Jokes & Riddles - February 2007

That question began with "I'm not your sister, I'm not your brother - but I am a child of your father and mother - WHO am I?

The above words may not be accurate, but the theme travels along those lines. Your help will be appreciated.

2007-02-03 20:30:07 · 21 answers · asked by mulroy1563 3

Ok, I am stranded and cannot leave my apartment. I am out of pop. I am having withdrawl symptome. I NEED MY POP!!! HELP
So my question is, "How do I use smoke sighals to get somebody to get me pop?" Do I need smoke sighals? Any alternative suggestions?

2007-02-03 20:28:42 · 9 answers · asked by grannywinkie 6

The chief decides to give him a chance before they cook him and eat him. He says to the man 'you must go in the first tent and drink an entire vat of malt whisky, not a drop must be left. Next you must go into the second tent where there is a lion in considerable pain with a thorn in it's paw. You must remove it and gain the lions respect. Finally you must go into the third tent and shag my virgin daughter three times. If you can do all of this you are free to leave.
The man goes to the first tent, drinks an entire vat of whisky. Not a drop was left.
He then goes to the second tent and all you could hear was roaring and screaming. He finally comes out of the second tent and says 'right now where's this lion with a sore paw!'

2007-02-03 20:26:43 · 14 answers · asked by jan the gooner 2

A man asked his wife, "What would you most like for your birthday?"

She said, "I'd love to be ten again."

On the morning of her birthday, he got her up bright and early and they went to a theme park. He put her on every ride in the park - the Death Slide, The Screaming Loop, the Wall of Fear. She had a go on every ride there was.

She staggered out of the theme park five hours later, her head reeling and her stomach turning.

Then off to a movie theater, popcorn, cola and sweets.

At last she staggered home with her husband and collapsed into bed.

Her husband leaned over and asked, "Well, dear, what was it like being ten again?"

One eye opened and she groaned, "Actually, honey, I meant dress size!"

2007-02-03 20:22:38 · 6 answers · asked by neilhollydood 1

The man approached the very beautiful woman in the large supermarket and asked, "You know, I have lost my wife here in this supermarket.
Can you talk to me for a couple of minutes?"
"Why?" the woman asked.
"Because every time I talk to a beautiful woman, my wife appears out of nowhere."

2007-02-03 20:17:51 · 5 answers · asked by neilhollydood 1

2007-02-03 20:16:36 · 6 answers · asked by Anonymous

A young lady came home from a date, rather sad.

She told her mother, "Jeff proposed to me an hour ago."

"Then why are you so sad?" her mother asked.

"Because he also told me he was an atheist.

Mom, he doesn`t even believe there`s a hell."

Her mother replied, "Marry him anyway.

Between the two of us, we`ll show him how wrong he is."

2007-02-03 20:13:48 · 9 answers · asked by neilhollydood 1

2007-02-03 20:11:44 · 14 answers · asked by BMW M5 3

2007-02-03 19:59:03 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous

2007-02-03 19:57:57 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous

2007-02-03 19:44:04 · 4 answers · asked by Anonymous

What Cheese is made backwards?

2007-02-03 19:31:46 · 20 answers · asked by mentor 5

2007-02-03 19:30:06 · 8 answers · asked by aaron.lattin 2

When his eyes were uncovered he still couldn't see. Who was he?

2007-02-03 19:20:51 · 16 answers · asked by @(^.^)@ 2

2007-02-03 19:15:30 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous

A man boarded a plane greeted a passenger 6 seats away and got thrown off the plane for doing that. What did he say?

2007-02-03 19:14:26 · 15 answers · asked by @(^.^)@ 2

a joke-

two cheese cubes were walking into a bar. the first one stops and turns to the side because he hears a wierd noise. a dog ate him, uh oh!!

the second one ran inside of the bar, scared for his little square hieney!! once inside, he noticed that everyone in there was made out of cheese, and they were in thier undies..... that's the wierdest thing i ever saw!!

2007-02-03 19:05:43 · 5 answers · asked by Anonymous

Anything in space? where does it end? Someone give me a good theory! all i can think of is that it goes on forever, but it shouldnt! everything has to end at one point, right?

2007-02-03 18:53:43 · 6 answers · asked by None of Your Business 1

2007-02-03 18:51:01 · 11 answers · asked by None of Your Business 1

2007-02-03 18:49:47 · 7 answers · asked by danita4_20 1

2007-02-03 18:49:29 · 7 answers · asked by None of Your Business 1

2007-02-03 18:48:18 · 8 answers · asked by None of Your Business 1

2007-02-03 18:47:20 · 11 answers · asked by CR7 3

Haha...Don't Ask. I Just Need To Know Some Words That Rhyme With It...

2007-02-03 18:46:19 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous

Who was the author / originator of the following joke / pun?
Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time,which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath.
This made him ....
A super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

2007-02-03 18:38:49 · 3 answers · asked by 5fuzzybears 2

A police officer had a brother, but the brother had no brother. How?

2007-02-03 18:24:09 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous

my friend told me this 1 yesterday and its absolutely hilarious.
This man had 3 younger bros. and he's just married.
On the first day at home, his wife was serving the food.
the first brother says,"will u please give me an assfull of rice?"
she ignored him, smiling pleasanty.
the second brother says,"will u please give me an assfull of soup?"
she ignored him too
the third brother says,"will u please give me a cuntfull of sauce?"
the husband thought there's something wrong with them.
when he goes to work, he inserts a blade in his wife's a*s
he comes back, sees that his' two brothers' dicks are cut in two.
his third brother is all fine.
he says, "you are my only brother that cares for me."
but his third brother couldn't speak anything now.....

2007-02-03 18:11:14 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous

you are the bus driver

on your first pick up you pick up
4 kids drop off 2
then one the second stop you pick up 6 and drop
off 2
then on the third trip you pick up 1 and drop off 3
and on your final stop of the day you drop off 4

How old is the bus driver?

2007-02-03 17:46:47 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous

When George Bush graduated high school, he had to find a summer job. After all he needed the money before he heads off to Yale. He went to an employment office of a department store and filled out an application form. The form wanted him to provide his name, address, phone, birthday, etc. At the bottom of the application form, it says, "Sex - M or F". George Bush was puzzled. He figured "M or F" must have meant "Monday or Friday." Poor George crossed out "M or F" and wrote down "Twice a day, seven times a week" instead.

2007-02-03 17:46:47 · 8 answers · asked by Mr. USA 1

Two ladies were outside their nursing home having a smoke when it started to rain. One of the ladies pulled out a condom, cut of the end put it over her cigarette and continued smoking it. The other lady said "What is that?" "A condom" replied the lady that was smoking. "Where did you get it?" asked the second lady?" "You can get them at the drug store" she answered. The next day the lady cobbles to the drug store and tells the pharmacist she wants a box of condoms. The guy obviously embarrased loooked at the 80 year old lady rather strangely and asked "what brand she preferred?" The old lady says "oh it doesn't matter as long as it fits a camel

2007-02-03 17:34:12 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous