Jokes & Riddles - October 2006

An Englishman, a German and a Frenchman are all in Saudi Arabia, sharing a smuggled crate of booze when, all of a sudden, Saudi police rush in and arrest them. The mere possession of alcohol is a severe offence in Saudi Arabia, so for the terrible crime of actually being caught consuming the booze, they are all sentenced to death!

However, after many months and with the help of very good lawyers, they were able to successfully appeal their sentences down to life imprisonment. By a stroke of luck, it was a Saudi national holiday the day their trial finished, and the extremely benevolent Sheikh decided they could be released after receiving just 20 lashes each of the whip.

As they were preparing for their punishment, the Sheikh announced: "It's my first wife's birthday today, and she has asked me to allow each of you one wish before your whipping."

The German was first in line, he thought for a while and then said: "Please tie a pillow to my back."

This was done, but the pillow only lasted 10 lashes before the whip went through. When the punishment was done the German had to be carried away bleeding and crying with pain.

The Frenchman was next up. After watching the German in horror he said smugly: "Please fix two pillows to my back."

But even two pillows could only take 15 lashes before the whip went through again and the Frenchman was soon led away whimpering loudly.

The Englishman was the last one up, but before he could say anything, the Sheikh turned to him and said: "You are from a most beautiful part of the world and your culture is one of the finest in the world. For this, you may have two wishes!"

"Thank you, your Most Royal and Merciful highness," the Englishman replied. "In recognition of your kindness, my first wish is that you give me not 20, but 100 lashes."

"Not only are you an honorable, handsome and powerful man, you are also very brave," the Sheikh said with an admiring look on his face. "If 100 lashes is what you desire, then so be it. And your second wish, what is it to be?"

The Englishman smiled and said, "Tie the Frenchman to my back."

2006-10-23 12:12:48 · 21 answers · asked by Woody 3

HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2006-10-23 12:02:30 · 10 answers · asked by barrettins 3

i know the answer but how do u do it...here it is...

Ready?
*snap!*
Boy this riddle's hard huh?
But you can't get it.
*snap!*
*snap!*
*snap!*
Too late!!


help pls!!!

2006-10-23 12:00:52 · 5 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-10-23 12:00:25 · 15 answers · asked by JAYFIRE 4

Or do both!! Get Married!!!

2006-10-23 11:59:44 · 15 answers · asked by barrettins 3

2006-10-23 11:58:34 · 6 answers · asked by JAYFIRE 4

There was a guy who was struggling to decide what to wear to go to a fancy costume party... Then he had a bright idea.
When the host answered the door, he found the guy standing there with no shirt and no socks on.
"What the hell are you supposed to be?" asked the host.
"A premature ejaculation," said the man. "I just came in my pants!"

2006-10-23 11:57:40 · 24 answers · asked by billywhizzzzzzzzzzzzzz 1

After getting all of the Pope’s luggage loaded into the limo, the driver notices that the Pope is still standing on the curb. “Excuse me, Your Eminence,” says the driver, “would you please take your seat so we can leave?”

“Well, to tell you the truth,” says the Pope, “they never let me drive at the Vatican, and I’d really like to drive today.”

“I’m sorry but I cannot let you do that. I’d lose my job! And what if something happens?” protests the driver, wishing he’d never gone to work that morning.

“There might be something extra in it for you,” says the Pope.

Reluctantly, the driver gets in the back as the Pope climbs in behind the wheel. The driver quickly regrets his decision when, after exiting the airport, the Supreme Pontiff floors it, accelerating the limo to 105 mph.

“Please slow down, Your Holiness!!!” pleads the worried driver, but the Pope keeps the pedal to the metal until they hear sirens. “Oh, dear God, I’m gonna lose my license,” moans the driver.

The Pope pulls over and rolls down the window as the cop approaches, but the cop takes one look at him, goes back to his motorcycle, and gets on the radio. “I need to talk to the Chief,” he says to the dispatcher.

The Chief gets on the radio and the cop tells him that he’s stopped a limo going a hundred and five.

“So bust him,” says the Chief.

“I don’t think we want to do that, he’s really important,” says the cop. “I mean really important.”

“Who you got there, the Mayor?” the chief asks.

“Bigger. Bigger than the governor or everyone else for that matter,” says the cop.

“Well, who is it?” asks the chief.

“I think it’s God!” says the cop.

“What makes you think it’s God?”

Cop answers: “He’s got the Pope for a limo driver!”

2006-10-23 11:54:54 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous

A guy is sitting in a bar, just staring at his drink. A half-hour later, he's still there, staring at his drink, and hasn't drunk a drop.
Suddenly a bully steps up to the bar, takes the guy's drink, and drinks it all down.

The poor man starts crying.


"Oh, come on, man!" the bully says. "I was just joking! Here, I'll buy you another drink. I can't stand to see a man cry."

"This day is the worst of my life," the man says, mopping at his tears with his sleeve. "First, I got fired for oversleeping and getting to work late. Then, as I'm leaving the building, I find out my car was stolen. I get in a cab to return home and I forget my wallet and credit cards in the cab. Then, I go inside and find my wife in bed with my best friend. So I end up at this bar, and just when I was thinking about putting an end to my life, you show up and drink my poison!"

2006-10-23 11:50:28 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous

if you were trapped in a locked room with a wooden bat and a raw peice of steak, the oxygen level was decreasing and there were no windows, how whould you excape?

2006-10-23 11:49:30 · 8 answers · asked by TastelessFish 3

bucket seats- they say they are ergo friendly- but my ergo isn't appreciating!!

2006-10-23 11:47:40 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous

I really want to laugh!I also want to laugh at the people who says look in the mirror because around the other side of the computer I am a beautiful,smart girl.You dont even know me.Do a joke u would think I never heard of and you thought was funny!~Chyna D

2006-10-23 11:44:50 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous

plz i need a good joke thank you

2006-10-23 11:42:11 · 26 answers · asked by Anonymous

What is once in a minute,twice in a moment but not in a second

2006-10-23 11:42:02 · 13 answers · asked by flames33761 1

2006-10-23 11:36:51 · 10 answers · asked by *~♥3r|k@♥~* 2

here it goes...

on a top of a mountain there was a cabin...

inside and outside the cabin more than 100 people were found dead,,,

how did this happen?

2006-10-23 11:33:15 · 5 answers · asked by jin_ale 2

How many US states have the same first letter as their Capital? name them.

2006-10-23 11:26:58 · 5 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-10-23 11:20:23 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous

the first person to get them all right wins

1 why couldnt the mummy answer the phone?

2 what is count draculas favorite kind of dog

3 what is a monsters favorite kind of food

4 what kind of rocks does Frankenstein have in his collection

2006-10-23 11:16:45 · 13 answers · asked by flames33761 1

Correct answer gets 10 points

2006-10-23 11:16:13 · 13 answers · asked by Who Me? 4

A husband is advised by a psychiatrist to assert himself. "You don't have to let your wife henpeck you. Go home and show her you're the boss."

The husband takes the doctor's advice. He rushes home, slams the door, shakes his fist in his wife's face, and growls, "From now on, you're taking orders from me. I want my supper right now, and when you get it on the table, go upstairs, and lay out my best clothes. Tonight, I'm going out with the boys, and you are going to stay at home where you belong."

"And another thing," he says. "Guess who's going to comb my hair, give me a shave, and tie my necktie?"

His wife says calmly, "The undertaker."

2006-10-23 11:16:02 · 11 answers · asked by Dew Drop 3

just imagine that it is two rectangles, one on top of each other.
the top one has a line dividing it and the bottom one has two.
With only one line, try to touch each line that makes up the rectangles only one time.
i have no other way of explaining this so if you know what im talking about try to explain how to solve it or where i can go to see the answer

2006-10-23 11:10:13 · 7 answers · asked by sMiLeY #10 5

2006-10-23 11:08:07 · 6 answers · asked by Miss Terious 3

Row, Row, Row your boat...

Hope you like it!

2006-10-23 10:47:54 · 10 answers · asked by Brian.E 2

i turn polar bears whiteand I will make you cry.I make guys have to peeand girls comb their hair.I make celebrities look stupidand normal people look like celebrities.I turn pancakes brownand make your champane bubble.If you sqeeze me, I'll pop.If you look at me, you'll pop.Can you guess the riddle?

2006-10-23 10:46:31 · 18 answers · asked by hay 1

my dad always says whenever iam on the copmeter,
when i was a kid I had to play outside all day.

Well shouldn't we be happy that we have the computer and so we should use it? Just asking :)
LMK

2006-10-23 10:31:51 · 9 answers · asked by One Bad Gato 3

Men are Like...

Men are like.......

.....Placemats.
They only show up when there's food on the table.

.....Mascara.
They usually run at the first sign of emotion.

.....Bike helmets.
Handy in an emergency, but otherwise they just look silly.

.....Government bonds.
They take so long to mature.

.....Copiers.
You need them for reproduction, but that's about it.

.....Lava lamps.
Fun to look at, but not all that bright.

.....Bank accounts.
Without a lot of money, they don't generate much interest.

.....High heels.
They're easy to walk on once you get the hang of it.

.....Curling irons.
They're always hot, and they're always in your hair.

.....Mini skirts.
If you're not careful, they'll creep up your legs.

.....Handguns.
Keep one around long enough, and you're going to want to shoot it.

2006-10-23 10:25:11 · 18 answers · asked by cheeks the slick 2

Husband : You always carry my photo in your handbag to the office. Why?

Wife : When there is a problem, no matter how impossible, I look at your picture and the problem disappears.

Husband : You see, how miraculous and powerful I am for you?

Wife : Yes, I see your picture and say to myself, "What other problem can there be greater than this one?"

2006-10-23 10:16:10 · 29 answers · asked by cheeks the slick 2

The Pastor and the Eggs

The elderly pastor was cleaning up his office one Friday morning. In the back of the office, he found a small box containing 3 eggs and 100 $1 bills. He showed his secretary the box to ask her about the box and its contents. Embarrassed, she admitted having hidden the box there for the last 25 years. Disappointed and hurt, the pastor asked her, "WHY?" The secretary replied that she hadn't wanted to hurt his feelings. He asked her how the box could have hurt his feelings. She said that every time that he had delivered a poor sermon, she had placed an egg in the box. The pastor felt that 3 poor sermons in 25 years was certainly nothing to feel bad about, so he asked her what the $100 was for. She replied, "Each time I got a dozen eggs, I sold them to the neighbours for $1."

2006-10-23 10:13:57 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-10-23 10:10:27 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous