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Jokes & Riddles - January 2007

[Selected]: All categories Entertainment & Music Jokes & Riddles

See if you can get this, I will even gave multiple choices, I am really good at these things and this one made me think!!!!!!!

If QUIZ is spelled UYMD, then how would you spell HEAD?

1.) MIEH
2.) MJEH
3.)LJEH
4.)LIEH
5.)LMEH

2007-01-20 15:54:53 · 21 answers · asked by It's MIRANDA!!!! 4

a beef jerky hahahahaha

2007-01-20 15:48:55 · 7 answers · asked by blue 4

New York: As a female shopper exited a convenience store, a man grabbed her purse and ran. The clerk called 911 immediately and the woman was able to give them a detailed description of the snatcher. Within minutes, the police had apprehended the snatcher. They put him in the car and drove back to the store. The thief was then taken out of the car and told to stand there for a positive ID. To which he replied, "Yes Officer..that's her. That's the lady I stole the purse from."

2007-01-20 15:48:51 · 11 answers · asked by aznlakersmaniac 3

A man who reeked of alcohol flopped on a subway seat next to a priest. The man's tie was stained, his face was plastered with red lipstick, and a half empty bottle of rum was sticking out of his ripped jacket pocket.
He opened his newspaper and started reading. After a few minutes, the disheveled guy turned to the priest and asked "Say, Father, do you know what causes arthritis?"
The priest, disgusted by the man's appearance and behavior snapped "It's caused by loose living, being with cheap, wicked women, too much alcohol, and a contempt for your fellow man!"
"Well, I'll be," the man muttered and returned to his newspaper.
The priest, thinking about what he had said, nudged the man and apologized, "I'm sorry to have come on so strong - I didn't mean it. How long have you been suffering from arthritis?"
"I don't have it, Father. I was just reading here that the Pope does."

2007-01-20 15:36:02 · 21 answers · asked by Anonymous

Having a restless night, its 4 in the morning so i have decided to go for a brisk jog round the block , don't you thing all you people out there should be doing the same, instead of looking at your computer screens...I bid you all good morning and im away..
......................................................
Im back did'nt quite make it, its raining cats and dogs, im going back top bed.....

2007-01-20 15:35:07 · 24 answers · asked by Anonymous

What do you call a man with no arms or legs floating in water? Bob

2007-01-20 15:29:38 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous

2007-01-20 15:11:44 · 35 answers · asked by ms vicci pollard 5

What unusual property do the words FLOUR, TERN, and THIRSTY have in common?

2007-01-20 15:11:36 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous

2007-01-20 15:04:11 · 20 answers · asked by a100 1

take your right foot and make a clock wise circle on the floor . at the same time draw a number 6 in the air with your finger .

2007-01-20 14:59:48 · 15 answers · asked by HILT 3

At noon and midnight the hour and minute hands are exactly coincident with each other. How many other times between noon and midnight do the hour and minute hands cross?

2007-01-20 14:58:14 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous

...anyone know?

2007-01-20 14:54:22 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous

A cop stops a man for running a stop sign and the subject gives the cop a lot of grief explaining that he did stop.

After several minutes, the cop explained to the gentleman that he didn't stop, he just slowed down a little.

The gentleman said 'Stop or slow down, what's the difference?'.

The cop pulled the guy out of the car and hit him with a nightstick for about a minute and then said, 'Would you like for me to stop or just slow down?'

2007-01-20 14:52:57 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous

John was driving when a policeman pulled him over. He rolled down his window and said to the officer, "Is there a problem, Officer?"

"No problem at all. I just observed your safe driving and am pleased to award you a $5,000 Safe Driver Award. Congratulations. What do you think you're going to do with the money?"

John thought for a minute and said, "Well, I guess I'll go get that drivers' license."

Judi, sitting in the passenger seat said to the policeman, "Oh, don't pay attention to him -- he's just a wise guy when he's drunk and stoned."

Brian from the back seat said, "I told you guys we wouldn't get far in a stolen car!"

At that moment, there was a knock from the trunk and a muffled voice said, "Are we over the border yet?"

2007-01-20 14:50:43 · 27 answers · asked by Anonymous

Wanting to find a humorous ditty warning our neighbours about a 50th party we are having and to come see us first before calling the police.

2007-01-20 14:35:15 · 6 answers · asked by Ashevi K 1

What is the answer to this riddle. Please tell me if u know. I know that this is easy but i suck at riddles

2007-01-20 14:30:24 · 20 answers · asked by Melissa G 2

he tells her he doesn't actually want to have sex with her he just wants to insert his big toe inside her. She agrees.
Two days later the man has to go to the doctors because his big toe doesn't look right. The doctor examines it and tells him that he has caught VD of the big toe! The man is totally shocked and starts to panic. The doctor says to him " Calm down you think you've got it bad, i've just had a woman in here with athletes fanny"!

2007-01-20 14:27:21 · 25 answers · asked by WISE OLD GRANNY 2

2 preacher ride their bikes pass each other every Sunday on thier way to church One Sunday Rev. Ben was walking and Pastor John asked him where his bike was Rev Ben said it had been stolen . so Pastor John said Preach on the 10 commandments and when you get to thou shall not steal whoever stole it will feel guilty and returning the bike .... Next sunday both have there bikes and Pastor John says I see the 10 commandments worked Rev Ben said yeah sure did I got to thou shalt not commit Adultry and remembered where I left my Bike

2007-01-20 14:14:18 · 14 answers · asked by stlwtg777 2

After hours of heavy drinking, the wife says im sick and is going out to sleep it off in the car. A few minutes go by and the buddy says hes going to check on her. After the buddy is gone for ten minutes or so the bartender tells the husband he should go check on them. The husband stumbles outside to see his buddy and his wife engaging in extra carricular activities, stumbles back in and sits back down, then says boy that buddy of mine is so drunk he thinks hes me.

2007-01-20 14:07:13 · 29 answers · asked by Anonymous

you can go round for eternity, but I'm something you'll never see.

What am I?

2007-01-20 14:05:53 · 37 answers · asked by Anonymous

"I used to be dyslexic. but I'm KO now."

2007-01-20 14:02:56 · 7 answers · asked by Commander 3

A little girl comes home from school and says "Mom, I Know how babies are made?"
Mommy says "Oh Really?, and who told you?"
Little girl says "Susie down the street said the lady puts the mans penis in her mouth and they get a baby"
Mommy says "Oh No honey, that is how you get jewelry!!"

2007-01-20 14:01:13 · 20 answers · asked by Anonymous

If god wanted us to be homosexuals,
He would of made Adam and Bruce.

I laughed for seven hours straight and kept choking and couldn't eat or drink or pee lmao

2007-01-20 13:51:44 · 23 answers · asked by Nic 3

NO !!! Dumbass

2007-01-20 13:48:46 · 13 answers · asked by stlwtg777 2

and you smelt it! Ha ha...made you sniff my stanky fart. Ewwww honey...it smells so bad, thanks for sniffing if up for me. You want some more? Here it comes...ripppp

2007-01-20 13:46:34 · 4 answers · asked by Anonymous

Too bad it was only for the holiday period huh?

2007-01-20 13:45:54 · 5 answers · asked by Zoey 5

Hee hee I just found out that from my name and avatar you can't tell if I am a he or she so what do you think I am?

2007-01-20 13:43:42 · 36 answers · asked by me 3

I mean super corny please. Like one liners.

2007-01-20 13:09:14 · 20 answers · asked by fb0581 3

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