Jokes & Riddles - January 2007

When asked this riddle, 80% of kindergarten kids got the answer, compared to 17% ofStanfordUniversityseniors.
What is greater than God, More evil than the devil, The poor have it, The rich need it, And if you eat it, you'll die?
Send this to 10 people and then press shift and you will get the answer

2007-01-24 09:08:26 · 46 answers · asked by dljones_19_60 1

how did he die??????? its a riddle i cant figure out

2007-01-24 09:07:50 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous

2007-01-24 09:04:12 · 27 answers · asked by dljones_19_60 1

Does anyone have some of their own to share? Here's some of mine:
Why does it say "shake well" on ketchup bottles, but not ketchup packets?Why does the Easter bunny carry eggs? Rabbits don't lay eggs.Why when people ask you "what three things would you bring with you on a desert island?" no one ever replies, "A BOAT"Can you slam a revolving door?Can a cross-eyed teacher control his pupils?Why does every Abraham Lincoln impersonator sound the same, even though there are no known audio recordings of the man?If no one buys a ticket to the movies do they still show it?Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker? Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist, but a person who drives a race car not called a racist?Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard? Why doesn't the fattest man in the world become a hockey goalie? What do people in China call their good plates?

2007-01-24 09:01:30 · 20 answers · asked by Caleb40305 3

i used to love chasing people with it as a child

2007-01-24 08:41:44 · 15 answers · asked by trixiecat 2

Has anyone seen it, or does YA take jokes off they dont like???

2007-01-24 08:41:27 · 10 answers · asked by bodacious baby 7

You can do your part by remembering to contact at least one unstable person to show you care.













I've done my part. Your turn!

2007-01-24 08:41:14 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous

He is feral hog. He is from Texas. I met him only once in my life, on
Danube, and since then he is following me everywhere. The Hog is 400 years old.
He gained a pound every year and now his weighs 400 pounds.
He doesn't eat at all. He drinks beer all day.
He is hairy all over, but his legs are hairless.
He has yellow tusks, and his left tusk is broken.
He loves money very very very much. In fact, he stole many millions and hid them somewhere.
His favourite occupations:
1. Chewing all the day long.
2. Chasing me around, threatening to kill me.
He almost got me once. He is afraid of me because I know about his millions and know where he hid them.

2007-01-24 08:40:08 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous

Why cant Jesus eat m&ms?
They fall thru the holes in his hands.

2007-01-24 08:38:19 · 19 answers · asked by bodacious baby 7

2007-01-24 08:38:04 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous

2007-01-24 08:34:30 · 9 answers · asked by mr_verynice 1

he`s just come home after being away for three days( roaming the streets) and spits a finger out in front of me(index finger i think) anyway you know i like a laugh as much as the next man but i think my dog took the joke a bit far this time..my question is, is this your finger .

2007-01-24 08:31:50 · 20 answers · asked by Anonymous

2007-01-24 08:25:55 · 20 answers · asked by Anonymous

in the paper it said "please look after you neighbours in the cold weather" our neighbour is an 87 year old woman,
not once has she come round to check if we are all right the lazy b**tch hasnt even taken in her milk for 2wks

2007-01-24 08:25:37 · 33 answers · asked by Anonymous

What did the firemen yell when the lady dropped her lit cig. down her pants?
BUSH FIRE!

2007-01-24 08:25:15 · 5 answers · asked by bodacious baby 7

What did jesus say when he tried on high heels?
These spikes are killing me.

2007-01-24 08:12:05 · 8 answers · asked by bodacious baby 7

write what u like.

2007-01-24 08:11:39 · 9 answers · asked by m & m 1

A young reporter went to a retirement home to interview an aged but legendary explorer. The reporter asked the old man to tell him the most frightening experience he had ever had.
The old explorer said, "Once I was hunting Bengal tigers in the jungles of India. I was on a narrow path and my faithful native gunbearer was behind me. Suddenly the largest tiger I have ever seen leaped onto the path in front of us. I turned to get my weapon only to find the native had fled. The tiger leapt toward me with a mighty ROARRRR! I soiled myself."
The reporter said, "Under those circumstances anyone would have done the same."
The old explorer said, "No, not then - just now when I went ''''ROARRRR!''''"

2007-01-24 08:10:41 · 16 answers · asked by sheriff fatman 2

Two sisters, a blonde and a brunette, inherit the family ranch. Unfortunately, after just a few years, they are in financial trouble. In order to keep the bank from repossessing the ranch, they need to purchase a bull so they can breed their own stock.

The brunette balances their checkbook, then decides to take their last $600 dollars out west to another ranch where a man has a prize bull for sale. Upon leaving, she tells her sister, "If I decide to buy the bull, I'll contact you to drive out after me and haul it home."

The brunette arrives at the man's ranch, inspects the bull, and decides she does want to buy it. The man tells her that he can sell it for $599, no less.

After paying him, she drives to the nearest town to send her sister a telegram.

She walks into the telegraph office, and says, "I want to send a telegram to my sister telling her that I've bought a bull for our ranch. I need her to hitch the trailer to our pick-up truck and drive out here so we can haul it home."

The telegraph operator explains that he'll be glad to help her, then adds, "It's just 99 cents a word."

Well, with only $1 left after paying for the bull, the brunette realizes that she'll only be able to send her sister one word. After thinking for a few minutes, she nods, and says, "I want you to send her the word, comfortable."

The telegraph operator shakes his head. "How is she ever going to know that you want her to hitch the trailer to your pick-up truck and drive out here to haul that bull back to your ranch if you just write, comfortable?"

The brunette explains, "My sister's a blonde. She'll read it slowly."

2007-01-24 08:09:06 · 16 answers · asked by sinister d 1

Three men lost in the forest were captured by cannibals. The cannibal king told the prisoners that they could live if they passed a trial. The first step of the trial was to enter the forest and get ten pieces of the same kind of fruit. So, all three men went separate ways to gather fruits.

The first one came back and said to the king, “I brought ten apples.” The king then explained, “Next, you have to shove the fruits up your butt without so much as an expression on your face, or you’ll be eaten.” The first apple went in, but on the second he winced in pain, and was killed.

The second one arrived, and showed the king ten berries. When the king explained the trial to him he thought to himself that this should be easy.

1…2…3…4…5…6…7…8…and on the ninth berry, he burst out in laughter, and was killed.

The first guy and the second guy met in heaven. The first one asked, “Why did you laugh? You almost got away with it!”

The second one replied, I couldn’t help it, I saw the third guy coming with pineapples.”

2007-01-24 08:07:58 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous

hmmm......

2007-01-24 07:38:08 · 13 answers · asked by athena x15 2

who dammit?! tell me who!!!!!!!!!!!

2007-01-24 07:33:18 · 11 answers · asked by athena x15 2

A distinguished young woman on a flight from Switzerland asked the Priest beside her, "Father, may I ask a favor?"

"Of course. What may I do for you?"

"Well, I bought an expensive woman's electronic hair dryer for my mother's birthday that is unopened and well over the Customs limits, and I'm afraid they'll confiscate it. Is there any way you could carry it through Customs for me? Under your robes perhaps?"

"I would love to help you, dear, but I must warn you: I will not lie."

"With your honest face, Father, no one will question you."

When they got to Customs, she let the priest go ahead of her.

The official asked, "Father, do you have anything to declare?"

"From the top of my head down to my waist, I have nothing to declare."

The official thought this answer strange, so asked, "And what do you have
to declare from your waist to the floor?"

"I have a marvelous instrument designed to be used on a woman, but which is, to date, unused."

Roaring with laughter, the official said, "Go ahead, Father." Next!

2007-01-24 07:32:24 · 17 answers · asked by lisababyg ♥ 5

A wealthy man was having an affair with an Italian woman for several years.
One night, during one of their rendezvous, she confided in him that she was pregnant.
Not wanting to ruin his reputation or his marriage, he paid her a large sum of money if she would go to Italy to secretly have the child. If she stayed in Italy to raise the child, he would also provide child support until the child turned 18.
She agreed, but asked how he would know when the baby was born.
To keep it discrete, he told her to simply mail him a post card, and write "Spaghetti" on the back. He would then arrange for child support payments to begin.
One day, about 9 months later, he came home to his confused wife.
"Honey," she said, "you received a very strange post card today."
"Oh,just give it to me and I'll explain it, " he said. The wife obeyed, and watched as her husband read the card, turned white, and fainted.
On the card was written: "Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti. Two with meatballs, one without."

2007-01-24 07:30:58 · 25 answers · asked by Cowboy 4

Who ever make the funniest Yo Momma jokes get 10 points.

2007-01-24 07:24:09 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous

You're driving a bus that is leaving on a trip from Pennsylvania and ending in New York. To start off with, there were 32 passengers on the bus. At the next bus stop, 11 people get off and 9 people get on. At the next bus stop, 2 people get off and 2 people get on. At the next bus stop, 12 people get on and 16 people get off. At the next bus stop, 5 people get on and 3 people get off. What color are the bus driver's eyes?

2007-01-24 07:23:14 · 26 answers · asked by bubblemonkis 2

a penguin walks into a police station and goes up to the desk sergeant,the desk sergeant asks the penguin can i help and the penguin replys i would like to report my father missing and the desk sergeant asks describe him?whats more sad me laughing at this or me watching saturday morning kids programs with my 5 year old daughter?

2007-01-24 07:11:08 · 15 answers · asked by DAVID C 2

Please be nice...

2007-01-24 06:56:03 · 5 answers · asked by sad red head 1

Criticism
Rejection
A$sholes
Pressure

?

2007-01-24 06:54:50 · 12 answers · asked by Greg S 3

2007-01-24 06:51:53 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous