Jokes & Riddles - September 2006

2006-09-14 14:34:04 · 14 answers · asked by leo 1

Because if it is, it probably runs like you - very homosexually.

2006-09-14 14:26:29 · 22 answers · asked by Anonymous

I have 30 cents and one is not a nickel.

2006-09-14 14:17:50 · 20 answers · asked by ♥ Callie Ann ♥ 3

Police officer: Excuse me, but your dog has been chasing a man on his bicycle.

Dog owner: Are you crazy? My dog can't even ride a bicycle.

2006-09-14 14:14:38 · 20 answers · asked by iamigloo 6

Two fathers and two sons went fishing, they caught three fish. They all got one fish each. Is it possible? Explain.

2006-09-14 14:07:29 · 9 answers · asked by Mike 1

An Englishman, Frenchman, Mexican, and Texan were flying across country on a small plane when the pilot comes on the loud speaker and says " We're having mechanical problems and the only way we can make it to the next airport is for 3 of you to open the door and jump, at least one of you can survive"

The four open the door and look out below. The Englishman takes a deep breath and hollers "God Save The Queen" and jumps.

The Frenchman gets really inspired and hollers "Viva La France" and he also jumps.

This really pumps up the Texan so he hollers "Remember the Alamo" and he grabs the Mexican and throws him out of the plane.

2006-09-14 14:00:34 · 19 answers · asked by Anonymous

The big massive one: There was a female named phoebe and every day before she went out of a door she counted but then one day she forgot to count and when she went out of the door she reached a ghastly death. Why?

And the answer is not because she forgot to count and if u put that why did she have to count?

2006-09-14 13:57:21 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous

There is a room with no windows.
There is broken glass on the floor.
There is a puddle of water an the floor.
Jan and Dan are dead on the floor.
What happened?
(please no stupid answers. thanks!)

2006-09-14 13:53:35 · 21 answers · asked by Ash B. 1

Hugh Heffner just found out he only has a couple days to live so he decided to throw the largest party ever and wager away his belongings in a little bet. He invited all the Hollywood tough guys; Swarzennegger, Stallone, Bruce Willis and even Keyano Reeves was invited.Hugh said "You've probably wondered why I invited you all here?
"I've recently found out I am going to die in just a few days and I want to give the bravest man in the world anything of mine he wants!""All he has to do is this-"Hugh pulls the cover off the pool and its filled with greatwhite sharks!"Just dive in swim across without a scratch and it's all yours!"No one takes the bet they're just standing there staring at the sharks."I'm serious- want my mansion?My Wealth?MissJanuary?Miss June?Miss December? SPLASH!Man in the pool! No one recognizes him he makes it. Hugh is stunned, asks him what what he wants. The man says "Nothing" "C'mon You Must Want Somthing!" "Well one thing" "I WANT THE S.O.B THAT PUSHED ME IN!"

2006-09-14 13:45:10 · 7 answers · asked by schlepp 2

Tell me if this game is a good idea or not. Here's how it goes. I'll make up the begining to a original joke, but will not write a punchline. I'll leave it up to you to make up a punchline. Funniest or most entertaining punchline will get my vote. Remember I made up this joke on my own so it may not be good enough material to have a punchline.---A man walks into a bar and orders a drink, he quickly consumes it and pulls out a pocket watch, "Not quite yet" he says. He orders another drink and gulps it down as quickly as the first. He pulls out his watch and says "Almost time to go" He then orders another drink and downs quickly, pulls out his watch and says "I must be going now" The bartender seeing all this can't help but ask "So, where ya going buddy?" To which the man replied.......

2006-09-14 13:44:25 · 7 answers · asked by jedi1josh 5

I'm like a sheltering tree
You planted in fertile ground:
When you carefully nurtured me,
My roots grew deeply bound.

I protected you from the rain
And life's many raging storms.
You delighted in me again
When days were sunny and warm.

My wood, it has no worth.
My fruit you cannot eat,
But above all things on Earth,
I am most precious and sweet.

There's one last thing to tell,
A hint from me to you:
You can't raise me by yourself -
I must be cultivated by two.

What am I?

2006-09-14 13:34:13 · 13 answers · asked by R@chel 2

10 points to the correct answer

2006-09-14 13:31:33 · 8 answers · asked by ? 4

2006-09-14 13:30:55 · 6 answers · asked by jarynth3 1

An 8 letter word....what am I?
1. There's a cat within my name
2. I point out a place of fame
3. I am the spot where you are at
4. Sometimes I'm vague. sometimes exact

2006-09-14 13:24:51 · 6 answers · asked by Anonymous

how many philosephers does it take to change a light bulb??

go crazy!

2006-09-14 13:17:34 · 6 answers · asked by full metal 5

there's a funny story on this web, written in blue, above the pics of "Five years after 9/11"
this is the beginin':

A guy goes to his father and introduces his new girlfriend, saying, "Dad,this is Nicole, my new girl friend, I think I'm going to marry her." His father looks at the girl, pulls her to the side and asks her, "Is your mom's name Rachel?", The girl says yes, "Is she a nurse?, yes, says the girl. The father pulls the son to the side and says to him, "Son, I don't think you should marry this girl because she may be your sister!"
The guy is disappointed, calls off his engagement and ...

befor see the end of the story, tell me what u think will happen!
Don't see the answer first! :)
here's the web:

http://www.maryblogger.persianblog.com

hope u enjoy it!:)

2006-09-14 13:10:53 · 10 answers · asked by indian 2

2006-09-14 13:04:22 · 11 answers · asked by nice s 1

Suppose you forget to uncheck the "notify me whenever I receive an answer" box under "ask a q" page.

and Yahoo! chooses your question to be the featured question.

and you receive 2000+ responses.

and thus, 2000+ e-mails.

what would be your first response?

2006-09-14 12:22:48 · 32 answers · asked by Anonymous

There was this family. who had a two daugthers and those two daughters shared a room. everytime at night.. the older daugther would tell her younger sister to go under the blankets..close her eyes and never open them. one night the older sister told her younger sister to do what she said. she close her eyes and went under her blanket...all of a sudden she heard something growling and sniffing around her. a few minutes later that thing left and her parents came rushing into their room scared...they grabbed their younger child and ran out the door to the car. the mother was yelling " she coming, hurry, get in the car!" ..they put the little girl in the back seat and jumped in the car and took off...on the road the mother told her youngest daughter to close her eyes and not look back...but the little girl was anxious to know what was going on,so she opened her eyes and look behind them..there she saw her older sister running after them and she was using her elbows as if they were legs!T.E

2006-09-14 12:21:49 · 31 answers · asked by sexy_ndn 2

A man is walking down the street when he sees a boy being pulled in a red wagon by a beatiful labrador. The man, noticing that the dog's leash is wrapped around his testicles instead of being hooked to his collar, says, "That sure is a beautiful dog you have there. What are you doing?" The boy replies, "I'm playing fireman and this is my firetruck." "I see," says the man. "But don't you think your firetruck would go faster if the leash was tied to your dog's collar?" "I'm sure it would." was the boy's reply. "But then I wouldn't have a siren!"

2006-09-14 12:13:27 · 11 answers · asked by ? 5

If you have my answer, you get 10 points

2006-09-14 12:07:30 · 11 answers · asked by Cara Arlene 5

Sorry for the levity.......too much Ganja!
Re your statement...."Get a life"
I have a great one........ask my wife
Benjy Benjy.....Re your threat
To sort me out, that's silly Pet.
With all the problems on our planet
Illness, pain and death Goddamit
People blown to bits and worse
What's worrying you two....harmless verse.
If I'd posed a serious question
I would have used a different section
So, for you two humourless folks
Read the category..RIDDLES AND JOKES.

2006-09-14 12:06:22 · 4 answers · asked by Anonymous

The teacher's in the front of class with something behind her back. "Okay, class, I'm holding something in my hand and I want you to guess what it is. It's red, but not too red. It's round but not too round." Little Susie raises her hand and says, "Is it an apple?" The teacher says, "No, it's a tomato, but it shows me that you're thinking, so you can go next." Little Susie goes to the front of the class and following the teacher's lead she says, "In my hand I have something round, but not too round. It's orange, but not too orange." Little Johnny raises his hand and says, "Is it an orange?" "No, it's a peach, but you can go next," replied Susie. Little Johnny goes to the front of the class with his hands in his pants pockets. "In my hand I have something that's long, but not too long. It's round but not too round." "Johnny!" the teacher gasped. Johnny pulls a pencil out of his pocket and says, "Relax, teach, it's just a pencil but it shows me you were thinking so you can go next!"

2006-09-14 12:06:16 · 14 answers · asked by ? 5

A couple was golfing one day on a very, very exclusive golf course lined with million-dollar houses.

On the third tee, the husband said, "Honey, be very careful when you drive the ball. Don't knock out any windows. It'll cost us a fortune to fix."

The wife teed up and shanked it right through the window of the biggest house on the course.

The husband cringed and said, "I told you to watch out for the houses. All right, let's go up there, apologize, and see how much this is going to cost."

They walked up and knocked on the door. A voice said, "Come on in. They opened the door and saw glass all over the floor and a broken bottle lying on its side in the foyer.

A man on the couch said, "Are you the people who broke my window?"

"Uh, yeah. Sorry about that," the husband replied.

"No, actually, I want to thank you. I'm a genie who was trapped for a thousand years inside that bottle. You've released me. I'm allowed to grant three wishes -- I'll give you each one wish, and I'll keep the last one for myself."

"Okay, great!" the husband said. "I want a million dollars a year for the rest of my life."

"No problem -- it's the least I could do. And you, what do you want?" the genie said, looking at the wife.

"I want a house in every country of the world," she said.

"Consider it done," the genie replied.

"And what's your wish, genie?", the husband said.

"Well, since I've been trapped in that bottle, I haven't had sex with a woman in a thousand years. My wish is to sleep with your wife."

The husband looked at the wife and said, "Well, we did get a lot of money and all those houses, honey. I guess I don't care."

The genie took the wife upstairs and ravished her for two hours.

After it was over, the genie rolled over, looked at the wife, and said, "How old is your husband, anyway?"

"Thirty-five," she replied.

"And he still believes in genies? ... That's amazing."

2006-09-14 12:04:55 · 13 answers · asked by Trina T 2

"Is it true that Monica Lewinskys soiled dress could not be submitted as evidence because everyone in Arkansas has the same DNA?"

2006-09-14 12:00:07 · 5 answers · asked by Anonymous

A boy was at a carnival and went to a booth where a man said to the boy, "If I write your exact weight on this piece of paper then you have to give me $50, but if I cannot, I will pay you $50."

The boy looked around and saw no scale so he agrees, thinking no matter what the carny writes he'll just say he weighs more or less.

In the end the boy ended up paying the man $50. How did the man win the bet?

2006-09-14 11:50:08 · 17 answers · asked by Mr T 4

A man has to take a knight, princess and theif across a moat to a castle with no bridge. The boat can only fit 2 peole. How can the man take them across?

RULES:
1. The Knight and Theif cant be left. Cause' he will kill the theif.
2. The theif cant be left with the princess. He would rob her.
3. If the theif was killed now with the princess looking, she would not accept that

2006-09-14 11:45:02 · 10 answers · asked by Mr T 4

nnseeitspgr please unscramble

2006-09-14 11:41:36 · 8 answers · asked by sweetness2927 2

John and his wife Mary were having a shower together in their upstairs bathroom when the doorbell rang. Mary heard the bell, got out of the shower, wrapped a towel around her, went downstairs, and opened the door.

Their neighbor Charlie looked at her from the doorway, and said, "Oh. I see that I got you out of the shower. Sorry about that."

"That's all right," Mary said, "What do you want?"

Not too much... my goodness you have beautiful skin. It's so pink from the shower. Mary, if I was to give you a hundred dollars, would you remove the towel from your upper body?"

Mary thought about it for a minute, figured why not, for a hundred bucks, and removed the towel from her breasts.

"Wow," Charlie exclaimed, "they are truly beautiful. Listen, for another hundred bucks would you consider taking the towel all the way off?"

"Why not," Mary thought, "that's a lot of money," and she dropped the towel completely to the floor.

Charlie had a good look, complimented her again on her fine looking body, reached into his pocket, took out two hundred dollars, gave it to her, and left.

As she got back up stairs and was getting back into the shower, John asked her who was at the door.

"Just Charlie," she said, as she started to rub his back.

"Charlie Eh," said John, "Did he give you the two hundred dollars he owed me?"

2006-09-14 11:41:27 · 24 answers · asked by Anonymous

3 men are in a jail cell..1 of the men has a visitor..when the visitor leaves the others ask him who it was to which he replies ..."brothers and sisters i have none, that man's father is my father's son"
who visited the man?

2006-09-14 11:35:49 · 10 answers · asked by jon michael 4