i need a good laugh and im really bored so tell me a good joke
2006-07-08 20:06:35 · 10 answers · asked by shorty 2 in Entertainment & Music ➔ Jokes & Riddles
YOUR DRIVER'S LICENSE TELLS IT ALL
A mother is driving a little girl to her friend's house for a play date.
"Mommy," the little girl asks, "how old are you?"
"Honey, you are not supposed to ask a lady her age," the mother replied.
"It's not polite."
"OK", the little girl says, "How much do! you weigh?"
"Now really," the mother says,
"those are personal questions and are really none of your business."
Undaunted, the little girl asks, "Why did you and Daddy get a divorce?"
"That is enough questions, young lady, honestly!"
The exasperated mother walks away as the two friends begin to play.
"My Mom won't tell me anything about her," the little girl says to her friend
"Well," says the friend, "all you need to do is look at her drivers license. It is like a report card, it has everything on it."
Later that night the little girl says to her mother, "I know how old you are, you are 32."
The mother is surprised and asks,
"How did you find that out?
"I also know that you weigh 140 pounds."
The mother is past surprised and shocked now.
"How in heaven's name did you find that out?"
"And," the little girl says triumphantly,
"I know why you and daddy got a divorce."
"Oh really?" the mother asks. "Why?"
"Because you got an F in sex."
kids you gotta love them........
2006-07-08 22:56:22 · answer #1 · answered by ~p♥kes~ 5 · 3⤊ 2⤋
14 Signs Your Online Relationship Isn't Working Out
14) You discover that "Chesty McBust" isn't her real name, and she's dialing in from Langley, VA.
13) You: Large, hairy man. Your online girlfriend: Large, hairy man.
12) Her postmaster rejects your e-mail not as "undeliverable" but as "unlikely to get you anywhere."
11) After months of shared experiences and emotional investments, she attacks you in the Mines of Quarn with a Vorpal Sword when she
learns you're worth 45,000 points.
10) "Returned mail: User unknown and never wants to hear from you again."
9) Your cyber-lover is just too busy editing that silly little Top 5 List.
8) Getting perhaps a bit too comfortable, she lets a reference to cutting her chin shaving slip by.
7) You discover that she has been cutting and pasting her orgasms.
6) You can barely make out your S. L.'s face in the JPEG she sent because she's obscured by her 25 cats.
5) He claims to be the richest man in the world, but his GIF looks like some geek who works for a software company.
4) Since her first e-mail, Make.Money.Fast!@cyber-promotions.com has become cold and distant.
3) She's suddenly changed her address to comingout@lesbian.com
2) Ken Starr launches an investigation into your relationship with the mysterious tubby@whitehouse.gov
1) In an ironic twist of fate, you discover that the object of your affection is a curvaceous 18 year old, rather than the geeky 14 year old boy she'd pretended to be.
2006-07-10 05:08:17 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
A man leaves home to go fight in the Crusades and decides that his wife should wear a chastity belt in his absence. So he locks her up and gives the key to his best friend. He tells him, "If I'm not back in four years, unlock my wife and set her free to live a normal life."
The husband leaves on horseback and about half an hour later, he sees a cloud of dust behind him. He waits for it to come closer and sees his best friend.
"What's wrong?" he asks.
"You gave me the wrong key."
2006-07-10 00:12:11 · answer #3 · answered by Chino 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I gave my son a BB gun for Christmas.
He gave me a t-shirt with a target on the back!
My wife is so vain that when we make love she shouts out her own name!
I'm so fat! Last Friday I had my shoes shined, I had to take the guys word for it!
2006-07-09 03:26:05 · answer #4 · answered by Norman Conquest 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
3 men in a pub. Scottish, English and Irish. English says my wife was cleaning our daughters room found some fags, didn't now she smoked. Scottish said I picked up my son's coat and half a bottle of gin fell out, didn't know he drank. Irishman says My wife found condoms in my daughters bedroom, Didn't know she had a penis!!!!!!!!!!
2006-07-10 12:17:53 · answer #5 · answered by d1ckdeckard 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Robert and Julie, a nice young couple, were getting married and planned on living with Julie`s mother until they could establish a place of their own. On their wedding night, they went upstairs and were getting ready for bed.
Robert started to get undressed, taking off his shirt first, and he had hair all over his chest. Julie ran downstairs and told her mother.
"Momma!! Momma!! He`s got hair all over his chest!"
Her mother replied, "Julie, you go upstairs and make your momma proud."
So she ran upstairs and found Robert taking off his pants. He was extremely hairy all over his legs.
Julie ran down the steps to tell her mother. "Momma, he`s got hair all over his legs."
"Julie, you go upstairs and make your Momma proud."
She ran upstairs and found Robert sitting on the bed taking off his socks. Unfortunately, he had lost half of his foot in the war.
Julie took one look, ran downstairs, and said, "Momma, Momma, he`s only got a foot and a half!"
At this, Momma yelled, "You stay downstairs. I`m going go upstairs!"
2006-07-09 04:01:14 · answer #6 · answered by udayy2 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather...
Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car!
"I finally got my boss to laugh," said one friend to another after work.
"Oh, how?"
"I asked for a raise!"
2006-07-09 04:44:45 · answer #7 · answered by anne 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Okay here we go,,,,,,,,
1. What is height of Secrecy?
Offering blank visiting cards.
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2. What is height of Activelaziness?
Asking for a lift to house while on a morning walk.
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3. What is height of Laziness?
Adopting a child.
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4. What is height of Craziness?
Getting a blank paper Xeroxed.
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5. What is height of Forgetfulness?
Seeing the mirror and trying to recollect when you saw him / her last.
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6. What is height of Stupidity?
A man looking through a keyhole of a glass door.
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7. What is height of Honesty?
A pregnant woman taking one and a half ticket.
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8. What is height of Suicide?
A dwarf jumping from the footpath on the road.
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9. What is height of De-hydration?
A cow giving milk powder.
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Now some different answers
10. What is height of Secrecy?
Not attending your own marriage
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11. What is height of Activelaziness?
hiring somebody for your own morning walk !!!!
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12. What is height of Laziness?
adopting another child !!!!
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13. What is height of Craziness?
Trying to do blowwjob to a enuch
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14. What is height of Forgetfulness?
Going out from own house in the morning and getting back to neighbour's house.
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15. What is height of Stupidity?
Going to swim without underwear
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2006-07-09 05:06:04 · answer #8 · answered by Tanya S 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Two muffin r in an oven. One muffin says to the other one, "Man, it sure is hot in here", and the other one says, "HOLY CRUD!!! A TALKING MUFFIN!!!
2006-07-09 04:00:28 · answer #9 · answered by Lady Irene 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
visit http://www.santabanta.com
2006-07-09 03:10:13 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋