Jokes & Riddles - November 2006

30 White Horses
On A Red Hill
They Chomp
They Stomp
Then They Stand Still!
What am I talking about?

And....
Saturday and Sunday, I am big.
Tuesday through Thursday, I am small.
Monday and Friday, I am non-existent.
What am I?

One more...
I'm a ten-letter word, but when I am heard,
I have only four, not one letter more.

My first two sounds are neat; a kind of sheet,
That starts with spread, not the kind on a bed.

Of my sounds, the third is what will be heard,
alphabetically, in the middle of modus operandi.

If you want to hear more, then like the shore,
I end at the sea, that's a hint, you see.

What word am I?

You have to answer all of them to get 10points!

2006-11-07 01:00:28 · 10 answers · asked by JJtheJetPlane 2

It's a riddle! Think hard about it!

2006-11-07 00:47:34 · 15 answers · asked by ♥Raven 6

a man who used 2 come home late once came home early . as he was entering in his bed room he saw that there were 2 ladies shoes .while he had gifted his wife only 1 shoe .when he entered in the room he was shocked to seewhat was happening in the room .what do u think would happened ?????(no adult answers please)

2006-11-07 00:37:45 · 5 answers · asked by rocker 1

2006-11-07 00:30:04 · 23 answers · asked by sunil m 1

What grows on an oak tree?

2006-11-07 00:09:07 · 30 answers · asked by ? 1

A guy walks into an elevator and stands next to a beautiful woman. After a few minutes he turns to her and says, "Can I smell your *****?"
The woman looks at him in disgust and says, "Certainly not!"
"Hmmm," he replies. "It must be your feet, then."

2006-11-07 00:00:27 · 25 answers · asked by leila b 2

Why don’t little girls fart? Because they don’t have assholes until they get married.

2006-11-06 23:45:10 · 3 answers · asked by leila b 2

God, I have a problem “

“ What’s the problem Eve “

“ I know that you created me and provided this beautiful garden and all of these wonderful animals, as well as that hilarious comedic snake, but I’m just not happy “

“ And why is that Eve “ ?

“ God, I am lonely and bored and I’m sick to death of apples “

“ Well Eve, in that case I have a solution, I shall create a man for you “

“ Man ? What is that God ?”

“ A flawed base creature with many bad traits, he’ll lie, cheat and be vain, he will be witless and will revel in childish things, he’ll be bigger than you an will like fighting, hunting and killing things, he wont be too smart, so he will need your advice to think properly, he will have a very limited emotional capacity and will need to be trained. He will look silly when he is aroused but since you have been complaining, I’ll create him in such a way that he will satisfy your physical needs and you most certainly will never be bored again.”

“ Sounds great “ says Eve, with ironically raised eyebrows, “ but what’s the catch God ? “

“ Well, you can have him on one condition.”

“ And what’s that God? “

“ As I said, he’ll be proud, arrogant and self admiring….so you’ll have to let him believe I made him first, it will have to be our little secret “

“ You know….woman to woman !!!!! “

2006-11-06 23:10:30 · 28 answers · asked by Anonymous

murphy and paddy were at the bar having a guiness,murphy said to paddy be jees paddy i need the little boys room i do ,so off he went , meanwhile the titanic hit the iceberg all hell was let loose people were running past paddy who was still at the bar .an announcment came across to ABANDON SHIP ABANDON SHIP,!!!murphy returns to the bar and asks paddy what all the fuss is about, paddy replies "dunno but they,ve just announced theres a band on ship wonder who dey are.

2006-11-06 22:59:40 · 21 answers · asked by Anonymous

An old lady stood at the railing of a cruise ship, holding on tight to
her hat so that it wouldn't blow off in the wind. A gentleman approached her and said,
"Pardon my forwardness, madam, but were you aware that your dress is blowing up in the wind?"
"Yes, I know," said the lady. "But I need both hands to hold onto this hat."
"But madam," the gentleman said in a worried tone, "you must know that you are exposed!"
The old lady glanced down, then back up at the man and replied,

"Sir, anything you see down there is 85 years old. I just bought this hat yesterday!"

2006-11-06 22:37:10 · 16 answers · asked by Pd 6

This old man and his grandson were going to town with their donkey and the boy was riding the donkey. As they went along they passed some people who said it was a shame for the boy to ride and the old man to walk. They thought the critics are correct and they changed positions. Later, they passed some more people who said it is a real shame for that man to make such a small boy walk, confused they decided to walk. Soon they passed some more people who said it is stupid to walk when they had a donkey to ride. So they decided that they both should ride. Soon passed other people who commented it is a shame to put such a load on a poor little animal. So they decided to carry the donkey.As they crossed a bridge they lost their grip on the animal and he fell into the river and drowned.The moral of the story If you try to please everyone, you will eventually lose your a*ss.

2006-11-06 22:34:40 · 11 answers · asked by Pd 6

He is from Iraq, and his name is Saddam.
Should I be more understanding?

2006-11-06 22:16:17 · 22 answers · asked by Anonymous

THE FIVE SECRETS OF A PERFECT RELATIONSHIP"
>
>
>
> 1. It's important to have a woman who helps at home, and who cooks
> from time to time.
>
> 2. It's important to have a woman who can make you laugh.
>
> 3. It's important to have a woman who you can trust and who
> doesn't lie to you.
>
> 4. It's important to have a woman who is good in bed and who likes to
> be with you.
>
> 5. It's very, very important that these four women don't know each
Other.

2006-11-06 22:07:58 · 19 answers · asked by Sangy . 4

http://rumandmonkey.com/widgets/toys/namegen/1167/

"Hello officer. my name? its...."

Cheryl Siler

2006-11-06 22:01:13 · 12 answers · asked by kimandchris2 5

- Knock Knock?

- Who's there

- I did up

- I did up who!!!

2006-11-06 21:53:40 · 30 answers · asked by splandastic 3

She whispered 'will it hurt me?'
'Of course not,' answered he,
,It's a very simple process,
you can rely on me .'
She said, 'i'm very frightened',
I've not had this before.
My freind said she had had it twice
And it can become quite sore.'
It was growing rather painfull
Tears formed in her eyes,
It was hurting quite a bit now,
It must of been the size.
'Calm yourself ,'he whispered;
His face filled with a grin,
'Try to open a little wider
So I can get it in.'
'It's coming now,' he exclaimed;
'I know,' she cried in bliss;
Feeling it deep within her now
She thought ,'I'm glad I'm having this.'
And with a final effort
She gave a frightened shout,
He gripped it tight in anguish
And quickly pulled it out.
She lay back quite contented,
Sighed and gave a smile;
She said, 'I'm glad I came now,
You made it worth my while.'
Now if you read this carefully'
The dentist you will find
Is not what you imagined;
It's just your dirty mind!

First timers only

2006-11-06 21:52:11 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous

.... and others...:
A man was to be sentenced, and the judge told him, "You may make a statement. If it is true, I'll sentence you to four years in prison. If it is false, I'll sentence you to six years in prison." After the man made his statement, the judge decided to let him go free. What did the man say?

2006-11-06 21:38:25 · 9 answers · asked by 【ツ】ρεαcε! 5

Two French paratroopers were seconded to the SAS for special training.

After the first day they met up in the bar.

Ah, Pierre," asks one, " 'ow 'av you been doing?"

Merde!" answers Pierre. "I 'av 'ad a MOS' terrible day. Terrible!

At seex zis morning I was woken by zis beeg 'airy sergeant. 'E
Dragged me out of bed and on to ze parade ground."

And Zen what 'appened?" inquires his mate.


I weel tell you what 'appened! 'E made me climb urp zis silly leetle

Platform five feet off ze ground and Zen 'e said "Jurmp!"."

'And did you jump?" asks his mate.
I did not. I told 'im - "I am a French paratrooper. I do not jump

Five feet. It is beneass my dignity."

And Zen what 'appened?" asks his mate.
Zen 'e made me climb up zis silly leetle platform ten feet off ze
Ground, and 'e said "Jump!"."


And did you jurmp?" asks his mate.



I did not. I told 'im - "I am a French paratrooper. It is beneass
My dignity to jump ten feet."


What 'appened Zen?" asks his mate.

Zen 'e made me climb urp zis rickety platform a 'undred feet above ze
Parade ground. 'E undid 'is trousers, took out zis enormous willy, and

Said: "If you do not jurmp, I am going to stick zis right urp your
Burm."."


Ooooh!" says his mate. "And did you jurmp?"


Leetle, at ze beginning. "

2006-11-06 21:28:49 · 10 answers · asked by Sangy . 4

Betty Bateman wrote:

A husband is at home watching football on the tv when his wife interrupts, "honey, could you fix the light in the hallway? It's been flickering for weeks now".

He looks at her and says angrily, "Fix the lights now? Does it look like I have GE written on my forehead? I don't think so".

"Fine", says his wife "but could you please fix the fridge door? It won't close right".

To which the husband replies, "Fix the fridge door? Does it look like I have Westinghouse written on my forehead? I don't think so".

"Fine", says the wife. A little while later she interrupts again: "Could you at least fix the steps to the front door? They are practically broken".

"I'm not a carpenter and I don't want to fix steps" retorts the husband. "Does it look like I have Ace Hardware written on my forehead? I don't think so. I've had enough of this and I'm going to a bar".

So he goes to a bar and drinks for a couple of hours. Gradually he starts to feel guilty about his behaviour and decides to go home and make the peace.

As he walks through the front door he notices that the steps have been fixed and the hall light is working. He goes to get a beer and sees that the fridge door now closes properly.

"Honey", he says to his wife "how'd all this get fixed?"

"Well", she says "when you left, I sat outside and cried. After a while a nice young man asked me what was wrong and I told him. He offered to do all the repairs and said all I had to do was go to bed with him or bake him a cake".

"So what kind of cake did you bake?" asks the husband.

"Hellooooo .... do you see Betty Crocker written on my forehead? I don't think so!"

2006-11-06 21:28:15 · 9 answers · asked by Je♥n 5

Complete the riddle. I do know the answer, and if you get it or close you will get the 10 points.

2006-11-06 21:27:06 · 16 answers · asked by FUGAZI 5

A y;oung Irish Catholic man goes to his mum on the eve of his wedding and asks. "Why are wedding dresses white?" "It shows the town that your wife is pure," his mother says. He goes to double check with his father. The father looks at his son and says,
"ALL KITCHEN APPLIANCES COME IN WHITE!!!"

2006-11-06 21:13:00 · 9 answers · asked by zaazzy 4

2006-11-06 21:01:23 · 8 answers · asked by cedric_316 2

"I live in water..if u cut my head, im at ur door, if u cut my tail, im a fruit...if u cut both, then Im with u "..

tell me my friends...awaiting for ur answers...

2006-11-06 21:00:49 · 8 answers · asked by Arun kumar 2

x is greater than god,x is sweeter than love,x is impossible for god,if we eat x,we will die.x is a seven letter word.

2006-11-06 20:39:50 · 13 answers · asked by sunil g 1

me. What does the expression I'll see you at your DRUM mean if you are a cockney. I know it has some reference to your house but I can't see how. Thanks !! Please don't answer this if you are American because you will probably be wrong.

2006-11-06 20:36:53 · 5 answers · asked by Shredder 6

If so when is he going to intervene?

2006-11-06 20:29:51 · 4 answers · asked by ? 5

Why are manhole covers round? There is a very logical reason for this, that makes good sence. the first one with the right answer gets the ten points.

2006-11-06 19:45:35 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous

It's a dirty joke that has to do with a guy going to his doctor with a premature ejaculation issue. the doc tells him to buy a gun take it home. he's told to fire the gun when he's afraid he's gonna ejaculate prematurely. the rest involves he and his wife in the bedroom and his neighbour jumping out of the closet naked or something. I can't remember it clearly, but it's really funny...anyone know the whole thing?

2006-11-06 19:35:16 · 7 answers · asked by pepsidude49 1

It was about the great Spagetti crop failure of 1982 the hill sides surrounding the Italian city of Palermo were washed out with heavy rains and the spagetti was rotting on the vines farmers in the region were unable to pick it because of the constant down poor and as a result the entire crop was devistated ( the TV camera showed row after row of spaggetti hanging soggy and drooped on the vine . ) I remember my dad saying that it could ruin Italies economy. the TV station was inundated with callers frantic about helping out the poor devistated farmers



Spagetti dont grow on a da plants peoples

2006-11-06 19:21:04 · 9 answers · asked by slick 4

2006-11-06 19:17:57 · 9 answers · asked by flavorlicious 2