Jokes & Riddles - October 2006

How do you like your eggs?

2006-10-12 13:21:58 · 19 answers · asked by Spinning Times LLC 3

the gov released a new set of stamps with bush photos on it. after a week of the released, plenty complaints came in saying that the stamps wldn't stick on the envelopes.

Prez bush came to hear of it and decided to try it himself. he took a stamp, spit on the stamp and paste it on the envelope and it sitcked on the envelope.

he say to the security advisor: see! no problems with the stamps, it sticks well on the envelope!

to which the advisor replied: Sir, the problem is that everyone is spitting on the other side of the stamps...

2006-10-12 13:21:00 · 11 answers · asked by hiro 2

2006-10-12 13:17:34 · 17 answers · asked by ? 4

The Boss was in quandary. He had to fire somebody. He had it narrowed down to one of two people, Debra or Jack. It was an impossible decision, they were both super workers. Rather than flip a coin, he decided he would fire the first one who used the water cooler the next morning.

Debra came in the next morning with a horrible hang-over after partying all night. She went to the cooler to take an aspirin. The Boss approached her and said: " Debra, I've never done this before, but I have to lay you or Jack off." "Could you jack off?" she says. "I feel like ****."

2006-10-12 12:49:54 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous

A father and his daughter were out driving one night and they have a terrible accident, the father is killed outright and the daughter is badly injured. When the daughter is taken to A&E, the doctor comes in, looks at the injured girl and gasps "Oh my God, that's my daughter"..... Explain?!!

2006-10-12 12:23:35 · 16 answers · asked by Lily & Stu Too 5

*giggle giggle snort*
Remember that time you were playing in the sandbox and the cat tried to bury you?

Someone told me you liked poop sandwiches but I know you don't like bread.

Remember the time I saved you from the poop eating monster?

2006-10-12 12:10:49 · 30 answers · asked by rawrrr! 1

2006-10-12 12:01:34 · 19 answers · asked by You//Wish//You//Were//Me 2

He was young and kinda dumb....and she was kinda pushy....(.how does the rest go)???

2006-10-12 11:45:41 · 11 answers · asked by darmax 2

Three guys die in a major bus accident and all go to the gates of heaven. When they arrive at the Pearly Gates, the Devil meets them instead of God.

He says to the men, "I am only allowed to let one of you three into heaven. I will choose the one who can ask me a question that I cannot answer."

The first guy, a philosopher, stands in puzzlement for a while and finally asks, "Who was Polydectes and what did he do?"

The Devil snaps his fingers and a whole bunch of books appear in front of the guy. After reading all the books, the Devil answers correctly and poof, the philosopher disappears to hell.

The second guy, a mathematician, asks the Devil the most complicated question ever. The Devil snaps his fingers and a whole bunch of books and papers appear in front of the guy. After working out the problem, the Devil answers correctly and poof, the mathematician disappears to hell.

The third guy, an idiot, asks the Devil to get him a chair and drill seven holes in the chair. So the Devil drills the holes and hands the chair to the idiot. The idiot sits on the chair and farts. He then asks the Devil, "Which hole did I fart through?"

The Devil gives the idiot a dirty look and starts to think. The Devil finally replies, "The third one."

The idiot says, "Nope! The one through my butt."

2006-10-12 11:34:50 · 25 answers · asked by Deception 2

An Irish Priest and a Rabbi found themselves sharing a compartment on a train...after a while the Priest opened a conversation by saying "I know that in your religion, you're not supposed to eat pork......have you actualy tasted it?
The Rabbi said, "I must tell the truth, "Yes, I have, on the odd occasion". Then the Rabbi had his turn of interrogation. He asked, "Your religion......I know you're supposed to be celibate but...."
The Priest replied, "Yes, I know what you're going to ask - I have succumbed once or twice."
There was silence for a while. The the Rabbi peeped around the newspaper he was reading "Better than pork, isn't it?"

2006-10-12 11:33:38 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous

A little boy goes to his father and asks "Daddy, how was I born?"

The father answers: "Well son, I guess one day you will need to find out anyway!

Your Mom and I first got together in a chat room on Yahoo.

Then I set up a date via e-mail with your Mom and we met at a cyber-cafe.

We sneaked into a secluded room, where your mother agreed to a download from my hard drive.

As soon as I was ready to upload, we discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall, and since it was too late to hit the delete button, nine months later a little Pop-Up appeared that said:

Scroll Down




















You got Male!

2006-10-12 11:31:21 · 13 answers · asked by hlpz76 4

2006-10-12 11:29:22 · 12 answers · asked by Angie 1

An Englishman, a Scotsman and an Irishman went into a pub for a pint of Guinness one day. After being served, a fly landed in each of their pints and stuck in the creamy heads.
The Englishman pushes his pint away from him in disgust and proceeded to order another pint.
The Scotsman simply fished the offending fly out with his finger and proceeded to drink his pint as if nothing had happened.
The Irishman, eyes wide with anger, grabbed the fly, spread-eagled it over the pint shouting "SPIT IT OUT!!! SPIT IT OUT!!! SPIT IT OUT YOU B*****d!!!"

2006-10-12 11:27:36 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous

So this one night these two poor kids steal some almonds from this one stand and start running toward a cementary and right when their climbing over the gate one of them drops 2 almonds and the other boy says " well come back for them later, hurry up" At the same time two men are walking by the cementary from work and suddently hear some noises from inside the cementary."One for you one for me, one for you one for me" One of the men turns to the other and says "holy sh*t, those are the demons dividing souls between each other!" Just then they hear one of the "demons" say, " OK, Now lets go for the two outside the gate"

2006-10-12 11:24:54 · 12 answers · asked by Deception 2

Paddy and Mary,being good Irish Catholics, had so many children that they didn't know what to do...Paddy says to Mary, "Sure we have to get some advice from the parish priest. We can't keep on with anymore children". So they went to see the priest and the priest says to Paddy..."Now me boyo, you know the church only allows two ways to limit the wee ones. One is to abstain altogether and the other is the rhythm"......
"Well now Father, how in the hell am I gonna find a ceili band at 4 o'clock in the mornin???"

2006-10-12 11:22:43 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous

complaining that his pen15 is orange. The doctor looks at it and says 'Do you work with chemicals? the man replies 'no' 'Well' the doctor say 'Do you lift heavy equipment? again the man replies 'no'... 'Well, what do you do all day?' asks the doctor... the man replies 'Watch porn and eat wotsits'

What'd ya think???

2006-10-12 11:19:25 · 31 answers · asked by Bodieann 4

Paddy & Mick are walking together and Paddy says "Mick have you s**t yer sel?"
"No, a have not" replies Mick
The two tinkers keep marching down the dirt track looking for an abode when that certain whiff once again catches the nose of Paddy...
"Mick are you SURE you havn't s**t yer sel?"
"A hav'nt s**t ma sel" retorts Mick
They reach a barn and the two decide to bed down
Mick takes his trousers down and the tell-tale signs are there for Paddy to see.
"Mick, a thought you said you had'nt s**t yer sel" says Paddy as he points to the offending pile inside his pal's kegs.
"Oh, a thought you meant today Paddy!"

2006-10-12 11:16:55 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-10-12 11:15:47 · 5 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-10-12 11:12:59 · 4 answers · asked by Anonymous

i am jumping when i see that some nice person tries to give us all a laugh by telling a saucy or naughty joke and then some goody two shoes says things like "oh you Sicko" or "thats bad get a life." "Oh how could you." That was such a pervy joke i couldn't laugh" grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr, If you dont like naughty jokes why do you read and comment on them. They are jokes for god's sake. you can say they are funny or they are not funny but dont judge the content of them, they are after all meant to be naughty jokes.....I am sorry to all the wicked people out there with a sense of humour for having a gripe but to the others i say UP YOUR STUFFY A.S.S Goody Two shoes people need not answer..

2006-10-12 11:11:31 · 16 answers · asked by chris w. 7

O'Neill was walking home from the pub one night when lo and behold he sees one of the Little Folk. He sneaks up and catches him in a stare and demands 3 wishes for the little man's freedom. "Granted" says the little man in green, "but whatever I do for you, O'Reilly will get twofold!" Now O'Reilly is no friend of O'Neill, in fact they hate each other, but O'Neill agrees.
"For my first wish I'd like a mansion full of expensive antiques and beautiful women."
"Granted" and of course O'Reilly gets two.
"For my second wish I'd like a beautiful sexy redhead nymphomaniac."
"Granted" and of course O'Reilly gets two.
Now by this stage O'Neill is pissed off, at the hated O'Reilly getting two mansions and two nymphomaniacs.
Suddenly inspiration hits him!
"For my third wish I want you to remove one of my testicles!".........

2006-10-12 11:10:38 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous

Two guy's were talking. One said to the other, I understand you and your wife sleep in seperate beds.
Yup. the other guy said.
Then how do you get together at nignt.
Well, the other guy said. When I go to bed at night, I wear a hat. And I toss it to my wife. Sometimes she throws it back. Sometimes she brings it back.

2006-10-12 11:10:31 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-10-12 11:06:23 · 8 answers · asked by STEVE0 THE CLOWN 3

Is there anybody crazy enough to get me out of akron Ohio,i hate this place.I'll go over seas if possible heeeeeelp

2006-10-12 11:06:11 · 4 answers · asked by poppadog75 1

Joe and Wanda had a small apartment in the city and they decided that the only way to pull off a Sunday afternoon quickie with their ten-year-old son in the apartment was to send him out on the balcony and order him to report on all the neighbourhood activities.

To a young boy, they thought, spying would be a lot of fun and would distract him for an hour or so.

The boy began his commentary as his parents put their plan into operation.

"There's a car being towed from the parking lot," he said.

"An ambulance just drove by."

A few moments passed.

"Looks like the Andersons have company," he called out.

"Matt's riding a new bike and the Coopers are making whoopie."

Mom and Dad shot up in bed. "How do you know that?" the startled father asked.

"Their kid is standing out on the balcony too," his son replied.

2006-10-12 10:55:54 · 17 answers · asked by chuchi 1

I am the smallest thing in a city, but the largest in a country.
When I go down, everything else goes up,
I have dark features, but am surrounded by light?

what am i ?

2006-10-12 10:52:41 · 8 answers · asked by the_joker14 1

There was this guy at a bar, just looking at his drink. He stays like that for half of an hour.

Then, this big trouble-making truck driver steps next to him, takes the drink from the guy, and just drinks it all down. The poor man starts crying. The truck driver says, "Come on man, I was just joking. Here, I'll buy you another drink. I just can't stand to see a man cry."

"No, it's not that. This day is the worst of my life. First, I fall asleep, and I go late to my office. My boss, outrageous, fires me. When I leave the building, to my car, I found out it was stolen. The police said that they can do nothing. I get a cab to return home, and when I leave it, I remember I left my wallet and credit cards there. The cab driver just drives away."

"I go home, and when I get there, I find my wife in bed with the gardener. I leave home, and come to this bar. And just when I was thinking about putting an end to my life, you show up and drink my poison."

2006-10-12 10:47:02 · 10 answers · asked by chuchi 1

What should I Do??

2006-10-12 10:45:31 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous

A wife decides to take her husband to a strip club for his birthday.

They arrive at the club and the doorman says, "Hey, Dave! How ya doin'?"

His wife is puzzled and asks if he's been to this club before.
"Oh, no," says Dave. "He's on my bowling team."

When they are seated, a waitress asks Dave if he'd like his usual and brings over a Budweiser.

His wife is becoming increasingly uncomfortable and says,"How did she know that you drink Budweiser?"

"She's in the Ladies' Bowling League, honey. We share lanes with them."

A stripper then comes over to their table, throws her arms around Dave, and says "Hi Davey. Want your usual table dance, big boy?"

Dave's wife, now furious, grabs her purse and storms out of the club.

Dave follows and spots her getting into a cab. Before she can slam the door, he jumps in beside her. He tries desperately to explain how the stripper must have mistaken him for someone else, but his wife is having none of it. She is screaming at him at the top of her lungs, calling him every name in the book.

The cabby turns his head and says, "Looks like you picked up a real ***** tonight, Dave."

2006-10-12 10:40:29 · 16 answers · asked by boricua(787) 3

MY FREIND HAD PROMBLEMS SO HE KNOCK OUT THIS SO CALED ''gangster'' TO HIS KNEES WATCH THE WHOLE FIGHT AT FIRST ITS BORING BUT IN THE END some one gets OWNED BADLY WORTH WATCHING!!!

MY freind is the one in the black shirt in the end its funny as hel!!! LOL


http://www.youtube.com/p.swf?video_id=FKswxTr4rT4&eurl=http%3A//answers.yahoo.com/question/index%3B_ylt%3DAtxn7PRrSTlvRBYXCTzGC8Lsy6IX%3Fqid%3D20061011003717AABgPTT&iurl=http%3A//sjl-static9.sjl.youtube.com/vi/FKswxTr4rT4/2.jpg&t=OEgsToPDskJFbWvXyQsJb3UDkvdPOQxz

2006-10-12 10:35:19 · 8 answers · asked by the great one 4