Jokes & Riddles - February 2007

Why are black ppl so tall?

2007-02-06 13:55:11 · 6 answers · asked by Anonymous

Smartest Man in the World A doctor, a lawyer, a little boy and a priest were out for a Sunday afternoon flight on a small private plane. Suddenly, the plane developed engine trouble.

In spite of the best efforts of the pilot, the plane started to go down. Finally, the pilot grabbed a parachute, yelled to the passengers that they had better jump, and bailed out.

Unfortunately, there were only three parachutes remaining.

The doctor grabbed one and said "I'm a doctor, I save lives, so I must live," and jumped out.

The lawyer then said, "I'm a lawyer and lawyers are the smartest people in the world. I deserve to live."

He also grabbed a parachute and jumped.

The priest looked at the little boy and said, "My son, I've lived a long and full life. You are young and have your whole life ahead of you. Take the last parachute and live in peace."

The little boy handed the parachute back to the priest and said, "Not to worry, Father. The 'smartest man in the world' just took off with my back pack.

2007-02-06 13:47:47 · 10 answers · asked by moneyman_0101 2

An engineer dies and goes to the pearly gates. St. Peter checks his profile and says, "Ah, you're an engineer, you're in the wrong place." So, the engineer goes to hell. Pretty soon, the engineer gets dissatisfied with hell, and starts building improvements. After awhile, they've got air conditioning and flush toilets and escalators, and the engineer is popular. One day, God calls Satan and says, "So, how's it going down there in hell?" Satan replies, "Hey, things are going great. We've got air conditioning and flush toilets and escalators, and the engineer has more ideas." God replies, "What??? You've got an engineer? He should never have gotten down there; send him up here." Satan says, "No way. I like having an engineer on the staff, and I'm keeping him." God says, "Send him back up here or I'll sue." Satan laughs uproariously and answers, "Yeah, and just where are YOU going to get a lawyer?"

2007-02-06 13:45:22 · 10 answers · asked by cripm88 3

What is the beginning of eternity and the end of outerspace?

2007-02-06 13:44:44 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous

Q: Why are women worse than the mafia?
A: The mafia demands money or your life; women want both.

2007-02-06 13:42:52 · 12 answers · asked by russia 3

2007-02-06 13:42:43 · 6 answers · asked by Shirley B 1

She Was Sooooo Blonde That...:
-She sent me a fax with a stamp on it.
-She thought a quarterback was a refund.
-She tripped over the cordless phone.
-She put lipstick on her forehead because she wanted to make up her mind.
-She told someone to meet her at the corner of "Walk" and "Don't Walk".
-She took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept.
-At the bottom of the application where is says "Sign here", she wrote Sagittarius.
-If she spoke her mind, she'd be speechless.
-When she heard that 90% of all crimes were around the home, she moved.
-She got an AM radio. It took her 9 months to figure out that she could use it at night.
-When she saw the sign in front of the YMCA, she said, "Look! They spelled Macy's wrong!".
-She stood staring at the frozen orange juice because it said "Concentrate".
-Why can't blondes take coffee breaks? They're too hard to re-train.
-What do you call 9 blondes in a circle? A dope ring.
-Why can't blondes be pharmacists? Because they can't figure out how to fit the bottle in the typewriter.
-What's the definition of eternity? 4 blondes at a 4 way stop.
-Why do blondes have TGIF on their shoes? "Toe goes in first".
-And the best one for last..........................
-What did the blonde say when she looked into the box of Cheerios? "OH LOOK!!! Donut seeds.





Barney the Dinosaur
Everyone knows Barney,... that cute purple dinosaur.
But here's something that you may not know:
1. Start with the given:
CUTE PURPLE DINOSAUR
2. Change all U's to V's (which is proper Latin anyway)
CVTE PVRPLE DINOSAVR
3. Extract all Roman Numerals:
CV V L DI V
4. Convert these into Arabic values:
100 5 5 50 500 1 5
5. Add these numbers up:
100
5
5
50
500
1
+ 5
----
666
SEE THIS PROVES THAT BARNEY IS THE ANTICHRIST!!! I AM TELLING YOU BARNEY IS EVIL SO STAY AWAY!



A PUZZLE FOR YOU:
Schwartzenegger has a big one,
Michael J. Fox has a small one,
Madonna doesn't have one,
The Pope has one but doesn't use it,
Clinton uses his all the time,
Mickey Mouse has an unusual one,
George Burns' was hot,
Liberace never used his on women,
Jerry Seinfeld is very, very proud of his,
We never saw Lucy use Desi's,

What is it?

The answer is:
"A Last Name."
Get your mind out of the gutter! LOL




Cards You'll Never See in Hallmark:
Looking back over the years that we've been together.....I can't help but wonder:.............what was I thinking?

Congratulations on your wedding day!.............too bad no one likes your wife.
How could two people as beautiful you............have such an ugly baby?
I've always wanted to have someone to hold, someone to love.........after having met you, I've changed my mind.
I must admit, you brought Religion in my life...........I never believed in Hell until I met you.
As the days go by, I think of how lucky I am.......that you're not here to ruin it for me.
Like the need for therapy....thanks for being a part of my life!!!..........I never knew what evil was before this!
Before you go.........I would like you to take this knife out of my back......you'll probably need it again.
Someday I hope to get married............but not to you.
You look great for your age.......Almost lifelike!
When we were together, you always said you'd die for me.........now that we've broken up, I think it's time you kept your promise.
I knew the day would come when you would leave me for my best friend.......so here's his leash, water bowl and chew toys.
We have been friends for a very long time...........what do you say we call it quits?
I'm so miserable without you..................it's almost like you're here.
Congratulations on your new bundle of joy...............did you ever find out who the father was?
You are such a good friend that if we were on a sinking ship and there was only one life jacket.... I'd miss you heaps and think of you often.
Your friends and I wanted to do something special for your birthday......so we're having you put to sleep.




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2007-02-06 13:40:02 · 23 answers · asked by Angel 2

2007-02-06 13:25:48 · 14 answers · asked by The Next Allen Iverson 1

2007-02-06 13:24:51 · 4 answers · asked by lilou09us 1

I need a list of things that people just cant do that they should be able to do (i.e. laundry) give as many as possible

2007-02-06 13:24:16 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous

Because time will tell.

2007-02-06 13:23:25 · 6 answers · asked by cripm88 3

Three men rent a room at a cheap hotel. They each pay $10 for the room for a total of $30. The manager decides it is too much for the room, so gives them back $5. They can't split the $5 evenly between 3 guys, so they give a tip of $2 to the manager. Now they have paid $9 each for the room, totaling $27 and given $2 to the manager for a tip, totaling $29. Where did the last dollar go?

2007-02-06 13:16:01 · 19 answers · asked by Frank T 1

I was told today I needed to file my nails. That irritates me! Isn't it okay to just throw them out when I finish clipping?

2007-02-06 13:12:52 · 7 answers · asked by Debbie T 2

2007-02-06 13:12:30 · 11 answers · asked by HERBS 2

I went to Home Depot today to get some nails and when I got home a lot of them had the head at the wrong end. Do I need to take them back?

2007-02-06 13:11:39 · 7 answers · asked by Debbie T 2

I bought a bag of those new large m&m's today. They are so bad, heck half of them are W's. What can I do about this.

2007-02-06 12:59:23 · 10 answers · asked by Debbie T 2

I just want to like die right now and pee in my pantst by laughing lol...can u taker the challenge?...go for it...hehe

2007-02-06 12:57:47 · 17 answers · asked by The Next Allen Iverson 1

there are three guys building a wall and they see a man sitting not too far them and one of the workers says "why isn't he working?" so another worker says " i dunno i'll go ask him". so he goes over and asks the man why he's not working and the man says "because, i have intelligence"
"well what's that" says the worker
the man puts his hand in front of the wall
"hit my hand as hard as you can"
"okaay"
before the worker hits his hand, the man moves it away
"OOWWWW!! why'd ya do that?!?"
"because i have Intelligence"
the worker walks back to his friends and one of them says "so? why isn't he working?"
the worker that talked to the man holds his hand up to his own face and says "hit my hand as hard you can"*

*it's better in person

2007-02-06 12:54:05 · 18 answers · asked by T1G 2

2007-02-06 12:45:34 · 21 answers · asked by Dylan S 1

She wasn't wearing a seatbelt!

2007-02-06 12:45:18 · 7 answers · asked by TheP™ 2

2007-02-06 12:43:18 · 45 answers · asked by Dylan S 1

i know this sounds funny but i really wanna know

2007-02-06 12:34:08 · 10 answers · asked by T1G 2

An 8 year old boy walks home from school each day past an 8 year old girls house. One day as he is passing by, carrying a football, he can't resist taunting the girl. He holds up the football and says, "See this football? Football is a boys game, and only boys can have a football!". The little girl runs into the house and cries to her mother, "I want a football!" Being a woman of the 90's, her mother runs out and gets her one. The next day the girl is waiting for the little boy and he rides up on his bike. She holds up the football... "Nah Na Nah Nah". The little boy angrily points to his bike and says, "Oh yeah, well this is a boys bike and only boys get boys bikes and you can't have one!" She runs in to mom and the next day is waiting for him on her new boys bike.
The little boy gets furious and pulls down his pants, and pointing to his most private of parts says, "Look, only boys have these and your mom can't buy you one!!!".
The next day he walks by and says to her, "Well, I guess I showed you!" to which she promptly pulls up her dress, points to her parts and proclaims "My mother tells me that as long as I have one of these I can have as many of THOSE as I want!

2007-02-06 12:30:05 · 22 answers · asked by Jessica's advice 2

Yeah, there's the riddle. Now solve it.

2007-02-06 12:24:58 · 17 answers · asked by iPodFan 2

2007-02-06 12:23:12 · 16 answers · asked by BokBok 2

3 guys go for dinner, each buys a £10 steak. At the end of the meal, they collect £30 between the three of them to cover the cost of the meals and gives it to the waitress. She goes back to the cash register, where the overlooking manager says "Those dinners are discounted, you need to give them £5 back." So the waitress gets the five pounds, and returns to the table. Not knowing how to split £5 between the three of them, she gives 1 pound to each of the three patrons, and kept two for herself.

Now if you do the maths, together they paid £30, got £3 back meaning they only paid £27. The waitress kept £2. This totals £29. Where did the last pound go?

2007-02-06 12:19:01 · 10 answers · asked by Chris Bailey 2

Something not related with the computer. I'm listening to music.

2007-02-06 12:16:44 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous

OHIO STATE BUCKEYES

2007-02-06 12:14:18 · 14 answers · asked by joelinn1974 3

W O R L D ?

2007-02-06 12:11:27 · 9 answers · asked by ghostguff3 2

YANK GETS IN A TAXI IN LONDON AND STARTS HIS JURNEY WHEN HE SEES TOWER BRIDGE AND SAYS "WHATS THAT"
TAXI MAN SAYS "TOWER BRIDGE"
YANK SAYS "HOW LONG DID THAT TAKE TO BUILD"
TAXI MAN "5 YEARS"
YANK, "WE HAVE THE BROOKLIN BRIDGE AND WE BUILT IT IN 6 MONTHES"

BIT FURTHER
YANK SAYS "WHATS THAT" ?
TAXI "BUCKINGHAM PALACE"

YANK "HOW LONG DID IT TAKE TO BUILD"
TAXI "10 YEARS"
YANK "WE HAVE THE WHITE HOUSE AND WE BUILT IT IN 3 MONTHES"

BIT FURTHER THAY GO PASSED BIG BEN
YANK SAYS "WHATS THAT"
TAXI BLOCK SAYS

"FCUK KNOWS IT WASN'T THERE THIS MORNING !"

2007-02-06 12:08:27 · 4 answers · asked by ghandi 2