Jokes & Riddles - November 2006

2006-11-19 09:05:20 · 7 answers · asked by STORMY K 3

Astrapadichtomy !!

2006-11-19 09:02:30 · 12 answers · asked by MICHAEL M 1

2006-11-19 08:59:05 · 9 answers · asked by STORMY K 3

Cancer..............sorry!

2006-11-19 08:58:10 · 25 answers · asked by Anonymous

Big Shooie Douglas

2006-11-19 08:57:28 · 12 answers · asked by David R 5

How many men does it take to open a beer?
None, it should be open when she bring it.

How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart?
When she starts a sentence with "A man told me".....

If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling through the front door which do you let in first?
The dog of course he will shut up when he gets in.....

Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a womans sex drive by 90%!
Its called wedding cake..

Please add some more if you like.!!!!!!!!

2006-11-19 08:51:54 · 15 answers · asked by Shredder 6

Phillipe Flop (flip flop) what a cracker!!!!

2006-11-19 08:46:56 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-11-19 08:43:56 · 11 answers · asked by a girl 2

A Professor at one of the IIM's ( INDIA )
was explaining marketing concepts to
the Students:-




1 You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and say:



"I am very rich. Marry me!" - That's
Direct Marketing



2 You're at a party with a bunch of friends and see a gorgeous girl.








One of your friends goes up to her and pointing at you says:








"He's very rich. Marry him." - That's
Advertising

















3 You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and get her








telephone number. The next day, you call and say:








"Hi, I'm very rich. Marry me." - That's
Telemarketing

















4 You're at a party and see gorgeous girl. You get up and








straighten your tie, you walk up to her and pour her a drink, you open the door (of the car)for her, pick up her bag after she drops it, offer her ride and then say:









By the way, I'm rich. Will you marry me?" -

That's Public Relations

















5 You're at a party and see gorgeous girl. She walks up to you and








says:








You are very rich! Can you marry ! me?" -

That's B rand Recognition

















6 You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and say:








I am very rich. Marry me!" She gives you a nice hard slap on your face.








- That's Customer Feedback



















7 You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and say:








"I am very rich. Marry me!" And she introduces you to her
husband.








- That's demand and supply gap



















8 You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and before you say anything, another person come and tell her: "I'm rich. Will you marry me?"








and she goes with him - That's competition eating into your
market share



















9 You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and before








you say:








"I'm rich, Marry me!" &your wife arrives. -

That's restriction for entering new markets

2006-11-19 08:42:03 · 6 answers · asked by Chocogal 7

They looked under her dress and found 200 pounds of crack!

2006-11-19 08:41:09 · 4 answers · asked by tumbleweed1954 6

for a takeaway at our local Indian resturant. The voice said hello what are you being wanting please. I said i would like a kebab please, what have you got. He answered i am having lamb, beef and chicken, please thankyou sir!. I said sounds good, tell me do you deliver. No he said only lamb, beef and chicken !!!!

2006-11-19 08:40:44 · 15 answers · asked by Shredder 6

2006-11-19 08:35:16 · 18 answers · asked by MICHAEL M 1

20 Individuals beheaded, there is no blood, and none are dead, if you wait awhile they will be beheaded again.... What are we?

2006-11-19 08:21:39 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous

How a BOY withdraws cash from ATM.


1. Park the car

2. Go to ATM Machine

3. Insert card

4. Enter PIN

5. Take money out

6. Take ATM Card out

7. Drive away



How a GIRL withdraws cash from ATM


1. Park the car

2. Check makeup

3. Turn off engine

4. Check makeup

5. Go to ATM

6. Hunt for ATM card in the purse

7. Insert card

8. Hit Cancel

9. Hunt in purse for chit with PIN written on it

10. Insert card

11. Enter PIN

12. Take cash

13. Go to car

14. Check makeup

15. Start car

16. Stop car

17. Run back to ATM

18. Take ATM card

19. Back to car

20. Check makeup

21. Start car

22. Check makeup

23. Drive for 1/2 mile

24. Release handbrake

2006-11-19 08:20:37 · 7 answers · asked by Chocogal 7

Mine isn't so much the sticker itself but the situation.

There was a vehicle with a magnet strip that read "Keep kids alive, Drive 25". The driver was getting a sobriety test!

2006-11-19 08:14:32 · 28 answers · asked by ♥N,K,E&DJ'§ Mommy♥ 4

Looking for real funny names (first & last). You know you have all done it, the Bart Simpson prank phone calls asking some poor sap for some off the wall name. Examples... Phil Erupp,
Oliver Klozoff, Kenny Dewitt, Manuel Abor, Juana Dewitt, etc...Give me your best names.

2006-11-19 08:11:04 · 15 answers · asked by smarteepants 3

its the first day of school and 3 boys arent there. the fisrt boy comes in , the teacher asks "where were you?"
he says on top of cheery lane.

the next 2 boys come in and say the same thing as the first boy
a new girl comes in
the teacher asks"whats your name?"
she says "cherry lane"

2006-11-19 08:05:35 · 21 answers · asked by cute_e0321 2

the english man scottish man and irish man that walked into a bar and the barman said''whats this some kinda joke?''

2006-11-19 07:51:51 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous

An Italian, French and Chinese went for a job interview in England.

Before the interview, they were told that they must compose a sentence in English with three main words: green, pink and yellow.

The Italian was first: "I wake up in the morning. I see the yellow sun. I see the green grass and I think to myself, I hope it will be a pink day."

The French was next: " I wake up in the morning, I eat a yellow banana, a green pepper and in the evening I watch the pink panther on TV.

Last was the Chinese: "I wake up in the morning, I hear the phone "green green", I "pink" up the phone and I say "Yellow. !!!!!!!!!!!!

2006-11-19 07:39:25 · 21 answers · asked by Anonymous

Questions:
1. How old is old McDonald?
2. Why are Trix only for kids?
3. Should we be "crunchatized" every time we eat Captain Crunch's Cereal?
4. Where did the cow land after he jumped over the moon (in "Hey Diddle Diddle")?
5. Why where the Butcher, the Baker, and the Candlestick Maker in a tub?

2006-11-19 07:26:21 · 7 answers · asked by Baby Girl 2

A well known billionaire walks into a bank and declares that he would like to take out a loan. The manager, expecting good business, invites him to his office and after much niceties and all asks how much he want.

“£ 1 ” - He says.

“Only £1?” The manager asks in surprise.

“Yes please”.

Fuming but unable to refuse, the manager says “There will be a high interest of 30%.”
Undeterred, the man pays 30 pence upfront.
Not willing to give up easily the manager asks for collateral (security).

“Sure thing” the man says and takes out half a million pounds worth of government bond, “Will this be enough?”

The manager had no option but to grant the loan. Next year, the billionaire turns up again to renew the loan.

After renewing his loan for several years, the manager could hold his curiosity no longer and begged him to tell his secret. Can you guess what is it?

2006-11-19 07:20:55 · 11 answers · asked by netwalker01 3

An English man, Irishman and a Scottish man are sitting in a pub full of people.

The Englishman says, "The pubs in England are the best. You can buy one drink and get a second one free".

Everyone in the pub agreed and gave a big cheer.

The Scottish man says, "Yeah. That's quite good but in Scotland you can buy one drink and get another 2 for free."

Again, the crowd in the pub gave a big cheer.

The Irish man says "Your two pubs are good, but they are not as good as the ones in Ireland. In Ireland you can buy one pint, get another 3 for free and then get taken into the backroom for a f*ck"

The English says "WOW! Did that happen to you?" and the Irishman replies "No, but it happened to my sister."

2006-11-19 07:05:04 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous

garden centre. Is she good or boring. I don't want to glaze over infront of everyone. Should i go?

2006-11-19 07:04:58 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous

with a cockerel in hot pursuit and closing fast. Suddenly the cockerel slamed on the breaks screeched to a halt and began pecking at the crumbs from the sandwich "damn", muttered the farmer, "I hope i never get that hungry".

2006-11-19 07:03:59 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous

why can't you hear mime artists?

2006-11-19 06:55:46 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous

A group of mates meet up at a bar for drink and to catch up on old times. Christmas is comming up so one guy asks his friend;
Peter : "what are you getting your wife for christmas"???
Tony : "Slippers and a dildo"
Peter: "Why"??
Tony: "Because if she doesnt like the slippers, she can go fcuk herself"!

2006-11-19 06:55:06 · 38 answers · asked by Anonymous

So a bloke from the council come round about the rubbish.
Where's your bin?
I've been on Holiday.
No, where's your wheelie bin?
I've wheelie bin on holiday.

2006-11-19 06:46:04 · 22 answers · asked by First Ascent 4 Thistle 7

Lena was hired at The Tickle Me Elmo factory and she reports for her first day promptly at 8:00 AM.

The next day at 8:45 AM there is a knock at the Personnel Manager's door. The Foreman throws open the door and begins to rant about the new employee. He complains that she is incredibly slow and the whole line is backing up, putting the entire production line behind schedule.

The Personnel Manager decides he should see this for himself, so the two men march down to the factory floor. When they get there the line is so backed up that there are Tickle Me Elmo's all over the factory floor and they're really beginning to pile up. At the end of the line stands Lena surrounded by mountains of Tickle Me Elmo's. She has a roll of plush red fabric and a huge bag of small marbles.

The 2 men watch in amazement as she cuts a little piece of fabric, wraps it around two marbles and begins to carefully sew the little package between Elmo's legs. The Personnel Manager bursts into laughter.

2006-11-19 06:32:08 · 12 answers · asked by akelaamy 5

A man sitting in a cafe, he asks the waitress for coffee with no cream, the waitress replied, "sir we have no cream. will no milk be ok".

2006-11-19 06:31:42 · 7 answers · asked by niddlie diddle 6

not a newspaper... =~)

2006-11-19 06:28:50 · 17 answers · asked by April M 2