Jokes & Riddles - December 2006

2006-12-05 08:03:57 · 5 answers · asked by Anonymous

A little boy came down for breakfast one morning and asked his grandma,
"Where's Mom and dad?" and she replied, "they're up in bed.
"The little boy started to giggle and ate his breakfast and went out to play.
Then he came back in for lunch and asked his grandma
"where's Mom and Dad?" and she replied "they're still up in bed.
"Again the little boy started to giggle and he ate his lunch and went out to play.
Then the little boy came in for dinner and once again he asked his grandma
"where's Mom and dad?" and his grandmother replied "they're still up in bed."
The little boy started to laugh and his grandmother asked,
"What gives? Every time I tell you they're still up in bed you start to laugh!
what is going on here?" The little boy replied,
"Well last night daddy came into my bedroom
and asked me for the Vaseline and I gave him super glue."

2006-12-05 08:03:19 · 11 answers · asked by ploppy pants 3

2006-12-05 08:01:24 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-12-05 07:59:30 · 6 answers · asked by Anonymous

What did the Mexican fireman call his 2 children?


Hose A and Hose B

2006-12-05 07:55:05 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous

teacher asked boy:are you chewing gum?
boy:no miss my name is michael.

2006-12-05 07:52:17 · 61 answers · asked by Anonymous

the head of a mans p.enis is larger than the shaft, It took 2 years and at the end it was decided that it was to give the woman more pleasure during sex.

But we women know this is not true

Its to prevent his hand from flying off and hitting him in the forehead.....

2006-12-05 07:51:48 · 16 answers · asked by chris w. 7

A very flat-chested woman finally decided she needed a bra and set out to
the mall in search of one in her size. She entered an upscale department
store and approached the saleslady in lingerie, "Do you have a size 28AAAA
bra?" The clerk haughtily replied in the negative, so she left the store and
proceeded to another department store where she is rebuffed in much the same
manner. After a third try at another department store in the mall, she had
become disgusted. Leaving the mall, she drove to K-Mart. Marching up to the
sales clerk, she unbuttoned and threw open her blouse, yelling, "Do you have
anything for this?" The lady looked closely at her and replied, "Have you
tried Clearasil?"

2006-12-05 07:50:33 · 20 answers · asked by ploppy pants 3

it bit me!!!!

2006-12-05 07:49:45 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous

These 3 girls went out and partied and got drunk.

The next moring they were taking about who did the craziest thing last night.

The 1st girl said I was so drunk I run into a stop sign.

The second girl says thats nothing I rode up to the McDonalds drive-in in on a bike.

Ihe third girl goes thats nothing last night I blowed chunks.
Ihe other girls say thats nothin. And then the third girl says no Chunks is my dog

2006-12-05 07:48:44 · 30 answers · asked by ploppy pants 3

it bit me!!!!

2006-12-05 07:46:24 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous

teacher to students: if an egg lays 2 eggs per day, how much do you think, will it lay in a week?
a boy gets up and answers: 12eggs teacher
teacher to boy: thats wrong. there are 7 days in a week. so its 2*7=14 eggs.
boy to teacher: you are wrong teacher because sunday is a holiday.

2006-12-05 07:46:14 · 30 answers · asked by Anonymous

A blind man was traveling in his private jet when he noticed that something was wrong. He made his way to the cockpit and there was no response from his pilot.

The blind man felt around for the radio, then called the radio tower in a panic, "Help! Help!"

The tower quickly responded and asked, "Whats the problem?"

The blind man yelled frantically, "Help me! Im blind... the pilot is dead, and were flying upside down!"

The tower acknowledged the man and asked calmly, "Sir, how do you know youre upside down?"

Replied the blind man, "Because the sh*t is runnin down my back!"

2006-12-05 07:45:59 · 6 answers · asked by ploppy pants 3

A man was out getting wasted one night and he was looking kinda depressed, so the bartender asked what was wrong.
He tells the bartender "my wife is gonna be pissed if i come home drunk again."
the bartender tells him "just eat her out and she'll forgive you for anything."
So the man goes home, sneaks in the front door, then peeks into his bedroom where he sees a pair of feet sticking out of the blankets. He dives in there and eats her out for a good half hour, then goes into the bathroom to brush his teeth.............where his wife is taking a bath. He sais "Honey, what are you doing in here?" She replies, "shhhhh, you'll wake your mother!!"

2006-12-05 07:45:51 · 16 answers · asked by sweetestrose1983 2

Take it easy, its a joke...

2006-12-05 07:38:16 · 9 answers · asked by Mr ISS 1

here is my joke.
a maths and history teacher were having a quarrel-
history teacher: i will send alexanders army to kill you.
maths teacher: i will close them in the bracket.

thaz my joke bye

2006-12-05 07:38:04 · 24 answers · asked by Anonymous

a crocodile walks into a bar and orders a drink. the bar tender sees that he is not looking to well and asks him if there is any thing wrong."no no"replies the croc"nothing is wrong"

5min later the bar tenfer asks the same question."no no"replies the croc"nothing is wrong"

5 min later the bar tender asks if everything is alright."yes yes. everything is fine"replies the croc. the bar tender then says "but then why the long face?"

2006-12-05 07:34:48 · 9 answers · asked by Megan H 2

George comes home very late, and very drunk, and his wife is waiting for him at the door. She says, "You've been out f*cking around, haven't you?"

He says, "Nope."

She says, "Then explain the lipstick on your shirt."

He says, "That's easy. I used my shirt to wipe it off my dick."

2006-12-05 07:26:14 · 13 answers · asked by ploppy pants 3

2006-12-05 07:26:03 · 2 answers · asked by Sexi B..i.t.c.h 1

She gagged. lol lol

2006-12-05 07:26:00 · 19 answers · asked by Joe Somebody 6

There was a husband and wife and the wife was having contractions and so they rushed to the hospital, the doctor met them there and said "there's this new machine that we have that can make the baby's father feel the labor pains so the mother won't have to take them all would you be interested in trying it?" The husband and wife looked at eachother and said sure. So the Doctor hooked the mother up and said ok here we go, the next contraction was coming and it came and the husband said wow I didn't feel a thing and neither did the wife, so the husband says, lets crank it up so the doctor put it higher, the next contraction came and neither of them felt anything, put it higher the husband said, the doctor cranked it up all the way and the next contraction came and she finally delivered the baby and neither of them felt anything, the husband says that's a great machine doc neither of us felt the pain, so the husband and wife came home and found the mailman dead on their front porch.

2006-12-05 07:22:04 · 8 answers · asked by graciegirl 5

A man goes into a little neighborhood pub, and when he sits down, he notices a beautiful woman sitting at the other end of the bar. He waves to her, and much to his surprise, she winks back at him. It doesn't take long before he is on the stool next to her. They talk for about fifteen minutes and then the man says to the woman, "You're really hot!"

"You're pretty cute, too," she says to him. "I'll tell you what ... I live just around the corner - what do you think about coming up to my place?"

"That sounds great!" the man eagerly replies.

"Before we go up there, though," the woman says, "I have to ask you one question: Do you like doing it Greek style?"

"Well ... uh ... I'm not exactly sure what that is," the man answers, "but it sure sounds interesting and I'm willing to learn! Let's go!"

So the two of them walk over to her apartment. As soon as they get inside the door, the woman rips off all her clothes. The man can't believe his eyes! She has an incredibly beautiful body.

"Now, you're *sure*," the woman asks, "that you want to do it Greek style?"

"Definitely!" the man replies.

"All right, then," says the woman. "Take off all your clothes, and get up on the bed on yours hands and knees."

"Sounds like fun!" the man exclaims. He leaps out of his clothes and climbs onto the bed on his hands and knees. The woman goes around and gets onto the bed right in front of the man.

She kneels down in front of his head. She asks him again, "Are you sure that you want to do it Greek style?"

"Yeah! Yeah, let's go!" says the man.

The woman grabs the man with her arms right under his armpits, getting him in a lock hold. He can't move at all, and his head is pressing right into her chest. One more time she says, "Are you sure that you want to do it Greek style?"

The man's muffled voice can barely be heard from between her breasts. "Mmmf, yeah!" he mumbles, "Greek style!"

The woman's grip on him tightens like a vice, and she yells out, "GEORGE! Come and get it!"

2006-12-05 07:19:12 · 42 answers · asked by ploppy pants 3

this very nice looking girl has moved in next to me and last night she rang me and asked if i would like to come round for a drink and while i was round there would i trim her Beaver.
Well havent they got sharp teeth, not sure what to do, any suggestions please!!

2006-12-05 07:16:33 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous

and he weighed 10 pounds, The odd thing about him was his body weighed 5 lbs and his b.alls weighed 5lbs. The Doctor and the nurses didn't know what to do with him.The Doc said " what shall we do with him" and the head nurse said" put him in a mental hospital" "why" said the Doc.


Well he's already half nuts."...

2006-12-05 07:16:08 · 13 answers · asked by chris w. 7

A HUGE black man walks into a bar. He goes to a little white guy and took his drink. Then the black guy looks at the white guy and says " got a problem with that?" So the white guy says " you know what? I've been having the worst f****** day you can think of. In the morning my wife told me that she is leaving me, than i got fired from my job, then i discover that my car got stolen, and nowwhen i try to kill myself you drink my damn poison!"

2006-12-05 07:15:16 · 6 answers · asked by Qt PIE 3

My husband and I were looking at the preview guide and making up names for our own show. I came up with a name for a show and he did(for objectivity, I won't say which is which). The name of the first show is "Hard to Get", the second show is "Front and Center". If you could only choose one, which one would you choose and why.

2006-12-05 07:09:58 · 11 answers · asked by koala friend 1

There were two old guys, Abe and Sol, sitting on a bench in a park feeding pigeons and talking about baseball, just like they did every day. Abe turns to Sol and says, "Do you think there's baseball in heaven?"

Soloman thinks about it for a minute and replies, "I dunno, Abe. But let's make a deal: If I die first, I will come back and tell you -- and if you die first, you come back and tell me -- if there is baseball in heaven."

They shake on it and, sadly, a few months later poor Abe passes on. One day soon afterward, Sol is sitting there feeding the pigeons by himself when he hears a voice whisper, "Sol... Sol...."

Sol responds, "Abe! Is that you?"

"Yes it is Sol," whispers the spirit of Abe.

Sol, still amazed, asks, "So, is there baseball in heaven?"

"Well," says Abe says, "I got good news and I got bad news."

"Gimme the good news first," says Sol.

Abe says, "Well... there is baseball in heaven."

Sol says, "That's great! What news could be bad enough to ruin that!?"

Abe sighs and whispers, "You're pitching on Friday."

2006-12-05 07:01:39 · 11 answers · asked by Cowboy 4

A completely inebriated man walked into a bar and, after staring for some time at the only woman seated at the bar, walked over to her, placed his hand up her skirt and began fondling her. She jumped up and slapped him silly.

He immediately apologized and explained, "I'm sorry. I thought you were my wife. You look exactly like her."

"Why you drunken, worthless, insufferable son of a B*TCH!" she screamed.

"Funny," he muttered, "you even sound exactly like her."

2006-12-05 06:48:50 · 21 answers · asked by ploppy pants 3

2006-12-05 06:26:32 · 5 answers · asked by BrinkleyNicole 2

2006-12-05 06:16:44 · 8 answers · asked by Brenjana 1