Jokes & Riddles - June 2006

One day a rooster and a hen went for a walk in a field. The chicken suddenly fell in a deep mud hole. The rooster frantically responded "I'll save you honey." He ran off and jumped into the farmers new Caddillac, drove back to the hen and told her to reach for the bumper and he'll pull her out. After several tries the hen couldn't reach it. A horse nearby saw what was going on and offered his help. He leaned over the mud whole pulled out his penis and told the hen to grab on. When she did he pulled her out and they walked off. The moral of the story is, you don't need a nice car to get a girl. The guys with the big ***** always get the chicks.

2006-06-16 04:48:17 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-06-16 04:36:51 · 7 answers · asked by milldoc 1

A blonde was in a college math class. The teacher mentioned that if you want to work at Target or Wal-Mart, you have to answer some very hard problems. At the end of math class, the teacher announces "What have you learned today? The blonde shoots up her hand. "I learned that when people have problems, they go to Wal-Mart!"

2006-06-16 04:25:56 · 50 answers · asked by Lord of Luster 2

2006-06-16 03:56:05 · 12 answers · asked by ruchi 2

2006-06-16 03:56:03 · 18 answers · asked by Tyler B 1

If you are feeling a bit flat and need some hilarious fun that wil keep you smiling for weeks go and take a look at the worst record sleeves ever on http://bcfun.blogspot.com

be warned though you may piss your pants laughing.
take care.
the baldchemist

2006-06-16 03:55:56 · 32 answers · asked by thebaldchemist 3

i want to see how many good guessers there are

2006-06-16 03:52:38 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous

____________ IS GREATER THAN GOD .....
IF U EAT____________ U WILL DIE
____________ IS POISONOUS THAN THE MOST POISONOUS SUBSTANCE
____________ IS A SEVEN LETTER WORD
____________ STARTS WITH THE LETTER "N"
ALL BLANKS HAVE THE SAME ANSWER ......U THINK U R BRILLIANT THEN ANSWER IT

2006-06-16 03:49:45 · 17 answers · asked by ruchi 2

ON WHICH SIDE IS THE HANDLE OF A CUP?????

2006-06-16 03:27:49 · 30 answers · asked by ruchi 2

Hey there, i was wondering if anyone had any decent jokes?
I need cheering up :)

2006-06-16 03:27:40 · 14 answers · asked by jules W 2

it can buy you a house,but not a home.it can buy you a bed,but not sleep.it can buy you a clock,but not time.it can buy you a book,but not knowledge.it can buy you a position,but not respect.it can buy you medicine,but not health.it can buy you blood,but not life.it can buy you sex,but not love. So you see,money isn't everything. The best things in life can't be bought,and often we destroy ourselves trying! Itell you all this because I am your friend,and as your friend i want to take away your needless pain and suffering............So send me all your money and i will suffer for you. A truer friend than me you will never find. CASH ONLY,PLEASE!

2006-06-16 03:27:06 · 7 answers · asked by SPRING 3

Can you dress it back down to normal language?

A totality of numerous objects that coruscate or are refulgent are not necessarily composed entirely of auriferous substances.

2006-06-16 02:59:42 · 12 answers · asked by MojoMan 6

What am I?

2006-06-16 02:55:11 · 21 answers · asked by MojoMan 6

2006-06-16 02:53:28 · 12 answers · asked by MojoMan 6

though I never went to school.
What am I?

2006-06-16 02:52:40 · 8 answers · asked by MojoMan 6

ill give 10pts to the first person who gives me the correct answer hehehe

2006-06-16 02:43:18 · 27 answers · asked by anna c 2

A rabbi and a priest get into a car accident and it's a bad one. Both cars are totally demolished, but, amazingly, neither of the clerics is hurt. After they crawl out of their cars, the rabbi sees the priest's collar and says, "So you're a priest. I'm a rabbi. Just look at our cars. There's nothing left, but we are unhurt. This must be a sign from God. God must have meant that we should meet and be friends and live together in peace the rest of our days."
The priest replies, "I agree with you completely. This must be a sign from God." The rabbi continues, "And look at this. Here's another miracle. My car is completely demolished but this bottle of Morgen David wine didn't break. Surely God wants us to drink this wine and celebrate our good fortune."
Then he hands the bottle to the priest. The priest agrees, takes a few big swigs, and hands the bottle back to the rabbi. The rabbi takes the bottle, immediately puts the cap on, and hands it back to the priest.
The priest asks, "Aren't you having any?"
The rabbi replies, "No...I think I'll wait for the police."

2006-06-16 02:08:55 · 15 answers · asked by c_o_e_u_s 2

One piece every four to six weeks

You still have to pay shipping & handling charges on it

2006-06-16 01:24:58 · 4 answers · asked by Anonymous

If you would like to see your name written in russian...go here..
www.callme.nm.ru

2006-06-16 01:23:03 · 8 answers · asked by Veronikak 2

A farmer and his wife are standing on their land one morning. The husband grabs his wifes breast and says "if I could get milk out of here I'd get rid of that cow." Then he puts his hand between her legs and says "if I could get eggs out of here, I'd get rid of that chicken." The wife in turn grabs her husbands penis and says,"if I could get this hard, I'd get rid of your brother!"

2006-06-16 01:21:11 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous

Who invented the cat?

2006-06-16 01:19:38 · 19 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-06-16 01:12:13 · 20 answers · asked by Anonymous

There's this old priest who got sick of all the people in his parish who kept confessing to adultery. One Sunday, in the pulpit, he said, "if I hear one more person confess to adultery, I'll quit!"
Well, everyone liked him, so they came up with a code word. Someone who had committed adultery would say they had "fallen". This seemed to satisfy the old priest and things went well, until the priest died at a ripe old age.
About a week after the new priest arrived, he visited the Mayor of the town and seemed very concerned. The priest said, "you have to do something about the sidewalks in town. When people come into the confessional, they keep talking about having fallen."
The Mayor started to laugh, realizing that no-one had told the new priest about the code word. Before the mayor could explain, the priest shook an accusing finger at the Mayor and said, "I don't know what you're laughing about, Your wife fell three times this week."

2006-06-16 00:47:06 · 20 answers · asked by c_o_e_u_s 2

a man walks into a bar with a slab of bitumen and says "can i have a pint of beer and one for the road?"

2006-06-16 00:45:16 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous

It was a dark cloudy night and the drunk staggered into the cemetr and fell
into a hole which had been dug in preparation for a burial the following day. The
hiccupped and fell asleep.
Half an hour later another drunk swayed into the cemetery. He was singing loudly
and his raucous voice woke up the drunk in the grave who suddenly started to yell
that he was cold.
The singing drunk tottered to the edge of the grave and peered blurrily down at
the complaining drunk. “Its no wonder you are cold,” he shouted down to the
drunk. “You have kicked all the soil off yourself.”

2006-06-16 00:40:04 · 13 answers · asked by bmyfriend 3

A husband and wife attend a small service at the local church one Sunday morning. The man was very moved by the preacher's sermon, so he stopped to shake the preacher's hand. Reverend, that was the best damn sermon I ever did hear!"
The Reverend replied, "Oh! Why, thank you sir, but please, I'd appreciate it if you didn't use profanity in the Lord's house."
"I'm sorry Reverend, but I can't help myself... it was such a damn good sermon!"
The Reverend replied, "Sir, please, I cannot have you behaving this way in Church!"
"Okay Reverend, but I just wanted you to know that I thought it was so damn good, that I put $5,000 in the collection plate."
The Reverend's eyes opened wide as he remarked, "No Sh!t!"

2006-06-16 00:35:01 · 12 answers · asked by c_o_e_u_s 2

2006-06-15 23:55:39 · 15 answers · asked by vikramaditya91 1

Two rednecks decided they weren't going anywhere in life, and thought they should go to college to get ahead.
The first redneck went in to see the counselor, who told him to take Math, History, and Logic.
"What's Logic?" the first redneck asked. The professor answered by saying, "Let me give you an example. Do you own a weed eater?" "I sure do." said the first redneck.
"Then I can assume, using logic, that you have a yard," replied the professor.
"That's real good!" said the redneck.
The professor continued, "Logic will also tell me that since you have a yard, you also own a house."
Impressed, the redneck said, "Amazin!"
"And since you own a house, logic dictates that you have a wife," continued the professor.
"That's Betty Mae! This is incredible!" The redneck is obviously catching on.
"Finally, since you have a wife, logically I can assume that you are heterosexual," said the professor.

2006-06-15 23:55:25 · 14 answers · asked by c_o_e_u_s 2

best guess 10points
*my favourite movie?
*my favourite colour?
*my chinese star sign?(sept/1990)
*my favourite hobby?
+ ANY GOOD joke?(no fat momma type ones)

2006-06-15 23:46:24 · 16 answers · asked by kitty pride 3

lets hear those jokes!!! im ready to laugh

2006-06-15 23:39:33 · 10 answers · asked by ford_lovergirl_69 2