Jokes & Riddles - July 2006

I remember stumping a professor at university with this question. Feel free to be creative. After all, this is for fun.

2006-07-08 22:06:27 · 14 answers · asked by Ѕємι~Мαđ ŠçїєŋŧιѕТ 6

Two lawyers had been stranded on a desert island for several months. The only other thing on the island was a tall coconut tree, which provided them their food.

Each day one of the lawyers would climb to the top of the tree to see if he could see a rescue boat coming.

One day, the lawyer yelled down from the tree, "WOW, I can't believe my eyes. There is a girl out there floating in our direction."

The lawyer on the ground was most skeptical and said. "I think you're hallucinating and you've finally lost your mind."

But within a few minutes, up to the beach floated a naked blonde woman, face up and totally unconscious.

The two lawyers went over to her, dragged her up on the beach, and discovered, yes, she was alive.

One said to the other, "You know, we've been on this island for months now without a woman.
It's been such a long time. Do you think we should, ... you know, ... screw her?"

The second lawyer, asked, "Out of What?"

hehe check ya later♥

2006-07-08 22:00:00 · 9 answers · asked by ♥ The One You Love To Hate♥ 7

2006-07-08 21:54:36 · 26 answers · asked by bryanstrider 2

One day old man Stumpy and his wife Martha went to the Illinois State Fair. There is this man selling plane rides in his single prop show plane for $10 per person. Stumpy looks to Martha and says, "Martha, I think I really should try that." Martha replies, "I know you want to Stumpy, but we have a lot of bills, and you know the money is tight, and $10 is $10." So Stumpy goes without. Over the next few years they return every year, and the same thing, Stumpy wants to ride, but Martha says no money.
Finally, when Stumpy and Martha are both about 70 years old, Stumpy looks to Martha, and says, "Martha, I'm 70 now, and I don't know if I'll ever get the chance again, so I just have to be naughty and have a ride in that there airplane." Martha replies in the same old fashion, and Stumpy kind of slumps down. The pilot is standing near by and overhears the conversation...

2006-07-08 21:44:02 · 4 answers · asked by ♥Gilmore♥ 5

2006-07-08 20:56:24 · 23 answers · asked by Sulli 2

2006-07-08 20:40:02 · 13 answers · asked by wild_muff_diver 1

The San Francisco Zoo has an elephant
named Calle who has a chronic illness,
requiring medication. The zoo people
couldn't get Calle to take her dose orally, so
a California pharmacologist developed a
suppository. The 10-inch-long, four-pound,
cocoa-butter bullets are crafted by the good
folks at Guittard Chocolates in Burlingame.

Administering the DAILY medication takes
five zoo workers, including one person to
distract Calle with treats and one person
who wears a full-arm glove.
---------------------------
Why am I telling you this????

Just think -

FIVE people have jobs worse than yours!
Now stop complaining and get back to work.

2006-07-08 20:34:30 · 5 answers · asked by 【ツ】ρεαcε! 5

1. You are participating in a race You overtake the second person.What position are you in?

2.Take 1000 and add 40 to it. Now add another 1000. Now add 30. Add another 1000. Now add 20. Now add another 1000 Now add 10. What is the total?

3. There is a mute person who wants to buy a toothbrush. By imitating the action of brushing one's teeth he successfully expresses himself to the shopkeeper and the purchase is done.
Now if there is a blind man who wishes to buy a pair of sunglasses, how should he express himself?

4. Mary's father has five daughters: 1. Nana, 2. Nene, 3. Nini, 4. Nono.
What is the name of the fifth daughter?

2006-07-08 20:30:41 · 56 answers · asked by golituk 3

2006-07-08 20:22:11 · 13 answers · asked by leofina 1

Four life-long friends, a doctor, lawyer, professor, and a businessman, belonging to the same exclusive club had made a pact.

When one dies, they agreed, the others will lay $5,000 each on his coffin so he'll have some spending money in the after life.

Well, one day the professor passes away. At his funeral the three friends took turns going up to the coffin and paying their respects.

The doctor was first, laying 50 $100 bills inside the casket.

Next was the businessman, tearfully placing his $5,000 cash next to his deceased friend.

Then the lawyer approached the coffin ..... wrote out a check for $15,000 ... laid it in the casket, and picked up the 10 grand in cash.

2006-07-08 20:16:05 · 12 answers · asked by ♥ The One You Love To Hate♥ 7

2006-07-08 20:14:42 · 16 answers · asked by trouble comes a knockin 5

Mother has 15 children total. Father has 14 children total. Mother and father have 3 children together, One of the kids that they have togher is wondering how many brothers and does she has.

2006-07-08 20:11:29 · 11 answers · asked by D192 2

i need a good laugh and im really bored so tell me a good joke

2006-07-08 20:06:35 · 10 answers · asked by shorty 2

2006-07-08 19:59:39 · 4 answers · asked by CHRIS P 1

plz make me laugh im so bored i need a good laugh!!!!!

2006-07-08 19:46:32 · 12 answers · asked by shorty 2

2006-07-08 18:56:05 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous

I feel like my brain thinks to much to fast and I always get ahead of each thought before its time.

2006-07-08 18:52:37 · 6 answers · asked by Anonymous

Three turtles were going up the mountian on a picnic.So they packed thier lunches and headed off. It took them 20 years to get there.When they got to the top, one turtle says"Oh no,,,we forgot water, we can't eat without waterThe little turtle said he'd go back. "But you can't eat until I get back". he said. they all agreed and off he went.20 years went by and one turtle said..."Yes he 's there he should be on his way back. 10 more years went by and the other turtle said..."hey I'm hungry ,we should eat. "No said the turtle,we promised."
"Hey it's been 40 years and he hasn't comeback, maybe he's been hit by a car or just decided it was top long.the turtle said.
"Yeah your right let's eat>"
all of a sudden the bush started shaking...OUT jumps the little turtle. "WHAT ARE YOU DOING."he asked...."I knew you were going to eat without me, so I stayed in the bushed to watch you.

2006-07-08 18:45:35 · 4 answers · asked by Anonymous

Post all the gud questions u have wid answers.

If the ques.has a pic, mail me at "gupta.deepanshu@gmail.com".

U may post more than one ques. !!Be quick!!

2006-07-08 18:32:54 · 4 answers · asked by Deepanshu Gupta 1

anyone?

2006-07-08 18:30:48 · 6 answers · asked by boygirl6974 1

If any of you are defending her intelligence, I have some Enron stock I'd like to sell to you!

2006-07-08 18:21:29 · 28 answers · asked by vabostrom 1

q do i have to be married to have safe fax
a although married people fax quite often there are many single people who fax complete and utter strangers every day
q if i fax by myself will i go blind
a certainly not as far as we can see
q there is a place on our street where you can go and pay for fax is this legal
a yes many people have no outlet for their fax needs and must pay a professional
q should a cover be used for faxing
a unless you are really sure of the one you are faxing a cover sheet should always be used to ensure safe fax
q what happens when i incorrectly perform the procedure and i fax prematurely
a dont panic many people prematurley fax when the havent faxed in a long time just start all over most people wont mind if you try again
q i have a personal and a buisness fax can the transmission become mixed up
a being bi faxual can be confusing but as long as you use a cover
with each 1 you shouldnt transmit anything your not supposed to

2006-07-08 18:07:51 · 2 answers · asked by Anonymous

do you know the rest of this one?....

2006-07-08 18:06:03 · 7 answers · asked by boygirl6974 1

2006-07-08 17:59:15 · 14 answers · asked by mickeycushman 2

first persone who answers correclty gets best answer.

2006-07-08 17:48:47 · 11 answers · asked by mangobuyer 2

Last time, we saw this timely riddle:

Which part of the watch is never new?
A: The second hand!

Heheh. It's obvious isn't it? :) And now, for today's riddle:

If you call two a company and three a crowd, what would you call four and five?

Have fun! :)

2006-07-08 17:46:31 · 12 answers · asked by iamigloo 6

It says something about, "poor people have it, rich people want it..." And the answer is God. It's a great riddle. Wish I could remember it. Can anyone help?

2006-07-08 17:42:13 · 8 answers · asked by p.c. 2

1. There was an orphan standing on one side of the road, he was wearing jeans a t-shirt and had curly red hair. Across the street there were 2 women, one wore a light pink dress and had long blonde hair. The other woman had workout clothing on and had short black hair. Which woman was the little boys mom?

2. There was a man that lived in an oval house, he was going to have all his friends over for lunch but when they arrived they found the man murdered. The only people in the house at the time was his wife, the maid, the butler, the gardener, and the dog. The wife said she couldn't have done it because she was out on a jog. The maid said she couldn't have done it because she was sweeping the corners. the butler said he couldn't have done it because he was making lunch. The gardener said he couldn't have done it because he was taking care of the plants. And the dog couldn't have done it... because that's self-explanatory... who killed the man?

2006-07-08 17:28:41 · 27 answers · asked by Porque yo soy china 1

One day a teacher had a taste test with her students.

She picked a little boy to do the first test.

She blindfolded him, put A Hershey kiss in his mouth and asked, “Do you know what it is?”

“No, I don’t,” said the little boy.

“Okay, I’ll give you a clue. It’s the thing your daddy wants from your Mom before he goes to work” the teacher said.

Suddenly, a little girl at the back of the room yelled, “Spit it out! It’s a piece of as$!”

any others

2006-07-08 17:24:17 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous

If you were standing up to your neck in dog crap and someone threw a bucket of sick at you would you duck?

2006-07-08 17:20:21 · 18 answers · asked by dave_e_wood 4