any decent jokes?

Question

Hey there, i was wondering if anyone had any decent jokes?
I need cheering up :)

Answer 1

you need to cheer up??
take your cellphone and put it on vibration and enjoy the moment

Answer 2

Things to do in an elevator:

1) When there's only one other person in the elevator, tap them on the shoulder and then pretend it wasn't you.

2) Push the buttons and pretend they give you a shock. Smile, and go back and go back for more.

3) Ask if you can push the button for other people, but push the wrong ones.

4) Call the Psychic Hotline from your cell phone and ask if they know what floor you're on.

5) Hold the doors open and say you're waiting for your friend. After a while, let the doors close and say, "Hi Greg. How's your day your day been?"

6) Drop a pen and wait until someone reaches to help pick it up, then scream, "That's mine!"

7) Bring a camera and take pictures of everyone in the elevator.

8) Move your desk in to the elevator and whenever someone gets on, ask if they have an appointment.

9) Lay down a Twister mat and ask people if they'd like to play.

10) Leave a box in the corner, and when someone gets on ask them if they hear something ticking.

11) Pretend you are a flight attendant and review emergency procedures and exits with the passengers.

12) Ask, "Did you feel that?"

13) Stand really close to someone, sniffing them occasionally.

14) When the doors close, announce to the others, "It's okay. Don't panic, They open up again."

15) Swat at flies that don't exist.

16) Tell people that you can see their aura.

17) Call out, "group hug!", then enforce it.

18) Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering, "Shut up, all of you, just shut up!"

19) Crack open your briefcase or purse, and while peering inside, ask, Got enough air in there?"

20) Stand silently and motionless in the corner, facing the wall, without getting off.

21) Stare at another passenger for a while, then announce in horror, "You're one of THEM!" and back away slowly.

22) Wear a puppet on your hand and use it to talk to the other passengers.

23) Listen to the elevator walls with your stethoscope.

24) Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button.

25) Stare, grinning at another passenger for a while, and then announce, "I have new socks on."

26) Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other
passengers, "This is my personal space!"

27.) ask "excuse me, my butt itching, can anyone scratch it for me?" (you are holding things in your two hands)

28.) Turn against the wall and start talking to the wall.

29.) Look at your "invisivle" watch, and take your wrist and ask one of the people "Is this time right?"

30.) Start hummong really loudly like you are meditating "UMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM...

31.) start doing jumping jacks.

32.) Look at your hand and say out load "woooooow, coool" and wave your hand at the people and say "isn't it wow and cool?"

33.) Sit on the floor and close your eyes, and start snoring really loudly.

34.) Look suddenly at the floor of the elevator and start screaming at the "invisible" squirrel.

==============================...

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Answer 3

Long, long ago an old Indian chief was about to die, so he called for Geronimo and Falling Rocks, the two bravest warriors in his tribe. The chief instructed each to go out and seek buffalo skins. Whoever returned with the most skins would be chief. About a month later Geronimo came back with one hundred pelts, but Falling Rocks never returned. Even today as you drive throughout the West you can see signs saying: WATCH OUT FOR FALLING ROCKS.

Answer 4

Here's a good joke:
Bill and Joe are hiking in the forest with their hunting gear on hand. When Bill suddenly has a heart attack, Joe immediately calls 911. He tells the operator "Please help! My friend hadf a heart attack and I think he might be dead!" The operator responded: "Sir, calm down. First you need to make sure he's dead." "Okay," says Joe. He puts down the phone. As the operator listens, she hears a gunshot. Joe returned to the phone, saying "Okay, what do I do now?"

Answer 5

2 men waiting at the pearly gates strike up a conversation."How'd you die?" the first man asks the second. "I froze to death," says the second man."Thats awful,"says the first man. "How does it feel to freeze to death?" "It's very comfortable at first," says the second man."You get the shakes,and you get pains in all your fingers and toes. But eventually,it's a very calm way to go. You get numb and you kind of drift off,as if you're sleeping. How about you,how did you die?" " I had a heart attack," says the first man. You see, I knew my wife was cheating on me,so one day I showed up at home unexpectedly. I ran up to the bedroom,and found her alone,knitting. I rushed down to the basement,but no one was hiding there. I ran up to the second floor,but found no one there either. I went as fast as i could to the attic,and just as i got there, i had a massive heart attack and died." The second man shook his head. "Thats so ironic," he says. "What do you mean?" ask the first man. "If you had only stopped to look in the freezer,we'd both be still alive. LOL HOPE THIS CHEERS YOU UP?

Answer 6

If you need a realy good laugh go to http://bcfun.blogspot.com the whole world is dying of laughter at the worst record sleeves ever.
I promise this will cheer you up for ever.
take care.

The baldchemist.

Answer 7

Heres a joke for you which i just came across Yestreday.......here it goes

It was a free period. Every one is shouting, screaming, jumping etc.etc......The teacher enters and hears the word "IDIOT"

teacher : who said it just standup.....

(no one turns up)

teacher : who are idiots here
(again no one turns up,Whole class is silent............ after a while a student stands up)

The class room is a laughroom now
the teacer asks him why man,
He replies"no miss, because you were standing alone so i wishe to accompany you"


HA! HA! HA! HA

Answer 8

Mary had a little pig
She kept it fat and plastered
And when the price of pork went up
She shot the little bastard

Simple Simon met a pie man going to the fair
Said simple Simon to the pie man,
"What have you got there?"
Said the Pie Man unto Simon,
"Pies, you dumb @&#&#!"

Answer 9

john mccain being considered a possible standard-bearer for the republican party is a decent joke.

Answer 10

Three Benefits Of Adopting Samara (of the Ring) As Your Child:
1. you never have to wash her clothes
2. you never have to bath her
3. you can always share your secrets with her, as she will never tell anyone and shun you from telling by...

Answer 11

You seen the donkey video yet?
Click below URL to watch
https://qpop.com/default.aspx?bf=04A488F0C7E648F5A3902B9E21B6B34329040470162E43E38B0D547D0791AFB1
Video size is 2.4mb