Jokes & Riddles - September 2006

A young minister, in the first days of his first parish, was obliged to call upon the widow of an eccentric man who had just died. Standing before the open casket and consoling the widow, he said, " I know this must be very hard blow, Mrs. Vernon. But we must remember that what we see here is the husk only, the shell... the nut has gone to heaven."

2006-09-14 17:45:38 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous

Which would you rather be a raccon or a coon with a nice rack?

http://www.apple2.org.za/gswv/me/Graphics/PICTURES.2005/Road.trip.2.24/Raccoon.ditch.hump.JPG

http://www.rumela.com/gallery/traci_bingham/traci_bingham10

Which would you rather have? A klondike bar or a dyke who passed the bar?

http://www.icecreamplanet.com/AA.klondikeoriginal.jpg

http://www.nneformat.ru/pic/butch.JPG

If you are too anal to answer this, then don't! Question is for commical purposes only

2006-09-14 17:17:28 · 6 answers · asked by ? 2

for $300.00. Just before closing time the store book keeper is going over the days receipts and sees that the recliner Ed bought was on sale for $250.00. The manager gives the salesman five ten dollar bills. He heads for Ed's house and thinks "Ed thought the chair was $300.00 and doesn't know about the $50.00 over charge. I'll make him happy and give him $30.00 and keep $20.00 for myself." And that's just what he does. So, because Ed got $30.00 back the chair now cost him $270.00. The salesman kept $20.00 for himself Do the above math. Because of the refund, Ed now has paid $270.00 for the chair. The salesman kept $20.00. $270.00 plus $20.00 equals $290.00. Where is the 300th dollar? You started with 300 why don't you come up with 300 now?The $50.00 refund is accounted for (30 to paid back to Ed, 20 to the salesman=50). Again..Ed ended up paying $270.00 the salesman kept $20.00 =$290.00 Where is the other $10.00? Why doesn't this equal $300.00?

2006-09-14 17:10:48 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous

Once 2 virgins got married and they went up to their bed for their 1st night.Neither of them knew what to do.So the man called his father and asked him what he was supposed to do.The father asked him to remove his clothes and ti sit beside the girl.Then the girl called her mother not knowing what to do.The mother asked her to take off her clothes and join him.She did so.Then again the man called his father to ask him what he was supposed to do then.The father asked him to put the hardest part of his body into the place where the girl pees.He did so.Then the girl was confused.So she called her mother.The mother asked her what he was doing.The girl replied"He is sticking his head in the toilet"!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2006-09-14 17:08:43 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous

LOL I laughed so hard at these clips. Let me know what you think.

View them on the other post here------> http://answers.yahoo.com/question/?link=best&qid=20060912183524AAkgiu3&r=w&pa=F5xxBXHpPmKSlmhy00sKlAjVsOMCl_P7rklIIiTHEhq.JrOmI0JQAw--

2006-09-14 17:07:01 · 3 answers · asked by choosinghappiness 5

confusion..........

2006-09-14 16:52:03 · 10 answers · asked by maham 2

please please no stupid answers!!!! if you really think about it the answer will come to you... maybe...

2006-09-14 16:39:46 · 5 answers · asked by Ash B. 1

http://www.scientificpsychic.com/graphics/

2006-09-14 16:36:18 · 4 answers · asked by Freakgirl 7

Anthony & Cleopatra were together in a house for the weekend.All the doors & windows were locked and no one else was in the house. On Monday the maid came in with a key and on opening the door of the main room she saw that there was broken glass on the floor although the windows were intact. Anthony was asleep in the chair. The maid knew instantly that Cleopatra had been killed although her body was nowhere to be found and no blood anywhere..........How did she know??

2006-09-14 16:36:14 · 10 answers · asked by kev3753 1

Willys cynical thought for the fugging day,

Don't be so humble - you are not that fawking great!

Three Italian nuns die and go to heaven. At the Pearly Gates, they are met by St. Peter. He says "Sisters, you all led such wonderful lives that I'm granting you six months to go back to earth and be anyone you want to be."

The first nun says, "I want to be Sophia Loren." and *poof* she's gone.

The second says, "I want to be Madonna." and *poof* she's gone.

The third says, "I want to be Alberta Pipalini." St. Peter looks perplexed.

"Who?" he says."

Alberta Pipalini." replies the nun.

St. Peter shakes his head and says, "I'm sorry, but that name just doesn't ring a bell."

The nun then takes a newspaper out of her habit and hands it to St. Peter. He reads the paper and starts laughing. He hands it back to her and says. "No sister, the paper says it was the 'Alberta Pipeline' that was laid by 1,400 men in 6 months." BWAAA-HA-HA-HA

http://www.total-knowledge.com/~willyblues/

2006-09-14 16:33:10 · 4 answers · asked by Anonymous

Two beavers are busy working on their dam when the spot a couple of hunters at the rivers edge. Instantly the younger beaver pulls out his pocket knife and starts shaving off all his fur. Astonished the older beaver asks "what in the he** are ya doin' that for!?" Younger one says if they don't recognize us as beavers they won't shoot us. The older one says "you're stupid" "besides, they're to far away they can't shoot us from there." Shot fired- Old beaver dies. Younger one falls dead at the sight. Later sittin' by the fire they hunters have the younger beaver roasting on a skewer and are stuffing the older one for a trophy. Why?

2006-09-14 16:22:53 · 18 answers · asked by waterboy 1

please help me solve this riddle can u please tell me the answer

2006-09-14 16:19:35 · 4 answers · asked by casandra d 1

i went to google to go watch a video and saw a popular one...steve erwin video....well i should have knoiw...it said look closely first and listen, and a face and scream popped up...i hate those things

2006-09-14 16:13:44 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous

You gotta see how this kid imitates George Bush!! He's the best!!
Its one of the funniest videos I've ever seen.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EUEN0eC4E-8

2006-09-14 16:07:40 · 10 answers · asked by ESKORBUTIN 4

theres two kids and one adult..plus one boat that only holds 150lbs..they are trying to get across the river..the two kids together weight 150lbs,and the adult by himself weighs 150..how do they ALL get across??

2006-09-14 16:06:39 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous

There is going to be a soccer match.
Ash bets Richie $100 that he can guess the score before the match starts.
Ash is sure he"ll win.
Richie loses the bet and Ash gets $100.
How did Ash win?
(if you say well it's just luck you need to be more detailed!)
(really try to guess the answer! no stupid answers!)

2006-09-14 16:04:35 · 22 answers · asked by Ash B. 1

Top 17 things to do while ordering a pizza!
1. Do not name the toppings you want. Rather, spell them out.
2. Put an extra edge in your voice when you say "crazy bread."

3. Put them on hold.

4. Report a petty theft to the order taker.

5. Ask for the guy who took your order last time.

6. Be vague in your order. When they ask what you'd like on your pizza say, "Oh, a little of this, a little of that..."

7. Say hello, act stunned for five seconds, then behave as if they called you.

8. If they repeat the order to make sure they have it right, say "OK. That'll be $10.99; please pull up to the first window."

9. Ask if you get to keep the pizza box. When they say yes, heave a sigh of relief.

10. Put the accent on the last syllable of "pepperoni." Use the long "i" sound.

11. Tell them to double-check to make sure your pizza is, in fact, dead.

12. Terminate the call with, "Remember, we never had this conversation."

13. In your breathiest voice, tell them to cut the jazz about nutrition and ask if they have something outlandishly unhealthy.

14. When the order is repeated, change it slightly. When it is repeated again, change it again. On the third time, say, "You just don't get it, do you?"

15. When they say, "Will that be all?" snicker and say "We'll find out, won't we?"

16. State your order and say that's as far as this relationship is going to get.

17. If he/she suggests anything, adamantly declare, "I shall not be swayed by your sweet words."

2006-09-14 16:03:38 · 7 answers · asked by sunshine 2

2006-09-14 15:57:59 · 5 answers · asked by ola! 1

A man is born before his father and when he was old enough he married his mother........how was this possible??

2006-09-14 15:57:48 · 18 answers · asked by kev3753 1

A blonde, brunette and redhead are in a desert.

The brunette says, "I brought some water so we don't get dehydrated."

The redhead says, "I brought some suntan lotion so we don't get sunburned."

Then the blonde says I brought a car door."

The other girls said, "Why did you bring that?"

Then the blonde says, "So I can roll down the window if it gets hot."

2006-09-14 15:55:51 · 19 answers · asked by .oh snap.london bridge.oh snap. 3

theres a man and his horse IF THE MAN RODE IN TOWN ON FRIDAY STAYED 3 DAYS AND LEFT ON FRIDAY HOW IS THAT POSSIBLE













answer:the horses name was friday

2006-09-14 15:53:33 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous

In Latvia they can't hang a man with a wooden leg.........Why??

2006-09-14 15:52:14 · 13 answers · asked by kev3753 1

Napoleon- "Do you ride the bus to school?"
Pedro- "Yes"
Napoleon- "What kind of bus do you have?"
Pedro- "It's a Sleagehammer."
Napoleon- "DANG! You got stop signs, logo, luckey! Did you ever take it on any sweet jumps?"
Pedro rides over a small speed bump with the bus.
Napoleon- "You got like three INCHES of air that time. Can I try really quick?"
Napoleon rides over a clif and then the bus explodes at the bottom of the clif and chokes as if it hit his nuts.

2006-09-14 15:40:27 · 8 answers · asked by Danny 2

Ok, heer goes..first to answer ALL right, gets 10 points.

What word begins with the letter E, ends with the letter E, and usually only has one letter in it?

If a plane sets off at NYC.... and is going to Alaska, And CRASHES on the border... Where do they put survivors to rest?

If a rooster lays an egg on the roof, what side does it roll down?

2006-09-14 15:36:25 · 23 answers · asked by coca_cola_froggy 4

Mr.Brown has a rooster which flew up on the fence. The rooster laid a egg and it fell over Mr.Jones yard. They both started to argue as to who should get the it. Who do you think should get the egg rightfully?

2006-09-14 15:30:57 · 14 answers · asked by Mike 1

get the answer

2006-09-14 15:23:11 · 2 answers · asked by Anonymous

On the first floor of a house there are 3 light switches...one of them works the light in the attic (3rd floor, and totally un viewable from the first floor light switches). Say you can only go up the stairs once...how do you know which light switch is the one for the attic? (Yes I know whomever designed the house was an idiot.)

2006-09-14 15:18:37 · 4 answers · asked by ladypersephone21 3

You wake up in a room with a letter on the table. It states, "There are 3 doors to your right that will lead to the exit. Behind the 1st door is a room filled with poisonious gas. The 2nd door is a room filled with lions that haven't eaten in 5 years. The 3rd door is filled with a laser bombs. Which door do you take to get to the exit?

2006-09-14 15:06:31 · 15 answers · asked by MS BOSSY 2

A father and is son was travelling in a car. They got into a very serious accident. They were both rushed to the hospital. When the son was taken to the emergency, the doctor looked at him and said, i can't operate on him...he is my son. Who is the doctor?

2006-09-14 14:54:28 · 10 answers · asked by Mike 1

2006-09-14 14:45:40 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous