Jokes & Riddles - January 2007

A horse is tied to a 15 ft. rope and there is a bail of hay 25 ft. away from him. Yet the horse is able to eat from the bail of hay. How is this possible?

2007-01-17 14:51:13 · 11 answers · asked by Ace 5

the second letter is an o and the second to last is an i......you can can a boy or a girl this....u use it in the setence like this(maaaan she/he's a __________

2007-01-17 14:51:05 · 5 answers · asked by Carlos S 2

A man is lying dead with a backpack on, face down in the desert. What happened?

2007-01-17 14:49:18 · 15 answers · asked by Ace 5

2007-01-17 14:42:44 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous

60 Things Never to Say to a Naked Guy
1. I've smoked fatter joints than that.
2. Ahh, it's cute.
3. Who circumcised you?
4. Why don't we just cuddle?
5. You know they have surgery to fix that.
6. It's more fun to look at.
7. Make it dance.
8. You know, there's a tower in Italy like that.
9. Can I paint a smiley face on that?
10. It looks like a night crawler.
11. Wow, and your feet are so big.
12. My last boyfriend was 4'' bigger.
13. It's ok, we'll work around it.
14. Is this a mild or a spicy Slim Jim?
15. Eww, there's an inch worm on your thigh.
16. Will it squeak if I squeeze it?
17. Oh no, a flash headache.
18. (giggle and point)
19. Can I be honest with you?
20. My 8-year-old brother has one like that. 21. Let me go get my tweezers.
22. How sweet, you brought incense.
23. This explains your car.
24. You must be a growing boy.
25. Maybe if we water it, it'll grow.
26. Thanks, I needed a toothpick.
27. Are you one of those pygmies?
28. Have you ever thought of working in a sideshow?
29. Every heard of clearasil?
30. All right, a treasure hunt!
31. I didn't know they came that small.
32. Why is God punishing you?
33. At least this won't take long.
34. I never saw one like that before.
35. What do you call this?
36. But it still works, right?
37. Damn, I hate baby-sitting.
38. It looks so unused.
39. Do you take steroids?
40. I hear excessive masturbation shrinks it.
41. Maybe it looks better in natural light.
42. Why don't we skip right to the cigarettes?
43. Oh, I didn't know you were in an accident.
44. Did you date Lorena Bobbitt?
45. Aww, it's hiding.
46. Are you cold?
47. If you get me real drunk first.
48. Is that an optical illusion?
49. What is that?
50. I'll go get the ketchup for your french fry.
51. Were you neutered?
52. It's a good thing you have so many other talents.
53. Does it come with an air pump?
54. So this is why you're supposed to judge people on personality.
55. Where are the puppet strings?
56. Your big gun is more like a BB gun.
57. Look, it fits my Barbie clothes.
58. Never mind, why bother.
59. Is that a second belly button?
60. Where's the rest of it?

2007-01-17 14:33:27 · 11 answers · asked by Smo 4

2007-01-17 14:30:35 · 4 answers · asked by BMW M5 3

A friend of the great comedian Phil Silvers, endeavoring to find a special gift for the proverbial man who had everything, was delighted when Silvers arrived for a weekend visit driving a Rolls-Royce Silver Cloud. "You won't need that bus this weekend," his host declared. "Let me take it in for a checkup." Silvers obliged and his friend hastily arranged for the installation of a built-in bar, a high-fidelity stereo, a color television set, and a VCR.

The Rolls arrived just in time for Silvers' Monday morning departure. "You'd better check before you start out, Phil," the friend casually remarked, "just to be sure everything is in shape." "Oh, that doesn't matter," Silvers replied. "It's a rented car."

2007-01-17 14:30:21 · 3 answers · asked by Ruthie1959 6

Ok. A cowboy came to town on Sunday. He stayed for 3 days and left on Sunday. How is this possible?

2007-01-17 14:28:05 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous

2007-01-17 14:26:45 · 23 answers · asked by LIZ 3

i know i am!!!

2007-01-17 14:22:22 · 5 answers · asked by Who, Me?? ...I'm Lost... 4

What would be the most senstive part of his body?

Will post answer in 5 hours

2007-01-17 14:14:51 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous

So a duck walks into a corner store walks up to the counter.
Duck says: Got any duck food?
Clerk: No, we don't have any duck food.
The duck walks out. 2nd day, the duck walks back into the corner store.
Duck: Got any duck food?
Clerk: No, I didn't have any yesterday, I don't have any today!
The duck walks out. The 3rd day the duck walks in again!
Duck: Got any duck food?
Clerk: NO! F*** stop asking me that!
The duck walks out again. 4th day the same thing again and the clerk is very tired of this.
Duck: Got any duck food?
Clerk: NO! I don't carry duck food and if you come in here one more time and ask me if I have any duck food I am going to nail your bill to the floor!
The duck walks out but again returns the next day!
Duck: Got any nails?
Clerk (very confused): No!?!?
Duck: O.K. Got any duck food?

2007-01-17 14:09:18 · 12 answers · asked by Janes_Addiction 2

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GopPxEDRVug

Is this the ultimate proof?

2007-01-17 14:04:57 · 2 answers · asked by gogogo 1

its a riddle.. does some one know the answer???What is greater than God, More evil than the devil, The poor have it, The rich need it, And if you eat it, you DIE?????

2007-01-17 14:03:47 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous

How are a blonde and a turtle the same?-Once on their backs, they're both screwed.

What do blondes wear behind their ears to attract men?-Their heels.

Why can't a blonde waterski?-Because her legs spread apart the moment her crotch gets wet.

What did the blonde's right leg say to the left leg?-Nothing, they've never met.

How do you make a blonde laugh on Friday?-Tell her a joke on Monday.

Blonde: "Excuse me, what time is it?"
Man: "Two-thirty"
Blonde: "Gee, that's odd. I've been asking the same question all day and each time I get a different answer."

2007-01-17 13:56:11 · 3 answers · asked by Anonymous

A blonde pushes her BMW into a gas station. She tells the mechanic it died.
After he works on it for a few minutes, it is idling smoothly.
She says, "What's the story?"
He replies, "Just crap in the carburetor."
She asks, "How often do I have to do that?"

2007-01-17 13:35:07 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous

how many birthdays does a averge man have in a lifetime. you get it right bestanswer and what goes up and down but never moves got to get both rigt to get bestanswer. good look.

2007-01-17 13:12:19 · 18 answers · asked by lilc 2

2007-01-17 12:58:20 · 12 answers · asked by Bud's Girl 6

2007-01-17 12:57:52 · 5 answers · asked by wonder woman 4

Two good ol' boys down in Tennessee were sitting around talking one afternoon over a cold beer.
After a while, the first guy said to the second guy, "If'n I was to sneak over to your trailer Saturday and make love to your wife while you was off huntin'., and she got pregnant and had a baby, would that make us kin?"
The second guy crooked his head sideways for a minute, then scratched his head and squinted his eyes, thinking real hard about the question.

Finally, he replied, "Well I don't know about making us kin, but it sure would make us even."

2007-01-17 12:35:15 · 19 answers · asked by Sangy . 4

Zachary Disease

There was this woman who was desperate to meet a companion. She went to single bars, singles dances etc., but she could never meet anyone who would go on a date with her, much less sleep with her. So in her desperation she went to see a sex doctor, named Dr. Chang.

She asked Dr. Chang, "Doctor, please help me find out what's wrong with me!"

So Dr. Chang said, "Take off all yur cwothes."

So she did.

Then he said, "Now, get on yur hands and knees and crawl wreal fas away from me, ten craw wreal fas back to me."

So the young lady did.

Dr. Chang looked at her said, "You got wreal bad case of Zachary disease."

The lady asked, "What's that?"

Dr. Chang replied, "That's wen yur face lok zachary like yur ***".

John took his blind date to the carnival. "What would you like to do first, Kim?" asked the man. "I want to get weighed," said the girl. They ambled over to the weight guesser. He guessed 120 pounds. She got on the scale; it read 117 and she won a prize. Next the couple went on the ferris wheel. When the ride was over, John again asked Kim what she would like to do. "I want to get weighed," she said. Back to the weight guesser they went. Since they had been there before, he guessed her correct weight, and John lost his dollar.

The couple walked around the carnival and again he asked where to next. "I want to get weighed," she responded. By this time, John figured she was really weird and took her home early, dropping her off with a handshake. Her roommate, Laura, asked her about the blind date, "How'd it go?" Kim responded, "Oh, Waura, it was wousy."

Two deaf people get married. During the first week of marriage, they find that they are unable to communicate in the bedroom when they turn off the lights because they can't see each other using sign language. After several nights of fumbling around and misunderstandings, the wife decides to find a solution. "Honey," she signs, "Why don't we agree on some simple signals? For instance, at night, if you want to have sex with me, reach over and squeeze my left breast one time. If you don't want to have sex, reach over and squeeze my right breast one time."

The husband thinks this is a great idea and signs back to his wife, "Great idea, now if you want to have sex with ME, reach over and pull on my penis one time. If you don't want to have sex, reach over and pull on my penis... fifty times"

2007-01-17 12:17:45 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous

Getting down under
An American woman of 40 wants to get married, but she is only willing to marry a man who has never been with a woman sexually.

After several unsuccessful years of searching, she decides to take out a personal ad.

She ends up corresponding with a man who has lived his entire life in the Australian Outback. And after a long-distance courtship, they decide to get married.

On their wedding night, she goes into the bathroom to prepare for the festivities. When she returns to the bedroom, she finds her new husband standing in the middle of the room, naked and all the furniture from the room piled in one corner.

“What happened?” she asks.

“I've never been with a woman,” he says. “But if it's anything like screwing a kangaroo I'm gonna need all the room I can get!”

2007-01-17 12:09:05 · 30 answers · asked by Tink 5

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lNKZguMYufs

2007-01-17 12:05:53 · 2 answers · asked by ? 5

2007-01-17 12:02:55 · 21 answers · asked by ♀★sMiLe☆♀ 2

Got two riddles. I don't know the answers. Help!!!

Your watch is broken. Every time the second hand passes the "4" it jumps back 12 seconds. If the time now reads midnight, how many hours will pass before it next reads midday?


A man sets out to travel from one town to another. On the first day he covers one half of his total distance On the second day he covers 1/3 of his distance. On the third day he covers one third of the remaining distance and on the fourth day he covers one half of the remaining distance, He now has 37 miles left to reach the second town. What is the distance he's traveled so far?

2007-01-17 11:56:53 · 7 answers · asked by Caleb40305 3

One day a teacher went into her class room and saw the word, “penis” written in small letters on the chalkboard. She erased it and went on with the day's lesson. The next day, she came in and saw the same word on the chalkbaord, but a little bit bigger. She erased it and went on with her lesson.
Each of the next several days, the teacher would come in to find “penis” on the board, a little larger each time. She went in one morning, expecting to find it again, but instead the chalkboard read: “The more you rub it, the bigger it gets.”

2007-01-17 11:31:18 · 14 answers · asked by rvnfn520 2

Two Polish hunters from Chicago hired a pilot to fly them to Canada to hunt moose. They bagged six.

As they started loading the plane for the return
trip home, the pilot tells them the plane can take
only three moose.

The two Pollock's objected strongly,stating; "Last
year we shot six moose and the pilot let us put them all on board and he had the same plane as yours."

Reluctantly, the pilot gave in and all six were loaded.

Unfortunately, even on full power, the little plane
couldn't handle the load and went down a few minutes after takeoff. Climbing out of the wreck, Stasiu asked Wladek, "Any idea where we are?"

Wladek replied, "I think we're pretty close to where we crashed last year."

2007-01-17 11:08:33 · 9 answers · asked by Papa 7

After his exam the doctor said to the elderly man, "You appear to be in good health.
Do you have any medical concerns you would like to ask me about?"

"In fact, I do," said the old man. "After I have sex I am usually cold and chilly, and
then, after I have sex with her the second time, I am usually hot and sweaty."

After examining his elderly wife, the doctor said: "Everything appears to be fine. Do you have any medical concerns that you would like to discuss with me?"

The lady replied that she had no questions or concerns. The doctor then said to her,
“Your husband has an unusual concern. He claims that he is usually cold and chilly after sex with you the first time, and then hot and sweaty after the second time. Do you know why?"

"Oh that crazy old fart," she replied. "That's because the first time is usually in January and the second time is in August."

2007-01-17 10:56:58 · 24 answers · asked by debi_0712 5

"An extraordinarily handsome man decided he had the
responsibility to marry the perfect woman so they could produce beautiful children beyond compare.

With that as his mission he began to search for the perfect woman.

Shortly there after he met a Redneck who had three stunning,
gorgeous daughters that positively took his breath away.
So he explained his mission to the Redneck and asked for permission to marry one of them.

The Redneck simply replied, "They're lookin' to get married,
so you came to the right place. Look 'em over and pick the one you want."

The man dated the first daughter.
The next day the Redneck asked for the man's opinion.

"Well," said the man, "she's just a weeeeee bit, not that you can hardly notice...pigeon-toed."

The Redneck nodded and suggested the man date one of the other girls; so the man went out with the second daughter.

The next day, the Redneck again ask ed how things went.

"Well,"the man replied, "she's just a weeeee bit, not that you can hardly tell...cross-eyed."

The Redneck nodded and suggested he date the third girl
to see if things might be better. So he did.

The next morning the man rushed in exclaiming,

"She's perfect, just perfect. She's the one I want to marry."

So they were wed right away. Months later the baby was born.
When the man visited the nursery he was horrified: the baby was
the ugliest, most pathetic human you can imagine. He rushed to his father-in-law and asked how such a thing could happen considering the beauty of the parents.

"Well," explained the Redneck...
"She was just a weeeee bit, not that you could hardly tell...
pregnant when you met her."

2007-01-17 10:53:37 · 14 answers · asked by Sangy . 4

Two men were walking on the beach, their names were Karl and Michael, when they came across a woman that was topless, Karl was turned on but Michael closed his eyes and ran away. Karl was confused but did not say anything.
The next day they walked down the beach again and this time they saw two topless women and Karl was turned on even more but Michael covered his eyes again and ran away even faster. Karl was confused again, but did not say anything.
The next day they were walking down the beach again and saw three topless women and Karl was turned on but Michael ran away again. Karl was really confused and caught up with Michael and asked him why he was running away. Michael said "My mom told me that if I ever saw a woman naked I would turn to stone, and I felt something getting hard."

2007-01-17 10:46:13 · 21 answers · asked by Anonymous