Jokes & Riddles - October 2006

What ROCK GROUP has four men who don't sing?

2006-10-23 19:00:06 · 15 answers · asked by BAJ 3

What has lots of KEYS, but can't open DOORS?

2006-10-23 18:58:35 · 24 answers · asked by BAJ 3

I run, but I never WALK.
I have a MOUTH, but I never TALK.
I have a BED, but I never LIE.
What am I?

2006-10-23 18:57:00 · 22 answers · asked by BAJ 3

2006-10-23 18:55:26 · 9 answers · asked by khornekid2000 1

Please respond with ridculous answers only. Logical answers will be pointed at and made fun of.
And just in case, "Haw haw! That's a logical answer! Haw haw!"

2006-10-23 18:40:34 · 9 answers · asked by ozarugold51 2

It was Sunday, during the Mass the Priest is giving communion to people.

Priest: Body of Christ
Person: Amen
Priest: body of Christ
Person 2 says Amen
Then the Priest came to give communion to the palate guy, the Priest said body of Christ, the guy didn't response he stay still and just like nothing happen the Priest again said body of Christ same thing the guy just stare to the Priest. The Priest has to do something as the queue of worshippers getting too long the Priest look at him and noticed he’s a palate guy so the Priest get the bread (white bread) and stuck it onto the palate guy’s mouth the guy responded to the Priest and says Wow it’s like a JUKE BOX!!!!

2006-10-23 18:23:50 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous

I saw this term used in a Miller Lite commercial. It's apparently funny, but I don't know why. Please help...

2006-10-23 18:14:06 · 5 answers · asked by pete_mackin 2

Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy takes out his phone and calls emergency services. He gasps "My friend is dead! What do I do!?" The operater says "Calm down. First, lets make sure he's dead." There is a silence and then a gun shot is heard, the guy now back on the phone says "Ok, now what?"



haha Hope it made you laugh!

2006-10-23 18:12:49 · 17 answers · asked by ηєvєrmorє 6

Not exactly riddles but anyways - Palendrome is when a word or phrase is read backwards and forwards it's still the same. like "Never Odd or Even" and "eye"

I'll give a description of the word and you have to tell me the Palendrome.

1. What you call a lady
2. A broken object or something not working
3. Someone you call crazy
4. "A three _____ cake"
5. What you call a short time job

Get all 5 correct and the 10 points are yours. Dont rate this question because I just wanna know if you can think well. It's a test on your vocabulary.

:) :) :) :) :)

2006-10-23 18:10:08 · 10 answers · asked by Princess Answers 3

Hello,
My name be Eboneesha, an African-American girl who just got an award
For being the best speler in class. I got 67% on the speling test and
30 points for being black, 5 points for not bringing drugs into class,
5 points for not bringing guns into class, and 5 points for not getting
Pregnut during the cemester. It hard to beat a score of 120%.
The white dude who sit next to me is McGee from the Bronx. He got A
94% on the test but no extra points on account of he have the same Skin
color as the opressirs of 150 years ago.
Granny ax me to thank all Dimocrafts and Liberals for suporting
Afermative action. You showing the way to true equality.
I gwine be gittin in medical skool nex an mabe I be yo doctor.

Yo fren,
Eboneesha

2006-10-23 18:00:12 · 11 answers · asked by Sangy . 4

Thoughts!!!

I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that

a lot of people die of natural causes.

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The easiest way to find something lost around the house

is to buy a replacement.

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Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.

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There are two kinds of pedestrians -- the quick and

the dead.

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Life is sexually transmitted.

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An unbreakable toy is useful for breaking other toys.

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If quitters never win, and winners never quit, then who

is the fool who said, "Quit while you're ahead?"

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Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one

can die.

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The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.

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Get the last word in: Apologize.

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Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day; teach

that person to use the Internet and they won't bother

you for weeks.

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Some people are like Slinkies . . . not really good for

anything, but you still can't help but smile when you

see one tumble down the stairs.

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Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again.

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All of us could take a lesson from the weather.

It pays no attention to criticism.

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Why does a slight tax increase cost you two hundred

dollars and a substantial tax cut save you thirty cents?

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In the 60's, people took acid to make the world weird.

Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make

it normal.

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Politics is supposed to be the second oldest profession.

I have come to realize that it bears a very close

resemblance to the first.

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How is it one careless match can start a forest fire,

but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?

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AND THE # 1 THOUGHT FOR THE DAY:

You read about all these terrorists --

most of them came here legally,

but they hung around on these expired visas,

some for as long as 10 -15 years.

Now, compare that to Blockbuster;

you are two days late with a video

and those people are all over you.

Let's put Blockbuster in charge of immigration.

2006-10-23 17:49:20 · 15 answers · asked by Sangy . 4

im staying!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! the majority was 12 to 3..i stay...

2006-10-23 17:45:35 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous

Does anyone out there think this is funny? I thought so. LOL.

2006-10-23 17:43:39 · 8 answers · asked by Selym 3

u r being raised by wolves?

2006-10-23 17:25:36 · 23 answers · asked by Anonymous

laxR_5 pls dont answer i know what u think.

Do you like my questions or are they boring?

Majority rules. If majority doesnt like them...ill stop posting them...

2006-10-23 17:20:54 · 21 answers · asked by Anonymous

Squirrel sitting next to me....and it's looking at my pacifier.....do u think it's going to attack me and take my pacifier away??
What should i do......HELPPPPP!!!

2006-10-23 17:20:38 · 22 answers · asked by Anonymous

There is a new study out about women. I thought these results were pretty interesting.

85% of women think their *** has grown too big since getting married..

10% of women think their *** is just as big as it was when they got married..

The other 5% say that they don't care, they love him and would have married him anyway.

2006-10-23 17:19:02 · 9 answers · asked by ? 5

Bimbabble - noises coming from a group of blondes
Bimbaffled - constant mental state of blondes
Bimbait - short skirts, sheer blouses, string bikinis or other clothing worn by blondes in an attempt to attract the attention of males
Bimbar - a bar where blondes hang out wearing bimbait
Bimbag - a blonde's purse
Bimbrushes - essential equipment in a bimbag
Bimbastic surgeon - specialist in breast enhancements for blondes
Bimbeeper - special instrument used as a homing device for lost blondes
Bimbellow - sound emanating from a blonde after she finally got the most recent blonde joke she heard
Bimbillion? - a blonde giving an estimate of anything
Bimblaze - the result of a blonde trying to cook
Bimblues - a blonde's state of mind after her latest boyfriend ditched her
Bimboette - a young blonde
Bimbonese - language spoken by blondes, largely unintelligible to anyone else
Bimbonique behavior - airhead behavior, unique to blondes
Bimboozle - to fool a blonde

2006-10-23 17:18:04 · 10 answers · asked by ? 5

Do you have braces?

2006-10-23 17:16:39 · 22 answers · asked by Anonymous

On hearing that her elderly grandfather had just passed away, Katie went straight to her grandparent's house to visit her 95 year old grandmother and comfort her.

When she asked how her grandfather had died, her grandmother replied, "He had a heart attack while we were making love on Sunday morning."

Horrified, Katie told her grandmother that 2 people nearly 100 years old having sex would surely be asking for trouble.

"Oh no, my dear, " replied granny. "Many years ago, realizing our advanced age, we figured out the best time to do it was when the church bells would start to ring. It was just the right rhythm. Nice and slow and even. Nothing too strenuous, simply in on the Ding and out on the Dong."

She paused, wiped away a tear and then continued, "And if that damned ice cream truck hadn't come along, he'd still be alive today!"

2006-10-23 17:15:06 · 21 answers · asked by ? 5

This time it's hot or not...

1) Blondes
2) Spiderman
3) Bows in girls hair
4) Rental Movies
5) PPV Movies

2006-10-23 17:10:07 · 21 answers · asked by Anonymous

Computer or TV?

2006-10-23 17:02:39 · 28 answers · asked by Anonymous

Have you lost all your teeth?

2006-10-23 17:01:14 · 33 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-10-23 16:43:13 · 4 answers · asked by Anonymous

Now here are the rules from the male side.
These are our rules!
Please note... these are all numbered "1"
ON PURPOSE!


1. Men are NOT mind readers.

1. Learn to work the toilet seat.
You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down.
We need it up, you need it down.
You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Sunday sports. It's like the full moon
or the changing of the tides.
Let it be.

1. Shopping is NOT a sport.
And no, we are never going to think of it that way.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want.
Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work!
Just say it!

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do.
Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a Problem.
See a doctor.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.
In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 Days.

1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't Expect us to act like soap opera guys.

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are.
Don't ask us.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of them makes you sad or angry, then we meant the other one

1. You can either as k us to do something
Or tell us how you want it done.
Not both.
If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings.
Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched.
We do that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," We will act like nothing's wrong.
We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle, besides we know you will bring it up again later.

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to,! Expect an answer you don't want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine...Really.

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation,
or golf.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!

1. Thank you for reading this.
Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight;


But did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.

2006-10-23 16:37:53 · 13 answers · asked by yolkyolk 5

he wants to know what it is


"shure looks like a pile of horse crap"
he bends down and smells it
"shure tastes like horse crap" he sais
he bends down and touches it
"shure feels like horse crap" he sais
he bends down and and scoops some up and eats it
"shure tastes like horse crap" he sais

"Yep it's horse crap, it's a good thing i didn't step on it"

was that good, let me hear yours

2006-10-23 16:22:04 · 8 answers · asked by metalcruncher 2

2006-10-23 16:18:42 · 13 answers · asked by tanyasiv 4

An Irish daughter had not been home for over 5 years.
Upon her return, her father cussed her. "Where have ye been all this time?
Why did ye not write to us, not even a line? Why didn't ye call? Can ye
not understand what ye put yer old mum thru?
The girl, crying, replied, "Sniff, sniff.... dad.... I became a prostitute...."
Ye what!!? Out of here, ye shameless harlot! Sinner! You're a disgrace to
this family."
"OK, dad-- as ye wish. I just came back to give mum this luxurious fur
coat, title deed to a ten bedroom mansion plus a savings certificate for
$5 million. For me little brother, this gold Rolex and for ye daddy, the
sparkling new Mercedes limited edition convertible that's parked outside,
plus a membership to the country club....(takes a breath).... and an
invitation for ye all to spend New Years Eve on board my new yacht in the
Riviera, and...."
"Now what was it ye said ye had become?" says dad.
Girl, crying again, "Sniff, sniff.... a prostitute, dad! Sniff, sniff."
"Oh! Be Jesus! Ye scared me half to death, girl! I thought ye said a
Protestant'. Come here and give yer old man a hug!"

2006-10-23 16:16:06 · 15 answers · asked by yolkyolk 5

2006-10-23 16:14:35 · 22 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-10-23 15:58:36 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous