Hugh Heffner just found out he only has a couple days to live so he decided to throw the largest party ever and wager away his belongings in a little bet. He invited all the Hollywood tough guys; Swarzennegger, Stallone, Bruce Willis and even Keyano Reeves was invited.Hugh said "You've probably wondered why I invited you all here?
"I've recently found out I am going to die in just a few days and I want to give the bravest man in the world anything of mine he wants!""All he has to do is this-"Hugh pulls the cover off the pool and its filled with greatwhite sharks!"Just dive in swim across without a scratch and it's all yours!"No one takes the bet they're just standing there staring at the sharks."I'm serious- want my mansion?My Wealth?MissJanuary?Miss June?Miss December? SPLASH!Man in the pool! No one recognizes him he makes it. Hugh is stunned, asks him what what he wants. The man says "Nothing" "C'mon You Must Want Somthing!" "Well one thing" "I WANT THE S.O.B THAT PUSHED ME IN!"
2006-09-14 13:45:10 · 7 answers · asked by schlepp 2 in Entertainment & Music ➔ Jokes & Riddles
LOL that was funny ^_^
here's mine. hope you like it
This guy comes home from work one day to find his dog with the neighbor's pet rabbit in his mouth. The rabbit is very dead and the guy panics.
He thinks the neighbors are going to hate him forever, so he takes the dirty, chewed-up rabbit into the house, gives it a bath, blow-dries its fur, and puts the rabbit back into the cage at the neighbor's house, hoping that they will think it died of natural causes.
A few days later, the neighbor is outside and asks the guy, "Did you hear that Fluffy died?"
The guy stumbles around and says, "Um.. no.. um.. what happened?"
The neighbor replies, "We just found him dead in his cage one day, but the weird thing is that the day after we buried him we went outside and someone had dug him up, gave him a bath and put him back into the cage.
2006-09-14 14:03:51 · answer #1 · answered by ettezzil 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
OK. There's this preacher in a small town. He's going around, making house calls on the members of his congregation. He comes to one house just before lunch-time, and sees a car in the driveway and lights on in the house. So, he walks up to the front door, rings the bell, and waits. He hears footsteps inside, but nobody answers the door. He knocks sharply on the door- more footsteps, but no reception.
He tapes a sticky note to the front door that says:
"Revelation 3:20- Behold, I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears My voice and opens the door, I will come in to him and will dine with him and he with Me."
He walks back down the driveway and continues his rounds. That evening, as he was walking home, he passed by the house again. He noticed that his sticky note had been replaced, so he went up to read it. Here is what it said:
"Genesis 3:10- And he said, I heard Your voice in the garden, and I was afraid, because I am naked, and I hid myself."
2006-09-14 13:57:32 · answer #2 · answered by pianoman.jeremy 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Three women die together in an accident and go the heaven. When theyarrive St. Peter says, "We only have one rule in heaven . . dont step on the ducks!" So they enter heaven, and sure enough there are ducks everywhere! Its almost impossible to move. So anyway the first woman accidentally steps on a duck. Along comes St.Peter with the ugliest man shes ever seen. St.Peter chains them together and says your Punishment is to spend eternity chained to this ugly man!
The next day the second woman steps on a duck. St Peter does the same for her.
The third woman has observed this and not wanting to have the same fait she is VERY careful where sh steps. Months pass and she hadnt stepped on a duck. Suddenly St.Peter come up to her with the most handsome man she as ever laid eyes on. St Peter chain them together. Without a word.
The woman remarks I wonder what I did to deserve this?
And the guy replies Well I dont know about you but I stepped on a Duck!
2006-09-14 14:14:28 · answer #3 · answered by HiddenSecret 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋
The line to use the courts was so long, I stuffed the ball into my shorts and decided to wait in the country club's bar until I was called. As luck would have it, I took a seat next to a cute little jane doe.
Pointing to my bulge, she asked, "What's that?"
"Tennis ball," I replied.
"I'm so sorry," she commiserated. "I know how that must feel. I once had tennis elbow."
2006-09-14 14:20:15 · answer #4 · answered by elge13 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
So an english guy, a scottish guy, and an irish guy walk into a bar. Each of them orders a pint. A fly flies into each one of their beers ( 3 flies, one per drink). The english guy hands the beer back, saying that it was too disgusting for him to drink, the scottish guy takes the fly out of the beer and drinks the beer, and the irish guy takes the fly out, holds it over the beer, and says "spit it out! god damnit! spit it out!"
2006-09-14 14:06:01 · answer #5 · answered by Tuck 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Two flies are sitting on a turd, one farts and the other one says "Hey, I'm trying to eat here."
2006-09-14 13:52:54 · answer #6 · answered by jedi1josh 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
so an irishman walks out of a bar.
hey, it could happen.
2006-09-14 13:54:35 · answer #7 · answered by HoyaDoc 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋