Does anyone have a really good joke NOT LONG?

Question

My dad and i tell eachother jokes good or bad everytime we talk on the phone and i wanted to know if anyone had any. can be dirty or clean thanks!!

Answer 1

A man walks into his house carrying a duck under his arm. His wife is sitting on the couch. The man says"this is the pig I f**k" The wife says " honey, thats a duck. The man says " I wasn't talking to you".

Answer 2

Imagine you are in a sinking rowboat surrounded by sharks. How would you survive?
- Stop Imagining

Why is it against the law for a man living in North Carolina to be buried in South Carolina?
- Because he is still alive

There was an airplane crash, every single person died, but two people survived. How is this possible?
- They were married


There are 2 guys in a car, 1 dog, and a hobo, they are in the middle of the desert and nobody knows how they got there. They look around and not a soul in sight. They wonder if they are going to survive and they start to cry. All of the sudden, the hobo says something. The other two guys are amazed at what he said. A couple of hours later they are in Vegas gambling and having a blast. What did the hobo say?
- Turn on the car

This one is long, but funny!

A girl asks her boyfriend to come over Friday night and have dinner with her parents. Since this is such a big event, the girl announces to her boyfriend that after dinner, she would like to go out and make love for the first time. Well, the boy is ecstatic, but he has never had sex before, so he takes a trip to the pharmacist to get some condoms. The pharmacist helps the boy for about an hour. He tells the boy everything there is to know about condoms and sex. At the register, the pharmacist asks the boy how many condoms he'd like to buy, a 3-pack, 10-pack, or family pack. The boy insists on the family pack because he thinks he will be rather busy, it being his first time and all. That night, the boy shows up at the girl's parent’s house and meets his girlfriend at the door. "Oh, I'm so excited for you to meet my parents, come on in!" The boy goes inside and is taken to the dinner table where the girl's parents are seated. The boy quickly offers to say grace and bows his head. A minute passes, and the boy is still deep in prayer, with his head down.

10 minutes pass, and still no movement from the boy. Finally, after 20 minutes with his head down, the girlfriend leans over and whispers to the boyfriend, "I had no idea you were this religious."


The boy turns, and whispers back, "I had no idea your father was a pharmacist."

Answer 3

Golf Lesson

A husband and wife love to golf together, but neither of them are playing like they want to, so they decide to take private lessons. The husband has his lesson first. After the pro sees his swing, he says, "No, no, no, "you're gripping the club way too hard!" "Well, what should I do?" asks the man. "Hold the club gently," the pro replied, "just like you'd hold your wife's breast. "The man takes the advice, takes a swing, and WOW! He hits the ball 250 yds. straight up the fairway. The man goes back to his wife with the good news, and the wife can't wait for her lesson. The next day the wife goes for her lesson. The pro watches her swing and says, "No, no, no, you're gripping the club way too hard." "What can I do?" asks the wife."Hold the club gently, just like you'd hold your husband's penis." The wife listens carefully to the pro's advice, takes a swing, and THUMP. The ball goes straight down the fairway . . . about 15 ft. "That was great," the pro says. "Now, take theclub out of your mouth and swing the club like you're supposed to!" says the pro.

Answer 4

Two pretzels were walking down the street.
One was assaulted!




Did you hear about the magician who was walking down the street?
He turned into a hardware store.

Answer 5

This is a stupid joke but never fails to get a laugh!
It has 3 parts
What do you call a blind deer?
answer: no eye deer
What do you call a blind deer with no legs?
answer: still no eye deer
What do you call a blind deer with no leg and no penis?
answer: still no F*****g eye deer
OK I warned you it was stupid but I bet you giggled!

Answer 6

A lil girl asks her mommie how to spell penis, mommie replies "you should of asked me last night baby when it was on the tip of my tongue".

Answer 7

you want short I give you short

People say that a personality is told by ones car, I dont' have a car

Answer 8

one day there's a husband and a wife and the wife's name is mitch and the husband's name is jack.......they are 2 years merraid..then the husband go to the bar without a permission in her wife,then jack drink 5 or 10 bottles of beer then jack is so dizzy his crawling and crawling because he drink lots of beer..when jack go to his car jack can't reach it...now he is crawling and crawling to go to his house,when jack reach on his house mitch shouted on him....

mitch:do you go to the bar again without permission????
jack: i didn't do it, why??
mitch:because the waiter call,and he said you left your wheelchair in the bar....