Jokes & Riddles - January 2007

A Very Short Story
Man driving down road.
Woman driving up same road.
They pass each other.
The woman yells out the window, PIG!
Man yells out window, B ** C H!
Man rounds next curve.
Crashes into a HUGE PIG in middle of road and dies.
Thought For the Day: If only men would listen

2007-01-11 13:06:00 · 15 answers · asked by LucySD 7

Half a circle Full a circle Half a circle A Half a circle Full a circle Right angle A.What is this?

2007-01-11 12:41:22 · 22 answers · asked by sg 2

A person has 2 coins (american) in his pocket.

The total between the two is EXACTLY 30 cents.

One of them is NOT a quarter.

What are the two coins?

2007-01-11 12:40:46 · 13 answers · asked by Darc 2

What's in a red sheet and laying in the gutter?

A dead KKKlans man.

(Sorry. Saw some racist stuff on here and it popped in my head...)

2007-01-11 12:38:03 · 4 answers · asked by Da Mick 5

"How much does one cost?'' asked the customer in a hardware store. "Twenty cents:” replied the clerk "And how much will twelve cost?'' "Forty cents." "OK. I'll take nine hundred and twelve.'' "Fine. That will be sixty cents.'' What was the customer buying?

2007-01-11 12:33:18 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous

r they...im serious yo guys...

2007-01-11 12:32:39 · 10 answers · asked by Joe-Mama 1

haha funny question i know but i was always wondering that

2007-01-11 12:24:42 · 13 answers · asked by ltberdan 1

2007-01-11 12:24:23 · 7 answers · asked by munchie 6

The chicken or the egg?!

2007-01-11 12:17:15 · 25 answers · asked by thereisnobathroom! 3

imagine u have set a curse upon yourself and the time in your body stops.
This means that you will stop growing, aging, never wound, never die. (but still have senses i.e pain, pleasure, taste, hearing etc)
Q1.What would you do with this undeath?
Q2. You found a spell to lift this curse and become normal again. When would you use it?

I like essays. don mind writing more :) My favourite entry gets 10 points

2007-01-11 12:16:57 · 7 answers · asked by caroline 5

Mommy: "Ok well, just leave him on the side of your plate, but you gotta eat the rest of your dinner".

2007-01-11 12:16:33 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous

Mommy: "Ok well, just leave him on the side of your plate, but you gotta eat the rest of your dinner.

2007-01-11 12:15:39 · 5 answers · asked by Anonymous

I know this isn't a question but tell me what you think..


So: A few months ago Prez Bush was standing in his office with then Secretary of Defense Rumsfeld and being briefed on how things were going in Iraq that week.

"Mr. President", Rumsfeld said, "I'm sorry to inform you that three Brazilian soldiers were killed in Iraq today."

Prez Bush's jaw dropped and his face went white (whiter than usual!). He slumped into his chair and was quiet for a few moments. Then he looked up at Secretary Runsfled and in a weak voice asked:

"Just how many is a brazillian???"

2007-01-11 12:13:27 · 9 answers · asked by Fluffington Cuddlebutts 6

In high school or middle school what would you do to make your class laugh.
I have done these things.
Talk in East Indian accent (IM INDIAN)
Shook my head real fast and made noises
Studder some words
Dance like crazy and ran back down to my seat
Made uuuuuhhhhhh noises
Said Dr Dre discovered DNA
Give false information in science and argue with the teacher.

2007-01-11 12:13:06 · 4 answers · asked by Anonymous

2007-01-11 12:09:30 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous

Aussie housewife, got out of the shower and slipped over on the bathroom floor. Instead of slipping over forwards or backwards, she somehow slipped, did the splits and suctioned herself to the floor. She yelled out for her husband Bruce. "Bruce! Bruce!" Bruce came running in.

"Bruce, I've bloody suctioned myself to the floor" she said.

"Strewth!" Bruce said and tried to pull her up. "You're stuck fast girl. I'll go across the road and get Cobba" (his mate).

They came back and they both tried to pull her up. "No way. We can't do it" Cobba said "Lets try Plan B."

"Plan B?" exclaimed Bruce. "What's that"? "I'll go home and get my hammer and chisel and we'll break the tiles under her." Replied Cobba.

"Spot on" Bruce said. "While your doing that, I'll stay here and play with her titts."

"Play with her titts"? Cobba said, "Not exactly a good time for that mate?"

"No" Bruce replied, "But I reckon if I can get her wet enough, we can slide her into the kitchen where the tiles aren't so expensive"

2007-01-11 11:57:47 · 21 answers · asked by toietmoi 6

2007-01-11 11:52:05 · 22 answers · asked by yA GirL 1

2007-01-11 11:48:07 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous

One day Lone Ranger and his side kick Tonto were out riding when Lone Ranger had to take a piss. So Lone Ranger goes over to the bush pulls down hispants and then he screams. He runs over to Tonto and says, "Tonto I've been bit by a snake on my penis go to town and ask the doctor what to do."

So Tontorides to town and goes to the doctor and says "Doctor,Lone Ranger has been bit by a snake what do I do?"

The doctor looks at Tonto and says, "You take a knife and makean x on the spot where he was bit, then you suck outthe venim."

Tonto thanks the doctor and rides back to Lone Ranger and Lone Ranger asks "What did the doctor say?"

Tonto looks at Lone Ranger and says

"Doctor say you gonna die!"

2007-01-11 11:46:27 · 21 answers · asked by Tink 5

anybody have any funny stories of putting something down someone's crack or seeing others do it?

just for laughs...

haha once I was at a basket ball game, and there was this girl in front of my who had a HUGE butt crack showing. So me and my friend took little bits of granola bar, and we started throwing them at her, seeing if they could go in. that sounds stupid, but it was so funny, especially because the girl didn't notice, and there was a lot of granola in her crack. wonder if she was confused later on? lmao.

if you're going to whine and complain, don't bother replying. this is all in FUN and jokes.

2007-01-11 11:46:19 · 5 answers · asked by Kate 1

This is a funny riddle. Let's see if you can answer!

2007-01-11 11:43:44 · 6 answers · asked by SRIKALA K 1

"How much does one cost?'' asked the customer in a hardware store. "Twenty cents:” replied the clerk "And how much will twelve cost?'' "Forty cents." "OK. I'll take nine hundred and twelve.'' "Fine. That will be sixty cents.'' What was the customer buying?

2007-01-11 11:35:11 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous

A joke you wrote. Not one someone else made up.

2007-01-11 11:33:08 · 10 answers · asked by Jewel 3

Spider, spider on the wall.
Ain't you got no sense at all?
Can't you see the walls been plastered?
--- ----- ----- --- ----- -------!

2007-01-11 11:31:31 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous

Where is Bridge of Sighs is located?

2007-01-11 11:21:59 · 6 answers · asked by Anonymous

God, I need to lie down LOL.

2007-01-11 11:20:03 · 7 answers · asked by Scottie 4

Tell me all of of the cheesy but true facts+make it little funny too if wanted... HAve fun!

2007-01-11 11:16:08 · 5 answers · asked by Anonymous

Thinking all p@ki's are Muslims St peter asks "what do you want"

P@ki replies "Ive come for Jesus"

St Peter shouts "JESUS, YOUR TAXIS HERE"

2007-01-11 11:10:22 · 17 answers · asked by jabelite 3

This is copy from photo email. Is it real or put together ???

We've come to the end of this little story. Look carefully at the photographer.
He has a camera, a tripod and also a plastic bag, all on his shoulder or in his left hand.
Only his right hand is available to grab the rock and the weight of his stuff is a problem.

He lands low on this flip flops both his right hand and right foot slips away...
At that moment I take this shot.

He pushes his body against the rock.
He waits for a few seconds, throws his stuff on the rock, climbs and walks away.

2007-01-11 11:10:14 · 6 answers · asked by Anonymous

Bless me Father, for I have sinned. I have been with a loose woman.

The priest asks, Is that you, little Johnny?

Yes, Father it is.

And who was the woman you were with?

I can't tell you, Father. I don't want to ruin her reputation.

Well, Johnny, I'm sure to find out her name sooner or later, so you may as well tell me now. Father said in a strong voice. Was it Tina Minetti?

I cannot say.

Was it Teresa Volpe?

I'll never tell.

Was it Nina Capeli?

I'm sorry but I cannot name her.

Was it Cathy Piriano?

My lips are sealed.

Was it Rosa Di Angelo, then?

Please, Father, I cannot tell you.

The priest sighs in frustration, You're very tight lipped, Johnny and I admire that. But you've sinned and have to atone. You cannot attend church services for 4 months. Now you go and behave yourself.

Johnny walks back to his pew, and his friend Nino slides over and whispers, What'd you get?

Four months vacation and five good leads.

2007-01-11 11:07:24 · 13 answers · asked by ? 6