Jokes & Riddles - December 2006

I was in a university film workshop when I stumbled upon some crack heads

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ko-LS1R9yZo

2006-12-04 03:45:33 · 5 answers · asked by The master Croupier 1

He's releasing a CD in the morning and a calendar later this December!

2006-12-04 03:44:40 · 19 answers · asked by Anonymous

and watching the bubbles float to the top. A preast came along and asked. "What have you got in the bottle my son?" " Little Dick replied its the most powerfull liquid in the world " No" said the preast " I have the most powerfull liquid in the world its holy water","if i rub it on the belly of a woman she will pass a baby. "Little dick replied, if i rub this on a cats *** it will pass a porshe"

2006-12-04 03:44:10 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous

does any1 no wot this nadias surname is

2006-12-04 03:42:39 · 2 answers · asked by dave 1

Best answer goes to the best joke! I need a joke to counter all the blond jokes I've heard over the years! Jokes may include reference to brunettes and redheads, if necessary!

2006-12-04 03:41:48 · 9 answers · asked by onlyupfrmhere 2

The more the better. I already know the one about emo grass, "It cuts its self."

2006-12-04 03:39:42 · 4 answers · asked by Gumby G 2

A fellow bought a new Mercedes and was out on an interstate road for a nice evening drive. The top was down, the breeze was blowing through his hair and he decided to open her up. As the needle jumped up to 80mph he suddenly saw a flashing red and blue light behind him. "They'll never catch me, " he thought to himself and opened her up further.

The needle hit 90, 100 110 and finally 120 with the lights still behind him. "What in hell am I doing?" he thought and pulled over.

The cop came up to him, took his license without a word and examined it and the car. "I've had a tough shift and this is my last pull over. I don't feel like more paperwork so if you can give me an excuse for your driving that I haven't heard before you can go!" he said.

"Last week my wife ran off with a cop, " the man said, "and I was afraid you were trying to give her back!"

"Have a nice night, " said the officer.

2006-12-04 03:32:17 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous

Ladies hostel caught Fire.. it took 1 hour to bring the fire under
control........and another 3
hours to bring the firemen under control.


Lady : "I want a good vibrator";
Salesman: "Ma'am you may select one from our range that is displayed on that wall";
Lady : "O.K. I'll take that red one";
Salesman: "Sorry, that's our fire-extinguisher";


Definition of a Gynecologist: Someone who looks for problems where
others look for pleasure!!!


"Worried mother gives her daughter a pack of condoms before a hot date.
Girl laughs and hugs her mother
"Times have changed, Mum. I'm dating Susan.







A Husband Was Asked: "Do you talk to your wife after sex?" He replied:
"Depends, If I Can find a
Phone"


Why did they stop printing Pamela Anderson stamps in the U.S ???
Because the people started licking the wrong side!

2006-12-04 03:31:44 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-12-04 03:23:43 · 7 answers · asked by CaptCanuck23 2

AND THE JOKE IS ON YOU for clicking! hahahahahaaha

2006-12-04 03:21:54 · 17 answers · asked by sfumato 1

I was wondering who's the oldest and youngest on here..? So state your age.. I know we can't get a deffinate answer.. So I'm just asking in this category.. It's gonna be hard to choose best answer.. So erm.. Give me TWO short reasons to pick yours.. Otherwise, jus have the 2 points lol..

2006-12-04 03:21:02 · 24 answers · asked by Anonymous

and eats nuts,

gonorrhea.

did you hear about the war movie with the all black cast

its called ......... a pack of lips now.

what do you get when you cross a whore and a computer.

a ******* know all.

2006-12-04 03:17:43 · 3 answers · asked by chris w. 7

it makes me smile, it makes me laugh, jim bean, jack daniels, you're such a blast, it makes me open, it changes my mood, it takes it away, and makes it good, it makes the boys smile,and like me more, i'm on top of the world, what more could i ask for? so i sip and sip some more awhile, cause i want to laugh and i want to smile, i sip and sip and sip and sip, until a drunken sleep i slowly slip, and then i wake up, and all is gone, except my problems, they still live on, jack daniels, jim bean, you're all such fakes, cause i feel like sh)t when i awake. my stomach churns and my head aches, and i can barely walk for goodness sake. i feel dizzy, i think i'll vomit, i see the toilet, i'll sit on it. i'll down the pepto and try to sleep it way, my oh my what a sh)tty day. i had a blast and i had fun, but in the morning i can't face the sun. the drink won't forever rid my problems, so i guess another way is how i have to solve them.

2006-12-04 03:06:40 · 4 answers · asked by Yvette S 1

The Italian says, "When I've a finisheda makina da

love with my girlafriend, I go down and gently tickle the

back of her knees, she floatsa 6 inches abovea da bed in ecstasy".



The Frenchman replies, "Zat is nothing, when Ah 'ave finished

making ze love with ze girlfriend, Ah kiss all ze way down her body and
zen

Ah lick zer soles of her feet wiz mah tongue and she floats 12 inches

above ze bed in pure ecstasy".



The Aussie says, "Mate, that's nothing. When I've finished

rootin me sheila, I get out of bed, walk over to the window and wipe my
d--k on the curtains.

And MATE ..... She hits the f*ckin roof"

2006-12-04 03:03:39 · 29 answers · asked by Anonymous

when you cross a donkey with an onion

a piece of a.ss that brings tears to your eyes.

oh by the way i called my new dog herpes.

because he wont heal either.......

2006-12-04 03:02:40 · 10 answers · asked by chris w. 7

by a prostitute, but he says he wants to do something kinky, ok she replies but it will be extra, they agree a price and its back to her place she goes to the bathroom undresses comes out and goes to get in bed and the man is going out the door, hold on she says i thought you wanted to do something kinky, i have done replies the man, i've just sh*t in ya handbag

2006-12-04 02:58:37 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous

A little girl asked her mum, "Mum, may I take the dog for a walk around
the block?
Mum replies, "No because she is in heat."
What's that mean?" asked the child.
Go ask your father. I think he's in the garage."
The little girl goes to the garage and says, "Dad, may I take
Belle for a walk around the block?
I asked Mum, but she said the dog was in heat and to come to you."
Dad said, "Bring Belle over here." He took a rag, soaked it with
petrol and scrubbed the dog's backside with it and said,
"I've heard that's supposed to work. Okay, you can go now, but
keep Belle on the leash and only go one time around the block."

The little girl left, and returned a few minutes later with no dog
on the leash.

Surprised, Dad asked, "Where's Belle?"
The little girl said, "She ran out of petrol about halfway down
the block, so another dog is pushing her home.

2006-12-04 02:56:25 · 24 answers · asked by Anonymous

3 nuns are trying to get into Heaven. The first nun walks up to St. Peter, St. Peter says,"I'll let you into Heaven if you can answer one question. Name the first Man that walked the earth".
The nun replies, "That's easy. Adam".
Birds start singing, trumpets play, the Pearly gates open, and She walks in.

The second nun walks up, St. Peter says again,"I'll let you into Heaven if you can answer one question.Name the first Woman that walked the earth". The nun says "that's too easy. Her name was Eve."
Birds start singing, trumpets play, the Pearly gates open, and She walks in.

The third nun walks up and St Peter says, " I'll let you into Heaven if you can answer one question. What were the first words that Eve spoke to Adam?"
The nun thinks for a minute, scratches her head, at this point, She's kinda puzzled. In her frustration, she blurts out, "boy, that's a hard one!"
Birds start singing, trumpets play, the Pearly gates open, and She walks in.

2006-12-04 02:54:38 · 7 answers · asked by me here, where are you? 3

a creature rose from out of the surf and came ashore. Its garments were made of green sea lettuce." I am the friendly witch of the sand", she said, "i am going to sunbathe". the sun was terribly hot. her skin began to bake and it turned as red as a ripe tomato! Have you ever before seen ?


....a baking lettuce and tomato sand witch..

2006-12-04 02:51:07 · 12 answers · asked by chris w. 7

once a man was filling up an application form for a job. he promptly filled the columns titled NAME,AGE,ADDRESS etc. Then he came to column SALARY EXPECTED: .He was not sure as to what to be filled there. After much thought he wrote: yes.

I think it is a good joke.

2006-12-04 02:48:14 · 24 answers · asked by sweety 2

when he spotted a turtle asleep on a log. he ambled over and kicked it clear across the water,
"what did you do that for asked a passing Giraffe,"
"because i recognised it as the same turtle that took a nip out if my trunk 50 years ago" said the elephant.
"Wow what a memory" commented the Giraffe.
"Yes "said the elephant. " turtle recall"

2006-12-04 02:39:00 · 16 answers · asked by chris w. 7

if a snowman were to take a dump, what color would it be????

2006-12-04 02:30:26 · 8 answers · asked by diamondg4u2c 3

look at the video.tell me if its funny or not.haha.

http://video.yahoo.com/video/play?&ei=UTF-8&gid=g_51ea67e00c484b4fbb6cb081f4644cd4.51ea67e00c484b4fbb6cb081f4644cd4&vid=51ea67e00c484b4fbb6cb081f4644cd4.742884&b=6

2006-12-04 02:23:56 · 6 answers · asked by ♣valentine melons♣ 4

Son asked his mother the following question:
"Mum, why are wedding dresses white?"
The mother looks at her son and replies,
"Son, this shows your friends and relatives that your bride is pure."
The son thanks his Mum and goes off to double-check this with his father.
"Dad why are wedding dresses white?"
The father looks at his son in surprise and says,
"Son, all household appliances come in white."

2006-12-04 02:14:52 · 18 answers · asked by zorro 2

A Brunette asks the blonde which is closer, Mexico or the moon. She responds:







The moon must be closer, because I can't see Mexico from here..

HAHAhaha

2006-12-04 02:11:06 · 23 answers · asked by ♣valentine melons♣ 4

2006-12-04 02:04:34 · 16 answers · asked by aasaf_burnout 2

Two old army officers met for the first time in many years, they exchanged the usual pleasantries. Then George asked "any word of old Carruthers recently"? Charles replied " last I heard he was living with a Gorilla somewhere in Africa"
George "was the Gorilla male or female?
Charles "Female of course ! nothing queer about old Carruthers

2006-12-04 01:59:22 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous

A detective is told to go to the scene of a crime in a man's house. When he arrives, all thats there is a dead man on the floor with a gun in his hand, blood all over the floor, a note, and a tape recorder. He picks up the note and its says exactly "I hate myself, I'm going to kill myself." (THIS IS HIS HANDWRITING.) Directly after he reads it he reaches over to the tape recorder and presses play. Immediately he hears a voice saying exactly, "I hate myself, I'm going to kill myself. (pow, a gunshot, a drop to the floor)"

The question is- Did the man kill himself? Explain your reasons if so or if not. Remember to read carefully.

2006-12-04 01:58:01 · 20 answers · asked by mKsTpN0y 3

A Father asked to a child : How much did you get in maths ?
His child told : Two marks less than my brother .
Father :How much did your brother get in maths /
Child : He got Two marks .


or


A sardar had a dream that someone is going to kill him . The next day he went to the bank and cleared his account . Why ????









because the bank's punch code was
"WE MAKE YOUR DREAMS COME TRUE "

2006-12-04 01:57:22 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-12-04 01:56:55 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous