks the truth. You want to go to the City of Truth. What question do you ask to determine which door leads to the City of Truth?

^first answer and right answer wins

2007-01-24 10:29:53 · 12 answers · asked by sara55423 1

52 = 32

Here are the rules:
You can move any number once to anywhere in the equatio, for example 2 = 532
You can add any mathmatical operation to make it true, for example 5+2 = 32
You cannot remove a number from the equation (so it can't be 5 = 2+3)
The answer is not 52 does not equal 32

First correct answer gets the 10 points.

2007-01-24 10:23:08 · 9 answers · asked by Beef 5

Good at math? Try this
1=3
2=3
3=5
4=4
5=4
6=3
7=5
8=5
9=4
10=3

So what does
11=?
12=?

2007-01-24 10:11:47 · 22 answers · asked by Joseph 2