Jokes & Riddles - August 2006

Peter celebrated his birthday on one day, and two days later his older twin brother, Paul, celebrated his birthday. How could this be?

And no peter doesn't have a set of twin brothers that are older or younger than him, this is really his twin ♥

2006-08-08 19:28:51 · 9 answers · asked by ♥ The One You Love To Hate♥ 7

stop sign 1- Toothfairy
stop sign 2- Santa Claus
stop sign 3- mail man
stop sign 4- Easter Bunny

there is a four way stop, and there is a one hundred dollar bill in the middle of the road, if they all take off at the same time, who would get the money first??

YOU MUST EXPLAIN WHY THE PERSON YOU PICK WOULD GET THE MONEY FIRST. IF YOU DON'T EXPLAIN WITH YOUR ANSWER NO POINTS!!!!!! GOOD LUCK

2006-08-08 19:27:10 · 17 answers · asked by haywudjblome 1

2006-08-08 19:25:04 · 6 answers · asked by Anonymous

No one ever saw me, nor ever will,
And yet I am the confidence of all
To live and breathe on this terrestrial ball.
what am i

2006-08-08 19:22:37 · 5 answers · asked by ettezzil 5

... It is Really Very Simple, Who Ever Tells Me the Funniest Joke Will Win the 'Best Answer'... and Recieve 10 Points!

2006-08-08 19:17:46 · 16 answers · asked by Kitty P 2

As I was walking down a lane, I saw a man doing just the same, he tipped his hat, and drew his cane, in this story, I have told you his name. What is it?

2006-08-08 19:08:21 · 26 answers · asked by Anonymous

There is a thing that nothing is and yet it has a name.
It's sometimes tall, sometimes short; joins our talks, joins our sport; and plays in every game.

What is it?

2006-08-08 18:59:23 · 25 answers · asked by criticalcatalyst 4

A man is driving down the road and breaks down near a monastery. He goes to the monastery, knocks on the door, and says, My car broke down. Do you think I could stay the night?

The monks graciously accept him, feed him dinner, and even fix his car. As the man tries to fall asleep, he hears a strange sound. The next morning, he asks the monks what the sound was, but they say, We can't tell you. You're not a monk. The man is disappointed but thanks them anyway and goes about his merry way.

Some years later, the same man breaks down in front of the same monastery. The monks again accept him, feed him, and even fix his car. That night, he hears the same strange noise that he had heard years earlier. The next morning, he asks what it is, but the monks reply, We can't tell you. You're not a monk. The man says, All right, all right. I'm dying to know. If the only way I can find out what that sound was is to become a monk, how do I become a monk? The monks reply, You must travel the earth and tell us how many blades of grass there are and the exact number of sand pebbles. When you find these numbers, you will become a monk.

The man sets about his task. Some forty-five years later, he returns and knocks on the door of the monastery. He says, I have traveled the earth and have found what you have asked for. There are 145,236,284,232 blades of grass and 231,281,219,999,129,382 sand pebbles on the earth. The monks reply, Congratulations. You are now a monk. We shall now show you the way to the sound. The monks lead the man to a wooden door, where the head monk says, The sound is right behind that door.

The man reaches for the knob, but the door is locked. He says, Real funny. May I have the key? The monks give him the key, and he opens the door. Behind the wooden door is another door made of stone. The man demands the key to the stone door. The monks give him the key, and he opens it, only to find a door made of gold. He demands another key from the monks, who provide it. So it went until the man had gone through doors of emerald, silver, topaz, and amethyst. Finally, the monks say, This is the last key to the last door. The man is relieved to no end. He unlocks the door, turns the knob, and behind that door he is amazed to find the source of that strange sound is.....But I can't tell you what it is because you're not a monk.

2006-08-08 18:04:59 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous

Your last name stays put.

The garage is all yours.

Wedding plans take care of themselves.

Chocolate is just another snack.

You can be President. You can never be pregnant.

You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park. You can wear NO shirt to a water park.

Car Mechanics tell you the truth.

The world is your urinal.

You never have to drive to another gas station restroom because this one is just too icky.

You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.

Same work, more pay.

Wrinkles add character.

Wedding dress $5000. Tux rental-$100.

People never stare at your chest when you are talking to them.

The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected.

New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.

One mood all the time.

Phone conservations are over in 30 seconds flat.

You know stuff about tanks.

A 5 day vacation requires only one suitcase.

You can open all of your own jars.

You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.

If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend.

Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack.

Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.

You never have strap problems in public.

You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.

Everything on your face stays its original color.

The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe even decades.

You only have to shave your face and neck.

You can play with toys all your life.

Your belly usually hides your big hips.

One wallet and one pair of shoes one color for all seasons.

You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look.

You can "do" your nails with a pocket knife.

You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.

You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25 minutes.

No wonder men are happier!

2006-08-08 18:04:21 · 15 answers · asked by chapped lips 5

Poor doggie! I don't think he can't even pee in this outfit.
http://www.richstevens.com/naked.swf

2006-08-08 17:54:09 · 8 answers · asked by thisismythirdname 2

it's a quote that my friend said but i forgot, it sounds pretty neat. Hope y'all know

2006-08-08 17:53:07 · 21 answers · asked by love_life85vn 1

2006-08-08 17:52:15 · 6 answers · asked by ravi_tarun_2006 1

One evening a family brings their frail, elderly mother to a nursing home and leaves her as planned, hoping she will be well cared for.

The next morning, the nurses bathe her, feed her a tasty breakfast, and set her in a chair at a window overlooking a lovely flower garden.

She seems OK, but after a while she slowly starts to lean over sideways in her chair. Two attentive nurses immediately rush up to catch her and straighten her up. Again she seems OK, but after a while she starts to tilt to the other side. The nurses rush back and once more bring her back upright.

This goes on all morning.

Later the family arrives to see how the old woman is adjusting to her new home. "So Ma, how is it here? Are they treating you all right?" they ask.

"It's pretty nice," she replies. "Except they won't let me fart."

2006-08-08 17:49:39 · 14 answers · asked by chapped lips 5

I am made in a arc, or done straight across.
Swings from side to side, or an unmoving mass.

Made with wood, stone, or metals,
Hangs from above, or braced from beneath.

You walk all over my back,
But obstacles I will help you traverse.

2006-08-08 17:41:37 · 14 answers · asked by iamigloo 6

can anyone solve this out.any one genius around????????

2006-08-08 17:40:56 · 17 answers · asked by amy 2

A nurse was leaving the hospital one evening when she found the doctor standing in front of a shredder with a piece of paper in his hand.

"Listen", said the doctor, "this is important and my assistant has left. Can you make this thing work?"

"Certainly", said the nurse, flattered that the doctor had asked her for help.

She turned the machine on, inserted the paper and pressed the start button.

"Excellent! Excellent!" said the doctor as his paper disappeared inside the machine.

"I need two copies of that"

2006-08-08 17:35:42 · 9 answers · asked by chapped lips 5

GOOD JOKES ????? Please keep as clean as possible .Thanks

2006-08-08 17:26:58 · 4 answers · asked by ₦âħí»€G 6

An old man and his wife came in to see the doctor because the old man just wasn't feeling well.
When they went into the doctors office and told him their complaints, the doctor said, "I will need a urine sample, a stool sample, and a semen sample."

The old man, who was very deaf turned to his wife and said, "what did he say?"

The old woman looked at him, looked at the doctor and yelled, "He said he needs your underwear!"

2006-08-08 17:26:39 · 13 answers · asked by chapped lips 5

he said why are you putting on a bra if u have nothing to put in it? she said well you wear pants dont you

2006-08-08 17:21:56 · 11 answers · asked by baby angel 2

whatz the difference between a truck full of smelly pigz and a truck full of women?

2006-08-08 17:20:51 · 15 answers · asked by chiefslapaho 3

HOLD ON TO YOUR JOY-STICKS!! LOL

A large truck is crossing a bridge 1 mile long. The bridge can only hold 14000 lbs, which is the exact weight of the truck. The truck makes it half way across the bridge and stops. A bird lands on the truck. Does the bridge collapse? Give me a reason.

Hmm... what could it be?

2006-08-08 17:17:26 · 5 answers · asked by Anonymous

a lightbulb !!!!

2006-08-08 17:11:06 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-08-08 17:10:24 · 11 answers · asked by Sad_Satan 1

2006-08-08 17:03:56 · 94 answers · asked by cisco 1

There is a dead man in the middle of a field, nothing is around him and there are no footprints of any sort. There is an unopened package next to him. How did he die? BUT HERE IS A HINT PEOPLE: As he approached the field he knew he was going to die. HAHA...Good Guessing!

2006-08-08 16:56:51 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-08-08 16:52:24 · 7 answers · asked by chiefslapaho 3

if there are a bunch of catz in a room and each cat sees 3 catz how many catz r in that room?

2006-08-08 16:43:38 · 8 answers · asked by chiefslapaho 3

A woman went into a bank to cash an insurance refund check. By mistake the teller gave her dollars for cents and cents for dollars. She put the money in her purse but accidentally dropped a nickel on the floor. When she got home, she found that she had exactly twice the amount of the check she had cashed. She didn't have any money in her wallet before going to the bank. What was the exact amount of that check?

And no this isn't for school because we go back the 21st I just found it and thought you would enjoy doing it :)

2006-08-08 16:40:44 · 6 answers · asked by ♥ The One You Love To Hate♥ 7

I like to get my brain to working but I couldn't solve this one... sum1 plz HELP!

Three guys walk into a hotel, and they're going to split the cost of a room. The room is $30. They each kick in $10 and head up to their room. The manager gets wind of it and tells the clerk the room is only $25. He hands five $1 bills to the bell hop and tells him to go refund the guys' money. On the way up to the room, the bell hop gets to thinking, as bell hops are wont to do, and says to himself, "No way can three guys split $5, I'm going to help out." He stuffs $2 in his pocket, knocks on the door, gives each guy back a buck and heads back downstairs to the desk, glowing in the warmth of a job well done. So now each guy has paid $9. $9 times 3 is $27 plus the two the bell hop stole--only $29! Where is the other buck?

2006-08-08 16:33:09 · 10 answers · asked by Vernette P 1

2006-08-08 16:17:43 · 17 answers · asked by chiefslapaho 3