Jokes & Riddles - October 2006

you have a room with 3 light bulbs the switches for these are outside the room, which light bulb is operated by which switch, you can only go in the room once and you can't leave the door open, will give answer tommorow

2006-10-27 06:40:11 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous

he has no arms, so asks the guy at the next urinal, to help him, so he can pee. The guy obliges him, pulls down his zip, and gets his dick out. The bloke says thanks, and proceeds to pee, at which point, the guy notices his dick is covered in scabs, and puss. The guy then asks the bloke to help him put it away again, so reluctantly, he shakes his dick, and puts it back in his pants, and zips him up. The guy says, thanks mate, and goes to walk out, so the bloke says, hey, i`m sorry to ask, but what is all that gunge and scabs on your dick? The guy, pulls his arms through his sleeves, and says, dunno.....but i`m not touching it!

2006-10-27 06:29:46 · 22 answers · asked by Anonymous

A ninety-year-old man living in a rest home was granted a weekend pass. He stopped in his favorite bar, sat at the end, and ordered a drink. He noticed a seventy-year-old woman at the other end of the bar, and told the bartender to buy the lovely young lady a drink. As the evening progressed, the old man joined the lady, and they went to her apartment, where they got stinky and wrinkly. Four days later, the old man noticed that he had developed a drip, and headed to the rest home doctor. After careful examination the doctor asked the old man if he had engaged in sex recently. The old man said, ''Sure!'' The doctor asked if he could remember who the woman was and where she lived. ''Sure, why?'' asked the old man. ''Well you’d better get over there,'' replied the doctor, ''You’re about to come!''

2006-10-27 06:19:56 · 15 answers · asked by keylow 2

A: Because the corn has ears and the potatoes have eyes.

2006-10-27 06:16:27 · 17 answers · asked by AARONLEE AND SASHA 3

A: A nightmare!

2006-10-27 06:14:59 · 9 answers · asked by AARONLEE AND SASHA 3

A: Merry Christmas to Ewe!

2006-10-27 06:13:24 · 14 answers · asked by AARONLEE AND SASHA 3

2006-10-27 05:54:11 · 7 answers · asked by pokerpaul 2

There was a plane crash ,,,every single person died but 2 people survived ,,,how is this possible,,,,,,,,,

2006-10-27 05:51:37 · 45 answers · asked by chelsea 2

You are driving in a car at a constant speed.

On your left hand side there is a valley and on your right hand side there is a fire engine travelling at the same speed as you.

In front of you there is a galloping pig which is the same size as your car and you cannot overtake it.

Behind you there is a helicopter flying at ground level.

Both the giant pig and the helicopter are travelling at the same speed as you.

What must you do to safely get out of this highly dangerous situation?

2006-10-27 05:48:30 · 20 answers · asked by Cowboy 4

I had a wet dream last night,,,,i pi**ed myself when you fell off a cliff.........


A train is about to crash,,,, a frantic vigin strips off and says" can anyone make me feel like a woman before i die?
so a man takes off all his clothes and says " iron these"

He came to me one night....explored my body,,,licked, sucked swallowed and had his fill ,,when satisfied he left,,,,i was hurt,,,,,
DAME MOSIQUITO

2006-10-27 05:42:14 · 12 answers · asked by chelsea 2

We are all going to be Bum's at work for Halloween. Anyone have idea's on what our signs should say.

2006-10-27 05:37:26 · 9 answers · asked by mary1977ok 2

QUESTIONS ABOUT LITTLE THINGS

1. Do babies have knee caps?
2. How old was the youngest Pope?
3. When an ANT is intoxicated, which side does he always fall to?
4. How old were the Worlds youngest parents?

have FUN

2006-10-27 05:34:33 · 6 answers · asked by JAYFIRE 4

An older gentleman was standing at a bus stop, observing a young man
with orange, green, and blue spiked hair. After a few moments, the
young man said, "What's the matter, old man, haven't you ever done
anything wild?"

The old man smiled and said, "Well, yes. I once had sex with a parrot,
and I was wondering if you might be my son . . . "

2006-10-27 05:34:20 · 18 answers · asked by Cowboy 4

theres a word in the english alphabet that begins ans ends with the same letter but only has one letter in it....the answer is NOT "A"

2006-10-27 05:33:48 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous

It was a little boy's first day in school and the teacher was going to play a "guessing" game. She passed out different items to each of the students and proceeded to ask each student what item they received.

When it was the new boy, Jimmy's turn, the teacher gave him a candy kiss. She asked "Do you know what it is?" Jimmy replied "No."

The teacher said, "Go ahead and open it up and taste it." Little Jimmy did so. The teacher then asked, "Now do you know what it is?" Little Jimmy said "Nooooo."

The teacher said, "I'll give you a hint...it is something your daddy wants from your mommy every morning before he goes to work." A little girl in the back of the class jumps up and screams

"JIMMY, SPIT IT OUT.......IT'S A PIECE OF AZZ!"

2006-10-27 05:32:19 · 15 answers · asked by bklynmka 3

2006-10-27 05:31:10 · 6 answers · asked by Hoot 1

theres a lilly on a pond...
it doubles its size every day...
if it takes 36 days to grow to the full size of the pond,
how many days does it take to grow to half the size of the pond?

2006-10-27 05:29:52 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous

These are some funny jokes… enjoy!


Q: What is your date of birth?
A: July 15th.
Q: What year?
A: Every year.


Q: She had three children, right?
A: Yes.
Q: How many were boys?
A: None.
Q: Were there any girls?

Q: Can you describe the individual?
A: He was about medium height and had a beard.
Q: Was this a male or a female?

Q: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
A: Oral.

Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for blood pressure?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for breathing?
A: No.
Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the
autopsy?
A: No.
Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
Q: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
A: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere.

I will give 10 points 2 the best answer...

2006-10-27 05:28:03 · 29 answers · asked by Anonymous

From a passenger ship, everyone can see a bearded man on a small
island who is shouting and desperately waving his hands.
"Who is it?" a passenger asks the captain.
"I've no idea. Every year when we pass, he goes nuts"
Q: What did the gangster's son tell his dad when he failed his
examination?
A: Dad they questioned me for 3 hours but I never told them
anything."
Q: Why do people seem to read the Bible a lot more as they get
older.
A: They're cramming for their finals.
1st thief, "Police! Quick! jump out of the window!"
2nd thief, "But this is the 13th floor"
1st: "Hurry! This is no time to be superstitious"
A drunk got into a taxi and told the driver, "Take me to The
Piccadely Hotel."
The taxi driver turned round and said, "But we are at The
Piccadely Hotel, we're parked right outside it." 'That's fine then,
but next time, don't drive so damn fast!"

2006-10-27 05:27:28 · 3 answers · asked by asdf 1

a man made it, and sold it.
a man bought it, but didn't use it.
but the man who did use it, didn't know he was using it.
WHAT DID THE FIRST MAN MAKE?
good luck

2006-10-27 05:22:55 · 23 answers · asked by Anonymous

Willys cynical thought for the fugging day;

"My mother had a great deal of trouble with me, but I think she enjoyed it." ---Mark Twain

Having just finished reading a story to the sixth-grade class, the teacher decided to check the student's know ledge of some of the vocabulary that had been used.

"Who knows what the word 'adolescent' means?" she asked.

Out of the entire class of 35, not one child raised a hand.

After a few more silent moments, she decided to give them a hint: "Adolescent - it's something all of you are, and I am not."

Finally Little Johnny tentatively raised his hand, and in a very soft voice said, "Virgins?"

http://www.willyblues.com/

2006-10-27 05:21:18 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous

There is a little white boy with an all white family playing outside in the mud.
He rolls around and realizes he is covered in mud.He goes inside and tells his mom "Look mom I'm black." She says come here. He went and she whooped him.
She said go tell your dad what you did.
He went to his dad and said "Look dad i'm black." He said come here and he started to whoop him. Go to your grandma and tell her what you did. The grandma did the same thing. He went back to his mom and she asked "What have you learned today?" The boy said "I've been black for five minutes and I already hate you white basterds!!!"

2006-10-27 05:18:22 · 6 answers · asked by bklynmka 3

Three guys were sitting together on their lunch breaks. The first one said to the second one: "So Frank, what did you think of the game last night?". The second guy replies: "Oh, you mean the football game, Mike? I didn't watch it. I'm not all that interested in sports." The third guy says in a stunned voice: "You're not interested in sports? Not even football? What are you, gay or something?". The second guy stops for few seconds to think of a response. "Well," he replies, "If I REALLY WERE gay, I would probably LOVE football even more than you, Ed. I mean, here's a bunch of guys in tight, brightly colored spandex pants who jump all over each other, slap each other's butts and shower together. But I don't care to look at that and you do, so you tell me who's gay."


P.S. I meant no disrespect to gays or sports fans, just a good retort for straight guys who get called gay for not caring about sports.

2006-10-27 05:14:11 · 6 answers · asked by Anonymous

There was this guy who went out to sea on his nice boat not knowing he would hit a huge rock that would cause his boat to sink. The man is very religious and asked God to help him, so after a few hours in the water a plane flew over and dropped a ladder in the water, but the man said no thanks God is going to save me. A few hours later a boat sailed by and again the man told them thanks, however; I waiting on God to save me. Finally the man drowned and when he reached heaven he asked God why he didn't save a religious man like himself, and God looked at him and said who do you think sent a boat and plane to save your dumb azz!

2006-10-27 05:12:23 · 5 answers · asked by TC1 2

A young blonde girl asks her mother, "Do we give birth out the same hole the guy sticks his penis in?" The mother says yes and the young blonde says "Wow, that must hurt having the baby come out of your mouth"

2006-10-27 05:07:18 · 17 answers · asked by milky 4

theres this blond that goes to the hair salon right

so her whole time there she has these head phones on and she would not take them off for nothin right

so the beautition asked her to take them off

andshe says no if i take them off ill die

so she continues to do her hair

and all of a sudden the blond falls asleep

so the beautition takes the head phones off

so she puts the to her ears

and all she hears is



inhale exhale

2006-10-27 05:01:04 · 11 answers · asked by nuri b 1

A couple went on vacation to a resort up north. The husband liked to fish, and the wife liked to read. One morning the husband came back from fishing after getting up really early that morning and took a nap. While he slept, the wife decided to take the boat out.
She was not familiar with the lake, so she rowed out and anchored the boat, and started reading her book. Along comes the Game Warden in his boat, pulls up alongside the woman's boat and asks her what she's doing?
She says, "Reading my book." The Game Warden tells her she is in a restricted fishing area and she explains that she's not fishing.
To which he replied, "But you have all this equipment. I will have to take you in and write you up!"
Angry that the warden was being so unreasonable, the lady told the warden, "If you do that, I will charge you with rape."
The warden, shocked by her statement, replied, "But I didn't even touch you."
To which the lady replied, "Yeah, but you have all the equipment!"

2006-10-27 04:59:12 · 6 answers · asked by bklynmka 3

2006-10-27 04:48:39 · 9 answers · asked by bo bo 1

A blonde bought an a.m. radio and it took her a month to find out she could listen to it at night.

2006-10-27 04:47:51 · 14 answers · asked by Coyote 3

This old guy was tired of being a burden to his son so he decided they would look for a nursery home. The next day they visited the first one and the old man said not this one it's too dark inside, so they reach the second one and the old man says it stinks in here, finally they reach the third one and the old man says this is the one! The old man receives a sponge bath the next morning from a pretty nurse, and as she washes him he gets a hard on, so the nurse has sex with him. The old man was so excited he calls his son and says this place is great I don't ever want to leave here! He decides to walk down the hall to the rec room to play checkers. As he walks he falls and this gay orderly comes along and pumps him in the azz. This made the old man very mad so he calls his son and says come take me away from this damn place and his son said dad you just told me you loved it there and the old man said hell my dik only gets hard once a month shyt I fall down 3 or 4 times a day!

2006-10-27 04:47:15 · 9 answers · asked by TC1 2