Jokes & Riddles - March 2007

Greetings, for all of you pranksters out there I would like to know your best April Fools joke or any ideas you plan on doing this year, I want a really good one to get my boyfriend and friends with.

2007-03-26 13:55:59 · 13 answers · asked by pmickens501 2

im saddend and need a laugh...anyone got some good jokes? ya im willing to waste five points for a laugh :(

2007-03-26 13:54:36 · 11 answers · asked by Alexandra S 1

In the irish countryside a young boy was asked by his mother
to go get kerosene for the lamps in their house,,
His mother gave him a old canning jar to put it in..
on the way home the boy ran into the local priest..

The little boy noticed that the priest was carrying a jar also,,
He asked the priest ''whats in your jar''?
the priest replied ''Holy Water'' !

Whats it for? asked the boy,,
Well replied the priest,,if you rub some of this on the belly of a pregnant woman,,she'll pass a healthy baby ,,,

What do you have in your jar asked the priest?
Oh this is kerosene..said the little boy,,

The priest laughingly asked',,,'whats it for''?

the little boy said ..""if you rub some of this on a cats A$$hole
it will pass a motorcycle''!!!

2007-03-26 13:46:11 · 6 answers · asked by Anonymous

Yo Momma Is So...........
Complete That Sentence, Best One That Makes Me Laugh Is Chosen Best Answer,[ I Really Need A Good Laugh :]

2007-03-26 13:44:20 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous

and asks for 2 chicken legs open.

2007-03-26 13:33:30 · 18 answers · asked by ? 3

i got this in 2 seconds today (for those who dont know every mon. my math teacher puts up brainteasers and i post em here, c if ir as smart as a freshman)

knee
light

2007-03-26 13:31:35 · 8 answers · asked by kittygarfunkle 2

Bart makes a quilt using 42 pieces of cloth. Three kinds - dotted, striped and solid. He uses twice as many solid pieces as striped, and twice as many striped as dotted. How many of each kind does he use?

2007-03-26 13:25:47 · 9 answers · asked by jersey_princess40 1

can anyone help me figure this out?

"Suppose you have two numbers. The difference of the two numbers is 12. The product of the two numbers is 17. Multiply the larger of the two numbers by 100, add 50 times the smaller number to that, round the total to the nearest whole number, and that's my price."

thank u!!!!

2007-03-26 13:19:35 · 8 answers · asked by j 1

the rest of the question for this? wuz up

2007-03-26 13:19:24 · 12 answers · asked by tinkerbell23 1

this was another question i was asked and i was asked and it made me wonder...so could someone tell me...if u actually know...it's mind boggling...lol...if u get the real number i'd be surprised cuz i don't even know...lol...w/e...k...thanx....

2007-03-26 13:18:56 · 3 answers · asked by shannon c 2

The room 66 on 6th floor of a hospital was believed to be haunted. There were many cases which patients have died at exactly 6 o'clock in the morning to unknown reasons. The administration would avoid putting patients into that room, but one time the hospital was overcrowd, so they had to put a patient in that room. The doctor of that patient, didn't want to ruin his record, decided to stay with the patient to care for him. On 6 am in the morning, strange things began to occur. There were some weird noises coming from the room on the other side of the wall. At the same time, the patient started to stuggle in pain. Although scared, the doctor decided to investigate the room on the other side, and he discovered something frightening....

The extension cord for the respiratory machine which runs to the other room has been unplugged by a janitor, so he can plug in the vaccum cleaner.

2007-03-26 13:10:10 · 11 answers · asked by w 2

2007-03-26 13:01:33 · 11 answers · asked by ceemanice 2

Joe and Wanda had a small apartment in the city and they decided that the only way to pull off a Sunday afternoon quickie with their ten-year-old son in the apartment was to send him out on the balcony and order him to report on all the neighbourhood activities.

To a young boy, they thought, spying would be a lot of fun and would distract him for an hour or so.

The boy began his commentary as his parents put their plan into operation.

"There's a car being towed from the parking lot," he said.

"An ambulance just drove by."

A few moments passed.

"Looks like the Andersons have company," he called out.

"Matt's riding a new bike and the Coopers are making whoopie."

Mom and Dad shot up in bed. "How do you know that?" the startled father asked.

"Their kid is standing out on the balcony too," his son replied.

2007-03-26 12:38:55 · 22 answers · asked by Anonymous

2007-03-26 12:36:19 · 10 answers · asked by jaded 2

On hearing that her elderly grandfather had just passed away, Katie went straight to her grandparent's house to visit her 95 year old grandmother and comfort her.

When she asked how her grandfather had died, her grandmother replied, "He had a heart attack while we were making love on Sunday morning."

Horrified, Katie told her grandmother that 2 people nearly 100 years old having sex would surely be asking for trouble.

"Oh no, my dear, " replied granny. "Many years ago, realizing our advanced age, we figured out the best time to do it was when the church bells would start to ring. It was just the right rhythm. Nice and slow and even. Nothing too strenuous, simply in on the Ding and out on the Dong."

She paused, wiped away a tear and then continued, "And if that damned ice cream truck hadn't come along, he'd still be alive today!"

2007-03-26 12:35:09 · 23 answers · asked by Anonymous

Irishman, Englishman etc. joke you know?

2007-03-26 12:34:59 · 12 answers · asked by funnygirl 4

Two women friends had gone out for a Girls Night Out, and had been decidedly over-enthusiastic on the cocktails. Incredibly drunk and walking home they suddenly realized they both needed to pee. They were very near a graveyard and one of them suggested they do their business behind a headstone or something. The first woman had nothing to wipe with so she took off her panties, used them and threw them away. Her friend however was wearing an expensive underwear set and didn't want to ruin hers, but was lucky enough to salvage a large ribbon from a wreath that was on a grave and proceeded to wipe herself with it. After finishing, they made their way home.

The next day the first woman's husband phones the other husband and said, "These damn girls nights out have got to stop. My wife came home last night without her panties." "That's nothing," said the other. "Mine came back with a sympathy card stuck between the cheeks of her butt that said, 'From all of us at the Fire Station, Well never forget you!'

2007-03-26 12:31:41 · 3 answers · asked by Anonymous

An onoin ,olive and a manhood were talking.

the onion said "i hate my life when i'm big fat and juicy they will cut me up and put me in salad"

"i know how you feel" said the olive"when i'm big fat and juicy they will cut me up and put me on pizza"

"thats nothing "said the manhood"when i'm big fat and juicy they put me in a bag,throw me in a black hole and leave me there until i'm sick "

think obout it star if funny

2007-03-26 12:29:06 · 27 answers · asked by thewokinn 1

Used by a king, but also a clown.
I'll prop you up, though I might be down.
I'll be your host to another place.
Don't mind at all if you're on my case.

2007-03-26 12:19:12 · 12 answers · asked by balderarrow 5

2007-03-26 12:18:56 · 13 answers · asked by MICHAEL P 2

I have a very important question.
Is it ethical to go back into the archives of the Jokes and Riddle section to find funny jokes people have posted, and then repost them as my own and take all the glory?

2007-03-26 12:16:18 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous

we were with a group of friends at a picnic and he came up behind me and smeared a whole plate of potato salad in my face, it left my face covered and the smell sucked

2007-03-26 12:14:54 · 4 answers · asked by punk87 2

I'm the queen of the world. If I'm not amused with you, you get shot. What will you do to entertain me?

2007-03-26 12:01:12 · 21 answers · asked by Anonymous

Two puddles of vomit are walking through a park when all of a sudden one of them starts sobbing hysterically. His friend is very concerned and asks him what's wrong. The puddle of vomit finally composes himself and says "I'm sorry...it's just that I was brought up around here..."

2007-03-26 11:59:35 · 21 answers · asked by Anonymous

What am I?

2007-03-26 11:58:24 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous

Knock Knock!

Who's there!

Orange!

Orange who!

Orange ya glad ya didn't say banana?


HAHAHAHAHHA


All time classic

2007-03-26 11:58:14 · 8 answers · asked by to the moon 2

jake and jill went up the hill to get some drugs jake got high and un zipped his fly and said do u wanna jill took off her dress and the had some fun jill forgot to talke her oill and know they have a son

2007-03-26 11:56:18 · 11 answers · asked by Bloody Tears 2

there was a cliff with magical powers that could turn u into what ever u wanted to be, and three friends decided to go, so the first one jumps and says
i want to be a bird and he turns to a bird
the other ones runs and jumps off the cliff and says i want to be a bee so he turns in to a bee,
and finally the last one was thinking what he wanted to be so as he ran over the cliff he triped over a rock and said ohhh S*%t

2007-03-26 11:55:01 · 28 answers · asked by Anonymous

2007-03-26 11:47:33 · 15 answers · asked by pjustme101 3

2007-03-26 11:45:23 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous