Jokes & Riddles - January 2007

Since like you guys are like family (or at least to me you are!), I got more free points for all you!
If anyone gets a thumbs down, I DIDN'T do it! I always give people thumbs up! Lets all give each other a thumbs up, please! Help me spread some freindship (online)!
I know I lost 5 points, but I don't care! You're my family! Oh, and I put this on jokes becouse I answer jokes more than anything!
Also you may want to click me, 'couse I got more free points "questions"!

2007-01-11 15:30:27 · 34 answers · asked by Anonymous

What is the best thing to do when your dog has just chewed his way out through the screen door, your cat is waltzing in with a dead skunk in its mouth, your goldfish has miraculously just turned into a pirahna, and your car's wheels just fell off?

2007-01-11 15:22:24 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous

You dont have to make it up.But you can gimme one you made up. I just feel like a laugh!
~Sara Jo

2007-01-11 15:16:25 · 21 answers · asked by sara jo 1

I will post answer if no one guesses correctly!

2007-01-11 15:13:02 · 11 answers · asked by ♡Rummy1125 2

Looking for original, and funny.

PLEASE..NO INSULTING/VULGER ANSWERS.
tHIS IS FOR FUN.

2007-01-11 15:10:46 · 2 answers · asked by nmd_elkie 3

2007-01-11 15:08:58 · 3 answers · asked by Anonymous

A mother told her daughter: 'If someone sexually harass you by touching your top part, you must shout 'DON'T!' and if he does it touching your low part you must shout 'STOP!''

Next day, the daughter came back crying home and told her mother she was sexually harassed. The mother was so angry and asked her why? 'What happened my baby?'

'It was terrible mother… sob… I was in the elevator when he came in… and there were two of us, then he touched my top so I shouted 'DON'T'' the girl cried out.

'That is good', the mother commented.

'Then he touch my bottom and I shouted again 'STOP!', the girl said wiping her tears.

'What happened… then did he try to touch you again?', the concerned mother asked.

'He then touched my top and bottom at the same time and I shouted at him 'DON'T STOP!''

2007-01-11 15:08:37 · 27 answers · asked by Anonymous

What has 4 legs in the morning, 2 legs in the afternoon, and 3 legs at night?

2007-01-11 15:07:20 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous

NO VULGUR or INSULTING answers...PLEASE...

I am looking for the cuetest, original, and funnyest.

2007-01-11 15:06:55 · 11 answers · asked by nmd_elkie 3

that a half an apple can't do...?

2007-01-11 15:03:53 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous

As in arachnaphobia

2007-01-11 15:01:23 · 7 answers · asked by sara jo 1

One day a dog ran into a cat....MEOW!...lol

2007-01-11 14:34:14 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous

How can you tell a blonde is having a bad day?

When she has a tampon behind her ear and can't find her pencil

2007-01-11 14:18:02 · 18 answers · asked by Tyler K 2

Actual signs seen along the roadways:

On a church marque “Don’t let worries kill you, let the church help.”

In the parking lot of a fast food restaurant “Parking for drive thru customers only”

At a tattoo parlor ‘Tattoos done while you wait”

Near a popular hunting sight “Please don’t shoot kids at play”

An official dept.of transportation sign along a highway “Caution water on road during rain”

2007-01-11 14:16:37 · 42 answers · asked by ThinkaboutThis 6

You have $100 to spend on pets. Cats cost $1, Dogs cost $15, and mice are 25 cents each. You must buy at least one of each animal! [Can't buy 100 cats] It has to equal exactly 100 dollars and you have to buy 100 animals....Good luck =]

2007-01-11 14:13:28 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous

2007-01-11 14:07:59 · 8 answers · asked by Marmalade P. Vestibule III 2

why is it in my red neck part of the woods when we say to someone from out of town that im going to kick you in the teeth with a steel toed boot on, they get scared? fer gods sake when you say that to someone in town they will laugh.... and kick you in the teeth with a steel toed boot on... what are rednecks scary people?

2007-01-11 13:56:54 · 19 answers · asked by The Jew 1

A woman is standing in front of her gate talking to her friend when she notice her husband coming home carrying a bunch of flowers.
"what a loving husband he's bringing a bouquet".
The woman replied " Yeah great, that means another weekend flat on my back, with my feets in the air"
The friend says "What's is the matter? Don't you have a vase

2007-01-11 13:56:26 · 23 answers · asked by stone 4

Especially ones named Shaun

2007-01-11 13:54:20 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous

Who lives inside a house that doesnt have a door?

It doesnt have a window or a light, whats more.

Who lives inside a house with walls so frail and thin...
that when he once comes out...he cannot go back in?

2007-01-11 13:50:07 · 19 answers · asked by karma_goddess84 2

Here's my effort...

"Hello, I've come to tune your piano".
"I didn't call for a piano tuner".
"No, but your neighbours did".

2007-01-11 13:46:37 · 26 answers · asked by Up your Maslow 4

If so, what?
If not- what are some long equations?

2007-01-11 13:43:30 · 4 answers · asked by air borne 2

Try our home made steak pies, you won't get better!


Would you want to try one?

2007-01-11 13:39:39 · 22 answers · asked by fatherf.lotski 5

i can only think of two right off the top of my head:

1~A box without a lid yet it holds a golden treasure inside, Whats the box?

2~What gets wetter as it dries?

Go on now, Guess! they're easy

2007-01-11 13:38:55 · 17 answers · asked by Energetic Tomboy 2

A blonde was on vacation in the Everglades. She wanted to take home a pair of genuine alligator shoes in the worst way, but was very reluctant to pay the high prices the local vendors were asking.
After becoming very frustrated with the "no haggle on prices" attitude of one of the shopkeepers, the blonde shouted, "Well then, maybe I'll just go out and catch my own alligator, so I can get a pair of shoes for free!"
The shopkeeper said with a sly, knowing smile, "Little lady, just go and give it a try!"
The blonde headed out toward the swamps, determined to catch an alligator.
Later in the day, as the shopkeeper was driving home, he pulls over to the side of the levee where he spots that same young woman standing waist deep in the murky bayou water, shotgun in hand.
Just then, he spots a huge nine-foot gator swimming rapidly toward her. With lightning speed, she takes aim, fires, kills the creature and hauls it onto the slimy bank of the swamp. Lying nearby are seven more

2007-01-11 13:28:28 · 10 answers · asked by Koozie 5

2007-01-11 13:25:42 · 2 answers · asked by Random Precision 4

to lie to the professor,and tell him they had a flat tire and couldn't make it back in time,so that's what they did,the professor was understanding and said they could make up the test that day,but they would have to be in separate rooms,they said great,they began the test,the first question was for 5 points all four ace it,thinking to there self this is a peice of cake,them they turned the page,and it read now for 95 points what tire went flat.

2007-01-11 13:24:11 · 8 answers · asked by kman1830 5

There he is!

2007-01-11 13:13:07 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous

Answer my prayer - - steal this car
Beat rush hour, leave work at noon
Don't follow me. I'm lost too.
Horn Broken Watch for Finger!
I is a college student
Your child may be an honors student, but You're still an idiot.

2007-01-11 13:11:25 · 26 answers · asked by Jugglingmidget06 4

he is wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose."nurse" he mumbles "are my testicles black"? the nurse raises his gown,holds his manhood in one hand and his testicles in the other.She takes a close look and says.."there is nothing wrong with them sir". Man pulls off oxygen mask,smiles at her and says "thanks for that it was just wonderful but listen very very closely and carefully...are..my..test results...back??

2007-01-11 13:11:04 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous