Jokes & Riddles - November 2006

man burts into a sperm bank with a gun
"open the f**king safe "
he shouts at the manageress
"now take out a sample and drink it"
she drinks it & wipes her mouth.

suddenly the man takes off his mask to reveal it is her husband
he says


"see its not that f**king difficult is it "

2006-11-12 19:44:22 · 25 answers · asked by locko550 2

man burts into a sperm bank with a gun
"open the f**king safe "
he shouts at the manageress
"now take out a sample and drink it"
she drinks it & wipes her mouth.

suddenly the man takes off his mask to reveal it is her husband
he says


"see its not that f**king difficult is it "

2006-11-12 19:43:47 · 16 answers · asked by locko550 2

Four white women are drinking cosmopolitans at a NYC apartment. One has blonde curly hair, one has blonde straight hair, one is a redhead, and one is brunette. Then you realize that you're watching the show "Sex and the City"!!

2006-11-12 19:36:47 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-11-12 19:32:24 · 5 answers · asked by gto_bandit76549 1

A man is impersonating the president, and it is 11:30pm. After he finishes making fun of the president, he screams "Live from New York, it's Saturday Night [Live]!!"

2006-11-12 19:30:17 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous

A 60-year-old man went to the doctor for a check-up. The doctor told him, "You're in terrific shape. There's nothing wrong with you. Why, you might live forever. You have the body of a 35 year old. By the way, how old was your father when he died?"

The 60 year old responded, "Who said he was dead?"

The doctor was surprised and asked, "How old is he and is he very active?"

The 60 year old responded, "Well, he is 82 years old and he still goes skiing three times a season and surfing three times a week during the summer."

The doctor couldn't believe it. "Well, how old was your grandfather when he died?"
The 60 year old responded again, "Who said he was dead?"

The doctor was astonished. He said, "You mean to tell me you are 60 years old and both your father and your grandfather are alive? Is your grandfather very active?"

The 60 year old said, "He goes skiing at least once a season and surfing once a week during the summer. Not only that," said the patient, "my grandfather is 106 years old, and next week he is getting married again."

The doctor said, "At 106 years old, why on earth would your grandfather want to get married?"

His patient looked up at the doctor and said, "Who said he wanted to?"



A 60-year-old man went to the doctor for a check-up. The doctor told him, "You're in terrific shape. There's nothing wrong with you. Why, you might live forever. You have the body of a 35 year old. By the way, how old was your father when he died?"

The 60 year old responded, "Who said he was dead?"

The doctor was surprised and asked, "How old is he and is he very active?"

The 60 year old responded, "Well, he is 82 years old and he still goes skiing three times a season and surfing three times a week during the summer."

The doctor couldn't believe it. "Well, how old was your grandfather when he died?"
The 60 year old responded again, "Who said he was dead?"

The doctor was astonished. He said, "You mean to tell me you are 60 years old and both your father and your grandfather are alive? Is your grandfather very active?"

The 60 year old said, "He goes skiing at least once a season and surfing once a week during the summer. Not only that," said the patient, "my grandfather is 106 years old, and next week he is getting married again."

The doctor said, "At 106 years old, why on earth would your grandfather want to get married?"

His patient looked up at the doctor and said, "Who said he wanted to?"

2006-11-12 19:28:17 · 11 answers · asked by scousey1505 1

A bald white guy stands in a large room and yells "My name's Howie Mandell, you have 26 sums of money, 26 suitcases and one question: Deal or no deal."

2006-11-12 19:28:16 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous

http://bbs5.tvpot.media.daum.net/griffin/do/read?bbsId=N003&articleId=8949&pageIndex=1&searchKey=&searchValue=
what's this program

2006-11-12 19:22:57 · 4 answers · asked by Anonymous

a statistic has just come through that last year a man was knocked down on the road every 10 hours. By Christmas he was totally pissed off !!!!!!!!!

2006-11-12 19:10:51 · 14 answers · asked by Shredder 6

2006-11-12 19:01:38 · 9 answers · asked by wjb 3

2006-11-12 19:01:23 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-11-12 18:56:45 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-11-12 18:46:56 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous

What is the difference between the rising and the setting sun...?

2006-11-12 18:45:24 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-11-12 18:43:26 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-11-12 18:29:25 · 17 answers · asked by The Mad Shillelagh 6

there was a typhoon and the electricity was cut off. however a family cannot light up the candles in the house even though all windows are shut. do u know the answer?

2006-11-12 18:27:07 · 19 answers · asked by kitty katty 2

Jack and Tom, are having a beer in a saloon when a cowboy walks in with an Indian's head under his arm. He hands it to the bartender, and the bartender hands him money. The bartender turns to them and says, "I hate Indians. Last week they burnt my barn to the ground and killed my wife and three kids. Anybody brings me the head of an Indian, I'll give them a thousand bucks." Jack and Tom guzzle their beers and leave to go hunt Indians. After a while, they finally spot one. Jack throws a rock, it hits him on the head, the Indian falls off his horse, and rolls seventy feet down a ravine. The two cowboys make their way down the ravine and Tom pulls out his knife to claim their trophy. Jack says, "Tom, take a look at this." Tom says, "Not now, I'm busy." Jack says, "I really think you should have a look." Tom says, "Asshole, can't you see I'm busy? I've got a thousand dollars in my hand." Jack says, "Please, Tom, take a look." Tom looks up at the top of the ravine, and there's five thousand Indians standing there. Tom says, "F$ck! We're gonna be millionaires!"

2006-11-12 18:26:40 · 13 answers · asked by scousey1505 1

Patty witnessed an accident & rushed to asist the driver of a car who's seriously injured. Pulling him out of the wreakage, the driver said with breathing difficulty, "Please..call me..ambulance". Patty replied "Ok, ok ambulance!"

2006-11-12 18:23:28 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous

I am a box that holds keys without locks, yet they can unlock your soul.

What am I?

2006-11-12 18:09:13 · 14 answers · asked by slider 1

It only works when spoken:
Suppose you are an elevator operator.
Twelve people get on at the ground level.
On the second floor 5 get off 4 get on.
On the 3rd floor, 7 get off and 9 get on.
On the 4th floor, 8 get off and 3 get on.
On the 5th floor, the rest get off.
How old is the elevator operator?

PS you can use any reasonable number getting off and on.

2006-11-12 18:07:57 · 16 answers · asked by Everyman 3

came round last week ( i hate him ) an said , our houses are the same are'nt they , i said yes , he said how many rolls of wallpaper did you buy for your lounge , i said 14 , he said thanks , and off he went , he just came round and said , you did say 14 rolls did'nt you , i said yes why , he said , i'v got 3 rolls left over , i said so did i !!

2006-11-12 18:02:28 · 15 answers · asked by nicemanvery 7

A man and his wife are in the shower together when the doorbell rings. The wife puts on a robe and goes down to answer the door.

In walks her husband’s friend Ben. The woman tells him her husband’s in the shower and asks if he can come back later. Instead, Ben steps in and quietly says, "I have $400 in my pocket. I’ll give it to you if you’ll open your bathrobe for me." She’s offended, but really needs the money so she agrees, opens her robe, and lets Ben have a quick peek before doing it up again. Ben gives her the $400, and she opens the door for him to leave, but he says, "I have another $400 in my other pocket. I’ll give it to you if you let me touch your breasts." Now she’s really mortified, but again, she needs the money, so she undoes her robe and lets him have a quick feel. Taking the other $400 from him, she lets him out the door.

Going back upstairs, she gets back in the shower with her husband, feeling a little bit guilty.

"Who was that?" the husband asks.

"Oh, that was just Ben," the wife answers.

"Ben?" the husband says. "That son of a ***** owes me 800 bucks!"

2006-11-12 18:00:22 · 20 answers · asked by Anonymous

A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word. An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them wanted to concede their position. As they passed a barnyard of mules, jackasses, and pigs, the wife asked sarcastically, "Relatives of yours?" "Yep," the husband replied, "in-laws."

2006-11-12 17:56:02 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous

A man is waiting for his wife to give birth. The doctor comes in and informs the dad that his son was born without a torso, arms or legs. The son is just a head! But the dad loves his son and raises him as well as he can, with love and compassion.

After 21 years, the son is now old enough for his first drink. Dad takes him to the bar, tearfully tells the son he is proud of him and orders up the biggest, strongest drink for his boy. With all the bar patrons looking on curiously and the bartender shaking his head in disbelief, the boy takes his first sip of alcohol. Swoooop! A torso pops out! The bar is dead silent; then bursts into a whoop of joy. The father, shocked, begs his son to drink again.

The patrons chant "Take another drink"! The bartender still shakes his head in dismay. Swoooop! Two arms pops out! The bar goes wild. The father, crying and wailing, begs his son to drink again. The patrons chant "Take another drink"! The bartender ignores the whole affair.

By now the boy is getting tipsy, and with his new hands he reaches down, grabs his drink and guzzles the last of it. Swoooop! Two legs pop out. The bar is in chaos. The father falls to his knees and tearfully thanks God. The boy stands up on his new legs and stumbles to the left... then to the right... right through the front door, into the street, where a truck runs over him and kills him instantly. The bar falls silent. The father moans in grief. The bartender sighs and says... "He should have quit while he was a head!"

2006-11-12 17:52:59 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous

Last time, we saw this following riddle:

In baseball, running around the bases, why does it take longer going from second to third?
A: Because there is a shortstop in the middle!

Heheh. And here is today's riddle:

Why wasn't the girl afraid of the lion?

Have fun! :)

2006-11-12 17:48:16 · 8 answers · asked by iamigloo 6

A young man shopping in a supermarket
Noticed a little old lady following him around.

If he stopped, she stopped.
Furthermore she kept staring at him.

She finally overtook him at the checkout,
And she turned to him and said,
"I hope I haven't made you feel ill at ease;
it's just that you look so much like my son
whom I lost in War."

He answered, "That's okay."

"I know it's silly, but if you'd call out
"Good bye, Mom" as I leave the store,
It would make me feel so happy."

She then went through the checkout,
And as she was on her way out of the store,
The man called out,

" Goodbye..., Mom."

The little old lady waved, and smiled
Back at him

Pleased that he had brought a little sunshine
Into someone's day, he went to pay for his
Groceries.

"That comes to $121.85," said the clerk.

"How come so much ...
I only bought 5 items.."

The clerk replied,
"Yeah, but your Mother said
You'd be paying for her things, too."


__._,_.___

2006-11-12 17:46:38 · 22 answers · asked by stone 4

Whats the last thing a man wants to make
And really does not want to make
The man who makes it, can't change it
Another man can change it
Not every man can make it ?

2006-11-12 17:45:43 · 21 answers · asked by scousey1505 1

A mother is in the kitchen making dinner for her family when her daughter walks in.

“Mother, where do babies come from?”

The mother thinks for a few seconds and says, “Well dear, Mommy and Daddy fall in love and get married. One night they go into their bedroom, they kiss and hug and have sex.”

The daughter looks puzzled so the mother continues, “That means the daddy puts his penis in the mommy’s vagina. That’s how you get a baby, honey.” The child seems to comprehend.

“Oh, I see, but the other night when I came into your room you had daddy’s penis in your mouth. What do you get when you do that?”

“Jewelry, my dear. Jewelry.”

2006-11-12 17:41:12 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous

A chicken farmer went to a local bar, sat next to a woman, and ordered a
glass of champagne. The woman perks up and says, "How about that? I just ordered a glass of champagne, too!"

"What a coincidence," he said, "This is a special day for me, I'm
celebrating."

"This is a special day for me, too, and I'm also celebrating!," says the
woman.

"What a coincidence," says the man. As they clinked glasses he asked, "What are you celebrating?"

"My husband and I have been trying to have a child, and today my
gynaecologist told me I'm pregnant!"

"What a coincidence," says the man. "I'm a chicken farmer. For years all my hens were infertile, but today they're finally laying fertilized eggs."

"That's great!" says the woman, "How did your chickens become fertile?"

"I switched cocks," he replied.

She smiled and said, "What a coincidence!"

2006-11-12 17:39:10 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous