Jokes & Riddles - March 2007

2007-03-26 19:15:58 · 13 answers · asked by tamaradramirez 2

A man asked his friend, "How's your wife doing?"

The friend said, "Not too well. She hasn't been
Feeling herself lately.

But it was a damned dirty habit anyway."

2007-03-26 19:11:08 · 5 answers · asked by sniffels323 5

(1) I have a mouth but do not speak,
I have a bed that do not sleep.
I run but have no feet
What am I?
(2)I run over fields and woods all day,
Under the bed at night I sit alone,
With a long tongue hanging out,
Awaiting for a bone.
What am I?
(3) A man goes into a hardware store.
He buys one for a dollar.
He buys ten for two dollars.
He then buys one hundred for three dollars.
What did he buy?
(4) When asked how old she was, Suzie replied, "In two years I will be twice as old
as I was five years ago."
How old is she?
(5)What is the largest amount of money you can have in coins and still not be able
to make change for a dollar?

2007-03-26 19:03:02 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous

who stands up in the middle of a restroom and starts to bellow?

2007-03-26 18:58:46 · 2 answers · asked by Anonymous

"A man walks into a bar and orders a bowl of albatross soup. He takes one bite, then walks into the bathroom and kills himself. Why?"

The classic answer has to do with cannibalism and being lost at sea. How dull. Please make up a better explanation for this riddle...if you DARE!!

2007-03-26 18:54:52 · 10 answers · asked by Surely Funke 6

The Lone Ranger and Tonto went camping in the desert. After they got

Their tent all set up, both men fell sound asleep.



Some hours later, Tonto wakes the Lone Ranger and says, "Kemo Sabe,

Look = towards sky; what you see?"


The Lone Ranger replies, "I see millions of stars."



"What that tell you?" asked Tonto.



The Lone Ranger ponders for a minute then says: "Astronomically

Speaking, it tells me there are millions of galaxies. Time wise, it

Appears to be approximately a quarter past three in the morning.

Theologically, the Lord is all powerful and we are small and

Insignificant. Meteorologically, it seems we will have a beautiful day

Tomorrow.



What's it tell you, Tonto?"



"You dumber than buffalo ****. Someone stole tent."

2007-03-26 18:52:10 · 2 answers · asked by Lisa B 1

i think they are hilarius??? WHY!

2007-03-26 18:50:43 · 11 answers · asked by cutie 2

Sunday's sermon: "Forgive Your Enemies"

Toward the end of the service, the Minister asked, "How many of
You have forgiven your enemies?"

80% held up their hands.

The Minister then repeated his question. All responded this
Time, except one small elderly lady.

"Mrs. Jones? Are you not willing to forgive your enemies?"

"I don't have any." She replied, smiling sweetly.

"Mrs. Jones, that is very unusual. How old are you?"

"Ninety-eight." she replied.

"Oh Mrs. Jones, would you please come down in front & tell us
All how a person can live ninety-eight years & not have an enemy in the world?"

The little sweetheart of a lady tottered down the aisle, faced the congregation, and said: "I outlived the bitches."

2007-03-26 18:46:28 · 2 answers · asked by Lisa B 1

One day a man comes home from work early from the pickle factory where he worked.His wife asked him,Why are you home so early.He said honey I got fired.His wife says FIRED,why?He says well I got my pecker stuck in a pickle packer.She said oh no,are you alright?He said yes,yes I am fine.She then asked well what did they do with the pickle packer?He said well they fired her to.

2007-03-26 18:38:02 · 10 answers · asked by ♥ liz ♥ 6

This is a word that has three different consanants, and one vowel.
It's a person, place, and thing. You can use it in a sentence.
What is it?

2007-03-26 18:35:21 · 18 answers · asked by Jessica H 1

her death bed.She gave her husband a key she had tied around her neck and told him it was the key to the large chest at the foot of the bed and for him to open it up.So he did and he found a large some of money and a few ears of corn inside the trunk.He asked his wife first about the corn and why it was in the chest.She said dear I have not been faithful to you in our marriage.Every time I cheated on you I put an ear of corn inside that old chest.Well there was only three ears of corn inside so he thought to himself,well that is not so bad.So he then asked his wife, well dear where on earth did you get all this money from.She said dear I got if from selling the corn.Every time I got a dozen ears I sold it.

2007-03-26 18:22:51 · 12 answers · asked by ♥ liz ♥ 6

Two men are sitting around drinking. One guys says to the other, "I bet I could gross you out right now" The other guy says, "No way you could gross me out, whatever you do I could top"

So the first guy looks at the second guy and sticks his fingers down his throat and vomits all over the table.

The second guy looks at him and says " Nice Try ", and pulls out a straw..

2007-03-26 18:13:07 · 6 answers · asked by ♥ liz ♥ 6

restaurant named Squat and Gobble, is there one in Short Pants Ark. named Grunt and Squat?

2007-03-26 18:05:51 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous

A guy stops to visit his friend, who is paralyzed from the waist down. His friend says, “My feet are cold. Would you get my sneakers for me?”

The guy goes upstairs, and there are his friend’s two gorgeous daughters. He says, “Hi, girls. Your dad sent me up here to have sex with you.”

The first daughter says, “That’s not true.”

He says, “I’ll prove it.”

He yells down the stairs, “Both of them?”

His friend yells back, “Of course, both of them.”

2007-03-26 18:04:08 · 8 answers · asked by PerFecT StrAngEr.. is back 6

Well, excuse you. Did you sneeze? Yep, granny just want to hear from you.

2007-03-26 18:00:30 · 8 answers · asked by grannywinkie 6

Medicare Health Insurance in a Nutshell


Medicare Health Insurance, in a nutshell:
The phone rings and the lady of the house answers, "Hello."
"Mrs. Ward, please." "Speaking"
"Mrs. Ward, this is Doctor Jones at the Medical Testing Laboratory. When your doctor sent your
husband's biopsy to the lab yesterday, a biopsy from another Mr. Ward arrived as well, and we are
now uncertain which one is your husband's. Frankly the results are either bad or terrible."
"What do you mean?" Mrs. Ward asks nervously.
"Well, one of the specimens tested positive for Alzheimer's and the other one tested positive for
AIDS. We can't tell which your husband's is."
"That's dreadful! Can't you do the test again?" questioned Mrs. Ward.
"Normally we can, but Medicare will only pay for these expensive tests one time."
"Well, what am I supposed to do now?"
"The people at Medicare recommend that you drop your husband off somewhere in the middle of town.
If he finds his way home, don't sleep with him.”

2007-03-26 17:59:00 · 17 answers · asked by jo.joggers 4

Old Man reading a book on sex.
Little Grandson returns from school "What subject are you reading, Grandpa?"
Old Man "Its history, son."

2007-03-26 17:57:54 · 7 answers · asked by spice3boy 2

So a man was about to go to bed when he got up, went to the bathroom turned off the light and went to bed. In the morning when he woke up, he looked out the window, was devastated and shot himself. Why did he kill himself?

Feel free to ask yes or no questions that I'll answer with the additional details. If you dont know the answer and you like the riddle, gimme a star! tee hee^^

2007-03-26 17:39:33 · 16 answers · asked by pretty shy 3

im thirteen....curly hair....sexy and




SIKE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
im bored.

and shutup if your gonna start talking about internet predators. stupid.

2007-03-26 17:25:54 · 32 answers · asked by neeek :] 1

My dad and i tell eachother jokes good or bad everytime we talk on the phone and i wanted to know if anyone had any. can be dirty or clean thanks!!

2007-03-26 17:24:51 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous

was on your bed staring in your face?

2007-03-26 17:24:08 · 19 answers · asked by chrry_wales 2

i have my own ceral kmario wart boswer chersios

2007-03-26 17:21:42 · 18 answers · asked by kmario wart godzilla bowser 2

Golden treasures I contain, guarded by hundreds and thousands. Stored in a labyrinth where no man walks, yet men come often to seize my gold. By smoke I am overcome and robbed, then left to build my treasure anew. What am I?

2007-03-26 17:21:06 · 29 answers · asked by Anonymous

Your a cab driver and you pick up ms m at 9,30 pm drop her off at 10 pm pick up mr g at 1015 pm drive him around for 2 hours go back and take ms m home tha same distance you took her before. How old is the cab driver?

2007-03-26 17:12:42 · 13 answers · asked by laura s 2

an elephant asked the camel, :
elephant: camel , why is your boobs, at your back?
camel: that's a pervert question w/someone who has a penis infon of his face!

2007-03-26 17:12:38 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous

Can you restate this question without using any r's?

the sentance is george ran rappidly to retrive his retrever.

P.S. it has to make sence

2007-03-26 17:09:51 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous

This was the afternoon of wednesday
a theif was escaping from the police
the police was behind him on their jeep
BUT their headlight was not working how will they catch the theif who was also on a fast vehicle


Their was no source of lightfor them like torches, match etc

2007-03-26 17:04:35 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous

People fed it, so it grew
It grew so big that it could no longer be hidden
It could walk and and it could talk
So it became an annoying problem

2007-03-26 17:02:04 · 19 answers · asked by roro 1

father: son, if i die, tell everybody that i died from AIDS.
son: but father, you're suffering from cancer, why would i say you died from AIDS?,
father: So no one would f*** your mother!

2007-03-26 16:58:50 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous

What looses it's head in the morning but gets it back at night?

its a kind of question that when you find out the answer you would be like "DUH!!"
-tai_treci22@yahoo.com

2007-03-26 16:57:24 · 13 answers · asked by tai_treci22 2