Jokes & Riddles - September 2007

2007-09-29 00:36:19 · 4 answers · asked by ghouly05 7

Snow balls.
Lol when my teacher said that it was soooo funny!

2007-09-29 00:32:49 · 21 answers · asked by Anonymous

Greek guy in resturant calls waiter: 'waitegr bgring me some soup', waiter haists away and brings greek guy some soup and resumes hes position.
Greek guy cals waiter again: 'waitegr tasta zee soup' waiter expalins it's against policy and returned to his position...after this went on a couple of times the greek got frustrated and screamed at the waiter; 'waitegr tasta the soupe'; when the waiter eventualy bent over the bowl to taste the soup he asked the greek, ' but sir where's the spoon' the greek guy said ' gha ghaa waitegr wheres my spoon'....

2007-09-29 00:29:52 · 3 answers · asked by HAWKEYE 2

Non-tricky

2007-09-29 00:17:34 · 19 answers · asked by Wacky psychopath 3

A young husband came home from the office one evening
and found his wife in tears. 'Darling, the most terrible thing
has happened!' she sobbed. 'The first casserole i ever
made for you and the cat ate it!'
'Don't worry, darling,' said the husband. 'I'll get you another cat tomorrow.'

2007-09-29 00:09:30 · 11 answers · asked by ♥Scottish♥Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ♥Fairy♥ 7

It was a dark, stormy, night. The Marine was on his first assignment, and it was guard duty.

A General stepped out taking his dog for a walk. The nervous young Private snapped to attention, made a perfect salute, and snapped out "Sir, Good Evening, Sir!"

The General, out for some relaxation, returned the salute and said "Good evening soldier, nice night, isn't it?"

Well it wasn't a nice night, but the Private wasn't going to disagree with the General, so the he saluted again and replied "Sir, Yes Sir!".

The General continued, "You know there's something about a stormy night that I find soothing, it's really relaxing. Don't you agree?"

The Private didn't agree, but them the private was just a private, and responded "Sir, Yes Sir!"

The General, pointing at the dog, "This is a Golden Retriever, the best type of dog to train."

The Private glanced at the dog, saluted yet again and said "Sir, Yes Sir!"

The General continued "I got this dog for my wife."

The Private simply said "Good trade Sir!"

2007-09-28 23:54:05 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous

2007-09-28 23:52:11 · 4 answers · asked by ghouly05 7

Can you tell me which therapists are the cream of the crop?

2007-09-28 23:49:29 · 3 answers · asked by ghouly05 7

i cannot be felt, seen or touched, yet i can be found in everyone. my exsistence is always in debate,yet i have my own style of music

2007-09-28 23:40:36 · 9 answers · asked by Tamara D 4

Why shouldn't blondes have coffee breaks?.

It takes too long to retrain them.

2007-09-28 23:35:52 · 8 answers · asked by xyz 7

Why did the blonde climb the glas wall?.

To see what was on the other side.

2007-09-28 23:33:56 · 6 answers · asked by xyz 7

Why did the blonde crash her plane when landing?.

Because the runway was only 25 feet long, but a mile wide.

2007-09-28 23:32:40 · 6 answers · asked by xyz 7

A blind man walked into a restaurant and made a strange request to his waiter: "Can I please have the unwashed "fork" of your last customer you waited on?" The puzzled waiter agreed, went to the kitchen and brought back the unwashed fork to the blind. The blind man, put that fork in his mouth and said: "Hmmm, the meatloaf and mashed potatoes are good here. I'll have that.
The next day, the blind went to the same restaurant, requesting another "used fork" to the waiter and when the waited handed it to him, again the blind said: "Hmmm, your Spaghetti must taste delicious, please, I'll have that!!"
The following day, the waiter, knowing the scene would be the same, wanted to surprise the blind man. He wanted to trick the blind so he went to the kitchen, asked his waitress Jane, to rub "the fork" between her private parts and thighs.
When he gave this fork to the blind the blind put it in his mouth and said pleased: " OMG, I didn't know Jane worked here!!"

2007-09-28 23:25:04 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous

Paddy O'Doors.

2007-09-28 23:12:44 · 9 answers · asked by Jackass 3

im bored. i dont know what to do. lols

2007-09-28 23:08:29 · 4 answers · asked by ` AiishuNN_x] ; 1

What do u call a french man with slippers??? Philip Flop

2007-09-28 22:50:33 · 21 answers · asked by Anonymous

My mum and dad said the word mass and they kept laughing. I think that it may be sexually orientated...can anybody tell me what the joke is?

2007-09-28 22:49:02 · 3 answers · asked by Delta-fan 2

the chihuahau a doberman and a bulldog are in a bar having a drink, when a great looking female collie comes up to them and says , whoever can say liver and cheese in one sentence can have me. so the doberman say " i love liver and cheese" the collie replies thats not good enough. the bulldog says " i hate liver and cheese" " she says not creative enough" finally the chihuahua says "liver alone cheese mine"

2007-09-28 22:48:41 · 15 answers · asked by Tamara D 4

> > > > I was walking down the street when I was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless woman who asked me for a couple of dollars for dinner. I took out my wallet, got out ten dollars and asked,
> > > > "If I give you this money, will you buy some wine with it instead of dinner?

"No, I had to stop drinking years ago", the homeles woman told me.
> > > >
"Will you use it to go shopping instead of buying food?" I asked.

"No, I don't waste time shopping," the homeless woman said. "I need to spend all my time trying to stay alive.
> > > >
"Will you spend this on a beauty salon instead of food?" I asked.
> > > > "Are you NUTS!" replied the homeless woman. "I haven't had my hair done in 20 years!
> > > >
"Well," I said, "I'm not going to give you the money. Instead, I'm going to take you out for dinner with my husband and me tonight."
> > > >
The homeless Woman was shocked. "Won't your husband be furious with you for doing that? I know I'm dirty, and I probably smell pretty disgusting."
> > > >
I said, "That's okay. It's important for him to see what a woman looks like after she has given up shopping, hair appointments, and wine."

2007-09-28 22:35:14 · 19 answers · asked by Anonymous

Leroy and Jasper have been promoted from privates to sergeants. Not long after, they're out for a walk and Leroy says, "Hey, Jasper, there's the Officer's Club. Let's you and me stop in."

"But we're privates," protests Jasper.

"We're sergeants now," says Leroy, pulling him inside. "Now, Jasper, I'm gonna sit down and have me a drink."

"But we's privates," says Jasper.

"You blind?" asks Leroy, pointing at his stripes. "We're sergeants now."

So they have their drink, and pretty soon a hooker comes up to Leroy. "Your cute," she says, "and I'd like to screw you, but I've got a bad case of gonorrhea."

Leroy pulls his friend to the side and whispers, "Jasper, go look in the dictionary and see what 'gonorrhea' means. If it's okay, give me the okay sign."

So Jasper goes to look it up, comes back, and gives Leroy the big okay sign.

Three weeks later Leroy is laid up in the infirmary with a terrible case of gonorrhea. "Jasper," he says, "why'd you give me the okay?"

"Well, Leroy, in the dictionary, it say gonorrhea affects only the privates. " He points to his stripes. . . . "But we're sergeants now."

2007-09-28 21:58:02 · 26 answers · asked by Anonymous

A missionary in Africa came upon a witch doctor pounding away at a large drum. 'What are you doing?' asked the missionary.
'We have no water,' said the witch doctor.
'I see,' said the missionary. 'So i suppose you're praying for rain?'
'No,' said the witch doctor. 'I'm calling the plumber.'

2007-09-28 21:22:32 · 12 answers · asked by ♥Scottish♥Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ♥Fairy♥ 7

In the original bionic man, and in the opening credits.Colonel Steve Austin only had 1 bionic arm, so how come he managed to bend the barrel of a pistol in half. Surely you would need 2 bionic arms/hands to achieve such a feat?
Or am i just over analysing too much?

2007-09-28 20:54:10 · 12 answers · asked by dickyb 2

2007-09-28 20:17:23 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous

my friends and i are bored out of our minds. any ideas on something to do

2007-09-28 20:00:13 · 9 answers · asked by Becca 1

A blonde calls her boyfriend and says, "Please come over here and help me. I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can't figure out how to get it started." Her boyfriend asks, "What is it supposed to be when it's finished?" The blonde says, "According to the picture on the box, it's a tiger." Her boyfriend decides to go over and help with the puzzle. She lets him in and shows him where she has the puzzle spread all over the table. He studies the pieces for a moment, then looks at the box, then turns to her and says, "First of all, no matter what we do, we're not going to be able to assemble these pieces into anything resembling a tiger."He takes her hand and says, "Let's put all the Frosted Flakes back in the box......."

2007-09-28 19:36:59 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous

2007-09-28 19:29:21 · 15 answers · asked by d@dz 5

A: Its not very bright, but it spreads easy.
(no offense to blondes out there)

Q: How do you make your boyfriend mad while your making love?

A: Call him on your cell phone.

2007-09-28 19:23:01 · 3 answers · asked by dragonmaiden1984 2

2007-09-28 18:25:19 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous

I bought a ticket for “Shakespeare on the rocks” to go see a play they were putting on. The play was outdoors, and it was sprinkling outside. There was also no canopy or tents to block off the rain. I thought “no big deal” it’s just sprinkling, at least its not raining”. And at that moment it started pouring, I mean it was raining cats and dogs, and I was getting pretty soaked. Before the play even began I had to leave, because it was ridicules being outdoors in weather like this. And with that the whole play was canceled. There was no need for the show to go on. So sadly I went home with my puffy hair, which I spent hours straightening, and wet clothes. I am here thinking to myself, jeez what rotten luck I was really looking forward to watching the play all week, I even got dressed up for the event. And when the day finally arrived it turned out to be a total mess. Has this ever happened to you, where you were looking forward to something but it did not quite turn out the way you wanted it to?

2007-09-28 18:21:54 · 5 answers · asked by Mystery 2

This can fit the smallest mouse's mouth but not on the Titanic. Humans can eat it but cannot digest it. It glows bright in the dark and fades away in the light. When lit on fire it remains that way forever. What is it?

2007-09-28 18:05:43 · 21 answers · asked by call the owls 4