plz make me laugh im so bored i need a good laugh!!!!!
2006-07-08 19:46:32 · 12 answers · asked by shorty 2 in Entertainment & Music ➔ Jokes & Riddles
(please dont take this joke seriously)
Yo Mama's so fat, when she puts a red jacket on and walks down the street people say 'It's the big red ball that makes dreams come true!'
i have another one!
There once was a lady who was tired of living alone. So she put an ad in the paper . She wanted a man who 1) wouldn't hurt her, 2) wouldn't run away from her, and 3) would be good in bed. Then, one day, she heard the doorbell ring. She answered it, and there was a man in a wheel chair who didn't have any arms or legs.
"I'm here about the ad you put in the paper. As you can see, I have no arms so I can't hurt you, and I have no legs so I can't run away from you."
"Yes, but are you good in bed?"
"How do you think I rang the doorbell?"
2006-07-08 19:59:01 · answer #1 · answered by columbia 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
New Rules In Hell
A man dies and goes to Hell, where he is greeted by the Devil.
The man looks around and sees no fire or people being tortured, nothing uncomfortable, and asks, "where is all the horrible things that Hell has to offer me? I might as well get started now".
The Devil says, " Things have changed down here".
He asks the man, "Do you like to drink alcohol?"
"Oh, Yes!" replied the man, with a big smile.
"Well you are in luck", Says the Devil, "because on Mondays there is drinking all day, anything that you want"
"Wow, that's sounds great", the man says.
"How about sex? Do you like sex?" the Devil asks.
The man replys, "Love sex, just never could get enough".
The Devil replys, "Well we will take care of that little problem, we have sex all day on Tuesday".
The smile continues to grow wider on the mans face.
He is then asked if he had any homosexual tendancies.
"Absolutely not!", he says emphatically, "I can't stand queers!"
The Devil smile at him and says, "You are really going to hate Wednesdays then."
2006-07-09 02:52:15 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Bonita.... me encanta tú nombre!!!
Why I Fired My Secratary!
Birthday Suits!
I'm wearing mine, are you wearing yours?
Last week was my birthday and I didn't feel very well waking up that morning.
I went downstairs for breakfast hoping my wife would be pleasant and say, "Happy Birthday!", and possibly have a present for me.
As it turned out, she barely said good morning, let alone "Happy Birthday."
I thought... Well, that's marriage for you, but the kids will remember.
My kids came in to breakfast and didn't say a word. So when I left for the office, I felt pretty low and somewhat despondent.
As I walked into my office, my secretary Jane said, "Good Morning Boss, Happy Birthday!" It felt a little better that at least someone had remembered.
I worked until one o'clock and then Jane knocked on my door and said, "You know, it's such a beautiful day outside, and it's your birthday, let's go out to lunch, just you and me." I said, "Thanks Jane, that's the greatest thing I've heard all day. Let's go!"
We went to lunch. But we didn't go where we normally would go. We dined instead at a little place with a private table. We had two martinis each and I enjoyed the meal tremendously. On the way back to the office, Jane said, "You know, it's such a beautiful day...We don't need to go back to the office, do we?"
I responded, "I guess not. What do you have in mind?" She said, "Let's go to my apartment."
After arriving at her apartment, Jane turned to me and said, "Boss, if you don't mind, I'm going to step into the bedroom for a moment. I'll be right back." "Ok." I nervously replied.
She went into the bedroom and, after a couple of minutes, she came out carrying a huge birthday cake ... Followed by my wife, kids, and dozens of my friends and co-workers, all singing "Happy Birthday".
And I just sat there...
On the couch...
Naked.
2006-07-10 00:09:42 · answer #3 · answered by Chino 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
A blonde is walking down the street with her blouse open, exposing one of her breasts.
A nearby policeman approaches her and remarks, "Ma'am, are you aware that I could cite you for indecent exposure?"
"Why, officer?" asks the blonde.
"Because your blouse is open and your breast is exposed."
"Oh my goodness," exclaims the blonde, "I left my baby on the bus!"
2006-07-09 04:47:44 · answer #4 · answered by ♥Gilmore♥ 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
A woman asks a Pharmacist if Viagra is any good. The pharmacist replies, "Yes I use in regularly" She asks, "Can you get it over the counter." He replies "I can."
2006-07-09 03:06:13 · answer #5 · answered by alwaysmoose 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Okay here we go,,,,,,,,
1. What is height of Secrecy?
Offering blank visiting cards.
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2. What is height of Activelaziness?
Asking for a lift to house while on a morning walk.
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3. What is height of Laziness?
Adopting a child.
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4. What is height of Craziness?
Getting a blank paper Xeroxed.
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5. What is height of Forgetfulness?
Seeing the mirror and trying to recollect when you saw him / her last.
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6. What is height of Stupidity?
A man looking through a keyhole of a glass door.
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7. What is height of Honesty?
A pregnant woman taking one and a half ticket.
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8. What is height of Suicide?
A dwarf jumping from the footpath on the road.
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9. What is height of De-hydration?
A cow giving milk powder.
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Now some different answers
10. What is height of Secrecy?
Not attending your own marriage
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11. What is height of Activelaziness?
hiring somebody for your own morning walk !!!!
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12. What is height of Laziness?
adopting another child !!!!
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13. What is height of Craziness?
Trying to do blowwjob to a enuch
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14. What is height of Forgetfulness?
Going out from own house in the morning and getting back to neighbour's house.
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15. What is height of Stupidity?
Going to swim without underwear
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2006-07-09 05:06:36 · answer #6 · answered by Tanya S 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
OK. So, there is this blonde (It's just a joke, please don't take it seriously) So, there is this blonde, the typical one, and anyway, she walks into a bar and says, OUCH!!! hahaha Get it like a metal pole bar.
2006-07-09 02:57:13 · answer #7 · answered by Lonestar 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
An elephant sees a nude man on a beach and asks, "How do you breathe though that?"
2006-07-09 04:18:07 · answer #8 · answered by Q 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes off course.Take off your clothes & start to read jokes book.OK
2006-07-09 03:59:54 · answer #9 · answered by saeed a 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What coffee did they serve on the Titanic? Sanka... (I know, that joke really sunk...)
2006-07-09 02:53:28 · answer #10 · answered by crazymomma 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋