Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy takes out his phone and calls emergency services. He gasps "My friend is dead! What do I do!?" The operater says "Calm down. First, lets make sure he's dead." There is a silence and then a gun shot is heard, the guy now back on the phone says "Ok, now what?"
haha Hope it made you laugh!
2006-10-23 18:12:49 · 17 answers · asked by ηєvєrmorє 6 in Entertainment & Music ➔ Jokes & Riddles
Oldie, but a goodie...how about this one?
An 85-year-old man went to his doctor's office to get a sperm count.
The doctor gave the man a jar and said,
"Take this jar home and bring back a semen sample tomorrow."
The next day the 85-year-old man reappeared at the doctor's office and gave him the jar, which was as clean and empty as on the previous day.
The doctor asked what happened and the man explained:
"Well, doc, it's like this - First I tried with my right hand, but nothing.
Then I tried with my left hand, but still nothing.
Then I asked my wife for help. She tried with her right hand,
then her left, still nothing. She tried with her mouth,
first with the teeth in, then with her teeth out, and still nothing.
We even called up Arleen, the lady next door and she tried too,
first with both hands, then an armpit and she even tried
squeezin' it between her knees, but still nothing."
The doctor was shocked! "You asked your neighbor?"
The old man replied, "Yep. And no matter what we tried,
we still couldn't get the jar open."
2006-10-23 18:52:35 · answer #1 · answered by Electric 7 · 4⤊ 0⤋
John awoke after the yearly workplace new 12 months celebration with a pounding headache, cotton-mouthed and absolutely not able to keep in mind the parties of the previous night. After a go back and forth to the toilet, he made his method downstairs, wherein his spouse positioned a few espresso in entrance of him. 'Louise,' he moaned, 'inform me what occurred final night time. Was it as dangerous as I suppose?' 'Even worse,' she stated, her voice oozing scorn. 'You made a entire *** of your self. You succeeded in antagonizing the complete board of administrators, and also you insulted the president of the corporation, proper to his face.' 'He's an fool,' John stated. 'Piss on him.' 'You did', got here the answer. 'And he fired you.' 'Well, screw him!' stated John. 'I did. You're again to paintings on Monday.' Grandma's Advice Adult My grandmother died in 1975, however her birthday is bobbing up, and that regularly explanations me to reminisce. The lengthy walks we used to take to the shop on Brunswick Street , the quarters she gave me for meaningless jobs like pulling weeds or washing the sidewalk... Those gemstones had been all well, however the only I don't forget such a lot, the jewel within the crown of grandmotherly recommendation, happened while I was once most effective approximately 10. We had been sitting in a park having simply completed amassing a few forty soda bottles for the deposit cash on a lovely spring day. She instructed me that in the future, I might uncover a special lady and begin my possess household. "And don't forget regularly this factor," she stated. "Be definite you marry a girl with small palms." "How come, Grandma?" I requested her. She replied in her tender voice.. "Makes your dick seem better." Kinda brings a tear on your eye, does not it!? Christmas Angel Adult When 4 of Santa's elves acquired ill, the trainee elves didn't produce Toys as speedy because the consistent ones, and Santa started to think the Pre-Christmas stress. Then Mrs Claus instructed Santa her Mother was once Coming To consult with, which burdened Santa much more. When he went to harness the reindeer, he observed that 3 of them had been About to provide start and 2 others had jumped the fence and had been out, Heaven is aware of wherein. Then while he started to load the sleigh, one of the most Floorboards cracked, the toy bag fell to the bottom and the entire toys Were scattered. So, pissed off, Santa went within the condo for a cup of Apple cider and a shot of rum. When he went to the cabinet, he learned the elves had drank all The Cider and hidden the liquor. In his frustration, he by chance Dropped The cider jug, and it Broke into 1000's of little glass portions all over the place the kitchen ground. He went to get the broom and observed the mice Had Eaten the entire straw off the top of the broom. Just then the doorbell Rang, and indignant Santa marched to the door, yanked it open, and there stood a bit angel with a nice colossal Christmas tree. The angel stated Very cheerfully, 'Merry Christmas, Santa. Isn't this a beautiful day? I have a lovely tree for you. Where might you favor me to stay it?' And so started the culture of the little angel on best of the Christmas Tree. To All My Drinking pals Adult I simply learn an editorial at the risks of ingesting.... Scared the **** out of me! So that is it! After in these days, not more studying. Rear Ender Adult I rear ended a auto this morning...the driving force acquired out of the opposite auto, and he was once a DWARF!! He regarded up at me and stated "I am NOT Happy!" So I stated, "Well, which one ARE then you?" That's how the combat began.
2016-09-01 01:47:48 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
lol funny but how about this?
guy walks into the bar see's a tip jar and asks y theres only teeth in it the bartender replies well you drink a 20oz pull a tooth from the rotriler outside put it in the jar and theres a lady up stares thats your prize
guy drinks the 20oz go's out side and the bartender hears the rotriler whine and thinks thats normal for a dog to whine if its tooth is being pulled and the guy comes in looks around and says ok so wheres the lady who needs her tooth pulled??
2006-10-23 20:00:04 · answer #3 · answered by wolfleader26 2 · 0⤊ 2⤋
I've heard it a few times before, but isn't the hunter who shoots the guy either blonde or a redneck?
Anyways its funny and a classic.
2006-10-23 18:21:56 · answer #4 · answered by ☼Divine Wind☼ 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
oldie but a goodie...how about this one???
I got a new car stereo the other day. When I shout "Soul", it plays soul music. When I shout "Rock", it plays rock music. Today, these kids ran in front of my car and I shouted "F**king kids!!!" It played Michael Jackson.
2006-10-23 18:17:03 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 6⤊ 0⤋
That was an Oldie but sure is great..... By the way, was the hunter Blonde?? LOL....
2006-10-23 18:18:01 · answer #6 · answered by kim 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Three men walk into a bar, the fourth one ducked.
2006-10-23 18:42:34 · answer #7 · answered by ozarugold51 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
That's a good one.
2006-10-23 18:15:27 · answer #8 · answered by lucy02 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
thats cute
thanks for posting
2006-10-23 19:02:15 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
yes it did ,good one
2006-10-23 18:23:35 · answer #10 · answered by Quickfix008(∞Cicci∞) 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋