Jokes & Riddles - November 2006

2006-11-19 06:27:26 · 23 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-11-19 06:25:24 · 2 answers · asked by niddlie diddle 6

THE GEOGRAPHY OF A WOMAN

Between 18 and 20, a woman is like Africa. Half discovered, half-wild, naturally beautiful with fertile deltas.

Between 21 and 30, a woman is like America. Well developed and open to trade, especially for someone with cash.

Between 31 and 35, she is like India. Very hot, relaxed and convinced of her own beauty.

Between 36 and 40, a woman is like France. Gently aging but still a warm and desirable place to visit.

Between 41 and 50, she is like Yugoslavia. Lost the war, haunted by past mistakes. Massive reconstruction is now necessary.

Between 51 and 60, she is like Russia, Very wide and borders are un-patrolled. The frigid climate keeps people away.

Between 61 and 70, a woman is like Mongolia. A glorious and all conquering past but alas, no future.

After 70, they become like Afghanistan. Everyone knows where it is, but no one wants to go there.



THE GEOGRAPHY OF A MAN

Between 15 and 90, a man is like Zimbabwe. Ruled by a dick.

2006-11-19 06:24:46 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous

The latest christmas toy has just hit the shops......

A talking muslim doll...nobody knows what it say's yet...as they daren't pull the f*****g cord!!!!!!!!

2006-11-19 06:16:13 · 30 answers · asked by T - C - B 3

eats chips?










Bradford !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2006-11-19 06:07:06 · 11 answers · asked by Shredder 6

Out for a run one fine spring morning in Central Park, Bob the Jogger spotted a brand new tennis ball.

Seeing no one around, he stooped over, picked it up and slipped it into the pocket of his shorts.

After finishing his run around the reservoir, he headed back to his apartment, pausing only momentarily at Central Park West to wait for the light to change.

A blond standing next to him eyed the large bulge in his shorts.

"What's that?" she asked.

"Tennis ball," came the breathless reply.

"Oh, my goodness," said the blond sympathetically, "I can only imagine how painful that must be..... I once had tennis elbow."

2006-11-19 06:01:01 · 13 answers · asked by akelaamy 5

2006-11-19 05:49:55 · 33 answers · asked by Foz 1

2006-11-19 05:48:02 · 5 answers · asked by hooter1315 2

As they meet they collide head on, and both cars are wrecked..miraculously both men get out the car un scathed, and thank Jesus for their lucky escape...After which, the Englishman pulls an unopened 15 year old bottle of whisky from his glove compartment and says to the Scotsman "We are so lucky to be alive, lets celebrate" and hands the bottle to the Scotsman, who opens it and gulps down half the bottle, then passes it to the Englishman who says "No thanks, I am waiting for the police to arrive"

2006-11-19 05:42:30 · 21 answers · asked by Anonymous

Antidisestablishmentarianism is the longest word in the English language. How do you spell it.
or
If Washington went to Washington wearing white woolies while Washington's wife waited in Wilmington ,how many W's are there in all.

answer all of them or one but if someone answers all of them correct they are the best answer now hurry and do this i want to eat lol

2006-11-19 05:38:07 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous

lashings of ginger beer to the best answer ha-ray

2006-11-19 05:35:42 · 11 answers · asked by roybester2000 2

Five Americans boarded a train just behind five Jews, who, as a group had only purchased one ticket. Just before the conductor came through, all the Jews piled into the toilet stall at the back of the car. As the conductor passed the stall, he knocked and called"Tickets, please!" and one of the Jews slid a ticket under the door. It was punched, pushed back under the door, and when it was safe all the Jews came out and took their seats. The Americans were tremendously impressed by the Jews' ingenuity. On the trip back, the five Americans decided to try this themselves and purchased only one ticket. They noticed that, oddly, the Jews had not purchased any tickets this time. Anyway, again, just before the conductor came through, the Jews piled into one of the toilet stalls, the Americans into the other. Then one of the Jews leaned out, knocked on the Americans stall and called "Ticket, Please!" When the ticket slid out under the door, he picked it up and quickly closed the door

2006-11-19 05:31:07 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous

its the same question, it doesnt show up on the boards? why?

gonna add it on here hold on, lets see if it comes up.

2006-11-19 05:19:37 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous

this is to see who watches family guy

2006-11-19 05:05:41 · 13 answers · asked by Doctor J 1

What walks on four legs in the morning
Two in the afternoon
and three at night???????????????????

2006-11-19 05:00:16 · 20 answers · asked by Pandax 2

becase the chicken is the king of the other chickens that told the chicken people to kill the pig! is that a funny joke or what HahahahahahahahaahahahahHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

2006-11-19 04:53:33 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous

Five minutes more!




.

2006-11-19 04:47:31 · 24 answers · asked by jabelite 3

2006-11-19 04:36:12 · 24 answers · asked by freddy197120032003 3

saw his head off and count the rings

2006-11-19 04:30:12 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous

now i cant have a child! is that true , cuz it really hurts! for 2 days

2006-11-19 04:24:54 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous

A study conducted by UCLA's Dept. of Psychology

The kind of face a woman finds attractive on a man depends on where she is in her menstrual cycle. For example if she is ovulating she is attracted to man with rugged and masculine features. However, if she is menstruating or menopausal, she tends to prefer a man with scissors lodged in his temple and a bat jammed up his butt while he is on fire.

Further studies in this area have been cancelled.
__._,_.___

2006-11-19 04:22:55 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous

he is met by satan, who says" I will now show you 3 rooms and you must take the place of a person that you find in one of the rooms you are about to be shown, then spend the rest of time in there
In the first room he sees Tony Blair swimming in a pool of excrement, and he says, "Aw sorry I cant swim too good, lets go to the next room"
In room 2, he sees Hitler in a room full of venomous snakes, and says "No, I have a phobia of snakes, lets try the next room"
In room 3 he sees Bill Clinton lying naked, with Monica Lewinsky on top of him doing what she is famous for
Bush winks at Satan, smiles and says "This is the room for me"
At which point says "OK Monica, get your clothes on youre being replaced"

2006-11-19 04:19:23 · 19 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-11-19 04:18:49 · 13 answers · asked by jonas_tripps_79 2

if you were stood in the aisle on a moving bus and jumped up in the air would you land in the same place or further back down the aisle as the bus is moving?

2006-11-19 04:15:39 · 17 answers · asked by WONKEYTOES 1

can the ladys bounce the balls clean the rackets and end up sweating

2006-11-19 04:05:29 · 8 answers · asked by butter 1

Mostly girls! please

2006-11-19 04:04:14 · 6 answers · asked by butter 1

cuz it looks funny what do u think it looks like?

2006-11-19 04:03:15 · 5 answers · asked by butter 1

An extremely modest man was in the hospital for a series of tests, which had left his bodily systems extremely upset. Upon making several false alarm trips to the bathroom, he decided the latest episode was another and stayed put.

He suddenly filled his bed with diarrhea and was embarrassed beyond his ability to remain rational. In a complete loss of composure he jumped out of bed, gathered up the bed sheets, and threw them out the hospital window.

A drunk was walking by the hospital when the sheets landed on him. He started yelling, cursing, and swinging his arms violently trying to get the unknown things off, and ended up with the soiled sheets in a tangled pile at his feet. As the drunk stood there staring down at the sheets, a hospital security guard who watched the whole incident walked up and asked,"What the heck is going on?"

The drunk, still staring down, replied:

"I think I just beat the crap out of a ghost."

2006-11-19 03:51:39 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous

"Certainly", said the man, and left the room! A few minutes later he returned looking pleased with himself. "Where have you been?" said the interviewer. The man said, " I've just given the Doorman a good hiding!".

2006-11-19 03:51:30 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous

Brenda O'Malley is home making dinner, as usual, when Tim Finnegan arrives at her door.
"Brenda, may I come in?" he asks. "I've somethin' to tell ya".
"Of course you can come in, you're always welcome, Tim. But where's my husband?"
"That's what I'm here to be telling ya, Brenda."
There was an accident down at the Guinness brewery..."
"Oh, God no!" cries Brenda. "Please don't tell me."
"I must, Brenda. Your husband Shamus is dead and gone. I'm sorry.
Finally, she looked up at Tim. "How did it happen, Tim?"
"It was terrible, Brenda. He fell into a vat of Guinness Stout and drowned."
"Oh my dear Jesus! But you must tell me the truth, Tim. Did he at least go quickly?"
"Well, Brenda... no. In fact, he got out three times to pee."

2006-11-19 03:34:58 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous