Jokes & Riddles - December 2006

2006-12-05 12:12:02 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous

Tommys mom has 3 children, go get a quarter penny and nickel for this one. The first child name is Penny( hold up the penny) second is Nick ( hold up the nickel) the third one is.........?(HOLD UP THE QUARTER)

2006-12-05 12:10:34 · 12 answers · asked by BS1017 2

Each letter in the below has been replaced through out the passage by another letter; it's a simple substitution cipher or cryptogram like one finds in newspapers.
This one actually looks a bit longer, but that should actually help you break it. The assignment is, naturally, to solve the message. Perhaps you might start with a letter frequency count or histogram if it doesn't fall to intelligent guesswork? Be sure to show your work, and/or include your work sheets with the finished solution.

"N SBAH KUBAHYHM KSH YHOXKS BOM WUHBMKS JC KSNP

RJFOKUL BOM KBYDHM VNKS KSH WHPK EHJEYH BOM N RBO

BPPFUH LJF KSBK MBKB EUJRHPPNOX NP B CBM KSBK VNYY

OJK YBPK JFK KSH LHBU." RSNHC HMNKJU JC EUHOKNRH

SBYY WJJDP, 1957.

2006-12-05 12:09:53 · 6 answers · asked by sarah 3

2006-12-05 12:07:38 · 2 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-12-05 12:06:18 · 3 answers · asked by Anonymous

You went to a barn and got a pound of feathers
Later went to the jeweler and got a pound of gold
Which weighs more?

2006-12-05 12:05:22 · 18 answers · asked by BS1017 2

A rooster lays an egg on the roof of a barn
The rooster is tilted toward the left
Which way does the egg drop off of the roof?

2006-12-05 12:00:31 · 20 answers · asked by BS1017 2

2006-12-05 11:58:51 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous

how much could a wood chuck chuck if a wood could chuck wood

2006-12-05 11:55:18 · 9 answers · asked by kk 2

Guess!Whoever guesses first wins!

2006-12-05 11:54:37 · 22 answers · asked by Ace Of Spades 117 3

2006-12-05 11:51:05 · 21 answers · asked by Anonymous

I warned you it was lame but anyway

"What did the bug say after it was stepped on?"

.
..
...
....
.....
......
.......
........
ready?
.......
......
.....
....
sure?
...
..
.
ok!

"Nothing bugs don't talk."

hahahahahahaha i warned u it was lame but you;'ll laugh if ur drunk/hyper enough!!! or just in a good mood!! LAUGH!! haha

2006-12-05 11:50:07 · 14 answers · asked by Shorty 4

Sorry not very humane, but funny answer. My 4 year old nephew told me this one.

2006-12-05 11:44:40 · 21 answers · asked by KitKat 2

OK...a little lizard is walking through the jungle. He suddenly hears someone calling to him, he looks up and sees a monkey high up in the tree smoking a joint. The monkey says, come up and join me my little reptilian friend so the lizard climbs up and sits next to the monkey and they smoke the joint. After a while the lizard gets thirsty and tells the monkey hes going to get some water to drink. he makes it to the bank of the river and passes out. A large crocodile sees him and swims over and wakes the little lizard up and asks him whats wrong. the Lil lizard tells him about the monkey high in the tree with the joint so the crocodile says, "I've got to see this for myself" so off he goes into the jungle to find the monkey. He sees the monkey still up in the tree all stoned and calls to him...hey monkey...the monkey looks down and says " Holy ****, how much water did you drink"?

2006-12-05 11:43:05 · 23 answers · asked by cereal_killer034 5

2006-12-05 11:36:09 · 45 answers · asked by Anonymous

Three white men were captured by hostile Indians, and the chief decided to give them a chance to live. He brought them into a teepee and put a headband randomly on each of their heads. He had three white headbands and two red, and he picked three of them to be used on the men. He then put them into a line facing the same direction, so the last person could see the headbands of the two other men, the one in the middle could see the first guy's headband, and the first guy saw no headbands. (No one could see their own headband.) If any one of the men could correctly guess the color of their own headband, they would all be set free. Otherwise, they'd be killed. The men could not communicate with the others in any way or look backwards, etc. How did they escape?

2006-12-05 11:36:00 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous

father and son walking in the park see two dogs having sex. son says to dad , what are they doing dad? dad thinks a bit then says Oh there making a puppy son. Couple of weeks later ,the son goes in the parents bedroom to find his parents having sex. Dad ,shouts the son ,what are you doing to my mum? Dad thinks a bit and then says ,Do you remember the dogs in the park? well me and your mum are making a baby. The kid thinks a bit and says, Dad ,can you not turn her over, I,d rather have a puppy!

2006-12-05 11:32:35 · 18 answers · asked by peter d 2

Rate it.
A man walks up to Jack In the Box and asks for some fries,
Man: Can I have a small order of fries?
Jack:Sold out.
Man:Can I have a Large order of fries?
Jack:Didn't you hear me, we're sold out.
Man:Can I have a medeum order?
Jack: Let me put it this way, Who put the ape in apricot?
Man:Nature did.
Jack:Right, and who put the ban in banana?
Man:Nature did.
Jack:Correct, and who put the flip in french fries?
Man:There is no flip in french fries.
Jack: Exactly, THERES NO FLPPIN" FRENCH FRIES

2006-12-05 11:31:42 · 25 answers · asked by Vote for Pedro 1

10 points for the best answer! Don't be afraid to give me more than one!

2006-12-05 11:29:10 · 7 answers · asked by pinksweetheart852 2

..." Tell me,.. How do I get me a lawn like THAT!?" "Simple" said the gardener, "All you have to do is,..prepare the ground carefully, use only the very best seed available, and tend it for four hundred years!

2006-12-05 11:25:01 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-12-05 11:14:59 · 23 answers · asked by deeky_ward 3

yea im bored are you blind

2006-12-05 11:13:54 · 10 answers · asked by Yasmin u 1

Two very elderly ladies were enjoying the sunshine on a park bench in Miami. They had been meeting at that park every sunny day for over 12 years... chatting, and enjoying each other''s friendship.
One day, the younger of the two ladies, turns to the other and says, "Please don''t be angry with me, dear, but I am embarrassed, after all these years. . .What is your name? I am trying to remember, but I just can't."

The older friend stares at her, looking very distressed, says nothing for two full minutes, and finally with tearful eyes, says, "How soon do you have to know?"

2006-12-05 11:13:34 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous

100 prisoners are imprisoned in solitary cells. Each cell is windowless and soundproof. There's a central living room with one light bulb; the bulb is initially off. No prisoner can see the light bulb from his or her own cell. Each day, the warden picks a prisoner equally at random, and that prisoner visits the central living room; at the end of the day the prisoner is returned to his cell. While in the living room, the prisoner can toggle the bulb if he or she wishes. Also, the prisoner has the option of asserting the claim that all 100 prisoners have been to the living room. If this assertion is false (that is, some prisoners still haven't been to the living room), all 100 prisoners will be shot for their stupidity. However, if it is indeed true, all prisoners are set free into MENSA, since the world can always use more smart people then how is it possible?

Before this all begins the prisoners are alloweed to have a meeting in a different room about what they are to do.

2006-12-05 11:11:01 · 12 answers · asked by anikabot 2

2, 4,8 ?, 32
not what you think it is!!!!

2006-12-05 11:11:00 · 23 answers · asked by Anonymous

The Captain's log.

2006-12-05 11:06:20 · 9 answers · asked by beakndi 2

A salesman from KFC walked up to the Pope and offers him a million dollars if he would change "The Lord's Prayer" from "give us this day our daily bread" to "give us this day our daily chicken." The Pope refused his offer.
Two weeks later, the man offered the pope 10 million dollars to change it from "give us this day our daily bread" to "give us this day our daily chicken" and again the Pope refused the man's generous offer. Another week later, the man offered the Pope 20 million dollars and finally the Pope accepted. The following day, the Pope said to all his officials, "I have some good news and some bad news. 'The good news is, that we have just received a check for 20 million dollars. The bad news is, we lost the Wonder Bread account!'''

2006-12-05 11:06:13 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-12-05 11:05:43 · 7 answers · asked by deeky_ward 3

A few months ago, I upgraded from DrinkingMates 4.2 to Girlfriend1.0
which I had been told for years wouldn't give me any trouble. However,
there are apparently conflicts between these two products and the only
solution was to try and run Girlfriend 1.0 with the sound turned off.

To make matters worse, Girlfriend 1.0 is incompatible with several other applications, such as LadsNightOut 3.1, Football 4.5, and Playboy 6.9. Successive versions of Girlfriend 1.0 proved no better.
I tried a shareware program, Slapper 2.1, but it had many bugs and left a virus in my system, forcing me to shut down completely for several weeks.

Eventually, I tried to run the new Girlfriend 1.2 and Girlfriend 1.0 at the same time, only to discover that when these two systems detected each other they caused severe damage to my hardware.
I eventually upgraded to Fiancée 1.0, only to discover that this product soon had to be upgraded further to Wife 1.0. Whilst Wife 1.0 tends to use up all my available resources, it does at least come bundled with FreeSexPlus and CleanHouse 2005.
Shortly after this upgrade however, I found that Wife 1.0 could be very unstable and extremely costly to run.

Any mistakes I made were automatically stored in Wife 1.0's memory and could not be deleted. They then resurfaced months later when I had forgotten about them.
Wife 1.0 also has an automatic Diary, Explorer and E-mail filter, and can, without warning, launch TurboStrop and Whinge 2. Worse still, these latter products have no Help files, and I have to try and guess what the problem is.

Additional problems are that Wife 1.0 needs updating regularly requiring Adobe ShoeShop, HandBag Searcher and Hairstyle Express, all of which need to be reinstalled every other week.
Also, when Wife 1.0 attaches itself to my Audi TT hard drive, it often crashes.
Wife 1.0 also comes with an irritating pop-up called Mother-in-law, which can't be turned off.

I've recently been tempted to install Mistress 2005, but there could be problems. A friend of mine has alerted me to the fact that if Wife 1.0 detects Mistress 2005; it tends to delete all of your money before uninstalling itself.

2006-12-05 11:02:55 · 20 answers · asked by a m 4

A man rushed into the veterinarian's office carrying his dog, thoroughly distraught. The vet examined the dog's still, limp body and sadly informed the man that the dog was dead.

Saddened at the loss of his best friend, the man asked the doctor if he could please try one last time to revive the dog.

The doctor stepped into his other room and returned with a cat in a wire cage. He set the cage on the examining table and opened the sliding door.

The cat got up, stretched, stepped out of the cage and slowly walked around the dog from head to tail sniffing the body. When it was finished, it looked up at the veterinarian with a meow, walked back into the cage and went back to sleep.

The vet looked at the man and said in his best bedside manner, "I'm sorry, but there is nothing I can do."

Resigned, the man signed and said, "Thanks for trying. How much do I owe you?"

"Three-hundred fifty dollars," the doctor replied.

"Thr... thr... three-hundred fif-fif-fifty bucks to tell me my dog is dead!" the man stammered.

"Well, it was only $50 for the office visit. The other $300 is for the CAT scan."

2006-12-05 10:58:50 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous